Violet POV:

Cellphone Reception: Out Of Service.

I let out a dreary, drained sigh at the information I already knew, pathetically making another useless attempt to dial Dabi's number anyways.

Sure. I can't say this is my proudest, most dignified moment-calling the guy three times in a row with no answer. But, then again, if my phone is still out of service atop this mountain, then Dabi wouldn't even be aware that I've been trying to get ahold of him. Therefore, it's not pathetic, because my calls technically aren't even going through. Right?

...please don't answer that...

I don't know, alright. Call me crazy for still wanting to talk to the guy after the nasty little fight we had earlier. But, ever since my little breakdown, no less than ten minutes ago atop this hill, I have the deepening urge to talk to Dabi, especially after using the image of him to calm me down from Midas' jewels.

The sad truth, whether I wanna admit it or not, the truth is that my heart has become so conditioned to rely on him now, in these past ten months. I always told myself to never get too close, but then I also never ended up taking my own advice.

How could I when his actions were always so caring? I always did say his words and actions never matched up. That's what confused me.

But, ever since the night of the fall fair-you know, after we did...the good stuff...Dabi seems to have flipped a very unpleasant switch. One where his actions actually do match his words for the first time since I've known him.

And, I don't like it. I don't like seeing that side to him.

It hurts me to think about-him treating me like everyone else. And, maybe that's why my thumb easily tapped the phone screen once more to dial his number...feeling internally panicked that maybe, just maybe...we are slowly starting to reach That Point.

The point where Dabi finally gets sick of me. The point where all of this ends.

While I told myself it would always happen eventually, admittedly I didn't take my own words of warning to heart. I underestimated how much I fell for Dabi, how much I've grown to care about him.

And, ridiculously, I was starting to think he might have felt the same...letting that voice of warning inside my head get softer and softer...until, one day, there was nothing left at all.

Can you blame me? It's okay if you do.

If anything, I deserve it, right? I deserve this punishment of heartbreak for falling in love with someone else when I wasn't ever supposed to.

I wouldn't be surprised if Touya somehow had something to do with this, wherever he is in the afterlife. I would understand his reasonings for wanting to punish me and make me suffer like this-for practically forgetting him and falling in love again so damn easily.

I'm sorry, Touya. I hope you're not too angry. But, if you are...I get it.

I also know you hold grudges though. Sooo, please don't hold a long one this time. Unlike you, I still have my mortality, and I'd really appreciate it if I don't spend the rest of my life with you hating me.

The feeling of the forest breeze brought me back slightly, causing me to inhale a bit sharply at the soft wind kissing my cheeks.

Oh. I was lost in my head again, huh? How long this time? I'm not sure.

It's something that's been happening more lately. Ever since Midas' jewels have awakened more emotions in me, I find myself confused, inside and out. I find new pieces of myself uprooting from whatever prison they'd been trapped in. I feel more emotional. Not as present in reality.

The biggest difference is that I find myself, physically and mentally, talking to Touya more-as if he's truly here.

And, while I know he's not actually here listening to me...I'll admit that talking to him is starting to become a bit too comforting for my sanity.

Hopefully, it's just a phase. One that will pass soon.

Trying to stay present in the moment, I simply looked down to my phone once more...prepared to pointlessly dial the number again.

I just want to hear his voice. Even if it's just for a moment. Even if he doesn't say anything nice.

But...

"There's no reception up here." Tsuyo said dryly, causing me to jump slightly in surprise and turn around to face them.

As usual, their body was covered from head to toe in black. Yet, their emotions showed through their body language; arms crossed and foot tapping impatiently as I've probably been sulking in the corner for a few minutes too long.

Smiling sheepishly, I quickly closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.

"Right." I apologized, shuffling back and forth on my feet nervously. "I don't know, guess I was just looking for someone to talk to."

Tsuyo was quiet for a moment as they assessed my drained mood, barely taking a step forward in my direction.

"Kaito doesn't seem like an appropriate choice?" They asked, concealed voice subtly demonstrating hints of humor.

My brows raised a little caught off guard as I looked over to them, internally feeling my brain freeze in surprise.

...did they just...make a joke!?!? That's new.

Uhhhh??? Well, now I don't know what to say?? They made a joke, which means they must be enjoying my company right?-oh crap-is this, like a....bonding moment??

Oh no, I'm not good with those!! Now, I feel pressure to make sure they feel welcome in the conversation. I don't want to offend them-What am I supposed to say now????

Ugh. Social anxiety and overthinking don't really go together!

Apparently, my moment of internal overthink had gone on for too long as any appropriate time to respond to Tsuyo had passed. They didn't seem bothered though, slowly taking a few more steps towards me now.

"If it's that heavy on your mind," they said casually, approaching my side now before looking out to the pretty scenery in front of us, "there's no use holding it in. That would defeat the purpose of everything we tried to achieve today."

I was silent in confusion as I tried to decipher their words, feeling a little awkward as they stood side by side next to me.

...are they...asking me to confide in them??

That doesn't seem like a necessary part of the training exercise today...

Regardless, I couldn't deny that I felt a little isolated and lonely, being unable to talk to Dabi...deciding to tread lightly in personal talk with Tsuyo.

Before Dabi, I'd become so used to the isolation. So used to having no one.

Now...I can't seem to readjust back to that so quickly. I need someone to vent my thoughts to right now. Even if just for a moment.

"Well," I started quietly, wanting to feel them out a little more. "I guess I just wanted to apologize for today."

A pretty safe response. True, too. After all, I did almost accidentally murder everyone today when Midas' jewels gave me a mental breakdown!

Tsuyo didn't seem to buy my response though, shrugging dismissively as they kept their attention in front of us.

"No reason to."

I pressed my lips together at their curt response, feeling my shoulders relaxing a little more as I continued.

"I guess more than anything...I just feel a little embarrassed." I chucked sheepishly, grimacing as I remembered the events that played out today.

I yelled the biggest traumas of my life to strangers out loud, went hysterical from it, and forced them to calm me down. I definitely think that warrants a bit of embarrassment.

Tsuyo was quiet for a moment as they took in my response, forming their words carefully.

"You know, it's not as if anything went unplanned today." They reassured matter of factly, taking a small pause to gather the right words. "The purpose of the exercise was to make you snap. It's the first exercise Midas did with me. So I did it with you, too."

And, as careful as Tsuyo tried to be with their words, unintentionally...they were just a bit personal-making me a little more curious about their own story.

"Really?"

They nodded to my question, seeming to get a bit more comfortable with me now as their lips became looser.

"It breaks you-the exact way it's supposed to, so it can build you back up again." They validated, making my questions speak for me.

"So, that's what happened to you, too?" I said quietly, feeling my ears eagerly perked for an answer.

I'm not sure what it is about Tsuyo that intrigues me so much. Maybe it's because they've saved me more than once now, or maybe it's just because I can't put a face to their identity.

Regardless though, I always find myself listening more intently whenever they are involved. Paying close attention for any reveal of personal information.

It's weird. Kinda feels like I look up to them in a way.

That can't be though. It's not right to look up to your enemies.

"Yes." They admitted, volume of their voice going a bit lower at their past. "He found my darkest memory quite easily, and once he did, he spent an entire year using it against me to wear me down."

My brows raised in slight surprise to Tsuyo's words, admittedly not being able to imagine Midas breaking someone like that.

He always seems so nice. To me, anyways.

"That sounds more like torture than training." I said a little too bold, wondering what point Tsuyo would bring professionalism back into the conversation.

Not yet, it seems.

"Felt that way, too." They said, barely turning their attention to me now. "He didn't allow me to take breaks the way I let you today. It didn't matter how I was feeling, he forced me to finish the exercise every single time until I couldn't even remember my own name."

My stomach began to settle with unease at the unintentional reminder Tsuyo just gave me about Midas. The reminder that he's not a good man.

No matter how much he tries to convince me otherwise.

"I'm sorry." I said genuinely, bowing my head with apology for Tsuyo.

Their next words came automatic, as if they feared they weren't portraying Midas in a good light.

"H..Huh? Don't be. I didn't tell you for the purpose of pity. I wasn't done explaining." They uttered a little annoyed, causing my eyes to widen for interrupting.

"Oh. Sorry." I blurted out again, slapping my hand over my mouth when they turned to glare at me now.

And, even though I couldn't see their face, I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at their pesky annoyance for my constant apologies, finding a minuscule moment of comfort amongst this stranger.

They didn't laugh with me and I didn't expect them to. It was therapeutic to laugh, even for a moment by myself. The pretty sceneries of cliffs and waterfalls in front of us helped, too.

To my surprise, Tsuyo let me have the small seconds of peace, only continuing once my face had turned serious again. They unknowingly clenched their gloved fist anxiously as they spoke.

"Midas broke me down until there was legitimately nothing left inside me. But because of that, I came back stronger. I had no distractions or emotions that could stand in my way anymore. I had no more weaknesses inside my mind, because he helped me overcome them." Tsuyo said blankly, not sounding particularly satisfied about this 'achievement.'

I don't know how to take the answer. The words themselves sound as if they should be positive. But, Tsuyo unintentionally portrays them as something negative. Not to mention how emotionless and passive they are all the time. Maybe I'm just reading the whole thing wrong.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, I settled on a safe answer-or, at least, one I thought was safe...

"But, I'm sure you still think about it from time to time. Whatever that memory was." I reassured softly, causing their next response to come out involuntary.

"I don't. I don't care for them anymore. Can't even remember their faces." Tsuyo stated mechanically, sounding as if that answer had been ingrained into their mind.

It's funny. Their philosophy is that Midas breaks people to build them back up. But, interestingly, I only see a broken person in Tsuyo. I don't see one that was ever built back up.

I would be wise to remember that in the future. For my own sake.

And, while Tsuyo was adamant they'd forgotten whatever memory used to haunt them...I couldn't help but think that wasn't totally true.

While they I can't see their face, the emotions show through their body language. Unintentionally, sure. But, still there regardless. Their shoulders are tensed. Stance stiff. Fists clenched.

Regardless of what they say, it's obvious to see these memories are not ones they truly forgot.

And, something in me compelled my mouth to speak my next answer. Something made me want to bring attention to this point. For Tsuyo's sake.

"Their faces? So, your memory involves people?" I hypothesized, feeling my overthinking mind putting itself to use.

Tsuyo was quiet at my words, body freezing slightly as if I'd been correct.

Their silence only made me more curious-and, before I knew it, I was already blurting out my next question a little too eagerly.

"What was the memory, anyways?"

My own words cut through the air with tension. A bad tension. One that let me know maybe I'd gone too far. Especially when Tsuyo didn't answer.

Yes, they have been good to me. But, they are still loyal to Midas, through and through. I don't want to get myself into trouble here. I shouldn't get too close.

"I...I'm sorry." I chuckled a bit nervously, more than prepared to backtrack. "That was overstepping-"

"Family." Tsuyo interrupted me emotionlessly, masked face looking out into the cold mountains ahead.

I looked at them blankly, honestly not entirely sure I'd heard them correctly.

For one thing, the answer was so short and quick, I could have easily been mistaken.

But, for another thing....if I did just hear Tsuyo correctly....that was just a very big piece of personal information they spilled to me. And, surely-from what I've seen of them so far....they would never do such a thing. Right?

I was only able to think about the question for a few moments of silence, before Tsuyo spoke again.

"The memory... was family." They repeated, not even flinching at the ice cold breeze that ran through us.

Silently, I pulled my thin jacket tighter around my body...keeping my eyes on them curiously as I said nothing.

Admittedly, I hoped they'd say a little more about the matter.

However, I guess I wasn't that lucky.

"But, like I said, it doesn't affect me anymore." They followed up after a few moments of quiet...seeming as if they said those words out of habit.

A habit Midas could have ingrained into them, surely. One they said to remind themselves that it doesn't affect them anymore.

It could be a lie. One they are trying to convince themselves is true.

I kept my eyes on them as they continued looking ahead...deciding to stretch my boundaries with them a little more as I spoke.

"It would be okay if it did." I uttered quietly, trying to prepare myself for the moment Tsuyo would snap us back to professionalism.

It makes me uneasy to be having this conversation with them. Because, as much as I wanna know them...I don't. The only thing I know for sure is how much they value Midas. I never know if my next words are an overstep, until they've been said.

And, they just continued to surprise me.

Their soft chuckle filled the chilly air now. And, even if their voice was concealed with such a robotic voice changer, I could hear how the sound was genuine/

But, even if it was a laugh, it wasn't a happy one. It almost sounded sad. Hopeless and like they'd given up.

"It really wouldn't." They said dully, giving their head a small shake to clear the thoughts. "You and I used to be the same. I was a slave to my emotions just like you once. And, also just like you, they ran my life until I eventually went nuts. I'd rather have none at all, than be like you and re-live it every single day."

Professionalism continued to dissipate as I felt my shoulders loosening up, along with my lips as I spoke more freely.

"Yeah, sure I may be reliving it every single day. But, at least I haven't forgotten the face of my loved one, like you." I scoffed lightly, crossing my arms as Tsuyo looked my way now.

At the same time they looked my way, I felt my gaze shift forward to the mountains now. The both of us simply shifting our perspectives.

"So what?" They asked me with a slight attitude, cocking their head to the side.

Yet, it seemed like they genuinely wanted to know the answer as well, considering they waited until I'd speak.

I kept my arms crossed and my gaze forward, giving my shoulders a lazy shrug as I matched their attitude.

"What do you mean?"

Tsuyo became a little more comfortable, themselves-showing more personality as they started lightly gesturing with their hands now.

It surprised me.

Everytime they've spoken to me, their hands have always been stuck to their sides or behind their back. Seeing them speak while using their hands just makes them appear more human and less robotic.

"You haven't forgotten his face, that's heartwarming and all. But, how does that help you in the real world? How does that help you move on and live?" They asked, causing my lips to purse in agreement.

No point in lying. I'm not trying to convince them my lifestyle is the right one, or better than theirs. Just telling them how I live it.

"It doesn't." I agreed calmly. "But, I suppose that's the price you pay for being a slave to your own emotions. I'm not saying it's the right choice, but it's how I am. When they overpower you, you don't care about anything else. You don't care about the real world, or moving on, you just look forward to that day."

Tsuyo was quiet for a moment as they digested my words, keeping their eyes on me when they finally spoke...voice low and hesitant.

"What day?"

Their question immediately brought the image of Touya into my mind, causing my lips to curl slightly as I looked to the darkening clouds in the sky.

"The day you finally get to see them again." I smiled softly, closing my eyes dreamily as another breeze ran through us. "That's my reality. That's my world."

Silence consumed the space between Tsuyo and I once more, both of us looking out into the mountains now.

It was peaceful. More peaceful than either of us wanted to admit.

Is it possible that the two of us find comfort in each other right now? I don't think either of us wanna think about that.

Tsuyo let out a tired sigh a few heartbeats later, giving their head a small shake.

"Sounds like a pretty sad world." They uttered dryly.

Even so, their words didn't sound judgmental. It sounded more like they were just voicing their thoughts.

"As does yours." I followed up, voicing my own thoughts as well.

They gave their shoulders a small shrug, almost seeming as if they agreed, before clearing their throat and changing the subject.

"Well, a word of advice from one emotionally messed up person to another- don't tell Midas anything you just told me." They said surprisingly truthful, causing my brows to furrow in slight confusion.

Why would Tsuyo say that about the person they trust the most?

"Why not? I think he'd understand, to be honest-" I started genuinely, before Tsuyo cut me off.

"There's a lot you don't know about him. He shows you only one side of himself, and because of that, you've come to underestimate what he's capable of." They said with loose lips, looking around to make sure Kaito hadn't suddenly snuck up on us.

And, even though that dreaded yellow eyed man hadn't, it seemed Tsuyo decided to backtrack a bit, anyways.

"Don't get it twisted. He's my master, my mentor. I die for him in a second, without hesitation." They said mechanically, leaving their words open-ended enough for my own curiosity.

"But?"

"But, I'm a person who's been stripped of their emotions. And even still, he's the only thing on this planet that can have me shaking in fear with a single look." They stated honestly, sounding firm and genuine in their words.

I had nothing to say to that, cause what could I possibly say? This is the person who knows Midas far better than anyone else in this world. If there's anyone who knows what that man is capable of, it's them.

Not to mention....there's...no need for me to defend Midas. He's supposed to be my enemy.

Don't forget that.

"The point, is that Midas does break you." Tsuyo continued. "So, while it may seem like he empathizes with your emotions in your past, it doesn't change his original goals of the training. Just remember that, before you go and whine about your life story."

Surface level, that comment just sounds like a typical insult.

But, looking deeper it sounds like there's a warning intertwined in there.

"While you think he might be listening, he's already forming ways he's going to use it against you." They alluded vaguely, making my stomach stir with nerves.

"Well, that makes me uneasy." I admitted quietly, causing them to shake their head tiredly in approval.

"Good."

Another way of saying 'I should be afraid of Midas,' I suppose.

And they aren't' wrong. I shouldn't be so quick to let my guard down. Not when Tsuyo tells me what he's capable of below the surface.

Once again, Violet. Don't forget that. Don't underestimate him.

The comfortable silence between Tsuyo and I was cut by a soft beeping sound coming from the pocket of their jacket.

They seemed to know exactly what it was, not even pulling the device out as they reached into their pocket and switched off the beeping.

Sounds like a timer.

"Anyways," they muttered, clearing professionalism back into their throat now. "it's time to head back."

*****

The more we hiked lower to the ground, the more visible the civilian world around us became.

Notifications I'd missed during my time of no cellphone reception slowly began to ding my phone back to life, one by one. I checked each one immediately, eyes scanning the sender's name desperately. Searching for one name, and one name only.

But, he never called, I guess. Or texted.

It made me feel deflated. It made me feel sad and confused, wondering what the hell I did that made him suddenly flip such a cruel switch.

Relax, Violet. It's only been a day since you two haven't spoke. The fight wasn't that bad. Maybe he's just being cranky-

Ding!

Another notification on my phone made me audibly gasp with hope as I lifted the device in my view, feeling my heart flutter when I saw Dabi's name resting on the screen.

However, upon reading the contents of the notification, my smile fell instantly...my heart falling right along with it.

Tracking Device Alert!:
Dabi has left his safe spot (1 hour ago.)
Current GPS Location: Jolly Molly Gentleman's Club.

*****

Dabi POV:

You know what they say. A stripper a day keeps the doctor away.

Or, maybe, it was...a stripper a day keeps God away. Whatever, close enough.

The demons in my head seem to have more manners than I do. They welcomed me back into hell so much quicker than I'd expected, dusting off the cobwebs of all that hate and villainy I'd apparently buried at some point in the last ten months.

But, even if my immoral side was dusty, hey, at least it still existed. I'd been starting to question it myself these past few weeks, wrestling with pieces of my insanity that I thought had drifted away.

Sure, most people want the insanity gone from their mind. Normal people do. Hell, they even offer treatment for it. Therapies. Drugs. Cute, little affirmations one can spew in the mirror about how they're 'ready to take on the day!'

Imagine that. Imagine that some people actually strive to be ordinary. Imagine they wish, and pray, and try to alter their minds everyday to be something I spent my entire life rejecting.

So adorable. It makes me wanna vomit.

No one wants insanity, because it's makes you suffer. And no one wants to suffer because it's out of their comfort zone.

Sanity. Being 'all there' in your head...that brings people peace, right? I guess.

Not me though. From the moment I left dear old mom's nasty snatch, I've been suffering. I was born to suffer. I existed to suffer. And I died from my suffering.

All I know is suffering. It's my identity. It's the entire makeup of my brain. I don't know how to handle anything else.

So, while most people try to find normalcy for comfort, I'm the opposite.

Suffering is my comfort zone. And while it fucking hurts more than anything you could damn imagine, a part of me-a big part of me feels comfortable while I suffer, because it's all I know.

I know how to deal with suffering. I've spent twenty-four years making the perfect system for it. The moment the pain starts, I let hatred and anger numb my veins like a sedative. Insanity and revenge cloud my reason-and more than likely, I'll do something stupid and reckless to torture myself more.

My demons cause the suffering. And my addiction to self destruction always brings them back.

Like now. Here I am, back at this janky strip club...eyes blissed out from whatever pill I took a few minutes ago-don't know or care what it is. Drink sitting in my dissociated hand, with a cigarette between my fingers. With some whore running her hands all over me, pretending she gives a damn about me, if it means I'll shove an extra bill in her thong.

All because of me. No, all because of her-no, all because of him, all because dear old dad had to go and force me to exist. All because the purpose of my existence has always been to suffer.

Yeah. It's him. It's them. It's everyone else. They made me like this. They ruined me. They caused this. And I fucking hate the world for it.

And, as I sit here now...not even knowing if my lungs were still working from whatever I'd shoved into my system, I wonder. God, I fucking wonder....

What the hell was I thinking?

My insanity is my sanity. It's my comfort zone and it helps me see things distorted and dark, just like how I used to-all of which are my version of clarity.

How could I have almost forgotten my purpose? How could I almost have forgotten what it was like to suffer?

Oh, yeah. I know why. I know why, because even though I've lost my god damn mind, she still lives in it. She's like a disease. One I can't get rid of, no matter how many drugs or liquor I pump into my system.

If anything, it gets worse, the less sober I become. I see her more. Her eyes cloud my vision. The sound of her voice echoing in my eardrums and tickling my brain like a feather.

No matter how much I dissociate, I feel her hands on me. I feel her lips on mine, and I only wish I could have more.

I only want more. I only want her.

Ohhh, it's tragic, isn't it? Poor, little Touya can't ever seem to catch a break, no matter what he does.

Good. That's how Dabi wants it.

The last time I came to this shitty strip club, I'd never kissed anyone. I'd barely reunited with Violet at the time, and I still had every intention to ruin her, if it meant taking down everyone who wronged me.

Or, so I thought. Did I ever even plan to do that? I don't even trust my own credibility anymore.

Back then, even back then...it had been hard to forget her, as I sat in this same exact spot of the club. But, I'd still had some practice shutting her out a little.

Now though....god, now....it's impossible.

I got too close, and I let Touya free for too long. The funniest part is that I'm not even surprised things ended this way, making me think that my subconscious was working against me somehow...plotting behind my back to fall in love with her all over again.

Hah. That's funny, huh? I don't even trust myself with my own intentions. I'm so set on hating the world, I even make myself my worst enemy.

I make everyone my enemy. It's never been hard to do. Just throw in a cup of trauma and suffering, add a pinch to misunderstanding, and a dash of threats, and you're there.

I'd never have a problem making anyone hate me. I'd never had a problem making someone my enemy.

Except her.

She was always too pretty. Too kind. Too fearless of anything when it came to me-Dabi and Touya.

But, most of all, she was too patient. Too accepting.

No matter how hard I tried, there wasn't ever anything I could do to make Violet hate me.

A part of me was always angered by that. But, a bigger part of me was relieved.

I'll tell you how I know. It's because whenever I'd say or do something that may have taken things too far, I always held my breath.

It wasn't something I realized until recently, feeling my lungs burn for release once she'd excuse another one of my problems...hearing the loudest, most satisfying breath of relief leave me when I realized I hadn't lost her for good.

She's the only person in my life who's never hated me. The only person who's stuck with me through every single part of my life, even if she doesn't know it.

I've never in my life...seen what it would be like if she were to finally give up on me.

And the fear of that unknown forces me to acknowledge that I'm still alive. I'm still feeling and I'm still a human being, whether I wanna be or not.

I'm not a monster...

....yet.

But, I will be. Ohh, I will be soon. After all, it's only a matter of time before Violet gives up on me.

A person can only take so much. Of me.

And while the thought of losing her terrifies me, the thought of her getting too close and figuring it out terrifies me more.

Because then she'll hate both versions of me. Dabi and Touya.

We'll say it's the liquor and drugs speaking for me when I say this. That way you can't say shit about it later...

But, the truth...is that deep down....way deep down...I like how Violet talks about me. Touya.

Heh. Man. She's in love with Touya. Sweet, innocent, little Touya can do no wrong in her eyes. He's her favorite person ever. The best comedian. The greatest chef. The smartest kid in school. The strongest.

Touya is her superhero.

She helped me achieve my dream. The dream of being someone's hero. Something I've wanted ever since I was old enough to understand.

In my entire life, I could only be a hero to one person. And, fuck, I hate admitting it...but, the truth is, I don't want to lose that.

Touya is her hero. Until she knows the truth.

Until she knows that Touya is Dabi, and Dabi is me.

It's okay if she hates Dabi. It's okay, because she still has Touya.

She has Touya, until one day she wakes up and sees him sleeping right next to her. She has Touya, until she gets too close and realizes the dead boy she looks for in the stars was right in front of her the whole time.

She spends so much time looking up, when she should be looking straight ahead. If she did that, she'd find her answers.

And I can't let her.

Because Roach Boy Akio got in my head. Because he got right under that only fear I have, knowing exactly what to say, in order to make me back off.

She already lost me once. She mourned for me and went insane.

And I repaid her by lying. By using her, and hurting her.

In order to save her, I need to let her go. I can't let her find out the truth ever.

The only way to do that, is to make her hate me.

So, the demons in my mind force me to continue poking the bear with a stick, waiting for the day she finally gives up and walks away for good.

Let's see how long you last, Grape. Whatever you choose, it will destroy us. Choose carefully, anyways.

Choose carefully for you. Not for me. I deserve it. I promise, whatever happens...I deserve it.

In and out of reality, but Violet is haunting both of my dimensions. When I'm tripping in my head, she's there. When I remember where I am, I still see her face...

God, I'm so high. High on misery. High on pain.

Forgetting isn't even an option anymore. For either of us. I let it go too far. I fucked us both.

But, if I can make you hate Dabi and forget him....then maybe I can save you from becoming me.

Aww. Look at Touya, still trying to play hero. Fucking adorable, isn't it?

A raspy sigh escaped my charred throat as I tried to pull myself into reality, running my numb arms up the body that was on top of me.

I couldn't even tell you the face of this person. I can't see anything. If it's not her, I can't see it.

A pair of foreign hands grabbed my zombie arms, putting them on a warm body I couldn't comprehend.

"Aww, what's the matter, Dabi?" An unfamiliar voice echoed in my head, muddled and empty. "You've always been one of my best customers. Now, I don't see you for all this time and you can't even touch me?"

My throat reverberated with sound to show I was speaking, though I don't even know what the hell I was saying.

"I was busy. Had my hands full with something better." I snickered, unintentionally alluding to my new, more exciting side piece.

If only Violet was just a damn 'side piece' though.

A hum of seductive challenge sounded from the meaningless body above me, before I felt it sit all the way down on my lap to try and start something.

Ten months ago, it would have been enough to, at least, cause physical pleasure. Not now though.

Drugs, liquor, and depressing monologues are more than enough to kill my boner.

I'm only here to....I don't even know why I'm here. I don't care.

"Better, hmmm?" The whore purred in my ear, snaking her arms around my neck as she shifted her hips on my lap. "Now, what could be better than what I used to give you?"

I threw my head back against the couch as it became too heavy to hold, looking up at the slow spinning ceiling fan like I'd been hypnotized.

'Anything.' That's what I should have said. It's an insulting answer that plays it safe and keeps any personal matters out of the equation. And, yet, I found myself being too fucking honest.

"Her." I said drunkenly truthful, probably sounding like a sad, little bitch.

"Ooo, her?" The whore giggled with too much excitement, mechanically shifting her hips on my jeans as she seemed more interested in the conversation now. "Sounds like one of those sweet love stories then?"

I scoffed lazily as I stared dully at the ceiling fan, feeling my tear ducts lightly starting to burn.

"Nah. Ain't nothing sweet about it."

"But, it is love then?" The whore persisted excitedly, doing some stupid gyrating thing with her hips that my slow brain couldn't comprehend.

I rolled my eyes as I said nothing, feeling my mouth too dry to form an answer.

My brain also couldn't seem to deny it.

The prostitute seemed to get her answer from my silence, smirking softly in amusement as she continued her foreplay dance on my lap.

"I didn't think someone like you was into that sort of thing." She followed up with pleasant surprise, making a sour feeling of resentment stir in my chest.

"I'm not. I didn't agree to it." I complained, feeling my brows furrow in pointless irritation. "The bitch took it without permission."

The prostitute laughed at that, giving her head a small shake as she continued rubbing against me.

"That's how love works, Dabi. It's not a matter of choice. We don't choose who we love. It just happens." She said, annoying me with her attempt to be insightful.

"Says the hooker who works in a strip club." I stated bluntly, looking back at her through empty eyes.

She puffed out her lips with ditzy protest at my words, shifting harder on my lap as I remained limp down there.

"Are strippers-"

"You're more than that and you know it-"

"Fineee. Are people like me suddenly not capable of love now?" She questioned a little pouty.

I lifted my hands to my face now, tiredly rubbing my eyes as I felt my high pulling me in deeper.

"I dunno. Do I look like a fucking fortune teller, or something?" I grumbled with a disinterested shake of my head.

The prostitute laughed again at my words, apparently thinking I was a god damn comedian tonight.

"Well, the answer is yes. We are absolutely capable of love. Everyone is. Even you, I guess." She followed up with humor, making the answer sit with heavy dread in my stomach.

"Don't remind me." I said lowly, lifting my cigarette to my lips for the first time in ages.

I didn't realize the prostitute had been going at it for quite some time until her breaths were heavy with exertion.

"Looks like I don't need to." She huffed out tiredly, looking between my legs with surprise. "Your body hasn't seem to forgotten her. I really can't get you up."

Any other guy woulda been embarrassed, I bet. I don't give a shit about trying to impress anyone though.

"I'm just too high. It's got nothing to do with her." I denied for the sole purpose of myself, not wanting to acknowledge Violet's affect on me.

"And, what if it does?" The prostitute smirked, causing my hands to heat up a little.

"It doesn't." I said lowly, looking at her through hazy eyes of warning.

She got the message and nodded, shutting up for a few minutes to give me some peace and quiet.

Until-

"You know, many would kill to be in your position. It's most people's dreams to fall in love. It doesn't happen to just anyone." She alluded, taking a break from her pathetic grinding to sit on my lap now.

Is that supposed to make it sound appealing, or something?

"Lucky fucking me." I uttered bitterly, wishing I'd been sober enough to ditch this conversation right now.

But, this bitch is sitting on me and I'll definitely face plant into the ground if I try to stand up right now.

So, she continued to taunt me-in her case, it probably wasn't even taunting. Just curiosity. But, enough to irritate me for sure.

"Well, now you got me curious." The whore grinned mischievously, eyes lighting up with false, fairy tale delusions. "Describe her. What's she like?"

My drunk brain had no problem thinking of an answer to the question, seeing Violet's glowing face behind my eyes.

Luckily though, I still had half a cell of stubbornness left in my brain.

"It doesn't matter." I stated genuinely, wanting to forget everything that happened with Violet.

It really won't matter soon. She'll be gone.

"It does if you're wanting someone to suck you off." The prostitute bribed, giving her hips a test wiggle on my lap. "If I can't get you up, maybe she can."

Slowly, my hazy eyes trailed from the ceiling fan to her, looking at her stupid smile knowingly as I spoke.

"You're just a nosy bitch."

"I'm a sucker for love stories." She giggled, taking advantage of my state to persuade me more. "Go on. Let's start with her appearance."

Fuck. I'm too high for this. It's too easy to think about her. Too easy for my brain to think up any excuse so I can think about her.

My next actions can't be accounted for, so don't say shit about them when I'm sober later...

Against my will, my eyes fell closed, seeing that purple haired dummy smiling behind my lids.

"Grape." I murmured out warmly, letting the corners of my lips barely curl at the image of her.

"Grape?" The prostitute questioned, making it feel as if scissors were jabbing my eardrums from her interruption.

Can't a guy fantasize about his ex-fiancée in peace.

"Cause her hair..." I blurted out raspily, keeping my eyes closed as I basically spoke to myself. ".....cause her hair is purple."

The prostitute was quiet for a moment as she took in my words, probably surprised I was actually talking about this so openly.

Like I said, you can't say shit when I'm sober.

"Oh, I see." She uttered softly, seeming as if she didn't wanna say anything that would irritate me into silence.

Good. I'm glad. I like it best when everyone shuts the fuck up.

A small hum came from my mouth as I dug deeper into my own mind, unable to stop myself from speaking more words.

"Heh. Yeah-god, the shit's so purple, you can't miss her. Not the annoying typa' purple though. The good purple." I explained choppily, relaxing my head back against the janky couch cushion.

"I didn't know there were different types of purple, Dabi." The prostitute giggled, clearly finding my current state hilarious.

Whatever. I don't even care. Not right now.

Instead, I felt the sounds around me slowly going soft...waiting for the moment I wouldn't hear them at all.

"Mm. And eyes like hers-on anyone else, they'd look like a fucking freak. No one's eyes should be so gold. But, her? Eh, it works for her. Pretty damn good, too." I continued, seeing nothing but gold in my vision.

"You have a very aggressive way of complimenting people, Dabi." The prostitute said humorously. "Still, it's sweet."

"Shut the hell up." I slurred tiredly, not totally knowing why I said that.

It could have been cause she embarrassed me. But, it also could have been because she interrupted me again, when I was trying to talk about Violet.

"Braces did her well, too, I guess-now her teeth are so fucking straight, she probably looks like a dumb cutout. Heh, and you know she even brushes them five times a day? Yeah. Says it's cause 'cavities are the ultimate villains,' or some shit. Can you believe that?" I said, feeling a stupid, giddy warmth bubbling over in my chest.

I didn't realize I'd actually started laughing until I heard the sound, muffled and muddled in my ears. It sounded so foreign, I wondered if it was really even me.

The prostitute laughed with me, barely reminding me she was there as she spoke.

"She sounds adorable." She mused, seeming like she wanted to say more, but wanting to see if I'd continue.

And, I did. Like a jackass, I did-unable to stop the nasty word vomit spewing from my shitty mouth.

"The bitch drives me crazy, that's for sure," I said softly, probably sounding like I was insulting her. "Fuck. Her body-it's better than any of the whores here, you included. Her skin...god, it's annoying how damn soft it is-I mean, she spends all damn day blabbing about her sunblock-lotion-in-one cream. So, no shit she's soft, right?"

"Of course." The prostitute smiled warmly, shuffling around in giddy excitement as I awkwardly spewed my feelings.

"I swear she wears those dumb meme shirts on purpose. It's annoying. She does it to show me that she looks good in anything. I bet that's it-and then, when she dresses up in those tight little dresses...it's cause she wants to tease me, and show me how fuckable she is." I concluded, biting down on my lip as I remembered her in that short ass dress a few days ago at the fair.

The prostitute blew a raspberry from her lips at my words, causing me to crank one eye open and look at her in annoyance.

"Oh, yes, Dabi. I'm sure she only thinks about you when picking out an outfit for herself." The prostitute teased with a roll of her eyes, earning a lazy grunt of irritation from me.

"Who fucking asked you." I grumbled, barely feeling sobriety creeping in the back door of my brain.

The prostitute shrugged with answer, deciding to speak a little more as she sensed my stupid babbling had paused.

"Well, she sounds perfect, if you ask me, Dabi." She reassured, tiling her head to the side with question. "Especially so, if she can get you all hung up like this."

I said nothing to her words, not wanting to verbally admit how true that was.

It's already obvious enough, anyways. I don't wanna talk about it.

And, yet...

"So, why are you here....when you should be there?" The prostitute continued matter of factly, giving me a disciplinary raise of her pierced brow.

What a stupid line. Bitch has seen too many romance movies.

And, yet, the question made my ugly heart sink. It sunk, because I knew the answer to that question, and it fucking hurt to admit it.

"Because I fucked up." I said clearly, letting my hazy eyes fall open once more to rid myself of Violet's image.

The air between us went quiet now, with nothing but the sound of the loud bass filling our space.

Even so, the prostitute didn't seem fazed by my words, seeming as if she's heard them a million times before.

"A lot of them say that when they come in here," she said, looking at me with hope. "But, none of them describe their loves like how you describe yours. She seems special. Like she could forgive whatever it is you did."

I rolled my eyes at her rehearsed sounding words, almost finding the statement funny.

She's probably just thinking I cheated on her, or some shit. If she knew I burned to death in front of her, lived and faked this, said death, became a villain out for revenge on dear old dad, and lied to her for the past ten years about who I really am...I bet she'd say differently, you know.

Not that I'm about to tell my whole life story to a prostitute.

"Nah. It's past that point." I simply said, taking another drag of my dying cigarette as I stared at the ceiling fan. "I've let it go too far already."

"How do you know?" The prostitute asked, not seeming convinced.

I simply shrugged her hope away, feeling myself becoming too sober for my liking.

"Because I care. And I fucking hate that." I said honestly bitter, not caring about the pathetic rasp in my voice.

She gave her lips a soft smack of protest to my stubbornness, continuing her dance on me with disinterest now.

"Doesn't sound like a good enough reason to throw it away to me." She hinted a little annoyed with me, yet I didn't give a fuck.

"Good thing I never asked you." I said dryly, looking back at her with expectation now.

After all, I didn't come all the way to this janky ass strip club to talk about Violet. I came to get away.

Yeah. That's right. I came to get away. Away from her. Away from it all. Forever.

I came to forget. I came to let go. To try and find some semblance of my old 'Dabi' self and my old ways, so it would be easier to forget.

But, I guess I've been away from Dabi for too long now, cause I can't forget. God, I can't forget, and I don't even want to.

Blame it on the liquor and drugs, but I don't actually wanna forget all the little, shitty memories I've made of her. I've never wanted to forget, which is why I remember the dumbest stuff about her.

I've always remembered. For ten years, she's the only thing I never wanted to forget.

And, I hate that for the first time in my life...I can actually admit that. Even if it's just in my head.

The truth is that I don't want to forget her. Ever. She's all I have.

But, I want her to forget me. I want her to move on and find someone who isn't such a disgusting piece of shit. Someone who doesn't lie to er and use her. Someone who won't ruin her sanity if they get too close.

She doesn't deserve that. She deserves better. That's why I'm doing this.

Even though it hurts.

I'll always think about it though. That ordinary life we coulda had.

Even if just for a moment. Even if it's just a flash in the back of my head, I'll think about it. I'll remember. And, I'll even imagine how it could have been, if everything didn't go to shit.

And, while I always thought I wanted to die with the image of my dad being dragged into hell...I guess I learned another thing tonight, in this drunken haze of misery. I learned-or, rather admitted, for the first time in my life, that dad's face of suffering isn't actually the last thing I wanna see.

The last thing I want to see before I leave this shitty world is her. I want to see her smiling, but not for me. For someone else. Someone good for her. I want to see her moved on, with those nasty little shit babies she wants. With her dumb house on the prairie, or whatever, and her countless house plants.

The last thing I want to see in my life-the last thing I want to know...is that she finally forgot me. That she finally stopped caring for a dead boy, and decided to live well.

That's what she deserves.

I wanna see it when I die, cause it's gonna hurt like hell. I want her to have it, but I don't wanna stick around and see it shoved in my face.

It's also cause it will be the only thing in my life to help me rest easy. Yeah, not even revenge can do that, I guess. It's just knowing that she's happy.

That she's gonna be okay.

My tear ducts burned with pain as hot liquid ran down my cheeks. I already knew it was my blood, I didn't need a genius to figure that out.

I was happy the prostitute didn't say shit about my bitching and crying. Though, maybe she was too scared to know what the hell I'd do if she called me out. I dunno either, to be honest. I don't really know myself anymore.

Even so, she was bold enough to ask one more question as she unbuckled my belt, not seeming interested in unzipping my pants now as she spoke with pity.

"What was her name?" She asked quietly, reaching into my pants to get the job done.

I opened my eyes barely as I began to feel a little more sober, feeling my gaze involuntarily go to the figure who had now been standing a few feet behind the prostitute.

My hazy gaze instantly cleared up as I got a look at the person, blinking a few times to ensure this was reality and not another trip.

And, it was. Ohhh, it was.

I didn't dare break the golden gaze that met mine, wanting to punish myself for all of it. Wanting her to remember it clearly, too.

The name rolled off my tongue so damn naturally, and why wouldn't it, with ten years of daily practice in saying it?

I said my next words clear as day, looking at the very real person standing behind the prostitute.

"Violet. Her name is Violet."

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Thank you for reading! If you want to see what happens next, Patreon is 4 chappies ahead <3

See you next week!

Next Chapter Title: Mute Points.