juniper's pov:

My whistle was missing.

Still missing, I mean.

I'd had it yesterday. I thought I'd left it in my locker. It wasn't there. Then I checked my Quidditch bag. It wasn't there either.

Maybe it was in my dorm. That made sense. I didn't usually bring it in, but maybe. I should look. It could be on the dresser. Or under one of the beds. I was always losing things. Dad said I was like Mum that way.

It had to be here somewhere.

"Junie!"

It just had to be.

"Junie!"

I could look in the desk drawer, I suppose. It wasn't there, either. I opened the medicine cabinet. Nope it wasn't there either. I peered at Rory's bookshelf, walking all around my room.

I was looking for my whistle. Did Teddy call Selene his girlfriend? I don't know, maybe. I didn't care, I was looking for my whistle. Was Teddy in my room? Who. Fucking. Cares. I didn't. I was looking for my whistle.

It was missing.

"Damn it- Junie will you just stand still?!" Teddy grabbed me by the shoulders.

It was getting a lot harder to ignore him.

I refused to meet his eye, "I am looking for my whistle."

"Yeah- you mentioned that." Teddy raked a hand through his hair, keeping a firm hold on my arm with the other. "Junie-"

"What?" I snapped curtly, tearing my gaze upwards to meet his. It hurt.

It hurt to look at him.

Teddy's stare was unrelenting, "Junie..." He repeated.

"Stop saying my name like it means something!" I said, temper rising. I needed to calm down. I needed to find my whistle. I needed to not think about Selene and Teddy. And girlfriends and boyfriends. I needed Teddy to-

I needed a lot of things. Most of which I could do nothing about.

But the whistle. If I could just find the whistle.

Teddy backed down, guilt in his eyes. Good. He should feel guilty. He loosened his grasp on me, murmuring softly, "Juniper- sorry...would you just- just sit down- please?"

I didn't want to sit down. I wanted to run. Hide. Mostly run. Run as fast as I could. Far, far away from here. Maybe I could make a home for myself in the Forbidden Forest, befriend a tarantula. Tarantulas didn't snog Selene. Tarantulas didn't call Selene their girlfriend. I bet the tarantulas would even eat Selene for me.

But I sat down anyways. He was so earnest. I knew he felt bad, and then I felt bad because I was glad he felt bad. And now I sound like a fucking Dr. Seuss book.

"Are you ok?" Teddy asked, sitting down beside me. He tried to take my hand, but I wouldn't let him. I pulled away, shoving my hands under my thighs for protection. He cast his eyes downward, hurt, "I didn't mean- it wasn't supposed to come out like that. I swear- I never meant..."

"Never meant what, Teddy? I don't care that you snogged Selene." But I did. I really did. But he could never know that. "I've seen you snog half the bloody castle for merlin sakes." That was true. And it hurt every time. Every single time. But he couldn't know that either.

Teddy fidgeted nervously, "I know- but that was before...everything." He gestured his right hand aimlessly, "Before- us."

Us.

There had never been an us. Such a tiny word, really; us. Yet it carried so much weight. Us. I wanted to cry. I couldn't. Not in front of him. Not in front of anyone. I was supposed to be fine. We were supposed to be getting back to normal.

Normal was hard.

I swallowed the lump building in my throat, voice even and without emotion, "Well- that's over. We- it's over."

"I- that's what you wanted." Teddy said, lowly, "I didn't- you called it off. You said-"

"I know what I said!" I was getting heated again. I took two deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

"Juniper-", Teddy reached out to me, concern etched into his features. He recognized my breathing techniques. And I hated him for knowing me so well. I hated that he was concerned about me. How could he care about me and go out with Selene?

He told me he could never be a boyfriend. He had never been in a committed relationship. He said he would never be in one. Never get married. Never have a girlfriend. These were facts. Facts that had been true for as long as I could remember. Facts I knew. Facts I'd accepted.

It was why I knew I had to break things off. He could never be what I wanted. I knew that. It was a fact.

Except that now  it wasn't. It wasn't a fact anymore. Because he had called Selene his girlfriend. Because for some reason he could be Selene's boyfriend but he could never be mine. He had no problem committing to Selene. Which meant it was my fault. Specific to me. He couldn't commit...to me.

It was better when I thought he couldn't commit at all. Well, not better, but certainly not as bad as this. I couldn't blame him, really. She was Selene. Perfect and beautiful and shiny. And I was- me.

The same scruffy little girl who bruised her knobby knees on the pavement running after her brother and was covered in dirt more often than not. With crooked glasses and a penchant for pulling faces.  No wonder Teddy had never seen me that way. How could he? How could he when I tried so hard to be one of the guys? It was all I wanted. Mission fucking accomplished.

I was one of the guys. I never wore my hair in anything but a ratty ponytail. I stained clothing and overslept and jumped in mud puddles on purpose. I played pranks, blew raspberries, and could wrestle any of them to the ground if I tried. And I'd been hopelessly crushing on my best friend for years, even though he'd never feel the same.

He'd never feel the same.

For a moment there, I'd dared to think that I might just mean something to him too. I should've known better. He'd never see me.

I stood up abruptly, pacing again, "I just want to ask one thing, Teddy." I bit my tongue so ferociously it drew blood, doing my best to stay measured. In control, "Why her? Why- out of everyone- you- why not- ?" I stopped.

Me. Why not me? Was what I had been about to say. Why not me, Teddy? I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that question.

Teddy was quiet for a beat, "I- I don't know." He answered, mumbling, "I don't know."

"Great, thanks." I snipped sourly, "That's really fucking helpful, Teddy." Yeah...this whole keeping my anger in check thing was not working so well.

"I'm sorry. I just- fuck- I'm sorry." Teddy was flustered, almost pained.

"Don't say sorry." I groaned, letting out a large breath of air in frustration. "It makes it worse. Just- don't say sorry. You have nothing to apologize for." I started to ramble, more to myself than Teddy, "I just- I spent so long wondering what I did wro- and then she- no. It's not your fault. You just- you couldn't do it with me. I understand." And I did. But it didn't make it any less

"But Juniper-"

"It's ok, Teddy. I'm not mad." I wasn't. I was just broken. Split in two. Cracked and raw with emotion. Like my insides had been scraped out and placed on a hot iron.

"Are you sure?" Teddy was skeptical. Rightfully so.

"A little humiliated." I interrupted, "But not mad."

"Junie I-" Teddy sounded torn up, conflicted. Like he really was sorry. Like I really did mean something to him.

"Teddy?" Selene's call oozed into the room, sickly sweet. "I was waiting for you." She sang, glaring at me. Her eyes were really yellow, it must be the lighting.

Teddy sat bolt upright, his eyes glowing with the same possessed intensity. HIs expression was pained, however. Body and mind at war.

"It's ok, Teddy." I said softly, "I'm going." And I left without another word, stomach turning as Selene cooed to Teddy in my dorm.

I remember once thinking that it would get better. Easier to see. Easier to live with.

But nothing had been easy since the scent of Teddy's jumpers became dizzying instead of just comforting. Since his touch was not just warmth, but electrifying. Since he pushed me up against a wall and told me I drove him crazy. I was an idiot to think I could ever get over him. But it was even more idiotic to believe I would ever get rid of him, either. He was Teddy. And I was Juniper. Juniper and Teddy.

Teddy and Juniper.

I still hadn't found my whistle.

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teddy's pov:

I was a monster.

She was my best friend. But Selene- Selene was intoxicating. Magnetic. Her magic overpowered me, the scent of it so strong it thrummed through my entire body. Overtook all my senses. I was drawn to her, immediately, inexplicably.

Except-

Except when Juniper was there. It was harder to focus on Selene when Juniper was there. It hurt, actually. A lot.

Junie laughed her wonderful laugh and I wanted to go over and be the one to light up her face. I wanted to take care of her when she got cold, and I wanted to make her feel better whenever I saw her chewing on her lower lip. I wanted to tease her until she made her angry face and stare at her in class.

Sometimes she'd be just sitting there, taking notes or drumming her fingers against her thigh, antsy to get out of the classroom. I couldn't help it. I could never tear my eyes away from her- never. Because when she was just sitting like that, being, I could read every emotion on her face. My favorite was when her nose scrunched, just a little bit, and fuck- I wanted to kiss her so so bad, but I didn't dare risk disrupting her serene state.

Whenever she curled up next to me, I didn't even risk breathing. I wanted to live forever in those moments when Juniper wore my jumpers, always too big for her. She would pull the sleeves down over her fingers and hug her knees to her chest, swimming in the sea of maroon and gold fabric. Glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, slightly askew, and her hair tumbling wildly in front of her face, framing her emerald eyes.

But then Selene. Selene's magic was overpowering, pulling me back, clouding my vision. My animal instincts took over. She was hungry. Hungry for me. And my heart could never resist the monster inside. The werewolf clawed in my soul, desperate to get out. Selene wanted to let him out.

He was always there, the monster, and I could never get rid of him. Selene knew. Selene knew and she used it to her advantage. How could anyone love a monster?

Each time I thought about Juniper, talked to her, almost kissed her...I was putting her in danger. I was a ticking time bomb. Full moons- I hated thinking about them. I shuddered at the thought of Juniper seeing me like that. Violent and cruel. Hellish. I was a dark creature.

People were afraid of me. As they should be. I was afraid of me. I never wanted Junie to be. To see that side of me. She'd never understand. Selene wasn't afraid of me. Quite the opposite. She seemed almost excited,

For some odd reason, Selene understood. I just knew.

I was ashamed. Selene was not.

I'd never called anyone my girlfriend before. Wasn't really planning on it, either. Selene had been very convincing, like I had been hardwired to do exactly what she wanted. I certainly wouldn't have announced it like that, in front of- everyone. In front of Junie.

Junie. I should go-

My gut clenched, spine tingling. The night was darkening, and my eyes followed the steadily sinking sun.

Shit.

I'd almost forgotten it was a full moon tonight. Almost...

I hustled down to that god awful tree, feeling as thoughI was being followed all the while. Also- I was thinking about Juniper. Something that happened quiet frequently when Selene wasn't around.

She said she was okay, and I was having a harder and harder time figuring out if she was telling the truth or not. At least I got some sort of reaction this time, granted, not the one I was looking for. I couldn't lose Juniper.

Right?

She wouldn't-

Would she?

I couldn't lose her. I almost did, last year. I was so angry last year. The beast had been awakening. That first transformation flashed before my eyes and I winced, feeling the ripping pain throughout my body like an echo of what was to come for the rest of my life.

I walked briskly through the dank tunnel, clambering into the dreaded shack. The full moon rose above me, a glowing omen of horror. My body began to convulse as I felt the familiar agony sear through my veins like boiling water.

They said they were okay with it. James, Charlie, Leo, Junie. They said it didn't matter. They didn't care. That I was still me. That the lycanthropy didn't change who I was on the inside.

But it did. And I knew it. They didn't. They weren't there for all those full moons when I left scars on my skin, tore the bloodied wallpaper and scratched those awful wooden floors. They didn't hear the cries of anguish I howled alone in that shack. No one did. I was alone.

All alone.

I hated that shack. Those four walls that imprisoned me each month. My father hated it too, I know he did. I wish he was still here. I wish he was there that first time, when I felt like my insides were on fire. When I'd have rather died then continue transforming into a monster I didn't recognize. When I battered myself beyond repair, attacking my own body until I finally woke up, barely able to move.

I'd straggled back to the castle, and- and Junie had been there. She patched me up like she always did, and I held her hand and she stayed all night. Junie had been there. She'd always been there for me. We were Juniper and Teddy. Teddy and Juniper. Junie-

Selene.

My nose picked up her scent immediately, furry ears pricking up to attention. My shoulders tensed, claws extending in defense. No! My disintegrating mind screamed to no avail. Don't hurt her!

Kill.

Hunt.

Kill.

The wolf sniffed the air, yellow eyes meeting an identical pair.

Come with me.

The wolf howled into the clear, night sky, bounding after its mate. The wolf was free. Somewhere in the back of the wolf's mind, as the animal looked at the tiny castle in the distance, it remembered that it wasn't supposed to be out here. There was a green eyed girl. A green eyed girl-

Kill.

Hunt.

Kill.

Junie.

The wolf's heart tugged him towards the castle. The green eyed girl was safe, she fixed him.

Junie

Hunt!

But-

Selene. But then the female howled, urging the wolf forward into the forest. She nipped at the wolf, licking his wounds clean. And the wolf forgot why it wasn't supposed to be out here. Forgot about the green eyed girl.

The wolf was not alone anymore.

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fun stuff huh?

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