Chapter 23: Con Te Partirò (With You I Shall Depart) (1)

26 July 2013 | kaiyang

The National Youth Chorus Festival was a prestigious competition held biennially in the capital city and hosted by C Conservatory of Music. This year's 15th National Youth Chorus Festival spanned from 26 to 29 July 2013, and drew the participation of thirty of the best youth choirs from across the country in the appreciation of choral art. The grand opening of the festival was in the form of an evening concert where only twelve choirs were invited to perform, followed by two days of behind-closed-doors judging, before the highly anticipated release of the results on the final day of the festival. In each category, choirs competing would be ranked and the top three would receive gold, silver and bronze awards respectively.

At the end of my first year of high school, I had the opportunity to participate in the 15th National Youth Chorus Festival. Although we had diligently worked towards gold, we ultimately settled for a silver award; but with the passage of time, the details of the festival had faded into a distant, cloudy memory. After so many years, I could only conjure up a vague recollection that our choir had arrived a day before the festival, performed at the grand opening concert, and then enjoyed a couple of days of sightseeing in the city as a way to uplift our morale. However, there was one detail that I still remember vividly until today—during our last performance item at the opening concert, I had a highly coveted one-minute solo at the beginning of "Con Te Partirò", before the rest of the voices joined in.

Tan Qing gave me two tickets to attend the concert, but she was unable to accompany me as she was a student volunteer at the festival. After much pleading with Father and Mother Shen, they finally relented when Tan Qing said that Cheng Yujin agreed to go with me.

After an early dinner, Cheng Yujin drove me to the university. The doors to the concert hall opened 45 minutes prior to the start of the concert at 7.15pm. As we arrived before that, we waited in the foyer outside the concert hall, where students dressed in their choir uniforms hurried to and fro the foyer and the backstage where the green rooms were.

About ten minutes after I informed Tan Qing of our arrival, she suddenly appeared looking busy but still cheery. "You're here early!"

"I was afraid that there maybe some delays since I have to trouble Cheng Yujin to wheel me around and we have to make arrangements to use or find the wheelchair-accessible spaces," I said, laughing sheepishly.

"My dear, I've already told you that you really don't have to worry," Tan Qing shook her head and sighed with an air of helplessness, then she turned towards Cheng Yujin. "Later, you take her up to the second floor using the lifts. Then enter through the door just outside the lift. You just need to inform the usher when you are entering the hall."

Looking away distractedly, Cheng Yujin didn't reply: he was absently staring in the direction of a group of teenage girls in navy blue satin gowns elegantly adorned with silver ribbons who disappeared around a corner. There was a hint of shock and recognition in his eyes.

Waving a hand in front of his face, Tan Qing called out, "hey, did you hear what I said?"

He made no answer for a moment; then he looked askance at her and spoke rapidly: "You came just in time. Excuse me for a minute." Turning on his heels, he fled away across the expansive foyer as echoing clicks from his dress shoes resonated against the polished marble floor.

"Never mind him," said Tan Qing, with a careless shrug; then she began to push on my wheelchair. "It's good that we're alone now. We can do what we need to do."

I nodded, turning around to give her a knowing smile. "At this time right now, I should be backstage doing my makeup. Are you able to take me backstage to find me?"

"Yes, I have an extra backstage pass for you. I borrowed it from another volunteer." Tan Qing pulled out a tag and draped the lanyard around my neck. I picked up the pass which had the word "Volunteer" on it. Flipping it over, I noticed the words "Backstage Access Pass" on the other side.

"Alright, let's see if I've gotten your information correct," Tan Qing whispered in a low voice, bringing her head closer to my left ear. "Your name is Lu Yujuan. In 2013, you are a high school student from the High School Affiliated to F University in Shanghai, right?"

"Yes," I beamed at her, delighted that she had remembered what I had told her previously. "Did you manage to meet me earlier today?"

"No, it's been a super hectic afternoon for me and my tasks are at the front of house. It's only because it's dinner time that I've some time to sneak out to meet you. But you'll never guess what I heard today."

Tan Qing remained silent, intentionally thickening the suspense.

Turning my head to look up at her, I pouted impatiently. "What did you hear?"

"I heard you sing!" she exclaimed, her voice reverberated with excitement. She continued cheerfully, "At least, I thought I had heard you sing. But, alright, I'm almost certain that it was you—the moment you sang that song at rehearsal earlier this afternoon, I instantly understood why you had said that once I hear you sing, I would know that it is you. I have to say that you looked so adorable up there on stage when you sang your solo part and did a little penguin walk back towards your choir for the rest of the song."

Hearing her call me adorable and having those suppressed traumatising memories suddenly reappear in my head, I chuckled nervously.

As we entered the backstage, a few crew members who were the midst of moving a set of timpani at the entrance stopped briefly to allow us to pass. The corridors at the backstage were long and lined with numerous waiting rooms on both sides. Some of the rooms had their doors opened, while others had closed doors. Despite the shut doors, sounds of laughter and singing still spilled out into the hallway. Adolescents dressed in beautiful primrose yellow choral gowns and suave black suits buzzed around, zipping from room to room while hastening one another to wrap up their preparations as they were called to be on stand-by. We passed by another waiting room with a group of youths in their traditional ethnic attire, engaged in vocal warm-up exercises with their conductor. Peering into yet another waiting room, I saw a group of girls helping one another out with their make-up and their hairdo while discussing the latest make-up and fashion trends. The familiar backstage energy which brimmed with excitement and enthusiasm stirred up a feeling of nostalgia within me.

The names of the schools and organisations which were pasted on the doors of the waiting rooms did not run in alphabetical order; and I certainly did not remember where my high school choir's fitting rooms were located. After making multiple turns and backtracking our steps a couple of times, we finally saw some familiar looking uniforms.

My heart began to race upon seeing my old acquaintances and seniors. As Tan Qing wheeled me down the hallway, they observed us curiously. It was an odd feeling, to be looked at by familiar faces in the same way that people gawked at strangers.

Staring at the closed door which my younger self was behind, I felt a lump in my throat. I pointed a trembling finger at the door and Tan Qing knocked on it without hesitation. A girl (whose name I could not recall) opened the door and greeted us with a puzzled smile.

"Is Lu Yujuan inside?" asked Tan Qing.

The girl turned around to search the room while calling out my name: "Lu Yujuan! There's someone looking for you."

A few seconds later, a girl dressed in a navy blue and silver gown emerged from the room. Her hair was neatly tied back into a pair of double Dutch braids, her fringe gracefully framing her gentle facial features. The soft orange blush on her cheeks and the rose-pink lipstick she wore accentuated her youthful and innocent radiance. Her clear and transparent eyes widened as they fell on us and our volunteer passes, glistening with a hint of wariness and curiosity.

The younger Lu Yujuan asked: "They said that you are looking for me? Is something the matter?"

Cracking a smile, I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. If felt strange staring at someone who looked exactly like me, it felt weirder to hear my own voice through someone else's ears.

But Tan Qing looked unfazed. "Hello, my name is Tan Qing and this is my friend, Shen Yan. I heard you sing at the rehearsal earlier and just wanted to say that you sounded amazing. We also want to wish you all the best at your performance later."

Younger Lu Yujuan broke out into a worried smile. "Thank you for your encouragement. I'm actually really nervous."

I winced inwardly as I looked upon my younger self, feeling equally nervous and sorry for her. To others, a short solo section during a performance was highly coveted and something to boast about. However, I never wanted this great honour and privilege. I had only joined the audition at the insistence of my friend, who wanted me to accompany her. Little did I know that I would end up getting the solo part.

But it was also due to this great honour and privilege that our choir conductor gave me two tickets to the grand opening concert so that I could I invite my parents to attend it.

I had an inspiration. "Will your parents be attending the concert? If they are, then you can find them in the audience and focus on them, as if you are singing to them."

The corner of her lips rose slightly before freezing as she looked at me with perplexed eyes. "But there will be hundreds of people in the audience. How will I be able to spot them?"

Mirroring younger Lu Yujuan's bemusement, Tan Qing's brows shot up, slanting downwards like the number "8".

I chuckled awkwardly, rubbing a ticklish spot at the back of my neck. "Trust me, you'll naturally be able to spot them in the audience. But if you are not really able to notice them, just sing to the clock at the back to the hall."

***

After paying a surreal visit to my 16-year-old self, I asked Tan Qing to take me to an empty pantry backstage. Sitting her down, I drew out a small handmade card with a watercolour painting of a bouquet of lavender.

Taking the card, Tan Qing looked surprised. "What is this?"

"Flip it open."

Squinting at the card, she read the words that I had written. "Login details for Fake Shen Yan's jjwxc account. Username, Yuni Qianjin; Password—Hold on, what is this supposed to be?"

I rested my hands on my lap and smiled sweetly at her. "Will you obliged me, most beautiful and outstanding Qing-jiejie, to safe keep my secret for the next ten years? I'm afraid that when I wake up in my own body in the future, I may forget about this."

"Why don't you just give it to your younger self now?"

"I trust you."

Seeing my efforts in wheedling her to agree, Tan Qing nodded and placed the card in her pocket. "Anything else that I can do for you, Miss Lu?"

"Nope. Perhaps we should return to the foyer. The concert will be starting soon."

Tan Qing peered at her phone and laughed. "I had totally forgotten about Cheng Yujin. Look at the number of missed calls and messages from him."

***