tw: details of gender identity conflict & severe cringe

r: strong language

au: high school in kalos

it might come as a shock to many of you that, as athletic and exercise-loving as he was, the ash we know hated gym class with a passion. it was boring, stupid, and overly competitive. did it make sense to swear at each other over whether the ball landed in the goal or not? he didn't think so.

but the worst part of gym was not having much flexibility for baggy clothes, which were his safe place. even when no one was looking at him, he felt so embarrassed that he could die every time his shirt sunk into his small body.

but he wasn't on his own.

"that was good, ash! considering you don't like basketball, i appreciate the effort. maybe a little more enthusiasm next time"

politely, ash smiled and nodded to professor kukui, knowing full well that shot he made just then wasn't at all effort and in fact a very much failed attempt to hit professor in the head.

he felt his hair being entangled into a firm grip and pulled back so he could face the worst of all faces: paul. mean, arrogant, and transph--...actually, you'll see that last one in action.

"yeah, good shot, ash. that was impressive for someone your height playing basketball", he mocked sarcastically, "but actually, now that i think about it, aren't you a too short for a boy? oh, wait..."

trip and alain snickered behind him while ash backed himself up into a wall, crossing his arms in an attempt to compress his chest.

just when he thought he might actually cry, the snickering stopped and almost instantly became a pile of empty, fearful apologies.

"i-i mean...it's not like boys can't, uh, be short, t-too"

"yeah...heh, we didn't mean anything by it, just, that you're good at basketball being such a short g--boy! uhm, we should go get changed--"

hesitantly, he looked up a little bit before raising his head to see a wall--a very protective and handsome wall--shielding him from the bullies that were now retreating.

"how shameless", kiawe muttered as he turned and bent down, placing his hands on the younger boy's shoulders, "are you okay?"

as always, ash found himself stuttering in the presence of his tall, muscular friend.

"a-ah, well, it's not a big deal, they're just idiots, really, so, of course i'm fine! we should go, and c-change!"

so perhaps we can conclude that there are two things in gym class that make ash feel self-conscious: 1. clothes. 2. paul and his tall, small-minded men. 

but, for some reason, kiawe always made sure to protect him, and seemed to have a deep hatred for anyone who messed with him, even if ash didn't really care that much. still, it made him feel safe. and i tell you, when your overprotective friend sometimes feels a little more like a friend to you, it's incredibly heart-fluttering.

but gym class wasn't the only struggle in ash's life. and we've only seen him in school so far.

"i'll just go step into the shower real quick while you change", kiawe told ash, who made a sound of agreement as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

"wo-woah!", trip yelled, sliding in ash's way to the door, "where d'you think you're going? let me guess. going to the bathroom to change again?"

ash tried to back away, but was shoved by paul the opposite way into a corner.

"what's wrong, ash? we're all boys here, aren't we?"

he felt a dark, intimidating shadow tower over him, blocking his sight from everything else.

"if you really want to be a man, then why not change with the rest of them? you could shower here, too, while you're at it. i heard girls tend to sweat more"

he shut his eyes, hoping for everything in that moment to just go away, except for a sudden hand that punched into the wall above him, barring paul away from him. 

the change in expression when kiawe grabbed paul by the collar was immaculate.

"you bored, dickhead? maybe you got dumped again by a girl that finally came to her senses? whatever your problem is, is not ash's fault, so leave. 'cause we're about to have a problem right now"

once the terror subsided, ash tended to feel bad for kiawe for always receiving his help. it was only because no one dared to mess with him that it didn't come at his expense. but he still felt that it was his responsibility to defend himself. why did he freeze like an idiot every time he was confronted?

"kaki..."

"you're stressed. go and take a shower and calm down. everyone else has left now, so take as much time as you need"

"thanks, kiawe. but, you know, you don't have to do this all the time"

kiawe's sharp blue eyes looked right into ash's dark, starry ones.

"i don't have to do what?"

"you know...helping me all the time. i never do anything for you in return, and i'm not really worth i--"

"shut up"

ash shut his mouth immediately after stuttering. he felt a pair of big, warm hands cupping his shoulders.

"if i want to defend you, i'll decide if you're worth it or not. and you don't need to do things for me in return. i'll defend you for the rest of my life if i want. got it?"

ash felt a rush of blood crash against his cheek as he nodded frantically, trying not to smile too much.

"mm..."

"alright. go shower, and take your time"

a few minutes later ash emerged from the shower room with a towel wrapped around his chest down to his thighs. his hands fidgeted above his knees which were rubbing against each other, and he didn't seem to want to look up.

"i...uh, forgot my clothes. i-i'll just get them"

as kiawe held out his hand with ash's shirt and jeans in his fist, ash tried to grab them as quickly as possible, while also feeling the warmth in his hands, and rain straight back to the bathroom.

kiawe chuckled with a slight frown, "he's still shy in front of me..."

he then caught sight of an inspirational poster on the wall. 'go for it!'. 'don't wait for the right time'. 'there might not be a tomorrow'. although the posters (if you consider the context of, i don't know, being inside the gym) were clearly about sport, kiawe saw it as a sign for something he had indeed been putting off for a long time. thinking there was no point or things were great how they were now.

but they weren't because he wanted more. and tonight, he might get it. and if not, perhaps it wouldn't be the end of the world because he wouldn't lose anything.

"hey, ash? if you're not busy tonight, wanna go to that cafe?", he called out, smiling.

"what cafe?", ash answered from the stall.

"you know, the one you always stare at on the way to school. you like seeing the strawberry desserts"

"how do you know that?"

"uh--! just, 'cause it's obvious. you always glare at 'em"

"hmm, okay!"

the place was small and cozy. the walls and floorboards were decked with spruce wood that smelled like autumn, and dim, fiery lanterns hung above every booth and corner. you could almost see the pitter-patter of music floating past each booth and table. it wasn't a perfect place to confess; no place was. but kiawe figured he couldn't do any better than this.

"i think i'll have iced boba tea. they have iced coffee, too, kiawe. will you get that?"

being snapped out of his thoughts, kiawe realized that he needed not to mess this up. 

"oh, yeah. i'll get that then"

"great! excuse me--"

while ash was drinking his tea and watching the rain outside, kiawe found himself staring at him and beginning to have a nervous breakdown. he couldn't confess to him now, like this. they just came to a cafe to relax, and now he springs it on him that he has years worth of feelings? he already had a bad day. what was he thinking...

"kiawe"

his heart skipped a beat.

"is something wrong? you seem a little off today"

he needed to escape and think this through first.

"oh, well, it's nothing big. just, i need to go to the bathroom, so--"

"what should i do...i thought this could be my chance to tell him i like him, but i keep getting distracted with other things. i probably just shouldn't. kaki wants to date real boys"

maybe if he looked out the window more he could cheer himself up. but then he saw kiawe sprinting into the rain.

kiawe took as many deep, cold breaths as he could. maybe being inside in that little space was fogging his mind up. even if it was in the rain, an open space might let him think more clearly.

"kiawe! what in the world are you doing?!"

never mind.

"i'll be back inside in a second, ash. if you stay here, you'll get sick"

"you'll get sick too if you stand out here all alone! what's going on with you?"

kiawe turned around to see the face he loved so much stressed, and confused.

"what do you mean?"

"you've been acting strange since we came. zoning out and quiet. if something's wrong, you can always tell me!"

"but i don't know how to tell you this!"

"tell me what--"

"that i love you!"

now that ash was completely silent, he could hear his heavy breathing clearly.

"wh...what did you say?"

"i love you, okay? i don't know why, i just really, really want you to be mine so i can protect and cherish you. i don't ever want to stop being there for you, even if you don't want me to, and even if you or i don't like it, it's because i love you. and i...i don't want this to be something that's wrong"

he wasn't expecting ash to react straight away after he just poured his heart out like that, but he was concerned when he didn't move for a few moments.

"ash?"

he saw his shoulder start to relax and his body start to loosen.

"ka...ki..."

"ash!"

kiawe dived in before ash's head could hit the ground, not caring less for his soaking wet, ripped shorts. even the confession didn't matter as much now; he needed to make sure ash was okay.

"i told you you'd get sick...", he whispered as he removed his jacket and wrapped it around the smaller boy.

the feeling of this next room was very different to the cafe. it wasn't cozy and warm, but kind of cold, and the walls and floor were plain white. the lights above ash's bed were blinding, which he was forced to realize when he woke up.

his eyes tried to flutter open slowly to adjust to the bright lights, which kiawe saw quickly and leaned forward.

"mnh..."

"ash? are you awake?"

ash didn't answer, but just kept trying to wake up. kiawe sighed and leaned back. 

"the doctor said you fainted from exhaustion. it makes sense. you had a rough day and were stood out in the rain not wearing much, but i probably made it worse by confessing to you so suddenly like that. i'm sorry, ash"

"mm, don't be sorry", ash croaked.

"it's fine. i have every reason to be"

"but still, even so, i don't want you to be sorry"

"why?"

ash had woken up a little more now and was able to sit up slightly.

"how can i be mad at you for liking me if i like you, too? that doesn't make any sense..."

kiawe's heart skipped a beat again. actually, it skipped many beats.

ash faced his frozen self and smiled.

"i wanted to tell you, but i wasn't sure if i should. i felt like you would want to be with a real boy"

"you are a real boy, ash", kiawe said, watching his crush's eyes sparkle while squeezing his hand tighter, "and nothing anyone says, no part of your body, is going to change that. all we need to do now is make you feel more comfortable with yourself, and i'll do whatever it takes for that. because i want to" 

without saying anything, ash's head fell against kiawe's chest, nuzzling into his neck. the older boy was starting to get nervous again. he could feel his light, delicate breathing under his chin. carefully, he leaned forward so that ash could lie down properly, and gently stroked his hair.

"ka...ki...it's warm..."

"that's the point", he chuckled before kissing his boyfriend on the forehead goodnight.

i hope you enjoyed my sleep-deprived attempt at fluff o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

i am not very good at this genre without being cringy, and in english as well, but if you have suggestions or any more requests you can always comment! 

(although as always there is no guaranteed deadline for requests)

please drink your water, eat your food, get your sleep and take your breaks. thank you and see you next time!

bonus: 

the requester for this oneshot said me to choose any ship and i wasn't sure so