Chapter 29

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Sidharth regretted saying it, the moment he saw Shehnaaz's face losing its colour and when she literally pushed him away, freaking out. Frightened was probably an understatement of her feelings when she heard him. He realized that he made a major blunder by spilling out all of those words, his feelings and desires, without any warning and without any apparent invitation or encouragement. He could certainly have been more subtle and diplomatic, but instead he chose what she now regarded as a direct frontal assault on her emotions.

But rejection is the absolute worst. He felt insecure about himself and constantly ashamed. This awful feeling of embarrassment and insecurity might just wear off after a while, but for now it was going to suck. All to say, he felt foolish. After letting out a few drags, the tension in the air and the guilt was still there, the same way it was last night. Staring at the wall clock, displaying 4 o'clock in the morning, he couldn't find sleep.

Shehnaaz wasn't able to sleep either, his words gave her an emotional whiplash. Had he really lost it? She disliked the mere idea of dating again, for a moment she wondered if he was drunk and had blabbered all that. "Why me?" Was the question lingering all over her mind, but she couldn't bring it to her mouth to ask.

She was quietly getting her tiffin ready in the morning when he approached her again in the kitchen.

"Listen, just forget anything I said last night. Just forget we even had a conversation. " Sidharth said.

"Huh?" was all that came out reflexively as if she couldn't get it.

"Mera vo bolne ka koi intention nahi tha, it-it just came out momentarily. I didn't mean it. Bhool ja jo bhi bola kal raat. Thik hai?" He repeated and briefly looked at her for a reaction but to his dismay, she was too shocked to come up with anything.

He understood the need to recognize and accept that he should back off, immediately and leave for office. Unless and until he did, she would continue to feel threatened and would stay distant as ever or worse she'd stop talking to him.

Shehnaaz on the other hand couldn't comprehend his words, it was just last night where he said that he was having feelings for her and in the very next morning it happens to be a momentary slip of tongue! Really? Well, that hurt. Either he was a confused guy or he was playing with her!

She didn't know what to reply to him with because she didn't want to hurt his feelings, but also she didn't want to encourage him. Evidently she had been comfortable with him as a friend, but she had no romantic or sexual feelings towards him. Also, she didn't want to lose him as a friend, but she couldn't abide the thought of any escalation either and she couldn't think of any way to tell him that.

"Vardhan, ek minute." Sidharth barged into his friend's cabin.

"Kya?" Vardhan was typing away something when he paused himself.

"Ek blunder ho gaya.." Sidharth said, before revealing the incident to his friend, including her state of mind in short.

"Shit! what were you even thinking?" Vardhan laughed.

"Hass kya raha hai? Bhenchod!" Sidharth picked up a paper weight aiming at his friend.

"Abe! Sar phoot jayega mera!" Vardhan ducked, sobering up.

"Acha, thappad vagera toh nahi mara?" he asked.

"Nahi!" Sidharth rolled his eyes.

"Bas phir! Thode din nikal le shanti se. Hua toh normal ho jayegi." his friend assured.

"Hua toh matlab? Just tell me, how do I make things normal?" Sidharth urgently demanded.

"Dekh, isko ab tu normal nahi kar sakta! Jo karna hai, vo karegi ab. There's no chance she's gonna say yes any time soon, but she has to talk to you for the office time being. So just keep your stuff to yourself for now, tere behavior se usko na lage ki tere andar feelings hai uske liye. I'm sorry man, but if you want her friendship, at least for now, mask it up. It'll get awkward for her otherwise." Vardhan explained.

Sidharth thought about it, his friend wasn't wrong totally. Her friendship, her emotional support, the fun they had together, she may not be able to be part of that until her heart is healed. So he had to be patient and give her space. About himself, he was failing to get over the fear of rejection which normally leads to a very boring, lonely life. He knew from experience that relationships only come about if someone breaks the ice. He wished he'd have taken it slow, but his stupid heart had jumped at the wrong time.

He joined his family for the weekend, where his sister, Preeti enquired him about his roommate.

"Is Shehnaaz doing fine now?" she asked.

"Yeah.." she was fine before I fucked things up! he wanted to answer though.

"Ha, even I wanted to ask, all okay with that girl?" Ajay asked and Sidharth eyed his sister she couldn't keep anything inside her stomach, her mouth had to blabber it out and he was sure even his mother would have heard the news then.

"Bola na sab thik hai, khana lagao jaldi!" He dismissed the topic.

Shehnaaz on the other hand got herself distracted with Ananya, the two had planned to go bowling.

"I can't believe madam ne outing plan ki. Aaj suraj kaha nikla?" Ananya joked.

"Shut up yaar! Jab nahi aati thi toh problem thi, ab sath aayi hu toh problem!" Shehnaaz scoffed, watching her friend laugh.

"Oye, tujhe bowling aati hai?" she asked after lifting up the heavy bowl, it only looked simple.

"Ha bas aise roll hi toh karna hai, watch me!" Ananya replied, hooking her three fingers into the holes and taking a stance so as to roll the bowl on the track.

"That's not how you do it!" a guy's voice stopped her. He was the instructor, who came up to help her with the bowling. Ananya was already flattered seeing his huge figure and winked at Shehnaaz, appreciating the guy's looks. Once he guided them, the girls had a funtime bowling and then they moved to a café next to the gaming place.

"So! Tell me about it! What's up with you?" Ananya chirped.

"What's up with me?" Shehnaaz repeated.

"Toh tu kaha khoyi huyi hai?" she asked then.

"Umm, Ani mai- just that- I've begun, I'm seeing a therapist lately because I'm not able to handle with my issues that well." Shehnaaz revealed.

"Oh, is it helping you?" her friend asked.

"Pretty much!" Shehnaaz smiled.

"Great then!" her friend smiled too, gesturing to a waiter to take their orders.

"How about some drinks in the end?" Ananya suggested.

"Umm, nahi. I'm not good with drinks, tu janti toh hai." she denied.

"Haha! I know! Sala, kya band bajayi thi tune meri aur Sidharth sir ki. Unhone tujhe danta ki nahi?" Ananya laughed.

"Danta? Abe meri bhi band bajayi usne agle din. By God, mujhe meri mummy ki yaad dilata hai Sidharth, jab bhi chillata hai!" She laughed too, recalling that day and a couple of more of his scoldings when last night's incident revolved around her head and she was back to a sour mood again.

"Ani, promise me. Tu ye baat kisi ko nahi batayegi." she asked all of a sudden.

"Bolna!" her friend nudged.

"He said he's falling for me.." she mumbled.

"Sidharth? Really?" Ananya was flabbergasted.

"Hmm.." she nodded, stirring the spoon over her empty plate, biting the corner of her lips before revealing everything.

"Oh! That must be awkward, no!" Ananya asked and she nodded.

"Yeah! I mean how could he? Pehle bol diya, phir kehta hai I didn't mean it. He's confusing me!" Shehnaaz stated.

"Arey, as friends bola hoga. You know-" her friend suggested.

"No! It wasn't like that. I know he was serious. But Ani, how could he? I mean we're such good friends. Aur Sidharth se zyada kisi ko nahi pata hoga, how fucked I'm right now. Phir kaise vo mere liye feel kar sakta hai. Us-" she was ranting out when the waiter showed up with their order so she paused.

"Toh kya vo apni feelings ko roke? Ho gaya pyaar, abhi kya kare banda!" Ananya shook her head, focusing on the food.

Honestly, she didn't understand the depth of the scenario and how complicated it'd be for her friend but those words hit Shehnaaz in another way. If it was right to blame him, though it wasn't his fault exactly. She really wanted to talk to Yasmin about it, things weren't right but they were getting disrupted. Neither it was anybody's fault nor she wanted to be in such an awkward position.

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Sid is at fault yet he isn't.. he didn't do anything but just revealed what his heart felt like.. but oops the timing..! what do you think about him?

and Shehnaaz.. that girl is really going to go crazy soon.. she is not ready for anything neither she is willing to leave it behind.. kare toh kya kare? bole toh kya bole?
lemme know what you guys think?

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