(Credit to this review goes to @AD_Productions  If you're looking for a good fanfic to read, I suggest going to his profile!)

Name: Valentina King

 A beautiful name, a derivative of "Valente", which means "Strong, vigorous, hardy". However, I'm curious about why a character with African/British ancestry has an Italian first name. Any plot-related reason for this? 

 Age: 13 in The Lightning Thief 

 Basically still a little kid, which means 1) The flaws make much more sense 2) There's a lot of room for growth and improvement

 Gender: she/her

 Love Interest: OC 

 Way too many stories have an OC that falls in love with a main character (it's not INHERENTLY wrong, it's just too often seen), so this is a breath of fresh air. 

 Personality: sarcastic, stubborn, doesn't trust easily, thinks things through, slightly above average intelligence (though you can't tell that about her at first), secretly very outgoing 

 Looks good to me. A smart person WILL probably go through all the possibilities before taking action, but, being stubborn, people can easily miss this. I don't understand what "secretly very outgoing" means; like, is she very extroverted, but only if she knows you very well? Because this seems more like how an INTROVERT acts. 

 Good traits: loves learning about history, kind (to those she likes) 

 Being kind to your friends is pretty much a requisite rather than a good trait, and "loves learning history" is more like a personality quirk than a strictly good trait. I'm sorry, but I really don't know what you were going for, with these two traits. Unless the point is that she starts out as a not-really-bad-but-definitely-not-good character who has to mature and grow, in which case I love it. 

 Bad traits: doesn't trust easily, holds grudges, struggles to forgive people, prone to jealousy 

 All the traits line up perfectly both among themselves and with other things (like her personality and her godly parent), and they also open up many possibilities (let's say she doesn't want to forgive someone, then they die before things are settled...)

Fatal flaw: overthinking. She will think of fifty plans of attack and struggle to decide which will be best. also doesn't help that she sees fifty things to everything In a battle, where multiple things happen in a fraction of a second, this could be the most "fatal" of all the fatal flaws.

 I love it.

 Hair colour: brown

 Eye colour: brown 

 Height: average height 

 Nice and easy, nothing too flashy worth mentioning 

 Godly parent: Hades 

 This WILL get some eye rolls among readers since Hades is THE pick for a godly parent (in my experience), but as long as you have a good plan, it's not a bad choice at all. Either she was born before WW2, which will be very interesting, or she's not, which means you came up with an absolute BOMB of a backstory, and I'm super curious of knowing which one it is. 

 Nationality: half African–British, half greek

 Weapons: she has a black Zippo lighter with greek fire, and a matchbox, with matches inside that have different coloured tops. when struck against the side of the matchbox, depending on the colour, it will turn into a weapon. for example, a yellow top will turn into a stygian iron sword; a blue top will turn into a bow; a pink top will turn into an arrow; a green top will turn into a greek fire explosion (note: I might not actually use these colours for the items, I just thought of them off the top of my head)

 This might be a problem; it takes years to master a weapon, and mastering all of these will require probably an entire lifetime, since most of the skills don't overlap; grossly oversimplifying, it's like this: 

 Sword: Agility and accuracy 


Bow and arrow: Constitution and resistance to fatigue (pulling a bow and firing, especially for long periods of time, requires FAR more muscular strength than media makes us believe) 

 Spear: Keeping the enemy at a distance (longer weapons give an invaluable range advantage, but if the enemy comes too close, they do more harm than good)

As you can see some of these skills even contradict each other (you can't be super agile if you weigh 200 pounds, but you won't get much power out of a bow if you have noodle arms), meaning even if Valentina spends years at Camp, she'll only be average at best with all of these. I'm 200% sure you already addressed this, but in case you have, either give her a favourite weapon and/or make it so she lends her weapons to people who need them and/or make it an actual plot point that she cannot be super-efficient with all those things. 

 Backstory: A year before the events of the lightning thief (when she was twelve), she woke up in an alley in new york with no memory of her past. All she had was the zippo lighter, matchbox, and a scar in the shape of a crow on her wrist. (I know about how she got to the alley, and why she has amnesia and that scar, but I don't want to spoil anything)

 It's too little to give an accurate judgment, but I will say this: Fancy-shaped scars either mean that the backstory, is stupid, or AWESOME with a capital A (and all the other letters too). Seeing everything else, I think it's the second option in this case. 

 Extra: like other children of Hades, she has control over the dead, though she doesn't like using that power a lot because it exhausts her more easily than it would for Nico. Her strong suit is umbrakinesis, which is control over shadows. She uses this to create shadow monsters to attack enemies, or shadow horses to escape from said enemies. She can also put enemies in spheres of darkness, where they can't see anything. And, most importantly: she can keep the sun from melting her ice cream. 

 Probably the most versatile set of powers ever. Coupled with the fact that she literally carries a small armory with her, it could make her too powerful. I'd advise you to be very cautious with how you use them because by the way it looks, she will always be one step ahead of each and every enemy she encounters.

Mary Sue Rating: 4.7%

Character Grade: 95.3/ A

Notes: There's a comic called "God Man" based on the premise of "What if God was a superhero" He's ridiculously overpowered, just blinking to defeat villains. You don't want your character to be like him. Be careful with power levels. If you take out all the struggle from your fanfic, it makes it a lot less interesting to read. 

Overall, a pretty solid character, who only needs a few improvements. Very enjoyable to read. Thanks for submitting them.

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Sincerely, AD_Productions