Juniper woke up and Teddy was gone. She yawned, rolled over, expecting to see Teddy beside her. It was his bed after all. Instead, she found a cold, empty space. She sat up, shrugging on an old t-shirt of Leo's, and tried not to feel too hurt that he'd just left. She'd agreed. Casual. Casual relationships didn't stay the night. Boyfriends did that. And he was certainly not her boyfriend.

Teddy Lupin had never been a boyfriend in his entire life. And she knew that wasn't going to change. This was what she wanted. She had convinced him into this, not the other way around. Of course he hadn't stayed. And Juniper shouldn't have assumed he would.

Sucking in a deep breath, Juniper collected her discarded clothing items, padding up the stairs to the girls' dorm. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes before entering, hoping they wouldn't be awake. When she opened the door, she saw only Vivian, lounging on her bed.

"Hey." She waved awkwardly, busying herself with changing her clothes.

Vivian looked up briefly, "Hey." Things were a little tight between them after last night. Juniper still didn't understand why Viv was so bent out of shape, she knew what she was doing. Right?

"Where is everybody?" Juniper asked, brushing out her hair.

"Jade's in the greenhouse and Ror is studying." Vivian answered, smiling wryly.

"Did you-?" Juniper started, unsure of what Vivian had told them about her absence.

Vivian lifted a shoulder, "I said you got back late and didn't want to wake us, so you stayed in the boys' dorm. They didn't think any of it."

Juniper relaxed, "Thanks." She paused, "Could you maybe not- ?"

Vivian shook her head, "Don't worry." She waved her hands airily, "I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Thank you, V." Juniper bit her lip, "I'm sorry- I- you shouldn't have to- keep my secret. I didn't mean for this to- well, I know you don't think I'm doing the right thing. That I'm going to get hurt or it'll get messy, but I'm making the right decision."

"Ok-" Vivian began to agree, but Juniper was hardly paying attention to her, a million thoughts running through her mind. She paced back in forth of the beds, hands on her hips.

"I'm making the right decision." Juniper repeated, interrupting. "I am. I'm making the right decision. I am. Am I?" Her voice rose in doubt. "No, no. I am. I am. I'm fine. You know this isn't- I shouldn't even be- this is his fault! He kissed me. Teddy kissed me, not the other way around!" She groaned in frustration, emotions spinning. Vivian just stared, blinking.

"I didn't even kiss him back! At first...okay fine I kissed him back! I kissed him back! Is that what you want me to say?!"

Vivian propped her chin up on her hand, raising her eyebrows, "I literally haven't said anything for the past-"

Juniper continued to rant, "It's just- he's just-"

"It's Teddy." Vivian smiled, nodding in understanding.

"It's Teddy." Juniper sighed. There was a heavy moment of silence.

"Be careful Junie." Vivian warned in a soft tone, packing up her bag and heading out the door.

"I will." She reassured, but Juniper wasn't sure Vivian believed her. And frankly, Juniper wasn't sure she would've believed herself either. However, she wished, just once, that Vivian could trust her when it came to Teddy. Vivian didn't have a problem with Xavier when they were dating. In fact, she was the only one who hadn't. And Teddy and her weren't even dating. Not even close.

Maybe that was the problem.

The door to their dorm swung open again, and Rory walked in, looking flustered. The brunette set her bag down in a huff, muttering incoherently to herself.

"Ror?" Juniper furrowed her brow, "You good?"

"Lupin's an arsehole." Rory remarked grouchily, folding her arms.

"I don't know what happened, but I second that." Juniper snickered.

"And he has no bloody idea what he's talking about." Rory said haughtily, stacking her books on a the desk with force, "I mean he had the audacity to suggest-"

"Suggest what?"

"Nothing." Rory grumbled, "I don't want to talk about it. The point is Teddy's an arsehole and Potter is an idiot. They're a match made in heaven. You should tell them that."

Silently, Juniper wondered when the topic of her brother had been mentioned in the conversation, but decided to let it slide. She figured Rory was agitated enough as it was.

"Oh I do." Juniper grinned, getting up from the bed and joining Rory by the dresser. "Every day."

"Good." Rory giggled, shaking her head. It looked like her bad mood was starting to dissipate. She set her gaze on Juniper, eyes narrowing, "So where were you last night?"

Juniper shuffled nervously, "Er- I- didn't Viv tell you? I-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Rory rolled her eyes, folding her arms pointedly, "I heard the got in late slept over at the boys story."

"Well then-" Juniper started.

"The thing is, " Rory said, "We both know that's not what happened."

"It isn't?" Juniper squeaked, tone unnaturally high.

"Junie." Rory gave her a look, "Come on. I'm not thick. I also saw Teddy this morning and he's an even worse liar than you."

Her breath caught in the back of her throat, "You saw Teddy?" Her heartbeat quickened, eager to know what had happened, "How did he seem? Did he say anything about me? Was he-" Juniper stopped abruptly, her cheeks reddening when she'd realized what she'd done. She felt utterly stupid. She'd never been the type to go crazy over a boy, but something about Teddy was just different.

Rory smiled, eyes knowing.

Juniper groaned, "It's just- it's Teddy, you know? It's Teddy and he just- god he's just impossible. Impossible. And he makes me feel- impossible. And he's- he's-"

"A really good kisser." Rory bit her lip to keep from laughing, "Isn't he?"

"Yes!" Juniper sank down on the bed, moaning in anguish. "Such a good kisser. And I hate him so much"

"Oh babes." Rory patted her arm sympathetically, "So how fantastic was that first kiss? Honestly?"

"Honestly?" Juniper mulled, "It was only ok, I mean it wasn't-" She stopped, taking in the skeptical look Rory was giving her. "Fine!" She cried helplessly, flopping to her stomach, "It was everything! It was perfect and I can't stop thinking about it."

"But like how did he kiss you? Like- how?" Rory pressed, leaning in closer.

"Ugh." Juniper felt faint just thinking about it, "He just like- grabbed me and pulled me into him and just kissed me. Like really kissed me. And held me and- ugh!" She exclaimed, burying her face in the comforter, "I hate him!"

"No you don't."

"No I don't!" Juniper covered her face with her hands, "And I hate that I don't hate him."

"By the way, " Rory murmured, laying down beside Juniper, "Teddy looked really happy this morning." She slung an arm around Juniper's shoulder, "Wanna come down to the Great Hall with me? I bet there's waffles left."

"Yeah." Juniper tied her hair up into a quick bun, she was hungry. And in desperate need of some coffee.

Her and Rory made their way to the Gryffindor table, James and Teddy were in their usual seats. She was about to sit down next to Teddy, as she normally did. And ok maybe she wanted to see what might happen if she sat close to him. Maybe tease him a bit. But she stopped short when she realized there was already someone occupying the seat.

A pretty blonde, curvy and wearing a flippy little skirt. Juniper didn't know her name, but she was pretty sure the girl was a Slytherin in Nessa's year. The girl had a friend, who Juniper did recognize. Lydia Bones. Lydia was sitting beside James, and both girls were openly flirting. Giggling girlishly at whatever James or Teddy said, and putting their hands on their arms. Juniper looked down at her own attire, her haphazard bun and pajama pants. Sh knew there were dark circles under her eyes too.

She suddenly felt very small, insecurity sending her head into a spin. Juniper watched, heart twinging as the girl twirled her hair around her finger, Teddy indulging her completely and chuckling.

"You okay?" Rory turned to her, and Juniper noted her friend's clenched fists.

"Uh huh, why wouldn't I be?" Juniper exhaled, digging her nails into her thighs as she ground her teeth. "You okay?"

Rory voice was a touch too animated, her eyes betraying how she really felt, "Totally. Definitely."

There was a beat.

"Wanna eat our waffles somewhere else?" Juniper ventured after a few seconds, hoping her intuition was correct because she really didn't want to spend the next twenty minutes watching Teddy and the blonde make goo goo eyes at each other. She'd all but lost her appetite already. She knew it wasn't supposed to bother her. And it didn't. But it did. It really did.

Rory looked relieved, "Yes. Yes, please." And the girls practically bolted out of the Great Hall.

The lingering weeks before holiday dragged by. Juniper was exhausted. Which was, you know, partly her own doing. The late nights in dark corridors and empty rooms were certainly not doing her eye bags any favors. It was half Teddy's fault though. He was just so impossibly everything. When Juniper was with him it all just felt right.

It was exhilaration and anticipation and heat. Juniper couldn't get enough of it. Of him. It was perfect.

Until it wasn't.

Until she saw him nestled close with another girl, arm around the waist of another. Until he brushed by her without another word when she tried to talk to him rather than flirt. Until that prickly feeling settled in her gut.

Juniper was surprised by how hard it was to ignore. And lately, it had been getting harder. It was like there were two sides to Teddy. The one who kissed her until she was dizzy, and the regular Teddy. The one Juniper had been used to. The Teddy who went through girls like he went through cigarettes and was her best friend.

All the while she internalized everything Teddy had said to her about girls over the years. She was scared of being too clingy, too over the top, too anything. It tired her out, overtaking every move she made as she obsessively picked apart her actions, wondering if she was going to mess up.

And that was what she had agreed to. What she had wanted. The separation. The casual. God knows Teddy had tried to talk her out of it. He'd warned her, hell, Viv had warned her. Juniper knew what she was getting herself into. Or at least she thought she had. She'd really thought she had.

But every time she saw him in the common room or in class, or just in a social setting with everybody, her heart started to hurt just a little bit. It hurt that she couldn't reach out and take his hand, kiss his cheek. It hurt that Teddy wouldn't even acknowledge what they were doing outside of what they were doing, it was heat and then it was friendship. Juniper wanted more. Wanted him. But she couldn't have him. She could never have him. And she knew it.

Sometimes the hurt made her want to end it all together. Just call it quits and go back to being best friends. That would be easier. She almost wished he'd never kissed her at all. Almost.

But then he was Teddy. Impossibly Teddy. Even the little bit she got of him was wonderful. And he could make her forget all of her worries so fast, it was like they'd never been there in the first place. And then he would do things like-

Juniper's thoughts were interrupted as she was yanked from the hall into a deserted classroom. Strong hands encircled her waist, and lips met her neck.

Like this. Things like this.

"Teddy!" She exclaimed, inhaling sharply when his mouth closed over the sensitive spot right under her ear. Juniper sighed in satisfaction, reaching her arms around his neck. "You can't just-" She started to protest, but Teddy silenced her with a firm kiss that set her entire body aflame.

"And you can't just go around looking like that all the time." Teddy whispered, tucking a piece of Juniper's hair behind her ear. "It's extremely distracting."

Juniper bit her lip, doing her best not to melt into the floor from the expression Teddy was giving her. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Teddy trailed a line of kisses down her jawline, "I'm so blaming you if I fail all my exams."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious." Teddy said, grinning. "How do you expect me to care about the Disappearing Charms section of the exam when you're two feet away with those legs of yours? That skirt is the only thing I'd like to disappear." His hand ran up her thigh, skimming the hem of her skirt.

Juniper arched a mischievous eyebrow, "You like the skirt?"

"Very much." Teddy murmured, lightly sucking her bottom lip.

"Pity." Juniper hopped up onto one of the desks, placing her hands on Teddy's chest. She flashed a teasing smile, eyes sparkling, "I was thinking I'd let you rip it off."

Teddy's mouth nearly fell open as he shook his head in wonder, "You are cheeky today." He pulled her into him, "I've got to do something about that."

Juniper hooked her legs around his hips, challenging, "Then do it."

Teddy took both sides of her face in his hands and kissed her like it mattered to him. He held her like she was a precious jewel, stroking his thumb softly across her cheekbone. Xavier had never kissed her like that.

Never.

Never that tenderly. All those months with Xavier and she'd never been kissed in such a way, Like she was important. Like she meant something. Xavier had kissed her like it didn't matter, like he was turned on, not like he cherished her.

Juniper felt cherished.

When they broke apart, Juniper was flustered in a different way than before. "What?" She asked, voice soft and caught off guard by his sudden act of emotion.

Teddy gazed at her intensely, "You just- you drive me crazy Juniper. You drive me absolutely fucking insane."

Juniper was flying, floating, soaring above the clouds. Because that was Teddy. Oh Teddy. Teddy half lit in the dim classroom, thick lashes over hazel eyes. Juniper basked in the way he looked at her, yearned to stay there forever, just so she could see those eyes looking at her for one second more.

The breathtaking, airy feeling lingered for the rest of the day, Juniper unable to hide her smile like she was hiding the bruises on her neck. Juniper didn't even mind when Rory insisted on running through notes for the Transfiguration exam tomorrow. Although to be honest, her mind was definitely not on anything Transfiguration related. Unless, of course, the exam covered Teddy Lupin's abs.

Rory had finally exhausted all of her notecards, so her and Juniper headed downstairs to the common room. They sat down on the nearest couch, Juniper elbowing her brother over. James was shoved off the couch snd glared up at his twin, "You suck."

"Don't be such a baby." She stuck her tongue out, earning herself the middle finger from James.

Rory stifled a giggle, and James took it as an invitation to plop down beside her, "Hi there." He grinned.

"Potter." Rory nodded, but Juniper saw the slight flush on her friend's neck.

"And what do you have to say for yourself?" James folded his arms haughtily.

Rory rolled her eyes, laughing, "Sorry?"

"I don't believe you." James teased, raking a hand through his hair.

Internally Juniper groaned, just when she thought her brother was making progress.

Rory seemed charmed though, bantering right back. She nudged Juniper, "Junie believes me. Don't you Junie?"

Juniper's eyes were locked to a spot across the room.

"Junie?"

"Junie?"

It was like she was underwater, Juniper wasn't even registering Rory or James anymore. All she could see was Teddy. No. It wasn't just Teddy. All she could see was Teddy and that girl. He was nuzzled close to her, his hands on her hips up against a wall. Juniper saw the girl bat her eyes, drag her fingernails across Teddy's chest. Then his hand was on the girl's thigh.

And just like that, Juniper fell. Dropped like a rock from the sky and crashed to the ground. Her wings turned to lead. Her stomach plummeted and that prickle turned into a stab.

"Junie?" Rory repeated, waving a hand in front of her face.

Juniper gulped, the sting of hot tears in the back of her throat.

"Hey, you good, Junie? James frowned, concerned.

Juniper blinked quickly, pasting a bright smile on her face, "Yeah, yeah. Yes. Fine, I'm just going to- er- pop upstairs for a moment." She dashed up to her dorm, determined not to let any tears fall from her eyes. How could he do this? Why was it making her want to cry?

How could Teddy say those beautiful beautiful things to her and kiss her like she was everything and then turn around five seconds later and grope some girl in plain sight? How? It didn't make sense. She thought that she could handle it. Juniper didn't realize it would feel like this. That it would hurt so much. She wished it didn't hurt so much.

Why did it have to hurt so much?

this was a tough one to write
ouch
next chapter will cover some holiday stuff with the fam

ranting ———————————>

don't forget to comment and vote!

xoxo,

coco