TW vague references to suicide

***

Context: 11-year-old Erin causing chaos in Eastvale

***

I am trapped. Surrounded every day by humans...but no humanity. Not a bat of an eye nor a comment of pity.

And honestly, those would probably make me want to throw myself off a roof more than I already did.

But you see, my...craziness is possibly above the average level, and here in this cramped and crowded city was a horrible place to contain it.

I laid on my back, the sun beating down harshly on my face and neck where my skin was exposed to the open air.  Hot shingles dug into my back, some broken and bent, others rough and gravelly from years of being worn. 

The roof probably wasn't the safest place to relax, mainly due to the fact that the framing was weak enough to collapse at any moment and send me plummeting through the ceiling. But did I care enough to move and find another spot? Nope.

At least here I wasn't confined to walls on either side of me, feeling like they were slowly closing in to suffocate me. Here no one could tell me 'GET OFF THE FUCKING TABLE ERIN' or ridicule me for not having manners even in this pig stall of a house. Not like they had any themselves.

Wow. Ridicule. That's a big word for me.

It was the middle of the day, and I savored the little free time I had left to myself before the dreaded sound...

"Erin!? Where the hell are ya?" A voice called from below, muffled from the roof between us.

I grumbled to myself as my few minutes of freedom was cut short. I rolled over onto my stomach, standing on the edge of the roof just next to the plastic gutter. I had learnt my lesson about standing on said gutter...let's just say that it wasn't the original one. 

I crouched down, dropping from the edge of the roof before swinging back and throwing myself through the small hole in the side of the wall, right where an attic would be.

I tumbled inside of the small, box-like room that was essentially my home, the only light coming from the several panels I had broken to create my little escape onto the roof. 

I grabbed onto the sheet of cardboard I used to cover the hole, hoping to make it less inconspicuous from the outside. This little escape was one of the only things keeping me sane in this shithole. 

Heh, inconspicuous. Also, a big word. 

I held my breath as I moved the cardboard over the hole, throwing myself into the suffocating darkness of the small square of space. I hated it, I hated it, I hated it, I hated it.

As quick as I could, I felt for the small handle that opened the hatch, fumbling with it before yanking it open. "What?" I snapped down at the teenage boy standing nearly seven feet below on the floor underneath me, who was basically crouched on the ceiling.

"Lunch. There's probably not any left though, I was supposed to get you forty-five minutes ago-" He shrugged, sweeping his golden-brown hair out of his freckled face. 

I glared at him, baring my teeth before jumping down from the hatch, landing on the floor next to him. My knees nearly buckled and betrayed me, but I managed to remain standing, pulling my worn and rather stained jacket tighter around myself. "Bitch." I snarled, narrowing my eyes up at him.

He glared back. "Well now I definitely hope Meg and Maria ate it all cause god are you cranky today-"

"Yeah, tends to happen when you haven't eaten for a couple days. It's called star-va-tion. Ever heard of it?" I snapped again, before kicking him in the shin. It didn't do much, it was my bare foot, but it felt good.

"Ow-" He muttered, smacking me across the side of the head in return. "Just go eat your effing food you psychopath-" 

I couldn't do much but stick my tongue out at him, he was way over a foot taller than me.

Yay, everyone clap for stunted growth. I know I am. Clapping that is. That was sarcasm, by the way. I hate it. 

Stomping on his foot again as I left, I scrambled down the rickety ladder leading up to the loft where my 'sisters' slept, which my hatch was above. 

I jumped to the ground, coughing as dirt exploded from under my feet up into the air and into my face. Stupid dirty ass house... 

I wandered into the kitchen, if you could even really call it a kitchen. My jacket, nearly two times too big, dragged across the rough and splintering wooden floor. I had to roll the sleeves up over themselves just to be able to use my hands. It was this mottled green color, thin and worn in some places and others with different kinds of stains that I knew I would never be able to get rid of.

The kitchen contained very little furniture. Just a rickety table with six chairs, a few missing legs or with them duck taped to the seat, and others threatening to collapse as soon as you sat on them. To the right was a tiled counter, covered in such a thick layer of grime I don't think it would ever, ever be white again. My...mother-

Eughck hold on a second, I think I'm going to vomit.

Back, sorry about that, I meant the idiotic woman who claimed to take care of me was stood at the counter, putting away several mismatched dishes also covered in their own layers of filth. 

Two people sat at the table, my sister Maria who was hardly a few years older than me, and then the 'father' of the household. 

And oh boy did we have a feud.

He worked in the Grimlands' coal mine for a living, which I'll have you know does not pay very well. It's not very safe either, as far as I know. Toxins and landslides and such.

Oh, did I hope he got crushed by a beautiful and bone crushing landslide. 

He, unfortunately for me, worked the night shifts. So, every morning I had to deal with his cranky, sleep deprived ass... I love my life.

"Oh, there you are. I sent Conner up nearly an hour ago-" The woman in the kitchen started.

"Well, he just came to get me so clearly whatever it was wasn't import." I cut off, grumpily sitting down in one of the open and less rickety chairs, opposite of Maria.

On the table, was a picked apart loaf, a small portion left that would hardly be enough to satisfy the stabbing pains in my stomach, but it would do. I was surprised to see a small slab of butter in a chipped ceramic dish. We never had butter.

But, to my ultimate annoyance just as I reached out for the bread, fucking Conner walked by, grabbing it from the platter. "Aight mom I'm gonna go hang out with Leo down by the old barracks-" 

"Not with my food you're not!" I snapped, getting up and jumping to try and rip the piece of bread from his hand. It wasn't that hard for him to hold it up higher than I could reach.

"Yours? Didn't see your name on it, did I?" Conner said with a smug smirk. "Go find some other food elfy-" 

In a spurt of rage, I grabbed the first thing my hand wrapped around on the table, which happened to be a particularly rusty fork, before stabbing it down at Conner's arm with as much force as my four-foot eight body could muster.

Unfortunately for me and fortunately for my 'brother', a hand grabbed my wrist harshly just before the prongs of the fork pierced the teen boy's jacket.

I winced as the man I was supposed to call my father's hand tightened on my wrist and forearm, crushing it underneath his hold.

I tried my hardest to keep my arm raised, to get the fork to stab into Conner's arm before he backed away, but it was no use.

In a second my hand and arm was slammed down to the table, a painful and sudden jolt rushing up towards my shoulder from the contact.

"Drop it." The man ordered, his voice loud and consuming for just the moment. I opened my eyes slowly to meet his, narrowed in anger. Soot and coal dust were caught in his beard, slightly smeared against his cheeks.

"No-" I started, refusing to give up my one object of self defense.

But all I received for my defiance, was pain.

With another jolt he smacked me across the side of the face, a throbbing ache exploding underneath his hand across my cheek. My head was jerked to the side, my vision splattered with darkness around the corners as I nearly hit the table.

The fork slipped from my grip, clattering to the wood. I tasted blood, its metallic flavor slowly beginning to consume my taste buds and coat my mouth.

"You know what comes from disobedience by now. You should learn." He threatened.

I didn't respond, instead, I glared furiously back at him, wishing I could tear those bloodshot and dark eyes from their sockets and stuff them down his throat to suffocate him.

"Well?" He demanded.

"What?" I snapped. "You waiting for me to give a shit? Well get comfortable cause it ain't happening any time soon!"

The second slap was worth the look of fury he had on his face.

I spat out a wad of blood that had built up against my cheek, my eyes narrowed at the man as he continued to hold my wrist and arm down in a painful way so that it was twisted.

My vision was blurred slightly, more than usual, from the two blows but I did my best not to look dizzy. Never show weakness in front of the enemy.

"Daniel, don't knock her out, she still hasn't done her job for the day." The woman said from the kitchen as casually as if she were telling him to do the dishes and not like he was half-beating me to unconsciousness. 

Just before my wrist felt like it was about to snap from the pressure on it, he let go. I instantly jerked backwards in case he changed his mind, massaging my arm which was white from his grip, color slowly fading back into it. 

Before I managed to recover, the woman had made her way over and shoved a small tin into my hands. It was really just a leftover can of canned food, but I despised it. "Don't come back until you have enough for tomorrow." she stated as I fumbled the tin, nearly dropping it. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah I know..." I muttered, tucking the tin underneath my arm in my jacket. Time to start my miserable routine all over again.

"And hide those cursed ears of yours." The man added, roughly grabbing the hood of my coat and forcing it over my head and over my eyes.

A small 'oof' left my mouth as I stumbled forward, my vision masked for a moment before I managed to pull the hood back up to let me see. I glared at him but made no comment as I tried to move my knotted, mousy brown hair to cover what little of my long, pointed ears could now be seen from under the hood.

I knew from their expressions it was time for me to leave, so with one final hateful look I began to trudge towards the door. I heard a pattering of feet behind me, like someone was following, so I turned to see Maria catching up to me. 

"What?" I asked snappishly, glaring up at her.

She paused, standing still for a good few seconds before holding out a scrap of the loaf that had been on her plate previously. "It was all that was left-" she shrugged.

I stared down at it for a moment, then snatched it from her hand before she could change her mind. Without another word I reached for the doorhandle.

"Erin! Take out the recycling too, Conner forgot-" The woman called down the short hall. I glanced down at the pile of plastic stacked in the corner, nearly as tall as I was, before grabbing a plastic water bottle and throwing it at her head.

"You do it yourself!" I called back, walking out the door and slamming it shut behind me. I was going to pay for that one later, but frankly at the moment I didn't care.

My bare feet burned against the scalding street, hot from the beating sun being absorbed into the stone. I couldn't do much about it except waddle as fast as I could to my spot. 

I wound down the street, passing swarms of people pressing in on all sides. All I could do was duck my head and hope that I wasn't knocked over by the giants that seemed to tower over me. It was hot today, extremely hot as it normally was in the dry wastelands of Eastvale, but I didn't dare take my jacket off. 

After several minutes of walking, I finally plopped down in my spot. Several other people lined the street like me, backs pressed against the brick walls, sitting crisscross on the sidewalk and hoping not to get stepped on by the hordes of people always making their way down this busy road.

I set the tin in front of me, resting my chin in my hands as I waited...and this was what every day was like for me. Hoping someone would take pity on the small girl who sat on the side of the road, and maybe would feel sorry enough to drop a few coins into the tin. Somedays I got nothing, those were the worst ones. Like yesterday.

It had been easier when I was younger. People felt more sympathy for a little toddler sat down with nothing but a tin can the size of their head. Now, their eyes glazed over me like a was a ghost, just another person lost to the streets of Eastvale...

I looked down at the crust of bread in my hand, my stomach panging again before I stuffed my face with it. Who knows if I'd be let downstairs for dinner tonight. That all lied in the amount of coins that got tossed into the can. 

I leaned back, crossing my arms over my chest and ignoring the sweat beginning to stick my shirt to my back, and the dull ache of the joints sprouting from my shoulder blades as they pressed roughly against the bricks.

I had just closed my eyes, sighing as I thought about what a miserable few hours this would be, when something blew straight into my face.

I spluttered, wrinkling my nose and screwing my eyes shut as I ripped off whatever it was. I opened my eyes again to see a newspaper, covered in small ink blotches that apparently were words that were meaningless to me. Dead in the center was a large picture, underneath a huge headline. I squinted, trying to make out the letters but it was no use, I still didn't know what they meant. Just looked at them made my head hurt more than it already did from the blows I had taken. 

The person in the center was of a teenage boy, with bright cyan hair and golden thingies sticking from his head. 

I scoffed to myself, before shredding the paper to take out some of my anger on it. Stupid famous people, stupid newspaper, stupid world...a world that I was just in a miniature speck in. These idiots stole the spotlight of the world and here I was on the side of the road with no recognition. If there was any god out there, clearly, they had forgotten about me. 

~

It was hours before I heard the first clink of a coin against the bottom of the tin. 

I opened my eyes, peering inside to see a singular copper coin, and grumbled. Sure, it was something, but it was hardly anything at all. 

***A/N, the currency of Empiria is pretty simple. A copper coin would be worth around two American dollars, a silver coin five times the amount of a copper coin and a gold coin ten times the amount of a silver. Therefore, a silver coin would be worth ten dollars, and a gold coin worth one hundred. This currency is rarely used between kingdoms though, and people normally opt for trading instead of selling when bargaining internationally***

I sighed, scratching at the rough and irritated patches on my face that had begun to flare up ever since I had eaten. I felt like throwing the coin at the nearest stranger's head. Looks like I wasn't eating tonight either. 

I curled up by the wall again, tucking my knees to my chest and wrapping my jacket around me like one big blanket. The sun was setting now, and though it had been scalding hot only hours ago, cold winds now whipped through the streets, stinging my face and nose. 

I wanted to go back, but at the same time I wanted to stay as far away from that house as possible. I was stuck in between the tempting thought of running, and the only life I had ever known...today wasn't the day though. I wouldn't be leaving this night.

I was about to give up. Get up, go back and accept defeat. That was, when another particularly rough wind felt like it had exploded back down the street again. I pulled my hood over my face, tucking my head between my legs to keep cover from the severe cold, when I swear, I heard another metallic chink of something being dropped into the tin.  

I looked up just in time to grab the can to stop it from getting blown down the street, peering inside. I felt a quick jolt, thinking that it might have been silver, before I was sourly disappointed. It wasn't even money. 

I reached inside, picking up the small, black, coin-sized disc from the bottom and peering at it. It was strange, marked with silver in the outline of the head of a wolf. I frowned. I had never seen the emblem before. I glanced up, looking for whoever might have dropped it in, but it was impossible to tell whom this coin had belonged to before. 

I glanced down at it one more time, before pocketing it and tucking the tin back under my jacket. Time to begin the walk back to torture... 

~

I was exactly right about what would happen when I got home. 

That one copper coin was apparently deserving of punishment...so there I was stuck back up inside of the miniature attic room. 

I winced as the hatch slammed shut, and I was cast in total darkness. Breathe, I told myself as my breathing pattern sped up, threatening to turn into hyperventilation. It felt like I was in void, darkness pushing on me from every side to crush me in its nothingness...but I just had to wait a few minutes.

Those few minutes seemed like hours as I waited for the man's footsteps to completely fade away, breathing in the musk and dust of the confined space, before I grappled for the sheet of cardboard, ripping it away from the hole punched through the panels of the wall. 

I breathed a sigh of relief that smelt like gasoline from the pollution of the city, the dim light from outside pooling into the space, the cold air filling the room. I glanced over the street far below me... only a few of the streetlamps worked here, flickering every few minutes, their light bulbs spasming. Few people were out and about down these streets at this time, the sun had just set. It was dangerous around here at night. I had witnessed several muggings over the years just perched here on my little ledge overlooking the city near the wall. 

The cold was worth the light and the uncramped air, if that makes any sense, the hole gave me, even if it did bring me close to hypothermia in the winters. I was just thankful it was summer. 

The pollution of Eastvale masked the sky, muddling the velvety blue that I had never seen in person. I had only heard about stars, all the activity from the humans here hiding them from view. That would be the first thing I'd do when I left, go and see the stars. But for now, I was stuck in this hell.  

Sirens sounded somewhere in the distance, that wasn't uncommon here. I couldn't sleep in silence anymore, the hustle and bustle of the city at night was all I knew. 

I sat against the back, rickety wall of the room, clutching my coat around me as I gazed out over the city. I had long since abandoned hope for a savior, those were childish dreams that died years ago. Me, myself and I. The only ones I could trust. The only ones I could talk to. The voices liked to listen sometimes; their advice always helped to cope. 

Sometimes, I would think of what would happen if I let myself fall, right down onto the concrete. Would there be an after? Or would it just be a circle of endless misery that I could never escape? It took all of my willpower some nights not to test the theory. 

So, I sat in the silence of my own thoughts and sounds of the city, feeling nothing but the pangs in my stomach, the rush in my veins of something swirling, seemingly stronger every day, and the pain in my wings from being tucked away day after day, weeks after week, year after year...

Would there ever be an end? 

***

And that's another oneshot done! I'll get working on the part two of this soon-

So yes, I have introduced traumatized little Erin to you all :)

Also, the coat she's wearing? Same one she wears in the first chapter she's in, in WLTDO. Thought I'd just point that out.

You can ask any questions here! Comments and votes are appreciated! ^^