This is more of a rant than anything. I'm such a fuck up. People will see this and some will worry, some won't care. I don't even care anymore. I fuck everything up. I only manage to hurt people. I only fucking hurt. I try to fix things but I already went too far. They don't want anything to do with me, I'm nothing when I was everything. I fucking hate myself and if I could just disappear I gladly would to stop hurting people. I look back into my past and I think about the things I did, the things I shouldn't have done, the things I could have done. And I just realize how cruel life is. How fucking terrible it is. Now I'm tired as fuck, I barely slept last night cause I was just thinking all night. But I'm a fucking terrible person. Some might say I'm just human but I'm a goddamn monster. I'm a monster in it's purest forms. I don't want to be. I don't want to be human anymore. I want to lose my feelings, good and bad, so that I won't hurt anymore. So I won't be able to feel good, knowing it will soon all go away. I look back at the people I lost, the things I lost, and realize I really, really had it all. But now all I have is fucking PTSD and poor mental health. Fuck, poor physical health too. Who would even want me at this point. I'm just a wreck.