XX

Fame. Money. Friends.

Anne had it all.

It was anything and everything she had ever dreamed of.

Yet, on the inside, she was a miserable, nervous wreck.

During the day, Anne forced a smile onto her face. She flew through her routines, her dress rehearsals and her performances. She sat in a cramped chair with no armrests for hours at a time, allowing make-up artists and stylists to mould and shape her into an image that she wasn't. She sat with the other performers during meal-times, laughing at jokes and talking about the weather. She would gracefully bow to her cheering audiences and go around the arena hugging the little children and signing people's posters.

But, during the night, she barely slept a wink and would silently cry in the suffocating darkness enveloping her room, her thoughts, her mind. For hours, she would wrestle with the difficult questions that flung to and fro in her brain. Had joining the Barnum Show been the right choice? Had the fame and the money been worth losing her family? Was turning down Philip, who barely talked to her anymore, wrong? What about Bec? Why wasn't he saying or doing anything to reassure her of his feelings? Why were boys so complicated? Why had she thought that she could do whatever the hell she wanted - without any consequences whatsoever?

She was just a poor, peasant girl.

And, at heart, she always would be.

Two long, tiresome, dreary months.

That was how long Anne had forced herself to cope with her new situation. Being suddenly shoved into the spotlight wasn't an easy alternative to her existence as an orphan kid living on the streets. She didn't know how to act, how to talk or even how to show people the real her. She wanted to show the city of New York not Anne Wheeler, the trapeze artist who hid her curly locks and slim body under a taffy wig and purple leotard, but Anne Wheeler, the social outcast who had become a household name, the peasant who had brought herself up out of the ashes of her life's demise.

But, deep down, Anne knew that the public weren't interested in the real her. They were only interested in being entertained. She was merely a toy, a play-thing, in the overall sense of the word.

Stop performing. Stop being liked.

That was that.

As Anne, her knees drawn up to her chest and her long tangle of hair bouncing in front of her eyes, poured out her feelings with a stack of worn parchment and a stubby pencil, she came to the conclusion that she was suffering from anxiety and nervous break-downs.

She was no doctor but she had seen enough of the same symptoms in her grandmother to notice the many similarities in both cases.

Biting down on her lower lip, Anne laid aside her parchment with a heavy-hearted sigh. Sure, she loved Barnum, her friends, trapeze...but what she didn't like was the realisation that, no matter what she achieved or how much she impressed them, she could never fit in with the upper-crust folks of New York.

It was a sobering thought.

"Anne?" Deng Yan poked her head around her friend's bedroom door and sent her a wide smile. "Guess whose here?"

Anne raised her eyebrows but didn't get a chance to reply before the door was shoved open to reveal her brother.

"Oh my god!" she gasped. "W.D!" Jumping up, she rushed over and flung her arms around his neck. "I've missed you, big brother."

"And I've missed you," he grinned down at her and ruffled up her hair.

"How did you get in here?" Anne shook her head in wonderment. "Personal visits aren't allowed."

Deng Yan cleared her throat and glanced cautiously from side-to-side. "Well...Barnum and Philip were out at that important meeting they had on and Bec's got his nose buried in a book. It wasn't hard to sneak him through the back door."

"Aw c'mon," Anne reproved as she playfully punched W.D in the shoulder. "I'm going to get into so much trouble if someone finds you in here."

"I had to see you, Anne," W.D told her, his tone carrying a serious air. "I - I..."

"What's wrong?" she queried worriedly. "Is Oma...?"

"She's fine," he assured her.

Anne shook her head in confusion. "Then what's the problem?"

"I ..." W.D heaved a deep breath before blurting, "I lost my job."

"What?" Anne's eyes widened in shock.

Sheepishly, W.D scratched the back of his head. "Yeah. I got let go after some new prospects for the business applied for my position."

"Your boss is an idiot!" Anne huffed. "He's replacing you with some new ding-dang dudes who probably haven't even got half of your experience in a work environment like that? Well, good on him. I hope he regrets that decision later."

"That's exactly what I told him," Deng Yan nodded in approval as she leaned over to smack W.D's arm. "Isn't it?"

W.D shrugged. "I - I guess."

Glancing between the two, Anne cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes. "Alright. 'Fess up. What's going on, hmm? Why have you really come here, W.D?"

W.D ducked his head before replying, "I - I came to apply for a job, Anne. I - er - want to be a part of the show."

Speechless, Anne stared at him. Finally, after a moment of wonderment, she spoke up, "Really?"

Knowing that Barnum, who was up to his eyes in paperwork, had no time to train another foreseeable performer and also knowing that her brother needed a job to support their grandmother, Anne made the wisest choice that she could at the time.

She sent W.D home with a week's worth of her own pay from the show and told him to think over the matter for a few days. All she had to do on her end was secure an application form and find the right time to put forth the proposition to Barnum.

After Deng Yan went with W.D to the door, Anne wasted no time and trotted down to the office to nab the necessary forms for a new entree. As she sifted through a stack of files that were sitting on Barnum's desk, Anne couldn't shake the feeling of angst and surprise over her brother's willingness to participate in the show.

When she first left home, W.D hadn't exactly been very supportive of her reasons for doing so. She could only imagine his reactions upon finding out that Deng Yan had decided to follow in her footsteps.

So, what had changed?

Had being fired from his job given him the initial boost to overcome his pride? Had Grandmother given her blessing? Had he applied for other jobs and turned up empty-handed? What did he even have to offer a circus full of queer oddities anyway?

These were all questions that Anne was determined to find the answers too.

"What are you doing?"

Upon recognising the smooth, familiar tone, Anne's breath hitched in her throat and her palms turned clammy. Lifting her head, she glanced over at Bec who was standing a few paces away, a couple of books in one hand and a steaming cup of coffee in the other. His thick-rimmed glasses were pushed up against the bridge of his nose and his collar was unbuttoned and askew.

In short: he was a hot mess.

Anne swallowed hard and straightened up, wildly searching for some excuse. "Well ... I - uh - that is..."

"Anne," Bec looked pointedly at her. "What do you need?"

"An application form," she uttered softly.

He sent her the softest hint of a smile before dropping his books onto the desk-top and circling around the piece of furniture to a cabinet of drawers sitting just opposite it. As he retrieved the needed item and held it out to her, his eyes flickered up to meet Anne's.

"You know I'm not the bad guy here, right?" he questioned. "You can actually ask me to get something for you instead of breaking into Barnum's office to do it yourself."

Wordlessly, Anne nodded as she took the paper from Bec's outstretched hand. "Thanks," she squeaked before spinning around and scurrying out of the room.

As she rushed back up the stairs, she rolled her eyes and face-palmed herself.

Why was she being so awkward and clumsy...when he was around?

Gif: Bec as he walks into Barnum's office and talks to Anne.

Question of the update: If you were in Anne's shoes, who would be the more attractive male to you character-wise? Bec or Philip?

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