if you're bored of this ship then too bad because i will never be :)

enjoy!

knock, knock, knock.

"alain?"

no answer. let's try again? knock, knock, knock. 

"are you okay?"

there are hesitant shuffles from where he can hear with his head against the door. but he's not giving up not matter how stubborn you are, alain. again; even if we're here until tomorrow.

knock, knock, kno--

oh, never mind. he opened the door.

stumbling back in surprise, ash watched a tall, dusty figure emerge from the shadow of his room. alain's once proud shoulders were slouching as if they tried to reach the rest of his listless body, which hadn't bothered to dress itself in no more than a white tank top, crumpled and stained, and a random pair of shorts. his hair had looked as if he had been electrocuted. contrary to having slept for most of the day, he looked like he hadn't slept for eternity. yet when he looked down at the smaller, as of now brighter figure, you couldn't find an inkling of moodiness on him.

but when his eyes found the sores in their corner all watching him, the friends of the little sun in front of him, including professor sycamore and mairin, his face bent slightly into looking like he was mildly disgusted. 

without speaking, he grabbed ash's hand, retreated back in after capturing the boy from the corridor, and swung the door into a locked state just as quickly as it had opened.

alain's curtains were strictly shut. the clutters of work on his desk were fresh and untouched, unlike the cup of coffee that was surely rotten by now judging by the awful smell that had plagued the room. or was that the clothes piled onto his chair, or the plants which were wilting and prey to small bug pokemon hovering around them? or, dare ash think, alain himself? no. let's not go too far when we just got into his room.

"when did you last eat?", ash asked, noting the lack of food in the room which he hadn't been seen leaving for days, "have you had water, either? or, you know...a shower?"

alain's eyes blinked a little closer to facing ash, implying that he should listen before asking questions. ash received the message and bowed his head apologetically.

in his raspy voice, a few words made their way out, "i'm not in the mood for any of that"

okay, well, not very helpful answer, but we got him talking. baby steps. perhaps ash could talk a little now?

"but why aren't you taking care of yourself?"

usually alain was very skeptical of opening up, even to the professor or mairin sometimes. but he felt something he couldn't explain where he didn't think ash could ever hurt him.

"someone like me doesn't deserve to be taken care of"

those words went straight through ash and lightly pummeled his chest, yet the feeling remained sharply after. was he scared for some reason?

"don't say things like that. everything that lives should be taken care of"

"even if i'm living, i don't deserve to live"

there it was again. like a missile to a wall of paper. but ash ignored the feeling and spoke with his head.

"that's nonsense. what did you to not deserve to live?"

alain's mouth trembled as his fingers pulled back into fists. should he start being careful now?

"i almost took someone else's life"

that stupid panging feeling wouldn't give in. alain would never intend to take someone else's life; it was too strange and chilling to run through ash's head. should he dare to ask?

"whose life?"

alain didn't move.

for a moment, actually.

"i'm looking at him"

ash couldn't process it. what was he trying to say? but thank goodness he wasn't done.

"you, and all of your friends, and professor sycamore and mairin, and everyone else in the world. i almost took all of their lives"

seeing as he happened to be talking to someone he actually wanted to talk to, which was weird, and he had already revealed his conscience, alain might as well keep going.

"every time i look at something, whether it's a person, or a pokemon, even strangers, or even a--stupid tree on the sidewalk, i know i could've killed it. i know that because of me, there was a chance it could've died. and i c-can't--i can't live with that. but i don't know if i really want to die, so i can only try not to see, or hear, or even touch something that i could've killed. i don't deserve to be a part of this world"

right now, ash wasn't sure what he should feel, but he was sure what he did feel. while alain was realizing how much he had ranted to this person in particular and was trying to take everything back by curling into a ball, ash did not feel pity, or irritation. he felt his chest being struck by sounds that tauntingly tempted him to cry just as much as alain was. 

but alain couldn't be strong right now, and he needed someone else to do it for him, so even if ash wasn't that someone, he would take their place before they arrived.

for now, while he was letting alain have his release, he didn't want to stare and make him feel more embarrassed, so instead his eyes found their way to the shininess of the computer screen which had been open to a research article where some parts were highlighted.

'and if, in theory, mega evolution energy had made its way into a human, it would have a similar effect to gamma radiation in which it would penetrate through the skin and damage the cells, possibly causing cancerous mutations which, in worst cases, could lead to death' 

it was a little too science-y for ash to understand, but it did give him the idea that alain might be feeling guilty for letting him get captured for team flare. but why would alain, of all people, care about him that much? nevertheless, that question on its own was trying to patch his chest back together, which he appreciated. but he needed to focus.

ash assumed alain was calm now that he was quiet like before, and wanted to talk immediately. you could say he was a little desperate to prove that alain didn't hurt him, seeing as just the thought itself interrupted his breath. besides, alain shown him a few personal feelings which he didn't feel like showing anyone else, so ash didn't see a reason he couldn't to it back, especially to show him there was nothing to be embarrassed about.

he sat himself gently next to alain, whose back against the wall of his towered over his legs and lowered his head to ash's level, and waited for a glimpse of his eyes for approval to speak. 

his arm stretched out clearly enough so that an emphasized mark could be seen strewn across his skin.

"i got this after i confronted my bullies in seventh grade", he spoke solemnly, turning his arm to show visibly purple bruises on the other side, "and this was after the incident with team flare. and these are just my arms"

uh--where is this going, ash?

alain chuckled bitterly, "so i did hurt you then--"

"no. the first scar, it was made by bad people. and its the same thing with those bruises, and every other mark on me, my friends, and every other living thing in this world. all of the marks that stay on our bodies and minds come from bad things. and i know you won't want to believe, alain, but you are the farthest thing from bad"

alain's head found the courage to perk up a little bit.

"no bad person is gonna venture around the region, challenging and defeating other trainers, all to collect something that isn't even for him. if you were really a bad person, you wouldn't have turned on team flare the second you knew what they were doing. and if you were a bad person, would you be feeling so guilty right now? i don't know what you think, and i can't make you think, but i think it doesn't make sense unless you're a good person. that's my theory, and i'm sticking with it"

alain liked that he was talking to ash in this way, but he still couldn't bring himself to believe him.

"but if it wasn't for me--"

"someone else would have done it. you're not the stupidest person in the world. if you hadn't been the one to retrieve the mega evolution energy lysandre used, he would still have gotten it from another person. the fact that it was you and that you clearly didn't know makes you innocent through and through"

"heh. well, how do you know i'm innocent. for all you know, ash, i could be lying right now"

"actions speak louder than words. yeah, you could be lying right now, but how can i think that? i saw you at prism tower when you figured it all out, and it looked pretty innocent to me"

alain was reminded by the blisters on his fists of how they punched the ground he screamed at when he figured out lysandre's plan. ash was indeed there, and if he hadn't been there, he might not have been inspired to go against team flare.

"...just as much as it's okay to admit you were wrong, it's okay to admit you were right. you don't have to feel ashamed just because there's something to feel ashamed about. it's better to use your own head and figure out where you are"

and he had inspired him once more.

"it's hard to disagree with anything you said...", alain murmured, the vulnerability edging him off his comfort zone, "but how can i face everyone else out there, when they also know what i did?"

"they're good people, but even if they might think badly of you, only you know what you did. they only know what they saw. if you know you did the right thing, what else is there to worry about?"

alain nodded in approval with the sides of his lips etching upwards. 

seeing he was happy, the burning in ash's chest subsided a bit and replacing it came a fleeting wind that lifted it off the ground.

"if you don't mind getting dressed and washing up, i'll get you something to eat"

--i saw a star up close--

alain feet trickled down the stairs much faster than he'd anticipated. why was he so excited? maybe because ash was giving him food? but that has no reason to be exciting...

on his swift entry into the kitchen, he looked and couldn't see ash but there was a square box on the table holding inside rice, eggs, chicken, and vegetables, with chopsticks laid next to them. something vivid popped past him.

"hey! you look a lot better now, i'm glad. if you want, i made lunch!"

he didn't know why, but he liked to feel that ash, very specifically ash, was taking care of him. he didn't know why, and wouldn't dare to admit it even to himself.

alain just kept smiling at him and didn't answer, so ash started to chuckle at his attempt at 'lunch'.

"i know, it's messy, but everyone else is out and it's the only thing i know how to make that can actually be called food. and i think it has all the nutrients, so..."

"oh, no, i-it's great! looks good, just...", alain paused, feeling hesitant to confess to not being good at something, and instead made a chopping motion with his fingers.

ash took a look at the meal and exclaimed, "ah! ah, i'm sorry, i always forget that not everyone knows how to use chopsticks. here, i'll get you a fork--"

"or you could teach me"

hold on. why is ash looking like that? did he say that out loud? well, there's no harm in it. ash can teach him many things today, including how to think for himself, and how to use chopsticks.

"i-i mean, if it's no trouble. i've always wanted to learn"

"of course!"

it looked complicated, the way they sat under one finger and above the other. but that might be because he wasn't paying attention to ash's demonstration, but the way he looked when he talked. he never noticed this before, but it was so warm and humane. he'd seen ash talk to others before though, so maybe when it was to him and only to him, it felt different. these thoughts which were getting more and more intrusive snapped when his eyes met with ash's.

"that was a bad way to explain, but do you get it?"

what was he doing? he'd always planned what to say to people in his head, but since before when he started talking to ash, he had forgotten to plan and just blurted things that turned out to mean more.

"i might learn better practically"

"oh, that's a good idea. here"

the chopsticks were offered to his meagerly shaking hands, and he didn't feel like taking them on his own.

"show me how to hold them. with my hands, i mean"

"...you want me to show you with your hands?"

"y-yeah. if you don't mind"

"no, not at all, but are you gonna be alright with that?"

"oh, yeah, totally!"

as if he was asking for ash's hands to hold hi--don't finish that.

tentatively, ash inserted the chopsticks between alain's fingers, adjusting them slowly and softly as possible while constantly checking his expression for any signs of discomfort. little did either of them know he was actually enjoying having the smoother, tanner skin of this certain person rub against his own. ooh, that provoked a few...questionable thoughts. quiet down, now. 

as who knows how much time passed by, they grew more and more comfortable with each other. alain got more used to having ash's hands on his own, and his own thoughts, and ash felt less sheepish to touch him in that way. no, stop it, i won't phrase things differently.

the whole point of their time together, which at first seemed far off, was actually close to being achieved when alain found he could hold and move the chopsticks without having ash's hands to guide him, which he missed, however he did need to remember the feeling to use them, which he didn't mind at all.

"oh, we got distracted. now it's a little cold...i'll heat it for you. trust me, it tastes better when it's hot"

"i'll take your word for it"

--i saw a star up close--

as soon as his black computer screen switched back to its last state, alain, had took ash's advice and immediately gotten rid of that depressing article. he figured he'd might as well see just what was his public image now, since as a champion he'd need to get used to it, so he decided to focus more on what he looked like in the eyes of kalos league fans.

"i had a feeling i wouldn't see this guy lose!--"

you could say that about any winner, but anyway, it was nice to hear.

"i don't think even diantha can beat him--"

bold, but again, just a stranger who never even met him. still though. nice.

oh? what's this? alain, don't click on that--

"i thought he was cool at first..."

they never listen to me.

"'...but then when i found out his mega stone came from lysandre, the guy who tried to kill us all...and didn't he, like, work for him, as well? nah, i wouldn't trust that guy with my sister's life. and i hate my sister'. that was a quote from a biology student in kanto, gary oak--"

his already small smile started to falter as he looked down as his bento. but his eyes then found the chopsticks he was holding.

"only you know what you did. they only know what they saw. if you know you did the right thing, what else is there to worry about?"

heh. it seemed ash had claimed that special part of his memory which he didn't even have before. but he didn't mind. in fact, he liked the idea of being reminded of ash when thinking of more things, like he would be a prominent part of his life. he didn't like to just invite people in like that; often they made their way in with some sort of significance. but what made ash significant to him?

a knock on his door interrupted his thoughts, which was annoying as he was about to answer a very important question, so this better be just as important.

well, as far as he knew, that honey-blonde girl with a ribbon on her chest never had much importance about her. he felt safer when it was just him and ash, but now ash was out and the rest of them were back at the lab. mairin and the professor were his only non-hostilities now.

"have you seen ash's hat? he hasn't been wearing it at all lately, and we're thinking maybe he lost it. is it here?"

"why would it be in here?"

"because he came in to talk to you and we all got bored waiting and left, so we didn't see if it went anywhere"

"it's just a hat. he'll find it. and he didn't come in with it either"

"just saying"

the door started to close, but a new question was raised in alain's head he felt he should know the answer to.

"w-wait!"

"what?"

realizing he was about to show his intrusive thoughts around someone other than the three people he trusted, he hesitated for a minute, then ignored it and spoke.

"why was it that ash came to talk to me?"

she could think what she wanted to, this wasn't implying anything about him.

"why do you care?"

but it seems she managed to infer something about him anyway, which said a little about her. why was she defensive of information about ash?

"i just wanna know"

"uh, i don't know. he didn't offer himself up, but mairin suggested it and he just agreed straight away. her and the professor figured you were the next best person after them"

she left, allowing him to return to his own thoughts. but that original question of the significance ash held in his mind had branched out into so many other questions. did he feel something towards ash he had never felt before? and why was serena so defensive around ash? he felt as if at some point, he might have to compete with her. if whatever these feelings were engaged him in a competition, he always told himself not to waste his energy on small things, but this felt much bigger than any battle he'd ever had. 

a battle for ash. and just for him. not for anything he was, or anything he had. just him.

perhaps his thoughts were actually more obvious than he thought, if mairin and the professor thought ash would be best to talk to him. then again, ash out of him and his friends is really the only one who talked to him, but he wanted to feel like it was more than that.

he'd never thought this much solely about another person in his life.

the sound of the door barged into his thoughts again. frustrated, he jerked out of his seat.

"what--"

"alain, come down, quick!", mairin panted, "there's something outside!"

his eyebrows didn't change out of their furrowed position, but his fists unraveled out of their anger.

outside of the lab, a large and strangely-shaped vehicle stood surrounded by strangely-dressed figures and the strangest-looking at the front center of it all.

"how are you guys here?!", bonnie yelled, "you should be in jail!"

the strangers had been refusing to talk until alain appeared, as a reminder that they weren't strangers at all.

"we meet again, alain"

he felt his blood boil. these people who had manipulated him and hurt his loved ones, now stood before him in such shamelessness.

"how dare you show up here?"

xerosic was not in the least intimidated.

"you? there is no you, alain, and there is no i. there is only we between the both of us. aren't you forgetting that you were once our colleague as well?"

he wasn't wrong, but neither was alain.

"i only thought i was. what gives you the right to be here?"

"we're simply here to pass on a message, and hopefully get something back in return"

ash skidded next to alain, having been woken up by their arrival.

"what's all that noise? what's happening?"

"you especially ought to listen", began xerosic as he held out a black and red device with thin, quick-fluttering wings, "you and alain should remember this, won't you? this is the device lysandre used in his attempt to control you"

"yeah, but it failed, didn't it?"

"of course it did. you were too strong. but you seem to forget that we're scientists, and we make predictions of experiments before we try them. this wasn't an attempt at all, but an experiment. lysandre had identified the mechanism of mega evolution could only work if the subject embraced the energy. had the subject tried to reject consumption of the energy, and it would react negatively and have the opposite effect, weakening them instead of strengthening them"

alain was starting to put together exactly what he was saying, and in fear of what he thought it might be, hung his hand protectively around ash while xerosic laughed.

"had any pains recently? or perhaps, you've been tired? as you might have thought after hearing alain ask his keystone to 'respond to his heart', something we taught him, mega evolution energy corresponds with emotions. good emotions empower you, and so on. but when the energy is powerful enough in itself, your feelings aren't as much able to save you..."

a familiar, suffocating pain welcomed ash's chest. 

alain dreaded what he would see when he looked down at ash's hand clenching the top of his shirt. his feelings of guilt came rushing back a lot quicker than how they had left.

it was true. anyone could've collected the mega evolution energy team flare needed. but they didn't pick just anyone. they picked him, and picked well, because he was right for the wrong job.

"you people don't even deserve jail! what kind of experiment is this that hurts people? experiments should be beneficial and informative", clemont roared, pointing to his paling friend who was finding it harder to stand than a few seconds ago, "what happens when ash's body is overwhelmed by the energy?"

"what would happen if anyone's body was overwhelmed?", xerosic answered.

terror stuttered from all but alain, whose head was about to explode, and ash, who had just about enough of this.

"now, if you have nothing else to say--"

"oh, i'm not done"

all eyes turned to him.

"what was that, young man?"

"you thought it was over, huh? that you won? not happening. even if i die, you're gonna lose, and you know why? 'cause at least i'll die not being selfish and cowardly like all of you, hiding behind tinted glasses, because all of you can only see what you want!"

xerosic flinched noticeably and inched back.

"whatever you do, whether you're successful or not, you're still losing. you're a loser through and through, and i'm not afraid of you. but the least you can do is apologize properly to alain. he was a good person given a choice, and he chose not to change. so don't disrespect him by grouping him in with you", he snapped not loudly, but sharply.

alain was listening. 

and every word meant the world coming from ash's mouth. he watched with glimmering eyes as his exhausted body treaded forward.

"okay. kill me if you want. i know you won't care that you took someone's life. all you people care about is getting your beautiful, perfect world. but you know what? i bet you haven't imagined anyone hating you in that world, and i'll hate you all even after i die, so whether i'm alive or not, the fact that i was once means your world will never be perfect. and i'm not the only one who hates you"

until he came face to face with xerosic.

"so do what you want to me"

how could someone be so kind, yet so fearless? ash was a paradox, and alain wanted to get lost. he wasn't concerned anymore with how him or his feelings were perceived by anyone else.

xerosic stumbled back so much that he tripped backwards. seeing their leader's attitude change so quickly made him team feel that they should do the same, and attempted to retreat even without the vehicle, but karma caught up to them in the form of police cars.

despite the remains of team flare finally being caught, alain hadn't forgotten about the new information they learned earlier, and didn't shift his attention from ash. he began to walk towards him, thinking about what he would say when he got there, but it all disappeared when he glanced and the boy's hand made a bouncing thud onto the ground after the rest of his body.

"ash!", he breathed as his heart raced as he accelerated to sprinting.

having not seen his face in the last few moment prevented him from seeing the developing bags under his eyes, his skin had gotten so white he looked sick, and his hair looked like his head was shoved underwater. life was flowing out of him by the clock, and when the ticking stopped, the small opening of his eyes would give in. alain grabbed his back with one hand and his waist of the opposite side with the other, pulling him close towards his own body.

"well, this is an upgrade from teaching you how to use chopsticks", ash whispered, to save his energy for breath.

alain, as always only with ash, didn't know what to say and just chuckled sadly while pulling him closer.

"all that stuff you said about...dying. did you--?"

"what? oh...well...my chest hurt a lot these da...ys...s..."

ash would never admit it, his chest didn't want to be tired, but in the rarer and rarer times it did raise, it raised even lower than the last. his vision fizzed against his will until he couldn't feel anything.

ash's hand slipped from alain's shoulder onto the ground. once it was done bouncing in thuds, which was done sooner than he'd hoped, he didn't move. in all the things ash had said, in all the things he had taught him today, he'd never once promised to stay alive.

--i saw a star up close--

--it had fallen with fire--

--it had burned my burdens--

--and was already dead--

----

i won't give you an idea of how this ends; it is all up to the reader's imagination. 

if you want me to continue this oneshot, please say so, i love when people want sequels.

this is my first shipping oneshot in months so any criticism? yes please!

and bye for who knows how long lol. wattpad is only a hobby keep in mind.

:)