Each step down the hall causes my heart rate to accelerate even more. "Thump, thump, thump," it goes, and against the quiet hall, it sounds like someone is pounding a hammer against a metal wall. Amongst the pin drop silence, I can feel Elena's worry boiling within the depths of her.

I gulp a little bit, as we sit in the waiting room, and Elena checks in. Somehow, I know that I'm not going to be perfectly fine after talking with my psychologist. You don't just waltz out of a traumatic marriage like that and act like everything is like Emerald City.

As much as I wish that would happen, that's never the case in situations like these. All I can hope is that it's not as serious as I would imagine. I hope that we can get this over with soon, so that I know what I have to face and to conquer.

Eventually, Elena comes back to me, and hands me a magazine. "They should be ready soon. Read something in the meantime. You won't get bored, I promise," she assures, and opens her magazine. I shrug, and open mine as well.

As I'm waiting, I read about different couples, recipes, and even see some really good fashion ideas as well. It's all enough to keep me busy for a good 10 minutes. Not long after I finish reading the magazine, the door opens, and a woman walks out with a clipboard.

"Nicole Wilson?" she says, and I get up.

"I'll be out here, Nicole. Come find me afterwards," she says, and I nod.

"Yeah, of course," I say, and I walk inside to go see my psychologist.

"Right this way," the woman says, and she leads me outside a cozy looking room.

"This is your psychologist. I think you'll really like her. But anyways, have a great day, miss," she concludes, and hurries off to deal with the next client.

"You too," I tell her, and then I turn to face the door. Slowly, I raise my knuckle to it, and knock on it lightly.

"It's open!" a female voice calls.  Without another ounce of hesitation, I open the door, and let myself in to the room. When I enter, immediately I feel relaxed and comforting. There are soft chairs across from each other, with both looking very squishy and relaxing. The room is barely lit, with a few candles giving the minimal source of light for the setting to remain a constant soothing one. The scent of warm vanilla is wafting throughout the air, which makes it warm and cozy, the perfect setting for someone to let everything out.

A woman, with tight, shoulder length curls, walks up to me. "Hi, Nicole. I'm Dr. Musin, and I'll be your psychologist. Take a seat," she says, in a calm, laid back voice. I obey her instructions, and sit down in the cushiony chair across from her.

She takes a seat across from me, and places her hands in her lap. "Are you Scandinavian, Nicole?" she asks, and I look at her in an interesting way.

"My dad has some Norwegian in him. How could you tell?"

She smiles at me. "My husband's Swedish, and you look kind of like him. Tall, blonde, blue eyes. Of course, not all Scandinavian people are like that, but you definitely look a little bit like him," she says, as she grabs a pen.

I chuckle a little bit. "Yeah, my dad lived in Norway for a little bit. He does say that 90% of the people there have blonde hair and are blue eyed. But I'm not predominantly Norwegian. I'm half Venezuelan," I say, as she rearranges a few things around her office.

"Oh, that's very cool! I have Venezuelan friends. I'm half Korean and half Kazakh, but I lean a lot more towards my Korean side," she says, and I smile.

"Well, that's amazing! But, I have a question. Are you ever going to tell anyone what I tell you in this room?" I ask, and she smiles.

"Everything you say will never leave this room. I never tell anyone the stories my clients tell me. I promise you, all your secrets are safe with me." She opens her notepad.

I sit back, and relax a little bit more. I have some things that I'd rather not be let out, so it's good that she doesn't tell anyone. You know what? Maybe this isn't going to be so bad.  This actually seems fairly easy. "So, what brings you to my office, Nicole?" she asks. I sit back a little bit so that I'm a little bit more relaxed.

"Well, I've been having really bad nightmares, and often times, I have trouble falling asleep after or during the night. And I recently had a really bad experience this afternoon," I say, and Dr. Musin nods along. She's really focused on what I have to say, and she's evaluating everything by the minute.

"Describe what you've been feeling, Nicole," she tells me, as she leans in a little bit more. I take a deep breath, and I let everything out. I tell her about the iron fist on my chest this morning, the nightmares I've been having, and the inability for me to fall asleep at some points in the night. With each question, the sack of weights on my shoulders is slowly lifted off one by one. It feels so good to let everything out, and tell her everything.

Eventually, I spill some secrets that I didn't plan on telling Dom and Elena, at least for a while. Those secrets were like weights pulling down on my conscience, until it would snap. I couldn't let them weigh down on me any more. I was getting tired of living like this, and I needed to tell somebody. It killed me to keep it in me for this amount of time. It was time to get rid of the weight that was pulling me down into the ditches of guilt.

After looking through a few manuals, and contemplating for a little bit, Dr. Musin looks at me, with a look on her face as serious as a D on a math test. She sighs a little bit, and rubs the back of her neck with her hand. "Nicole, I'm diagnosing you with PTSD and panic attacks. All your symptoms correspond with those when it comes to having PTSD and panic attacks. I'm going to have your doctor write you a prescription for selective serotonin uptake receptors, or SSRIs. I also recommend coming here twice a week for cognitive behavioral therapy. It's one of the most successful treatments for PTSD and panic attacks. You can go book your appointments up in the front with my receptionist," she tells me.

When she delivers the news, my heart sinks to the bottom of the chest. A weird feeling creeps up all over me. It's a mixture of shock, and, "I sort of expected this." I knew something was horribly wrong already, but I wasn't expecting it to be this bad. The diagnosis of my PTSD is like the harsh wind against my wings, which hinders my speed for flying. Problems just keep on popping up from every corner. But, I'm determined to hold my head up high and try to fly through these harsh winds.

"I understand. Thank you for your time, Dr. Musin," I thank, and she gets up to shake my hand.

"My pleasure. Take care," she gently tells me. I do nothing but nod, and I walk out of the room without looking back. While I'm walking down the hall, I fight the tears that are forming in my eyes. I wipe them from my eyes, and refrain from making eye contact with those around me. Eventually, I go back to the waiting room, where Elena's reading another magazine.

Almost nobody is in the waiting room, which makes it a bit easier for me to tell the news without people staring at us because Elena screamed so loudly. When she notices I've returned, she immediately closes the magazine. She stands up and walks toward me.

"How did it go?" she asks. A sliver of hope is shining in her eyes, with the thought that it's not as severe as any of us had hoped. It's so small, yet so prominent, and it crushes me to unweave that thread of hope from her eyes. I gulp a little bit, and I let it out.

"PTSD and panic attacks," I say in one sentence. Elena gasps loudly, and her hand goes to cover her mouth. Her generally calm, and occasionally dangerous blue eyes are starting to glisten with fresh tears.

"Give me a second. I'm going to go book my cognitive therapy sessions," I say, with my voice slowly breaking with each word. I go to the receptionist's desk, and book my appointments for the therapy next week. Then, I go back to where Elena's standing. She still has the same look of shock plastered on her face.

Her eyes are starting to puff and turn red with the tears forming inside of them. "L-Let's go," I say, as tears start to fill my eyes as well. She does nothing but swallow a little bit, and we go to the car to drive home.

When we get to the parking lot, she doesn't unlock the car door immediately. Right outside the car door, she turns around to look deep into my eyes. Two tears, one from each eye, are running down her face, slowing down at the bottoms of her high cheeks.

My breath hitches, as more tears start to fill my eyes. She cups my face with her hands, with one of them stroking my hair. "What did he do to you? Gosh, Nicole, what happened? I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when this was happening, baby. I'm so sorry," she says, with her voice completely breaking with the last sentence.

She engulfs me in a tight hug, while sobbing in my shoulder. Seeing Elena sad and crying is like a hammer to my heart. When I hear her sobs in my shoulder, the same hammer is used to shatter my composure as well. I collapse in Elena's arms, and start to sob as well. Each day is bringing me a new challenge that I can conquer. There's going to be a point in which I can't conquer the challenges anymore, and I'll be forced to give up.

However, inside of me, there's a fire inside of me that just won't be extinguished. However, today, the diagnosis was like the harsh wind that's trying so hard to extinguish the flame inside of me. However, I won't let it do that. The fire inside of me won't ever be extinguished. No matter what happens, and no matter how I die, I'll always rise from the ashes after dying and being burnt down. And nothing will stop me.

Eventually, after sobbing in Elena's arms for a little bit, she brings her head out of my chest, and looks me in the eyes one more time. She wipes the tears from my face, and then goes on to wipe her tears. "Nicole, no matter what happens because of this, we're always going to be here for you. We'll never leave you again. We're here to help you in any way that we can. And Nicole, you're the strongest person I know. Don't ever think about giving up. You can do this. You're so strong, and I'm so proud to have you as my sister," she tells me, and I smile at her.

For the first time in a while, genuine happiness blooms a little bit inside of me. This is going to be one hell of a ride, but at least I know I'll have my family beside me to help me throughout this ride. And this time, I know I won't be losing them for sure.

They'll always be there to have my back, and I'm proud to say that the feeling's mutual.

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Wow. Kind of a roller coaster of a chapter, huh? Did you all expect this to happen to Nicole? Let me know in the comments.

Hey everyone! How are you all doing? So, uh, this was quite the chapter, huh? I've got more things coming up. Speaking of which, there may or may not be a surprise coming up in the next chapter. What do you guys think it's going to be? Let me know.

Other than that, that's pretty much it. Hope you guys liked this chapter!

Please vote/comment/share/follow/message if you like my work. See you all next Saturday with a new chapter of Phoenix! Have a great week!

Love you guys,

Shree