Chapter 3: Memories of a non-existent you (3)

"So, what are you busy with now?" Someone at our dinner table directed today's-most-frequently-asked-question at Qian Sicheng.

A few of the heads at the table turned in his direction, faces smiling as if genuinely interested in his current occupation. People were generally only interested to know another's job or status as some basis for comparison, hoping to feel good about themselves from the outcome of the comparison. Unfortunately for our ex-classmates who were hoping to find their self-worth in the less fortunate plight of others, Qian Sicheng had a respectable job as a news journalist at a reputable newspaper. At least in our social circle of friends of Literature graduates, becoming a journalist was always an aspiration. After all, how many of us could become famous bestselling fiction writers, like J.K. Rowling or C.S. Lewis—or closer to home, like Liu Zhenyun or Sheng Keyi?

Qian Sicheng fidgeted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable at suddenly being at the centre of attention. He casted a quick glance at me as he said, "I'm—a journalist now. For a traditional press. Just doing research, conducting interviews, writing articles to report factual news, trying to meet deadlines..."

Nodding at him with an encouraging smile, I couldn't help but admire him. Becoming a journalist was his childhood dream and even though he could have picked a university with a specialised journalism faculty, he did not do so. Instead, he chose to major in Literature due to his family's influence. (His father was a renown author and professor of literature, while his grandfather was an acclaimed writer, poet and literary critic of the 20th century.) But he never gave up on pursuing his passion.

My eyes secretly studied his side profile, tracing along the outlines of his handsome, angular face carved with distinct facial features, down to his well-fitting light blue collared shirt and slightly rolled-up sleeves which revealed the veins running along his forearms, before moving up to steal another glance at his face. As he broke out into a dazzling smile while narrating his experience covering a recent piece of news, his willow leaf eyes curved up like little crescent moons under his thick eyebrows, causing me to inadvertently swallow. Catching myself in that moment, I hurriedly turned away and picked up my glass of water to take a huge gulp. That was close. If one was not careful, they would be seduced by Qian Sicheng's naturally extraordinary aura, and fall so deep into it that there was no way out. Since high school, I'd always remarked that it would be a waste of his good looks and height of 1.85m if he did not become an actor or idol. But it was also a good thing that he did not become one, otherwise we would be worlds apart and—

...clumsily pushing against the revolving glass door,

leaving only your fingerprints for me to find

a you who has already vanished into the city's ocean of people.

That—did I just hear the tune of "With One Turn of The Revolving Glass Door"?

My head snapped up as I searched around the banquet hall, a deep burrow between my brows. I stared at the loudspeakers on the stage where music had been blasting from the whole time. This song... wasn't it Cheng Yujin's song released as a Single either in 2016 or 2017?

Qian Sicheng sensed my restlessness. "What's wrong?"

"This song..." I grasped his arm and squealed, slightly breathless as my ears strained to hear the music over the buzzing and chattering in the hall. I had played it numerous times before in his presence and even sang it multiple times at KTVs. "Don't you find it familiar? Don't you feel like we might have sung this song together before?"

"What...song?" he asked, a quizzical look on his face. He pointed towards the ceiling with an index finger. "The one that we're hearing now?"

"Yes! Have you not heard it before?"

He shook his head slowly with confusion written all over his face. Drawing in a deep breath, I pressed my hands against the side of my head as I tried to calm my pounding heart. Didn't all traces of Cheng Yujin vanished off the face of this earth just this morning? How did his song suddenly re-appear? Had I been hallucinating? Did I actually missed attending his concert?

"What's the title of this song? Is it a recent popular hit?" Qian Sicheng's voice drifted back into my consciousness. Slightly shaken, I blinked at him, momentarily speechless.

Just as my eyes started to grow hot and nose started to sour, Zhang Yinuo—one of our ex-classmates who had been sitting to my left at the table—leaned into our conversation excitedly. "It's a song by Situ Jiamu! He sang it on I Can Be A Songwriter Too on one episode and received a ton of recognition. That was how he became so famous overnight."

"Who's that again?" Qian Sicheng and I asked in unison, leading Zhang Yinuo to laugh amusedly. Seeing my unusual eagerness in wanting to learn about a currently trending celebrity, she launched into the background and history of Situ Jiamu at rocket speed.

It turned out that Situ Jiamu was the main vocalist of a local boy group, "UP5tars". In past interviews, he had frequently mentioned that he would attempt to write songs for his group, but always felt like they were not good enough. His dream was to one day write hit songs for each one of his members. Given his vocalisation of this dream and (more importantly) his popularity, the production crew approached his agency to recruit him as a cast member of I Can Be A Singer-Songwriter Too.

I Can Be A Singer-Songwriter Too was a competition variety show which had recently completed airing its third season. In this twelve-episode season, a group of rising young actors and idols with a talent in singing and a strong interest in songwriting compete against one another through various showcases and performances. In the first two episodes, they were given the opportunity to select their mentors from whom they would learn the basics of songwriting and music composition. Some of these mentors were seasoned singer-songwriters, while some were professional musicians who worked behind-the-scenes but were well-known within the industry. In the subsequent episodes, participants would perform songs which they wrote, and composed within a limited time frame—with the help of their mentors—and the live audience would vote after each round. Those with higher votes would be able to progress to the next round while the rest were regretfully eliminated.

By the time the show had aired up to its eighth episode, there were six pairs of participant-mentor remaining in the friendly competition. Situ Jiamu and his mentor, Yue Quan, who at the peak of his career in the 80s was called the "Prince of Love Ballads" by the whole nation, were one of the six pairs. Unfortunately, for that episode, Yue Quan was hospitalised at the last minute and could not attend the filming. Due to the structure and timeline of the programme, the production team was unable to find a replacement guest at such short notice. As such, the assistant music director of I Can Be A Singer-Songwriter was arrowed by his superior to temporarily stepped into the role as Situ Jiamu's mentor. Little information about this assistant music director was revealed in the programme, except that his name was Little Cheng, who graduated from a local music conservatory and had been working behind-the-scenes in the music industry ever since. In any case, this assistant music director proved his worth by supporting Situ Jiamu in writing the song "My Love in the City's Ocean" and helping him to obtain the second highest number of votes, allowing him to progress to the final round of the competition.

Back home, I sat at my study desk still in my outside clothes, eyes poring over my laptop screen. I was playing the eighth episode of I Can Be A Songwriter Too in 4x playback speed, attentively looking out for the moment when Situ Jiamu and his temporary mentor appeared on screen. At the 37-minute mark, Situ Jiamu was finally shown travelling to a recording studio to meet Little Cheng for a discussion. Sitting at the edge of my seat, I watched with bated breath as Little Cheng makes his first appearance. My fingers slammed down on the spacebar, pausing the video as a familiar face appeared on screen.

I stared astounded at the person on the screen as my head spun. He looked like Cheng Yujin, but also didn't look like Cheng Yujin. Was it because of the lack of make up, the different clothing style and the wearing of glasses? But the sound of his voice, this unique laughter, and the song that he guided Situ Jiamu to compose... it was definitely Cheng Yujin.

As Zhang Yinuo had described earlier during the dinner, the text on screen introduced Little Cheng as "32 years old", "Graduate of C Conservatory of Music", "Assistant music director of I Can Be A Songwriter Too" and "Closet singer-songwriter". Having worked behind-the-scenes, beyond the reach of the limelight, he seemed to be more reserved and quiet on the show, as he single-mindedly assisted Situ Jiamu to successfully record a demo just in time to prepare for the actual day of the competition.

So Cheng Yujin had not vanished off the face of this earth after all. He had only decided on a different career path.

Hold on—decided on a different career path?

Snatching a pencil from the table, I scribbled furiously on a blank sheet of paper. I mapped out two timelines. The first detailed in chronological order the background history of the celebrity version of Cheng Yujin—whatever I knew about him from my memories. The second was based on the little bits and pieces of information about the assistant music director version of Cheng Yujin that I could find from the internet. It turned out that this low-profile Cheng Yujin had an account on a professional social networking platform where he listed his current and past jobs as well as education history. Comparing both timelines, the trajectory of his life was the same up until university.

In my memories of a different reality, when he was still in university, he had made his debut as part of a pop band called "Mobius Band" with his friends. However, as I became a fan of him only recently when he was already a solo artiste, I understood little about Cheng Yujin's Mobius Band era. It was also because the band had quite a tragic ending that I didn't want to excavate that deeply into Cheng Yujin's history. I only knew that Mobius Band had a couple of legendary songs, but met with a premature end due to a conflict with their brokerage company on copyright issues and the lack of renumeration.

On screen, a mesmerised Situ Jiamu, who was standing inside the recording room, suddenly asked Little Cheng from across the glass. "Cheng-laoshi, have you ever thought of becoming a professional singer-songwriter? You are one of the most talented individuals I've met."

Little Cheng glanced up from sheets of paper laid out neatly in front of him and looked at the young rising star in front of him. Pushing up his metal rim glasses, he smiled and shook his head. "You're exaggerating. I just have some knowledge in this area."

Situ Jiamu laughed nervously at his humble response, but quickly followed up with another sincere praise. "No, I'm being serious, Cheng-laoshi. If only you ventured into songwriting—"

"What this industry doesn't need is another songwriter," Little Cheng rejoined with the same polite smile, "especially when it already has you."

"No, no," Situ Jiamu chuckled while waving his hand embarrassedly. "Don't say that—I'm still very much a newbie."

Seeing the young celebrity's flustered reaction, Little Cheng's smile seemed to grow wider. "But sometimes, I wonder if in another life I could have been someone like that. It would have been nice to be able to share my songs with the rest of the world and help others in some way or another with my songs."

In another life?

My index finger tapped a few times on the left arrow key, rewinding the video by a few seconds. This time, I listened carefully to Cheng Yujin's tone as he "repeated" the same statement. There seemed to be a hint of melancholy in his voice—and a small sigh just before he spoke.

Could it be that the memories I had of Cheng Yujin were from another life, another reality?

As a fiction writer myself, I regularly entertained wild ideas from fantasy to sci-fi. Something like Cheng Yujin time travelling back into the past to change his life did not faze me. But imagination and creativity aside, I was also a logical and rational person who believed in science.

The problem either laid with him or with me.

There was only one way to find out.

***