Review for Pandora

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(Above is an image of Chiron, drawn by Viria. All credits go to her!)


Name: Pandora Mavros (Generally goes by the nickname Pan) 

Fun Fact: Pandora means "All-Gifted" or "All-Giving" 

Pandora was also the first human, according to Greek mythology, and opened a box (really, a jar) which she was told not to open, which released several deadly evils into the world, causing all of humanity to suffer and feel agonizing, indescribable pain.

Let's hope she's not like that Pandora.

Age: 13 (as of Lightning Thief) 

Gender/Pronouns/Sexuality: Female, she/they/it, trans, aro/ace 

Cool, so no love interest. That's okay, not every story needs one.

Personality: A reserved introvert, preferring to do things without company, very uncomfortable expressing interest in things she likes around others, believes herself to be able to do much more than others, looks for loopholes, quiet 

Okay, that could be good. A lot of people may find that relatable since introverts probably make up a lot of Wattpad. However, just staying by yourself the whole time can make for a boring story, but I doubt you'll do that.

Good Traits: Multitasker, caring, observant, not a liar 

Bad Traits: Selfish, indecisive, secretive, awkward, socially anxious, stubborn

 Fatal Flaw: Self-preservation, values her life over others 

Ok, one thing I wanted to say is that I love how the bad traits actually make sense with the fatal flaw. Obviously, a selfish person will value themself first, and probably more than others. But there is a confliction here. Selfish, but caring? Conflicting traits are hard to write. Normally, if readers can see the thought process behind characters, they understand their actions a lot more. But if done write, conflicting traits can make for an interesting story.

Hair: Black, bangs cover eyes, longer side-hair, the rest is short 

Eye Color: White (for example, a blind eye)

Guessing she's not blind, though. That can make for some interesting conversations.

"Hey, do you need help crossing the street?"

"No."

"But you're b-"

"I can see your ugly face just well." 

(Wow, that's mean.)

Skin Color: Light (doesn't tan at all)

 Height: 5'3" 

Weight: Average for body proportions 

Godly Parent: Nyx 

Nationality: American (fully Greek ancestry)

 Weapon: Double-sided ax that becomes a small vaseline bottle when the cap is on, vaseline can be used and replenishes after transforming 

Unique, effective, and versatile. You never know when you need a bit of vaseline.

Fighting Skills: Usually only gets close up with an ax, defense mostly, otherwise using powers from afar 

So I'm guessing she's an average to a good fighter if she feels comfortable getting up close to the enemy.

Backstory: Her dad was in love with an infertile woman, Nyx cursed the woman with Pan, and the woman died during childbirth. Nyx spoke to Pan's dad when she was created. Her dad researched and learned about Greek Mythology. He made sure for things like keeping Pan a nightlight and no technology. He was supportive of Pan being transgender despite being cis and straight. He was in contact with CHB and when Pan was 8 she was sent there. They were attacked by the furies that killed Thalia and killed Pan's dad. He sacrificed himself and she ran to CHB, entering with Luke, Grover, and Annabeth. She stayed in Hermes cabin for the 5 years until Lightning Thief when she was offered a quest right before Percy came to CHB. 

Wow, that's one backstory. My only gripe is this.

Imagine you have your own castle, your own minions, and can do practically anything. You're more powerful than a god. Do you

A) Have fun

B) Do nothing

or

C) Go around spying on middle-aged guys?

Guessing you said A. But who knows, maybe Nyx just really likes middle-aged men.

And after all, it's a fanfic. Something has to happen if you want the story to go on.


Another thing I'm concerned about is Thalia's death. Thalia played a major role in Titan's Curse, especially during the battle of the mini-Talos automaton robot man. But, you probably have a plan, so I won't sweat it.

Extra/Other: Power to shadow travel, drains her extremely. Issues with déréalisation. Nosebleeds regularly. Special interests (I want to make her autistic but I'm still researching)


Mary Sue Rating: 4.3% for extremely powerful parent

Character grade: 95.7/A+


Notes: 

You have a very interesting character, and a great backstory, but I just wanted to say

DO YOUR RESEARCH.

When writing an autistic character, or a character that has a rare condition, or an LGBTQ+ character, when you're not one of those things, unless you do research you'll have to fall on stereotypes.

Now, when I say research, I don't mean you have to get a PhD in gender studies. I mean, just talk to someone you know if they have/are one of those things, maybe spend a little time googling them, just don't spend your time guessing. Researching can make all the difference.

And make sure you're not just adding diversity to go "wEll LoOk aT mE, I'm sO cOol!1!" Add it because it makes interesting characters. 

Overall, I think this character was pretty good. I couldn't find much wrong, and think their story is unique and interesting. (However, Nyx as a godly parent is pretty used now, almost overused.)


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