"Hii Shehnaaz, I hope you had nice weekend!" Yasmin greeted her. 

"How I wish mere andar aapke jaisa patience hota!" Shehnaaz replied. 

"Kya hua? You seem to be worried?" she asked. 

"Kaha se start karu? Itna siyappa hua pada hai! Pehle toh mai apko batana chahti hu ke aap sahi the! Mai Sidharth pe itna zyada dependent hogayi hu, that now I regret being that way because it led him in the wrong direction. He said he has feelings for me." Shehnaaz said. 

"Okay, and?'' She was asked to continue. 

"And.. And I can't let this happen. Yasmin, I've got only one person I trust the most and I cannot lose him. I have a history, you know and even he knows! I don't want to blame him for anything but- Mera sar ghoom raha hai. Kaha jau mai? Usko dekhti hu toh bhi ajeeb lagta hai ab!" She held her head between her hands. 

"Easy Shehnaaz, tum couch pe aram se lait jao. I'll listen to each and everything you want to tell me. So calm down okay." her therapist said. Doing as told, she grabbed a cushion and made herself comfortable before beginning again. 

"Meri heartbeat badh jati, pyaar, relationship ke bare me soch ke bhi. Lifelong lesson mil chuka hai mujhe mera, na mai kisi ko koi galat umeed dena chahti hu aur nahi kisi se umeed rakhna chahti hu. Mai b-bas khush rehna chahti hu, kuch zyada mang rahi hu kya? Pata hai, meri ek friend hai, Ananya. Usko bas weekends me bahar jana hota hai, kaam ke stress se free hone ke liye. Ek aur friend hai, Riya, usko apne nails aur hair colour change karne ka shauk hai. Bas! Itni si cheezon me unko khushi milti hai! Bahar khana khake aur colour badal ke, toh mujhe kyu nahi? I try to busy myself with cooking often, but I'm never able to. Why? Bas ek Sidharth se baat karke acha lagta tha, ab vo bhi possible nahi hai." she vented out. 

Everyday, she saw the people around her. Smiling. Talking. Living. They all seemed so happy and she asked herself, why can't she be like them for once? She had thought for a long time and eventually stopped searching for answers. Her brain kinda gave up and shut down completely. 

"First of all Ananya and Riya are happy because they want to be happy and it always comes from within. Ek happening weekend se kisi ko khushi milti hai toh kisi ko ek colourful nail art se. You see they're diversified among themselves but the common thing is the contentment. Just like you felt after talking to Sidharth and talking of him, don't you talk to him now?" Yasmin replied. 

"Kind of, weekend me vo apne ghar chala gaya tha. And I saw him in the office today, kaam se related hu baat hui." she answered. 

"Yasmin, I don't know what he's trying to do? He said he is falling for me and then the very next morning, he backs off, saying that he didn't mean it! Pata nahi kya kar raha hai vo? Aaj subha office me, he acted as if everything's okay! Mera mann kar raha tha, ja ke mukke maru uske!" she muttered. 

"Shehnaaz, you must have freaked out when you heard him saying that, out of the blue. But you know that we cannot control other people's emotions, right? Sidharth fell in love or feels for you more than a friend because he chose to feel that way. You couldn't have stopped him from feeling because it was him who felt those emotions, he chose to feel them that way." Yasmin replied, it made sense but not all of her questions got answered here. 

"But, we don't know the reason he stepped back like that. Tumne pucha usse?" Yasmin asked. 

"Nahi, maine nahi puchna. Na koi baat karni hai. He's confused, I think. Uske andar jo bhi hai, mai usko hurt nahi karna chahti, mai nahi chahti vo mere se kuch expect kare jab mai usey kuch nahi de sakti. I know how it feels when the people you are fond of don't turn up as per your expectations. I don't want to hurt him, bol deti usey lekin, vo- mai, phir hum pehle jaise nahi rahenge Yasmin. Badal jayega sab kuch, ev-even now, you know I want to see him, talk to him, but at the same time I don't want to." She said, wiping away the lone tear that trickled down. 

"You are scared of relationships because of what happened in your past. But tell me, will you always let your past dominate your present and future? Whatever Amrinder, that was his name right? What he did was indeed wrong, but it did stop him from moving on in his life? Do you know how he's doing now?" Yasmin asked. 

"Nahi pata, haven't heard of him since long. Maybe he got another investor for his business." Shehnaaz answered. 

"Then why are you still there? Past is something which you won't be able to change. But since you've been holding it back, it is stopping you from living your present. Ek amrinder ke wajah se apni poori life ko hold pe mat rakho. You stayed back because you wanted to work for yourself and make a life of your choice. You cannot hurt anyone, intentionally you don't and you're not him. Know that. Give yourself the permission to live freely. Talk it out, like you said you used to feel relaxed and happy after talking to Sidharth. Tell him how you feel, for him or not, doesn't matter. Vo samjhega ya nahi, ye uski choice hai, maybe later he will. Don't worry about others being hurt and it is making you clouded. You want Sidharth in your life as a friend now, fine." Yasmin explained. 

"But what if he doesn't want to be friends with me then? He means so much to me, that I might fall for him later. Kya vo mere liye wait karega? We're good as friends but will we be compatible as a couple?" Shehnaaz was worried. 

"In sab sawalon ka jawab toh vahi dega, aise had-badao mat. Give yourself the space to see, feel and understand things and when you do, accept those. You will see, it will make a difference in a positive way. If you want him as a partner, but not at present, you aren't sure whether he will wait for you or not. With such mixed emotions, you are conflicting yourself even more. You want something but you are unable to see through it because you are holding onto your past, you're afraid, but do not let yourself be blinded by that fear. Khudko vo chance do, tum me hai potential." she assured her. 

"Just know that Sidharth galat nahi hai aur na hi tum galat ho. It's just the situation and the timings are wrong." and with that they called it a night. 

Sometimes the moments that change your life are the moments you never expected, Sidharth realized after facing her in the office. He had called her into his cabin to give a file, trying hard to not to break his character and act normal. But she was dazed into her own zone and just nodded before disappearing. She grew distant, exactly what he was worried about and this was not what he wanted. He wanted Shehnaaz to grow strong, as a person in the first place and after that the feelings would have followed them.

"I would have asked her to hang out with me and would have tried to subtly show my good sides and could have gotten her to see me in a different light. It would have been hard then, but it's harder now, because I have messed up what I never wanted to. Just because I wanted something more, I fucked it up!" he thought to himself, sipping on his drink and staring at the ceiling, dejected after Shehnaaz had stormed into her bedroom after seeing his face. 

"Love, what's actually that?"

He wondered, "Ek glamourized four-letter word for self-inflicted pain! However, once you're in it, once you've acclimatized yourself to the temperatures and seasons of it, nothing feels better and no one looks and sounds better than this other person." he answered himself. 

"Is everything ok?" Sidharth was startled when Rita Ji asked him the other day after dinner. It had been another day, he spent getting avoided by Shehnaaz and it began to hurt now. Mentally. 

"Hmm, all good." he shrugged, replying. 

"Preeti ne kuch bataya mujhe.." she began. 

"Uske pet me toh kuch bhi pachta nahi hai!" he commented, cutting into his mother's words. 

"Toh tu hi bata diya kar! Kyu pareshan hai tu bacha? Hmm?" she asked so sweetly, he just melted at her fingertips and snuggled into her lap, letting her know his side of the story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Akhiyaan da noor tera.. Dil da kasoor mera.. Jogi banaya tune o saajna..

Well, these must be the ill perks of being in love.. Saza nahi hai.. Thodi mushkile hai.. Unexpected ailments hai.. Where the passion doesn't play as planned out.. Pyar me kami nahi hai.. Par dard hai..

Jaise log keh ke gaye hai.. Aag ka dariya hai.. Doob ke jaana hai.. Not gonna play the bad bitch role here.. Shehnaaz really needs time, clarity and some courage to talk to Sidharth.. While shuklaJi needs some courage to be play bold too!

What do you think? And tell me you guys noticed those lines! From BBB3.. Giving the credit to who so ever thw writer was.. I found those two dialouges fitting good.. So picked them up! Don't tell me you didn't notice!