Nao-Zai stared at Kai-Se's face. Even in unconsciousness, he looked like he was in pain. After the prince collapsed in the Wind Palace, Nao-Zai had sent a quick note to the Butterfly Palace, sternly instructing a passing court lady to not peek at the content of the letter and pass it along to the head. It wasn't long after he sent the note had the woman come knocking on the door, demanding to be let in.

After that, it was only a matter of moving Kai-Se's limp form from the Wind Palace back to his room. They did so by using a long detour behind the Jade Palace, where the head court lady was sure no one would see them. Judging from how she seemed to know which places had onlookers and which ones didn't, she looked like she was in this business for as long as Kai-Se needed her.

That brought an incredible amount of relief in Nao-Zai's gut. At least Kai-Se still had some help even if he's away.

When they reached Kai-Se's room, Nao-Zai had dumped the prince on the bed without ceremony. The court lady had sprung into action—first by making sure all the doors and windows were shut, then fetching everything she needed through closets and spaces under desks. Nao-Zai was reduced to standing on the side, watching as she dabbed a damp cloth on Kai-Se's head, the latter still murmuring about cliffs and darkness. What had that been about?

Then, the court lady folded the cloth and left it on Kai-Se's forehead. She moved to remove his outer robe. Nao-Zai stepped forward. "Hey, wait—"

The woman gave him a pointed look. "I've been taking care of him since he was five. I know what I'm doing," she jerked her chin at him. "Back off."

Feeling like a reprimanded child, Nao-Zai did as ordered, dropping his arm to his side. The woman had been with Kai-Se since childhood? How old was she, then? She didn't look a day past thirty. That meant she couldn't have been more than fifteen when she entered the palace. Then again, it's almost impossible to tell how old women in Xuijae were with their slow aging qualities.

The court lady bundled up the yellow robe over her arms and stood up with a sigh. She faced Nao-Zai. "I'm going to drop this off in the washing area," she said. "Watch over him."

"I don't believe we officially met," Nao-Zai blurted, stopping the woman in her tracks. She whipped to him with a smile. He grinned right back. " Paekdora Nao-Zai."

"Chi-Sae," the woman replied. That must be her name.

Nao-Zai raised an eyebrow. "No clan?"

Chi-Sae snorted. "I'm a daughter of a court lady who is a daughter of a court lady. We go back quite a few dynasties," she said. "If there's a clan I belong to, it'd be the clan of court ladies. There's no such thing like that, right?"

As such, Nao-Zai couldn't find enough words to reply to that. Instead, he settled with, "No, I don't think so."

The court lady chuckled. "Then you have your answer, Paekdora," she said, showing no signs of ever planning to treat him as if he was of a higher rank. She glanced at the sleeping prince behind Nao-Zai. "Inform me when he wakes up. Send a court lady or something."

Without waiting for Nao-Zai's answer, Chi-Sae strode out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her as she did. A sigh filtered out of Nao-Zai's lips, finding himself gravitating to Kai-Se's bedside once more. The mattress crumbled under his weight as he sank down on the small space between the edge and Kai-Se's legs. He didn't take his eyes off the prince's chest, which rose and fell albeit in erratic patterns.

What had happened since they got back from Dansarun? During the days or weeks on the road, never once had Nao-Zai noticed Kai-Se acting out of turn. Sure, he might have become pickier with food but that's just his royal butt acting up. Did he have whatever this illness was as early as that? If so, why had he chosen to not tell Nao-Zai about it?

Was this the reason why Kai-Se never did try to contact him after they parted? Guilt gnawed at the base of Nao-Zai's gut for ever thinking negative things about the prince. Kai-Se had certainly never forgotten about him, seeing as he still remembered to call Nao-Zai by his name when they met under the full moon the other day. It would seem like he was indisposed. Greatly.

Nao-Zai then felt bad that he could be of no help to Kai-Se, even now. All he did was stand there and write letters. He didn't like how he had just blanked out in that hidden room, leaving it up to chance that one, the room was empty, and two, that Chi-Sae would come and get them. It was not the best thing Nao-Zai could have done in that situation. Was he failing at becoming a better soldier? What would he do if it was the Emperor needing his help? Would he just gawk like he did with Kai-Se?

Then again, there was something with how Kai-Se collapsed that awakened some sort of primal fear inside him. He had never been that way before, even when he was forced to spar with his superiors or risk not being promoted to an official swordsman in the army. Even the fear of seeing the Empire burn down felt small against the gravity of seeing Kai-Se die.

Die...

Was that what's happening here? Was he really going to lose Kai-Se? The only person who managed to make him see there's more to life than just doing missions and working, the man who had been so passionate to live in the present and tell his stories to anyone who would listen, the one whom Nao-Zai had considered one of the best things to happen in his pathetic, boring life. Was he destined to lose such a person?

He sighed—had been doing a lot of that this past hour. Chi-Sae didn't look like she'd be back anytime soon, so Nao-Zai should at least stretch his legs. He had been sitting for quite some time. First in his office and now, here. He moved to stand up, bracing either side of him to gather the strength to haul himself forward. Before he could, however, something brushed against his hand.

Freezing, he looked down to find another set of fingers wrapped around his. What...

"Stay," came Kai-Se's weak but audible voice. It was more than a rasp but it was less than a hiss. Nao-Zai peered at the prince to see his eyes barely open. Could he even see anything at that point? "Don't go."

Nao-Zai turned his hand so as to grip Kai-Se's. The cold was enough to start seeping into Nao-Zai's palms. "I'm not going anywhere," he replied, looking behind him towards the door. Should he call Chi-Sae now? Kai-Se's awake. He was...right?

"You're not real, are you?" Kai-Se asked, a lazy smile spreading across his lips. Nao-Zai knitted his eyebrows. What's up with the philosophical talk? Before he could reply, though, Kai-Se laughed to himself. "Of course you're not real," he said. He hadn't let go of Nao-Zai's hand, though. "If you were the real Nao-Zai, you wouldn't have looked at me like that. Like I'm...like you care about me."

Well, Nao-Zai did care about Kai-Se to some extent, maybe even greater than that, now more than ever. He didn't understand it himself but he was sure of one thing. "If I were real," he said, giving Kai-Se's hand a little squeeze. Maybe that'd wake the prince up a little bit. "I would have looked at you the same way."

Kai-Se laughed again. Even though it was a small chuckle, it still sounded like music in Nao-Zai's ears. He'd give anything for Kai-Se to be able to laugh like that without all the pain he must be feeling at this moment. "You're just in my head—a product of my broken mind, so I'll tell you everything," he whispered. "You wouldn't believe how much I think of you ever since you left. I would have written. I've been wanting to, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to write a single word."

Nao-Zai didn't speak. Kai-Se took a deep, rattling breath before pushing on. "I keep thinking—what if you had moved on to your next mission? What if you really had a lady back home? What if..." he laughed again, no doubt feeling silly about what he's spouting. Kai-Se was never known to ramble about his personal life, after all. "What if you just don't have the time for me or I won't have time for you? We've both got lives. You...have your soldier stuff. I have my...stuff too."

"So, I never wrote. Never did anything," Kai-Se pressed his face against his pillow, closing his eyes as he did. "And that killed me more than this sickness. I swear, it was harder. But seeing you again, talking to you again by that bridge...it brought memories back."

Kai-Se wrenched his eyes open as if he couldn't bear to fall asleep. "It brought you back," he said. "Now, you're appearing in my dreams—things I'll forget and won't think twice about. In the morning, you'll be gone. Everything will go back to how they are. And I...I'll go back to who I am."

"Who are you, then?" Nao-Zai asked, giving Kai-Se enough time to breathe. He didn't want to strain Kai-Se over again. Still, the things he was saying...they're—

"I'm someone who can't be with you, Nao-Zai," Kai-Se said. "I don't have much time, you see. You shouldn't waste your time on me. Time....it's precious, yes? Don't make the mistake of thinking you can save me."

Without thinking too much about it, Nao-Zai had already reached up and drove Kai-Se's hair off his face. He still had that tired expression on his face but some sparkle in his eye had returned. "You always did save me, Nao. It's all you ever seem to do," Kai-Se said. Hearing just the first half of his name, from the lips of someone like Kai-Se, made something flutter inside him. "In getting me out of the palace to show me the world. In Dansarun. In making sure I didn't get mauled by bears on the way home."

"Not this time, though," Kai-Se said, making Nao-Zai's heart clench more than he needed it to. "You can't save me this time."

"What if I can?" Nao-Zai blurted. "Tell me what I should do. Don't give up on yourself, Kai-Se."

The prince chuckled. "Everyone did," he said. "When I told them to, they all did. But you...have you always been this full of hope?"

"And have you always been without any?" Nao-Zai countered. Arguing with a sick man didn't seem like the best way to go about this. "We'll figure this out. Together, if we have to. Tell me what you need."

Kai-Se didn't miss a beat. "An-Ri," he said. "It's the only way I could live. Shaoryeong...it always reaps what is due."

Nao-Zai frowned. What did that mean? Kai-Se was making less and less sense. "We'll talk more when you get better, okay?" he said, instead. His hand rested on Kai-Se's head for far too long so he moved it down to his face. It seemed like his fever still hadn't gone down. "Get some rest."

"Great, even my dreams are telling me to rest," Kai-Se said, still not retracting his hand from Nao-Zai's grip. And the fact that it felt like it belonged there...

Nao-Zai shook his head. No. Don't go down that road. "Maybe it's because I'm not a dream," he said.

"You're not really here...right?" Kai-Se asked. It was the second question of the same nature now.

Nao-Zai smiled, then. "If that's what you want me to be," he said. "But you did ask me to stay."

Kai-Se's lids snapped shut. "Then, stay," he said. "And don't...leave me."

Then, Kai-Se's hold loosened as he drifted off to sleep. This time, his breaths came more easily. Nao-Zai gave Kai-Se's hand one last squeeze before whispering, "I won't," he said. "I promise."

"Well, that's something I don't see every day," a new voice bled into the room.

Nao-Zai had never whipped so fast to anywhere until then. Chi-Sae pressed the back of her hand against her mouth as she strode from the door and dropped to a sitting position by Kai-Se's head. She was obviously trying to keep herself from giggling. "Who knew a soldier like you had a soft side?"

"How long have you been standing there?" Nao-Zai glanced at the door before flicking his gaze at Chi-Sae. Then, he realized he still held Kai-Se's limp hand in his. Warmth flooded his cheeks as he pulled his hand free. "How much have you heard?"

"Enough," the court lady answered with a slight incline of her head. The sparkle in her eyes told Nao-Zai she lied. She heard everything.

Nao-Zai rubbed the back of the hand that had been in Kai-Se's. Strangely, the skin felt hot. "Should I be worried? About the things he said?" he asked.

Chi-Sae glanced at the prince, her expression morphing into something like sorrow. "He has been like that for a long time," she said. "He always had a weak body as a child—that's why the Emperor hired me to keep watch. Then, starting from when he was ten, he had become a healthy boy so I thought I wasn't needed anymore."

She sighed. "But look where we are now," she said. "It's almost like we're back to all those years ago."

Nao-Zai bit the inside of his cheek. "So there is a way to cure him," he said. "If he got better before, he'd be able to, again. What do you think healed him?"

"If I knew, I would have told everyone by now," Chi-Sae picked at the hem of her sleeves in thought. "Maybe you can ask the Emperor. I couldn't, because of my rank. I'm...not high enough."

Nao-Zai filed that to the back of his head. He glanced at Kai-Se again. "He's quite the handful, isn't he?" he said. "I bet he didn't give you an easy time either."

At that, Chi-Sae closed her eyes and shook her head. "You tell me," she said, massaging the bridge of her nose. "He's so stubborn. Barely listens to me. All he does is keep working. In that state, he's working."

Nao-Zai stuck his bottom lip out. "He can be that kind of a martyr when he wished to be," he said. That's how Kai-Se felt all this time? That he needed to push himself to uphold the Empire? "He still has to learn how to not take everything on his shoulders. He doesn't have to bear everything alone."

"And you need to keep your hands to yourself, soldier," Chi-Sae said. Then, she smiled and chuckled. "I've never seen Kai-Se that loose-tongued before. You meant something to him."

So...all of that hadn't been false? All of that wasn't just a product of a misguided hallucination? Nao-Zai opened his mouth to ask that but clamped his jaw shut. What did it matter? Kai-Se would be expected to choose a bride later on, to continue the dynasty. Whatever they have between them, it couldn't continue to be more than that.

Sparing Kai-Se one last glance, Nao-Zai stood up and ducked his head at Chi-Sae. "I should go back. Those reports aren't going to write themselves," he said. He jerked his chin at Kai-Se's slumped form. "Take care of him."

To that, Chi-Sae grinned with enough malice. "It's my job, Paekdora," she said. "I get paid real money to do that. Don't worry."

If only words worked against Nao-Zai's mind and heart, then maybe he would follow Chi-Sae's suggestion and stop worrying. But, they weren't, so he was quite sure he'd never get a good night's sleep tonight, or at least until he could figure out how to save Kai-Se. Yet again.