[012] another life

                              When Iris suggests they leave their dorms in the middle of the night to go out, Gwen immediately agrees. It wasn't as though she had it in her to say no to Gwen anyway. She was seemingly powerless against Iris which the blonde already knew.

                               It was fairly late so the two girls had to try and keep quiet. As much as Gwen wants to ask Iris where she's going, she decides against it. She didn't want to end up annoying Iris. They make their way outside and Gwen feels pretty grateful that she's wearing a jacket when she feels the cold breeze. Before Gwen could now ask where they were going, Iris grabs a hold of her hand and the words completely melt away.

                               Iris ends up bringing her to the usual tree she sat under with Gwen. But while Iris let go of Gwen's hand and sat down, Gwen lingered for a moment. She kept looking around to make sure that there was no one else around.

                               "Won't we get in trouble?" Gwen questions before turning to look at Iris who had already pulled out her golden cigarette case and a lighter, the former being incredibly vintage. According to Gwen, it had been in her family for at least a century.

                               "Not if I threaten the guard to sabotage his job," Iris says as she takes a cigarette out from the pack and lights it up right then and there.

                               Gwen chuckles. "You are absolutely evil."

                               "You're just now realizing that?" Iris grinned, blowing smoke to the side. "Come down and sit with me. Please. I won't allow you to leave me alone here."

                               Gwen chuckles before she sits down next to Iris and the two girls soon share a cigarette between them. Although she was well aware of how delusional it sounded, she felt a thrill whenever Iris would take a drag from the cigarette and hand it over to her. Gwen takes a drag, placing her lips exactly where Iris's had been moments before. It was truly the closest thing to a kiss that Gwen would ever get from her.

                              "You couldn't sleep?" Gwen asks, assuming that that was the reason why Iris was up. After all, it was practically the reason why Iris usually went to Gwen's dorm so she could sleep with her.

                              "Yeah, I kept having nightmares these past couple of days. And it's the same one too," Iris admits before she takes another long drag from the cigarette and Gwen watches as the end glows in the darkness. "Maybe it's a fucking omen or something."

                              "Sorry," Gwen then apologizes, looking away from Iris. 

                              "What for? It's kind of exciting actually. I usually never remember my dreams. I guess that's what happens when I lay off the shit and try to go through life sober," Iris remarked.

                              "Well... do you want to talk about it?" Gwen offers. She had never talked with anyone about her dreams but she was a good listener nonetheless. And she wouldn't mind hearing about any of Iris's dreams. "I hear it helps if you talk about your dreams so it makes them a lot less scary."

                             Iris chuckled which confused Gwen. She didn't see what was funny about any of this. Upon noticing how confused Gwen was, Iris sobers up and looks at her best friend with a small smile. "I'm not laughing at you. It's just... I'm not sure if you'd want to hear about the dream if I told you."

                            "You can go ahead and tell me. I won't be freaked out. I can handle it," Gwen insisted.

                            "Fine. I dreamt that I was back home - at Saltburn. I had run away from the castle and I had ran right into the maze behind the house. That maze alone used to terrify me as a kid. I was so scared that I'd get lost in there and no one would ever find me. I was afraid my family would leave me there all alone to rot and eventually forget about me," Iris started.

                            "I can't imagine anyone ever forgetting about you," Gwen shakes her head. For as long as she lived, the memory of Iris Catton would forever remained engraved into her mind. "You're pretty unforgettable."

                            Iris chuckles, feeling herself beginning to blush like she was some little schoolgirl. "Anyway, I dreamt that I had gotten lost in the maze. But I eventually made it to the end after what felt like hours of wandering around. And then..."

                            "And then?" Gwen prompts, wondering about what would happen next. "Iris, what happened?"

                            "And then you were there," Iris answered, the look on her face... haunting.

                            "I was in your dream?" Gwen asks, slightly concerned. "What was I doing in your dream?"

                            "Yeah. But it wasn't you. I don't know how to explain it. You were wearing horns on your head, like the minotaur statue we have. I tried calling your name but you didn't answer. You were completely gone. You started chasing me and I tried to run but my legs turned into mush. Or at least it felt like they did. I fell to the ground, and you towered over me, your eyes turning red. And then you pulled out a knife out of nowhere and you stabbed me to death right inside of the maze," Iris replied.

                           She could still remember every detail. Sure, the dream had only happened half an hour ago. But Iris couldn't forget about it even if she tried.

                            Gwen pauses. "What?"

                             "It felt so real. I woke up with sweat everywhere. Even my cuts were starting to feel itchy. Even though you had terrified me in my dream, I just knew I had to see you," Iris explains.

                          She swore that she even managed to feel the pain from all of the stab wounds. She could even smell the blood. Iris had actually been freaking out when she woke up in a cold sweat, her heart racing.

                              No wonder she had been so cryptic when she first showed up to Gwen's door earlier.

                             "You don't think I'd be capable of killing you... do you?" Gwen asked. She couldn't imagine ever laying a hand on Iris to harm her in any way, let alone killing her.

                             "I don't know. Are you capable of killing me?" Iris questioned before she takes another drag from her cigarette.

                             "Of course not!" Gwen exclaims. "I'd never do something like that."

                             "So you've never thought about killing anyone before? You've never even hurt someone once?" Iris raises a brow.

                             "No," Gwen answers quickly. "I'm sorry to disappoint but I don't have any homicidal urges. I'm completely and utterly normal. Boring but normal."

                             Iris raises a brow. "I don't believe that for a second. You know what I thought when I first got to know you properly?"

                            "What?" Gwen asks. She had always wanted to know what Iris had thought of her since the beginning of their friendship. While Gwen had made her thoughts pretty clear, Iris hadn't done the same thing.

                            "I said to myself, this girl is awkward and so fucking weird but... she's got something special. And I'm rarely wrong about people," Iris says, handing Gwen the cigarette.

                            Gwen reluctantly takes the cigarette back from Iris. "There's nothing special about me. I grew up with parents that didn't care about me and no friends. The only thing that's special about me is that I'm not very special at all."

                            "I wish we could've met sooner. Then maybe you wouldn't feel so shitty about yourself. In another life, the only thing that would've been different is us," Iris says with a shake of her head. "We would've been best friends a lot sooner. I really could've used having you in my life when I was younger."

                            "You were lonely too?" Gwen asked. It was hard for her to imagine that Iris was ever lonely. But she was learning that there was a lot more to Iris Catton than what met the eye.

                            "Yeah. I mean, I had a lot of friends but I couldn't connect with any of them. With them, I always had to pretend and lie and be someone I'm not. I don't have to worry about that with you. I could just be completely myself and it feels... so relieving," Iris answered.

                            "Yeah, I know what you mean," Gwen nods.

                            "You do? When have you ever had to pretend?" Iris asks, sitting up a little more.

                            "Lots of times. I... I never stayed at one school for very long. I transferred to ten different schools throughout my childhood. Every time I tried to fit in and make friends, it just... never worked out. I tried to be someone I'm not and I always failed. I was never good enough. Never worthy of love or attention. Things have really changed for me since I've been here. I'm just scared of it all falling apart," Gwen admits.

                          She looks over at Iris, wondering if Iris would start looking at her differently. Gwen knew that normal people didn't transfer to ten different schools in their lifetime. That was bound to bring up some hard questions and Gwen couldn't even begin to answer them. Gwen was terrified at the thought of telling her the truth.

                            "It won't. You got me and I'll be the one to protect you. You don't have to worry about that happening ever again. I love you and I'll give you as much attention as you want," Iris quickly assures her.

                           Just as long as you do the same for me. Keep me entertained and I'll give you the entire world. My love doesn't come for free.

                           Gwen smiles sadly in Iris's direction and she rests her head on Iris's shoulder. Iris starts stroking her hair in an effort to try and comfort her. It works like a charm and Gwen feels ten times better than before. Sure, she hadn't told Iris the entire truth. She couldn't even if she wanted to. After Iris told Gwen about her nightmare, there was no way she could tell her the full truth about why she had struggled so much in her childhood. Or why she had transferred to so many different schools in the first place.

                          "I love you, Iris," Gwen suddenly says, interrupting the silence between them.

                          "I love you too, Gwen," Iris responds.

                          She then kissed Gwen on the forehead and it was enough to make Gwen smile.

                          After the two of them finish smoking cigarettes outside, they'd go back inside to Gwen's dorm room. Gwen holds Iris in bed and eventually drifts off to sleep. Iris pretends to do the same but when she was sure that Gwen was asleep, Iris pulls away from Gwen and climbs out of bed completely. Iris honestly couldn't sleep after her nightmare and plus, her curiosity would ultimately get the better of her.

                          She wants to know more about Gwen since she hadn't learned nearly enough. Gwen had given her bits and pieces here and there but Iris still needed to know the full story. And she was determined to find out what those secrets might be.

                          Iris begins looking around Gwen's dorm, trying to look for any pictures or some sort of memorabilia that'd be associated with Gwen's home. But there was nothing there. There was absolutely nothing at all. Iris already found that a little odd. Even she had a couple things from home but Gwen had absolutely nothing. It's like Gwen had done everything to erase her past and completely start over.

                          But just as Iris decided to give up, she decided to look underneath the bed. It's then that she finds a journal underneath and she instantly pulls it out. Iris quickly realized that this was probably Gwen's diary or something. She looks over at Gwen to make sure that she was asleep and Gwen was practically sound asleep.

                           Iris lets her curiosity get the better of her and she decides to look through Gwen's journal, curious to read some of her writing. And Iris was definitely not disappointed.

( 🍇🖤🔪 )

word count: 2028
notes: oooh what do you guys think iris found in gwen's journal?