"There must be some mistake. That cannot be the human. That little thing, with all the exposed organ tissue and the pathetic excuse for a cranial carapace? That is the most hated genetic enemy of our people?"

Krakaklak adjusted his secondary eyestalks as he attempted to take in every detail of the human. His instincts insisted it was a prey species, and he had the urge to seize and devour it.

"Wiser males than either of us have made the mistake of underestimating the humans, so I will not dwell on the shameful ignorance of your previous statement," said Click-Click-Krak. "What humans lack in genetic fitness and ideological purity they make up for with the sophistication of their technology. Take, for example, the specimen before us. Should I approach her and attempt to seize her for the purposes of consumption, I would physically prevented from doing so by concentric layers of defense fields."

"Like a starship?" asked Krakaklak, all four eyes widening.

"Exactly so," confirmed Click-Click-Krak. "It takes concentrated fire from multiple equivtech weapons to kill a human civilian."

"By the First Clutch, what must it take to kill a soldier then?"

"As near as we can tell they do not have them," said Click-Click-Krak. "If only they did. If only it were that easy. Be particularly wary of this human: she is number 14,824 on the Holy List of the Enemies of the Chitter-Click: Opaline Rose."

"What a disgustingly alien name."

"She is single-handedly responsible for the loss of over ten thousand of our best soldiers. Even for a human this one is dangerous."

* * *

<Those crab guys are checking me out,> Opaline signaled to Cujo the dog.

<What crab guys?> asked Cujo, looking around the party full of aliens.

Opaline could mean basically any of them; she was quite imprecise with her language.

<The Chitter-Clicks. Right over there.>

Opaline moved her eyes but not her head so Cujo could see who she was talking about.

<Chitter-Clickss don't look like crabs,> replied Cujo.

<Yes they do,> insisted Opaline. <Like maybe a crab with a vulture.>

<I'm not going down this road with you. But they're not checking you out.>

<I dunno they seem pretty interested. I do have this really cute dress.>

<The Chitter-Clicks are aliens they don't like your cute dress,> Cujo signaled, matter-of-factly <Remember the Chitter-Clicks hate you.>

<No they don't, they love me.>

<Well all the intelligence Exigency has intercepted says they do not think highly of you. You're on some kind of list.>

<That's just gossip. Every Chitter-Click I have ever met has been really cool. They just get a bad reputation is all. Watch I'm going to go talk to these guys and they're going to think I'm great.>

<That's not why we're here! We're here to ingratiate ourselves with Blood Despot (Female Type) Velvetauwe Hix.>

<If Exigency wanted someone to come rushing into the party and start humping the Blood Despot (Female Type)'s leg they wouldn't have sent humanity's greatest partier. You can't force this kind of thing. Parties have an energy, you just have to go with it. Trust me, by the end of the evening the Blood Despot (Female Type) and I are going to be best friends. But at this exact moment the party energy is telling me to go hit on the crabs.>

* * *

The human started to approach, aggressively showing its teeth as it did so. Click-Click-Krak and Krakaklak immediately became agitated.

<Greetings!> she signaled them, through an inter-species communications implant. <My name is Opaline Rose. I am pleased to meet you both.>

Click-Click-Krak and Krakaklak stared intently at Opaline but did not speak. Opaline pressed on, undaunted.

<There is a Chitter-Click colony on New Proxima, the ringworld I'm from, so I've met members of your species before. What are your names?>

<There are Chitter-Clicks prisoners on a human ringworld?> asked Krakaklak.

<Oh no, not prisoners,> said Opaline. <Immigrants.>

<That is impossible. Our species are at war!> insisted Click-Click-Krak.

<No we aren't.>

<Yes we are!>

<No...> replied Opaline. <That's one of those things where both sides have to agree. The Consensus isn't interested in having a war with you.>

<If you will not fight you will be defeated!> signaled Krakaklak.

<I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Say I didn't catch your names?>

<I do not agree to disagree! I do not agree to that!> insisted Click-Click-Krak. <We are at war! The Chitter-Click High Authority issued a declaration of war to the Human Consensus ten great cycles ago!>

<And we declined.>

<You can't decline!>

<Do you even have weapons that can hurt us?> asked Opaline.

<We will one day, human, do not doubt that,> sneered Click-Click-Krak.

<Sure. I guess you'd have to admit then that maybe you declared war a little prematurely, right? Seems like the thing to do would be invent weapons that can hurt us first, then declare war.>

<She has a point,> Krakaklak signaled Click-Click-Krak, privately.

<None of this is relevant to whether a state of war exists,> signaled Click-Click-Krak, feeling like this conversation was getting away from him.

<You should come visit New Proxima. You'll like it, humans are a welcoming bunch. Then maybe if you get to know us, you might decide we're not at war after all.>

<How much I like you does not impact whether we are at war!> Click-Click-Krak was getting agitated again.

<So you do like me though, right? Would you mind telling my dog that?>

<No!>

<Are you trying to imply that if we were to approach one of the Human ringworlds we would not be attacked?> asked Krakaklak.

<I hate to disappoint you, but no you wouldn't. Unless you count being assaulted by invitations because everyone is really into aliens right now so everyone would want you at their various nonsense. You should come for a visit. You can come back with me when the party is over.>

"No you can't!" shouted Click-Click-Krak, in their own language.

<You'll have fun. There's limitless abundance and then there's, you know, limitless abundance. Once you go post-scarcity post-money economy you never go back. In our culture everyone is free to pursue their own desires and interests, respecting only the right of others to do the same. Makes integrating friendly aliens a breeze.>

"You must cease communicating with the Human immediately!"

<I think I would like to visit this New Proxima,> signaled Krakaklak.

And just like that, the Chitter-Clicks lost another good soldier to the Human War.