a/n : before we begin i just want to- no you know what i'm not gonna say anything. just- yeah. happy reading...

juniper's pov:

I slept almost the whole way back to Hogwarts. It was a sort of dreary day, very grey and cold. I was still sore at Viv for ditching me at the party. She wouldn't even tell me why. She just mumbled a very vague excuse, not meeting my eye. I had no idea what was going on with her lately. Meanwhile, Jade was nowhere to be found, and Rory, the one person who I actually wanted to talk too, had patrol duty with Leo.

Needless to say the train ride was very silent. That was perfectly okay with me, as I was still suffering the effects of the tequila and lack of sleep. And although there was tension between me and Vivian, there was no way I was sitting with the guys. I didn't have the energy for that.

When we finally arrived at Hogwarts, I unloaded my stuff into my dorm. It was good to be back. And I was a woman with a mission. After talking with Mum, and a lot of mental agonizing, I knew what I had to do.

Now I wasn't sure what was going to be harder. Figuring out and accepting what had to be done, or actually doing it. But I was about to find out.

"Hey!" Rory entered the room, returning from her prefect duties. She kissed me on the cheek, pulling me in for a one arm hug. "I missed you Junie."

"Missed you too." I said, and I meant it. Rory had been my anchor in the storm recently. "I really could have used you over break." I glanced to Vivian, who was barely engaged in the conversation. She picked listlessly at her mattress, eyes downturned.

"Yeah?" Rory smiled, "How was the holiday?"

"Okay." I shrugged, thinking. There had been downsides and upsides.

"I heard your mum was back." Rory added, letting her hair out of it's bun. "That's good, right? I know James was excited." A blush of pink tinged her cheeks, and I did my best to keep a straight face. It was still so jarring to hear her call my brother James instead of Potter, or more frequently, 'idiot'.

I raised an eyebrow, coming to stand next to her in front of the mirror. "Was he now?"

Rory sniffed primly, knowing she was caught. She straightened her posture, chin upturning. "He was."

I would know that uptight stance anywhere. Vivian and I used to call it her turtle face. It always happened during those rare times when Rory knew the other person was right, or she'd made a misstep. Like when James and Teddy trounced us in a Potions competition, or when she didn't want to show that she was actually enjoying James' antics.

"How nice for him." I nudged Rory, whose flushed complexion was completely betraying her.

"Oh shut up." She grumbled crossly, pursing her lips.

"Returned that jumper yet?" I asked with a smug smile. I knew she hadn't. And I also knew what James had sent her for Christmas. A tiny snow globe, which was now perched on her bedside table. I'd have to decide whether or not to tell James that little detail later.

"Junie!" She elbowed me in the ribs and we both fell back onto her bed, giggling. "You're horrible!" Rory shook her head, still giggling. She lay her head in my lap.

I tapped her nose teasingly, "Love you too Ror." She scrunched her nose and batted my hand away.

With a sigh, Rory sat up, propping her chin up on her hand, "How was your break, Viv?"

Vivian lifted her gaze briefly to shrug, "You know." We waited for her to elaborate, but nothing else came.

Rory and I shared a look, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. Seriously, what was with the standoffishness? She was the one who'd left me at the party for Chrissakes, I should be mad at her. And as far as I knew, Rory hadn't done anything wrong. Why was Vivian being so cold? Maybe it was just the returning to school depression. Or maybe she was homesick. Or, you know, it could just be an off day. We all have those.

"How were things with Teddy?" Rory turned to me, after a few more seconds of quiet from Viv.

"She knows?" And suddenly Vivian was awake. "You told her? I thought you wanted me to keep it a secret. I swear I didn't— "

"It wasn't you." I explained.

"Technically I figured it out on my own." Rory preened, tossing her hair.

"You know, you're starting to sound more like James with each passing day." I poked fun. Maybe Rory and James weren't as incompatible as we'd all originally thought.

Rory gasped, jaw dropping in horror, "You did not!"

"Oh, but I did." I smiled, winking at her.

"I should give you detention for that."

"For telling the truth?"

"Wait— " Vivian interrupted our joking banter, "You knew and you didn't try to talk her out of it?"

"What?" Rory and I were both taken aback.

"Viv we've been through this-" I started, trying to calm her, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking directly at Rory.

"She'd finally gotten to a good place with Teddy." Vivian reminded Rory hotly, "She was over him."

"More like you forced her to get to a good place with Teddy." Rory fired back. "It was even worse when she was with Zabini."

"Things were only bad with Xavier because of Teddy!" Vivian and Rory continued to argue. "If— "

"He called her— "

"Teddy—"

I looked helplessly between my two friends, unable to get a word in edgewise. How had this escalated so quickly? Where was sweet, mild mannered Jade when you needed her?

I couldn't take it anymore. "Stop! You're talking about me like I'm not here!" I cried, standing up in between the two beds.

Rory instantly quieted, "Sorry Junie- I didn't mean to..."

"I'm sorry too- but- I'm just trying to protect you J- I don't want- ." Vivian protested adamantly, just like she had when she'd first walked in on Teddy and I. I knew she didn't want to see me hurt. But she had to just let me make my own decisions.

"Well don't." I snapped very irritably. Then I felt bad, "I'm sorry- look- I made my choice. And you don't have to think it's a good one, but you have to respect it. I told you I could handle it, and not that it's any of your business, but I've actually figured out how to proceed with the whole casual situation."

"Really?" Rory turned to me with surprise.

I nodded, "Yeah. I was on my way to talk to him."

"Good luck, I guess." Vivian murmured softly, retreating back into her shell. "Be careful."

Rory stood up too, putting an arm around me, "Nervous?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. I'd accepted it. My decision. But who knows how I'd feel after?

"Whatever your decision, " Rory squeezed my shoulder comfortingly, "it'll be the right one."

"Thanks, Ror." I gave her a quick hug and headed out the door.

A million thoughts were running through my mind but I tried to quiet them. I needed a clear head if I was going to be able to do this. I walked outside for a moment, standing in the snow falling from the sky. Then I inhaled deeply, the cold air a shock to my system. I tied my hair up into a ponytail and headed back inside, towards the guys' dorm. A path I'd traveled so very often.

It was time.

I knocked on the door, steeling myself.

"Hey." Teddy swung open the door in an instant, a big grin on his face. "You've got snow in your hair." Teddy brushed the snowflake away, pulling me in for a kiss, murmuring "I was wondering when you'd come by, the boys are out in the snow and I was abut to join them, but now that you're-"

"I can't do this anymore, Teddy." I pulled away from him, closing my eyes and exhaling slowly.

Teddy blinked in confusion, cocking his head, "Do what?"

"This." I gestured between him and I.

"Where is this coming from?" Teddy frowned, taking my hand and leading me to sit down on the bed.

I lifted a shoulder, hating that the way he laced his fingers through mine made my heart jump. "The casual dating- I thought- it's just not me. I guess I'm a girlfriend girl."

"Oh." Was all he said.

"Yeah." I bit my lip, "And you're not a boyfriend guy." I paused, "Right?" I shouldn't have added that. There was still that naive part of me that hoped he might- well...you know.

"Right." Teddy ran a hand through his hair, not meeting my eyes.

Stupid. I don't what I was expecting. I knew he wasn't going to change. How desperate could I get? This was why I'd made this decision. It was inevitable anyways.

"So—" I started, but Teddy rose abruptly, dropping my hand.

"We talked about this." He said, pacing agitatedly. "I mean- I didn't want to do this- I didn't want to hurt you— "

"And you didn't." I promised, "I'm not accusing you of-"

"Because you-" He stopped pacing for a minute, his hair changing colors.

"I know, Teddy." I sighed. He was right of course. I'd pushed him into it. I'd agreed. "I thought it was what I wanted but I was wrong."

"Wrong." Teddy repeated. I wondered what he was thinking. Probably that it'd be easier to keep up with his list of girls. I'm sure it was miles long by now. "So you don't want to— "

"No." I shook my head, "But it's fine. We're still best friends. That's why we did it this way, right?"

"Er- yeah." Teddy nodded slowly, "Yeah."

"It's probably better this way, don't you think?" I laughed lightly, trying to lighten the mood. "Now we can go back to being just friends. Like normal." I was lying through my teeth. I wasn't sure it would ever be normal between me and Teddy again. But that was my own fault.

"Normal." Teddy muttered, more to himself than me. He rubbed a hand along his jaw, "Ok."

"Ok." I replied, standing up and dusting myself off. I felt the need to get out of there.

"Juniper—" He caught my arm as I went for the door.

Gently, I removed his hand from my arm. "I'm ok." I pasted a smile on my face. Teddy could always read me, and I prayed I was giving a satisfactory performance. I shoved the hurt way deep down, if I didn't want to lose Teddy completely, that was what I had to do.

"Ok." Thankfully, Teddy seemed distracted. "Can I- can I hug you?" He ventured, and I remembered when he said those exact words to me after our fight. Then we'd fought over him giving me his jacket. It was a nice memory.

"Yeah." I stepped into his embrace, tucking my head into his chest. It was a bad idea. I knew that. But I could never say no to him. He held me just a second too long, my emotions starting to dig their way out of the hole I'd buried them in. "Teddy— " I breathed, breaking away from him, "I should go." I kept my tone even, turning the knob of the door. I managed a small wave.

"See you Potter." He waved back, an expression on his face I didn't recognize. Almost like he wanted to say something more.

I walked out the door.

"Oh hi!" A high pitched voice exclaimed. The bubbly blond from the Great Hall was outside, "Is Teddy in there?"

I sent her in with a wry smile, "He's all yours."

I didn't look back as I headed up the stairs, and I kept my composure all the way there. I eased open the door to my own room, taking deep breaths. I could feel the lump building in the back of my throat. I swallowed it the best I could.

"Juniper!" A willow figure jumped off one of the beds, smiling wide. Victoire? "I'm here!" Victoire exclaimed excitedly, bounding over to me.

And then I broke.

I fell to my knees, tears silently streaming down my face. Sobs wracked my body. I hated crying more than anything in the whole world.

Simultaneously, Rory, Vivian, and Victoire gasped.

Victoire clapped a hand to her mouth, eyes wide, "Was it something I said?"

Rory rushed to my side, stroking my hair soothingly as I continued to cry. She shook her head in disbelief, still consoling me, "I really thought he'd- I- he seemed so- I'm so sorry Junie."

"Are you happy now, Viv?" I choked out, voice breaking. "You were right."

She just stood over me sadly, arms crossed. Her face was solemn, "I didn't want to be."

all I have to say is

SORRY

it had to be done

and uh- it kinda only gets worse from here

you guys are gonna wanna commit murder these next few chapters

teehee

im not trying to torture you, i swear

don't hate me :)

-coco