"Do we really have to watch this one?" Kid asked.

"Yes, we're watching all of them...even the questionable ones." Jack said with a sigh.

"You don't sound too excited for this either though." Robin said.

"I'm not, let's just do this." Jack said, starting the battle.

(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)

Wiz: The Mushroom Kingdom is a world that houses many strange and interesting creatures, like the Goomba, a walking brown mushroom with fangs.

"Wow, we're seriously watching this." Helmeppo drawled out.

"Seriously! What the hell is this!?" Kid exclaimed angrily.

"But he's adorable." Shirahoshi argued.

"We're here to see death and fighting, not some dumbass mushroom!" Kid shouted which caused Shirahoshi to tear up and start crying.

"You made her cry." Law and Killer stated with dull voices.

"I know that dammit!" Kid shouted.

"Oi? Are you crying again?" Luffy asked and Shirahoshi immediately stopped.

"N-no, I'm not!" Shirahoshi said with a brave face.

"Oh okay," Luffy laughed "But it's okay if you want to, you're strong even when you cry."

Shirahoshi sniffed and started crying again as she hugged Luffy "RUFFY!"

"Let him go you whale!" Hancock shouted as Sandersonia and Marigold her back.

"Damn you Luffy!" Sanji shouted.

"Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if this kingdom actually existed." Rayleigh chuckled.

"If so then we must find it!" Roger stated with a hearty laugh.

"Nami! Let's find it! Shishishi!" Luffy stated with a hearty laugh.

Boomstick: And the Koopa, that stupid turtle who always gets himself killed.

"Aww, come on!" Kid exclaimed.

"He's cute too." Shirahoshi muttered.

"A walking mushroom against a suicidal turtle..." Tashigi said in confusion.

"They must've been drunk when they decided this match up." Nami muttered with a face palm.

Wiz: Every video game has its share of basic endless common enemies, and you can't get any more common than these two.

"So it's a fodder vs fodder fight." Akainu concluded and scoffed "Pathetic."

Boomstick: But which is the best of the worst? He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

"I'm calling it now, none of them will win. This whole match is dumb." Kid stated.

"Try not to judge a book by its cover, you never know how strong things can be if you dismiss them off looks alone." Shanks said.

Goomba

(*Cues: Melty Molten Galaxy - Super Mario Galaxy*)

Wiz: The Goombas used to be steadfast allies of the Mushroom Kingdom. After years of oppression due to their low intelligence and short stature, they betrayed their own mushroom brethren and became the backbone of Bowser's vast army.

"Huh, I kinda feel bad for them." Vivi said.

"Reminds of the Tontata tribe. I wonder if they would've done the same thing if they were treated that way." Rebecca pondered.

Boomstick: The Goomba's main combat strategy is just to walk directly into its opponents. While this isn't the smartest thing to do, it takes some real "spores" if you know what I'm saying. Plus, they also have these vampire fangs, but they don't ever seem to use them, and... thinking about it, why does a mushroom even have a mouth?

BASIC COMBAT STRATEGIES:

- Charge into opponents

- Not very strong

- Adapts well to various environments

- Useless fangs

"They just walk into things as an attack?" Zoro asked, unimpressed.

"Looks like the oppression was justified." Doflamingo said with a chuckle.

"This Bowser guy really needs to start training his troops." Bonney said.

Wiz: When available, the Goomba will use the green Goomba's Shoe to get the jump on its foes, easily able to hop over twelve feet in the air. Goombas can also sprout wings, becoming Paragoombas, capable of barely sustained flight.

GOOMBA'S SHOE:

- Gives humping ability

- Cannot be pierced by spikes

- Also called 'Kuriboh's Shoe'

- Can be stolen easily

"Okay so they do have powers, lackluster ones but I'll take what I can get." Reiju said with a sigh.

"I want those shoes." Nami said with a devious smirk.

"This episode is just full of disappointments." Judge stated with a frown.

"But that's kinda horrifying, flying mushrooms with fangs." Usopp said with a shiver.

"That really rattles my bones! Skull joke! Yohohoho!" Brook laughed.

"I wonder how they'd taste in a stew." Sanji said, horrifying a few people.

Boomstick: And when flying, the mushroom thing can bomb victims below with Micro-Goombas. You know you're a badass when you throw babies as weapons!

PARAGOOMBA WINGS:

- Enables slow flight

- Better suited for hovering

- Easily clipped

- Can drop Micro-Goombas as living bombs

- Baby killers

"Throwing babies as weapons? What are ya? Big Mom?" Bege asked and Luffy, Shanks and Kaido burst out in a fit of laughter.

Katakuri narrowed his eyes at them "Shut it or I'll kill you."

"Mamama! I'll join you Kata!" Big Mom stated angrily.

Wiz: The traditional Goomba may seem a useless pawn, but these troopers have been known to accomplish the impossible.

Dragon scoffed "Highly doubt that."

Boomstick: Wait a minute, is that Goomba playing baseball? With no hands? Oh my God, it has telepathy powers!

"It has what!?" Usopp exclaimed in shock.

"Ahhh! Psychic mushroom!" Chopper exclaimed in shock.

"Will you idiots shut it!? I doubt it's actually telepathic." Smoker stated.

Wiz: Telekinesis? No, it doesn't.

Boomstick: Well then, how's it holding it?!

TELEKINESIS POWERS?

- Can use baseball bats without hands and arms

- Not really, they're just weird like that...

"Yeah! How!?" Carrot exclaimed.

Wiz: Goombas are unwaveringly brave, never backing down from a fight and always ferociously charging into battle without hesitation. Though, sometimes their stubborn courage can backfire.

"Oh so they're basically Luffy without the strength to back it up." Nami said pulling on his cheek.

"Shishishi! At least they're brave, I like people like that." Luffy said.

Coby sighed with a smile "Never change Luffy, never change."

"That girl better unhand my beloved at this instant." Hancock threatened darkly.

Boomstick: Yeah, you'd think it would stop walking when impending death is directly in front of it.

Wiz: After dissecting a... voluntary Goomba myself, I discovered its brain to be less than half the size of an acorn, proving what we've always known.

"They're truly goddamn morons." Akainu stated.

Boomstick: Goombas are fuckin' morons.

"Agreed." Most of them stated.

Koopa Troopa

(*Cues: New Super Mario Bros. Wii - Castle Theme*)

Wiz: Bowser's second most common foot soldier is the Koopa Troopa, the Turtle Warrior.

"Seriously, who's this Bowser?" Big Mom asked.

"Imagine Buggy with Kaido's powers." Jack said.

"Good god, neve bring that image in my head again." Roger said with wide eyes.

"Buggy as a fish!? Ha! Ha!" Shanks laughed as Kaido and Buggy glared at him.

"Screw you!" Both of them shouted.

Boomstick: Like Ninja Turtles!?

Wiz: No, not Ninja Turtles.

Boomstick: Awh...

"A turtle ninja!?" Inuarashi exclaimed as Nekomamushi started imagining Pekoms as a ninja.

"That sounds so weird that it just might exist." Beckmann said with a smirk.

"Benchmark this as foreshadowing for later." Jack said with a chuckle.

Wiz: While the Goombas are the backbone, the Koopas are prevalent enough to have Bowser's army named the "Koopa Troop".

"I've heard dumber names." Ace said as he ruffled Luffy's hair "Especially from this little dumbass."

"Oi! Watch the hat!" Luffy exclaimed as Sabo laughed and some were endeared at the sight of the brothers.

Boomstick: Koopas have their own set of Paratroopa wings that can fly for several minutes with no problem.

PARATROOPA WINGS:

- Enables slow flight

- Decent aerial control

- Easily clipped

- Not exactly the best flyers

Wiz: Koopas are also fairly skilled in Tennis, Baseball, Basketball, and Go-kart driving.

OTHER SKILLS:

- Various sports

- Running banks

- Creating seaside resorts

- Go-Kart racing

- Running safaris

- Forming lame gangs

"As if I'd trust these idiots to handle my money!" Nami shouted.

"I believe the gang part at least." Vivi said.

Boomstick: Are you sure it's not a Ninja Turtle?

Wiz: Their best offense is also their finest defense: the Koopa shell, made of a tough steel-like substance capable of withstanding over 200 pounds of pressure.

Boomstick: As an offensive weapon, the Koopa shell can destroy almost anything. It's a living torpedo of pain!

KOOPA SHELL:

- Extremely durable

- Can withstand over 200lbs

- Demolishes anything that is destructible

- Bounces off walls

- Comes in a variety of collectible colors

"That actually sounds like a good weapon, in both offense and defense." Law said.

"That's right captain! You're so smart!" Bepo stated enthusiastically.

Wiz: There seems to be a common misconception that it takes Mario two hits to kill a Koopa. Actually, it only takes one. There just happens to be this durable shell in the way. However, this leads to the Koopa's greatest weakness. When Mario jumps on a Koopa's back, rather than retaliating, it retreats into its shell. Why?

"Because they're a bunch of pussies?" Kid asked.

"Tact Kid, very tact." Killer said rhetorically.

"Maybe they just use them as a form of defense." Tashigi suggested.

"Sounds like a pussy move to me." Moria said.

"You have no business saying that." Zoro said with narrowed eyes.

Boomstick: 'Cause they're a bunch of pussies!

"Ha!" Kid laughed.

"What?" Crocodile asked.

"Well you don't have to be so mean about it." Rebecca said.

"This is Boomstick, I believe he was born mean." Vivi said with a sigh.

Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. The Koopas are cowards, afraid to face a dangerous foe. Some run from danger, but most just hide in their thick shells.

Boomstick: Then again, if I were carrying an impenetrable fortress on my back and some large Italian man was trying to murder me, I'd probably hide in it, too.

"I see nothing wrong with a good defense." Bege said with a shrug.

"You're a living castle, of course you'd agree." Nami said with a sweat drop.

Wiz: But you'd think as soon as Mario picked up the shell, it would a perfect time to counterattack, right? And even when they're flying after a good kick, they refuse to stick their feet out and stop themselves.

"They are pussies!" Buggy exclaimed.

"You'd think it would be instinct to try anything as a last ditch effort to survive." Coby said.

"Some animals are just...different." Chopper said with a sigh.

Boomstick: Well... eh... ah, yeah, you're right, they're bitches.

"I'm not too excited for this." Coby said.

"Who knows, they might surprise us." Kizaru said.

"Do you really believe that?" Aokiji asked.

"Nope." Kizaru replied with a smirk.

"Well place your bets, or not, this time I really don't care." Jack said.

Goomba: Luffy, Coby, Hancock, Zoro, Sanji, Franky, Usopp, Vivi, Rebecca, Shanks, Ace, Bege, Big Mom, Katakuri, Garp, Tashigi.

Neutral: Doflamingo, Kaido, Whitebeard, Roger, Rayleigh, Kizaru, Akainu, Kid, Aokiji, Jimbe, Brook, Nami, Shirahoshi, Robin, Reiju, Nichiji, Ichiji, Judge, Mihawk, Helmeppo, Sengoku, Dragon, Sabo, Smoker.

Koopa Troopa: Chopper, Inuarashi, Nekomamushi, Carrot, Law, Bepo, Blackbeard, Yonji, Moria, Buggy.

Death Battle

(*Cues: Super Mario Land Theme - Remix*)

The Koopa emerges from a Warp Pipe and calmly walks through the field. When he meets the Goomba, he stops.

"I'd be horrified if that thing popped out of my toilet." Garp said.

"Don't tell Magellan." Aokiji said.

FIGHT!

(*Cues: King Bowser - Super Mario Galaxy*)

The Koopa and the Goomba both sprout wings, becoming the Paratroopa and the Paragoomba. They take to the air and fly into each other 4 times. After flying in a circle, the Koopa tries to hit the Goomba by doing something similar to the Spin Dash from Sonic the Hedgehog, but misses. As the Goomba smiles, the Koopa ricochets off a wall and hits the Goomba, who falls under a Thwomp, which he manages to avoid. He also avoids 3 more Thwomps, but gets hit again by the Koopa, who is squashed under a fifth Thwomp. The Goomba lands near a cannon, followed by the Koopa. As they both fly up, the cannons fire at them both.

"It's like watching two raging bulls charge at each other." Rebecca said.

"Except the bulls are tiny, insignificant forest guppies." Kid stated.

"They're doing pretty good so far." Nami said.

"Dodging cannon fire isn't easy so I'll give them that." Rayleigh said.

As they dodge the cannonballs and Bullet Bills, they trade a few blows. The Koopa tries to hit the Goomba using the trick he tried earlier, but misses and continuously ricochets off the walls again. When he stops, six Bullet Bills fly up, but the Goomba stops them by dropping Micro-Goombas onto them. After dodging two more Bullet Bills, the Goomba and Koopa are high in the air. As they fly into each other some more, the Angry Sun attacks the Goomba and the Koopa. While the Koopa successfully evades the Sun, the Goomba is hit and loses his wings. Luckily, he lands in a Kuribo's Shoe.

"Did that tiny mushroom just survive the sun?" Nami asked.

"This world is crazy!" Sabo exclaimed.

"Yeah, crazy fun!" Luffy exclaimed with a grin.

As the Koopa descends, the Goomba hops towards his opponent in the shoe. The Koopa hides under a line of breakable blocks as the Goomba hops on the Blocks above him. The Koopa tries to escape by flying to the right then quickly flying into the pipe, but the Goomba hits the Koopa, knocking him into the Pipe. The Goomba hops after the Koopa but gets attacked by a Piranha Plant emerging from the pipe. The Koopa, who lost his wings from the attack, comes out the other end of the pipe, to meet a group of Red Goombas who live underground. The Goomba appears and hits the Koopa, causing him to hide in his shell.

"Pussy tactic activate!" Kid exclaimed, causing a few to laugh.

"You guys are immature, I swear." Bonney said with an eye roll.

As the Red Goombas dance victoriously, the Goomba spots a pool of lava near the Koopa. The Red Goombas continue to dance as the Goomba advances towards the Koopa and kicks him, causing him to slide towards the lava. Luckily, the pool of Lava is small enough for the Koopa to slide over it and hit a block, causing him to slide into the Goomba and the Red Goombas. Unfortunately, he also slides into a much larger pool of Lava, reducing him to a skeleton (Dry Bones).

All of them watched on in disbelief at the idiotic display from both sides.

Double K.O.!

"You fucking moron!" Sanji shouted.

"How someone can be so stupid is beyond me!" Hancock shouted.

"Damn, he's pretty dumb." Luffy laughed.

"You know it's bad when he says it." Buggy says with a shake of his head.

Results

(*Cues: Desolate Path - Super Mario 64*)

Boomstick: Oh man, I thought this was gonna suck! That was awesome! Who knew those little fuckers could fight like that?

"Yeah they sure held their own but you also need some brains if you have brawn." Nami said.

"Some people tend to forget that." Robin says disappointedly.

Wiz: The Goomba's arsenal proved effective enough, but its own stupidity became its downfall.

"That's one hell of an understatement." Killer said.

Boomstick: Then the Koopa wussed out and kept to the safety of his shell, not stopping in time to avoid the Giant Pool of Lava Death.

Wiz: Even the Koopa's tough shell can't protect it from fire.

"I'm gonna find them and show them what real fear is." Ace stated.

"I'll join ya." Sabo said.

"Count me in too." Akainu stated.

"HELL NO!" Both brothers shouted.

Boomstick: You might say this battle really heated up in the end.

Sabo sighed as Ace smirked at that pun.

Wiz: This battle is a draw.

"Boo!" Luffy complained.

"I guess the ones that didn't vote take the win this time." Shanks said.

"Yay?" Reiju let out nonchalantly.

"That was the biggest waste of time I have ever seen!" Kid shouted.

"The next one better be cool Jack because this was pretty lame." Ace said.

"Pretty lame? It was terrible." Sabo said.

"Mushroom guy held his own...I think." Tashigi said.

"The fight was okay but the previous ones were leagues above this one." Dragon said.

"Well, maybe the next one might change your minds. Check it out." Jack said as he pointed to the screen.

Two shirtless, muscular men, hulking men that radiated testosterone with amazing facial hair were pitted against each other in an earth shattering battle.

After a brief moment of silence, most of the men let out cheers and shouts at the upcoming fights.

"YEAH!" Kid exclaimed.

"Finally a real fight!" Kaido shouted.

"Two warriors battle for victory!" Usopp exclaimed.

Nami sighed "I'm gonna regret watching this one with you guys."

"Show us Jack! Let's see a battle between men!" Whitebeard stated.

Jack smirked "Aye captain."