Why does it always come to this. Why am I always in the same spot with love and life and everything as my head is spinning around in circles in my skull giving me a headache. But I don't say a thing because all it's doing is destroying my dreams and messing with my memories and mind and the voices in my head start to scream louder and louder for me to give up. My mind is racing with words I left unsaid and moments I never seized because my brain is telling me I can't do a thing to reach my aspirations that are so close, but so far.

And he shattered my heart as I left him a heartfelt message of how I felt on Snapchat where I spilled my guts and felt like I was going to die and where I ignored his message for five hours because I was scared to open it only to see that he didn't know what to say. I tried to talk to him at school but he shut me and down and ran off to dance and be with his friends but I will keep my head up and keep on smiling because I know that someone out there will want me to keep going, I just need to find more of them because my friends helped me through my tears that day when he shattered my heart even more.

But my heart is already shattered and I can't find the pieces anymore because they're lost throughout my body because every fiber, bone and nerve in my body agrees with my mind saying I shut down, shut up and go away because no one will notice if I'm here or not because I know I could disappear for a month and come back and the only thing to notice would be the wind that whistles my name if you listen hard enough. And if you think hard enough I would not make any difference with being here or not because there are seven billion people in the world who are doing better things then I can but I am still here and I am still fighting because my natural instinct is to fight for my life.

My night terrors keep me up and thinking about when everything could go wrong and has a .0000001% chance of happening but my brain still makes me believe it will so I prepare in my mind for being able to stay alive and survive and how to stay calm when everything is utter chaos and I am already in tune with that because as I am speaking my mind is scattered and trying to find the pieces of my heart and trying to keep up with the stress of family and friends and school and a social life and a sleeping schedule and eating and having fun and things I won't be able to do in a day and my mind is trying to find ways to keep my body alive and well with all the junk food I eat but it is struggling like I am struggling to reach my broken dreams.