OC Review for Leah Kovach

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(Demeter Art by Viria Above)


Name: Leah Bella Kovach

 
Leah means 'weary' in Hebrew, Bella is the plural of 'bellum', which means war in Latin and Kovach means 'smith' in Bulgarian 

Very interesting! I like how you did a bit of research on your character's name. Let's see if it fits.

Gender: female 

Sexuality: bisexual 

Ethnicity: caucasian

 Godly parent: Demeter 

Demeter as a godly parent? That's actually pretty interesting. A lot of people make their OC's either children of the big 3, or some minor god that they make insanely overpowered.

Species: demigod

 Weapon: two handguns, some throwing knives from Thalia and at she also uses a dagger for a while from her uncle 

Hmm, these are some interesting weapons. I like that she has some options when fighting. That will make fight scenes a bit more interesting to read! 

Age: 15 

 Names of friends: Leo Valdez, Piper McLean, Thalia Grace, Fleur Allard, Lin Makoto, Aiden Murphy, Jason Grace, Phoebe (from the Hunters), Will Solace (the others are mostly acquaintances. She does know the others from the seven, it's just that they're not that close)

The only problem with having some of the 7/other canon characters as friends is that it's pretty hard to write them. It can lead to some OOC moments that are painful to read. It's a lot to put on your shoulders, and you should make sure you can do it. I do like adding non-canon characters, so that is a definite plus. Also, I'm assuming this is pre-Trials of Apollo since (SPOILER ALERT) Jason is dead. (SPOILER OVER)

 Relations: Ana Kovach (dead), Matthew Kovach (very much alive and kicking), the Demeter cabin, Demeter 

Personality: sarcastic, dark humor, overshares,

Interesting, that could be a fun character to write and read.

 Good traits: trustworthy, the therapist friend (shouldn't be though), gives great hugs and such

 Flaws: breaks down a lot, mood swings, will overshare but then not elaborate and not seek help when she needs it, commits way too easily, basically needs a therapist but wound up being one

Those flaws are good, because they are not total deal-breakers (for example, extremely selfish, a liar, murderer, annoying, and has no good qualities.) but still real enough flaws. I like that, keep it up.

 Fatal flaw: Insecurity ok, this sounds bad, but hear me out. She's never really been the most powerful, or her power relies completely on her emotions, so she won't take the lead or really help and instead focus on little really unimportant things. So they, because of their insecurity, end up instead of saving people just being in the way and sometimes even killing them.

Insecurity as a fatal flaw is a great idea. A lot of people actually are insecure, and this creates a relatable character. As I've said before, for a character to be good, they must either be someone the audience can empathize to, relate to, or at least feel 


Backstory: This girl has one big heap of trauma, I'm warning you. She was born and raised in Chicago, daughter to this herbology teacher in a high school. She was first brought to Camp Half-Blood at age ten, made some friends, but quickly lost touch. She was kind of quiet, so friendships didn't really happen. Also, big thing, she really didn't like Annabeth and thought she was a suck-up to Chiron, because she got to boss Leah and the other (older) campers around a lot. Leah's mom died in a school shooting when Leah was eleven, so that's the first step to mental instability.


 Age thirteen, Leah becomes good friends with Thalia, but Thalia leaves, so that sucks. Also, Leah's an all-year camper now. Age fourteen she gets trapped in the labyrinth for three months and gets psychologically and mentally tortured by the still-conscious fragments of Gaea and Porphyrion, and that actually tracks, because Leo got that going on too as a kid! Anyway, she comes back to camp, clams up and at age fifteen Leah gets claimed by Demeter. Age fifteen (like, when Percy goes missing), seeing that Leah didn't have a place at camp, Thalia invited her to join the hunters in their search for Percy. She couldn't become a Hunter though for some prophecy, though. Anyway, time skip, they meet the trio from the lost hero and she gets trapped with them and stuff happens, I guess. 


This is an awesome backstory. However, awesome backstories take a lot of work, time, and dedication to craft perfectly. This has some great elements, and I like it so far, but it can be improved. Also, make sure not to do a data-dump on your readers. Feeding them small tidbits of info at a time, enough to have the plot make sense, but not enough so they feel like they know everything. 

Remember, show, don't tell. 


 Hair color: cinnamon brown 

Eyes: green

 Height: 5'8

 Love interest: I intended to make it a Leo Valdez x OC, but I have the feeling I'm going to write the story without any love interests or possibly a Piper Mclean x OC or Aiden x Leah (maybe maybe Lin x Leah, but I headcanon Lin as asexual, maybe even aromantic, so idk) 

Just remember what I said before, keep canon characters in character. Make them do things they would normally do, act like they would normally do. 

Other: pronouns are she/her, and both Aiden and Lin don't come in until after the Lost Hero prophecy ends and Leah's actual storyline starts. She also doesn't meet Hazel or Frank until like months later, because she has a dragon to unleash upon the world! That's it, hope my character isn't too cringe.

Don't worry, I liked the character. She'll be interesting if done right, but it's easy to get carried away with characters like this.


Overall Ratings

Mary Sue Ratings: 4.2 (Very Low)

Character Rating: 95.8%, A+


Notes:

I like this character. The backstory could use a bit of polishing up, but overall, it seems nice. As I said, remember to keep canon characters in character, and don't release all of the backstory at once. I look forward to reading your story, and I'm glad you sent them in!


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Sincerely, 360_Productions


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