Playlist - Tolerate It by Taylor Swift

Luna

My eyes widened as I glanced at my iPhone and jumped out of bed. I was in a deep slumber when Ares rang my phone, the ringing didn't even register in my sleep dozed state.

I strutted off-balance to my french windows and squinted at the headlights that came into view, shining outside my window. Undoubtedly, it was indeed Ares's car. I inched closer to see whether he was standing anywhere near.

My phone rang again, I immediately answered it. "Ares, it's three in the morning. What do you possibly want now that couldn't be postponed until human morning?"

"Do you want me to climb up to your window or are you going to be sweet and open the front door for me?" He asked in a low voice.

"My aunt will kill you if she finds you in my bedroom," I stated.

"The risk of getting caught makes everything more thrilling. If you don't open your front door within two minutes then I am climbing up your bedroom window."

Despite his unusual timing, a shot of excitement sprang through my body. He's never been inside my bedroom without aunt Lucille knowing about it.

Already, I felt myself caving under his powerful spell. I was tempted to deny him his wish, but soon I found myself walking on my tiptoes to open the door for him.

I was met with the smug face of Ares on the doorstep before I could step outside.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" He didn't wait for my reply and stepped inside my foyer. I stepped back as he stepped forward. The door was shut behind him.

He was dressed in his jeans and an expensive olive green hoodie which made his forest eyes gleam brighter even in the dark of the night. His hair lay across his temples beautifully.

Momentarily feeling insecure about my own appearance, I tried to right my oversized night tshirt.

"I'm certain you've lost your brain," I whisper yelled, trying not to wake my aunt up. "It's three in the morning."

He kept coming. "Did I mention that you look pretty?" He whispered the words in his deliciously low voice.

"No," I pouted. "That's not the point. I was tired and you woke me up."

He ignored me and snuck upstairs, leaving me with no choice but to follow after him. My heart was pounding a hard staccato, I prayed my aunt wouldn't wake. If she caught me with Ares then I fear I'll be stuck with a babysitter while she's away.

Once inside, I closed the door and watched Ares scan my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and rounded up to him. He turned to face me, his hand slipping around my waist, pulling me flush against his chest.

I didn't blink as I held his eyes, his beautiful greens sharp and gleaming. I was sure my cheeks had a deep red rush to it from the way we held each other's eyes. For reasons I couldn't name, my eyes refused to unlock from his. It felt as if he wouldn't let me.

"There better be a good reason as to why you woke me up?" My hands went to hold his nape.

"I-I..." I waited for him. "I wanted to see you. I missed you." His words held a touch of disbelief and vulnerability to it and even in the darkness of my bedroom, the contours of his beautiful face hadn't gone unnoticed.

There are so many things that I want to say to him. To ask him. Yet uncertainty prompted me to hold myself back. I wish I knew what we were doing, but I didn't want to risk this 'thing' going on between us.

I was already spellbound by him and now trepidation was steadily growing within me. I can only find these tingling, stimulating, alive feelings when Ares is around me. It took awhile for my brain to register these sensations; but I no longer can ignore them.

Just this previous morning I thought I could handle being a high school fling to him, to be a distant memory to him... I won't hold my breath anymore.

The only sensible move I should make right now is tell him how I feel about him.

I forced myself to step out of his hold, but he wouldn't budge. "Ares..."

"What? I can't hold you anymore?" He chuckled as amusement teased his lips.

I breathed in and out a few times, and then the words spilled out before I could stop myself. "I love you, Ares," I declared, softly

He stilled and fell silent, looking taken aback, and I faltered, watching my words work their way through his head,

"Why?" he looked at me curiously.

His grip on my waist loosened and I took this as my chance to step away from him. I wasn't thrilled about what's to follow after my confession. He could potentially break my heart or maybe do the unexpected. He could whisper back those words to me.

"I don't know." I looked down, my bare feet and his booted ones inches apart. "It's just one of the things I can't help but feel."

When I looked up at Ares to find his expression is blank, telling me nothing, but this takes nothing away from his impossible beauty.

"Fuck," he finally speaks. "I don't know how to respond to that." He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his relaxed style. "We are having fun, aren't we? I nodded. "Then why are you ruining it with this love bullshit." He sounded pissed.

My mouth dried, and I found it difficult to speak, but somehow, I managed. "That's my drawback for being a hopeless romantic." I laughed at myself for letting my stupid feelings take control of me. "I want you to love me the way that I love you." My palms reached out to touch his face, but he reared back as if I'd slapped him and stared down at me with an unreadable expression.

His body had gone rigid, and his jaw clenched and unclenched as the silence stretched between us. "You're ruining it for me, baby."

"I'm protecting myself from a damaging heartbreak." I wrapped my arms around me feeling cold and small.

His scent was suffocating, killing me in the most painful way. Slowly, I dragged my eyes away from him and my gaze yet again falling on his booted feet.

"Look at me, Luna," he whispered, his hand traveling to my lower back and pressing me forward to meet his hard body.

I refused to meet his eyes because I knew it would be my undoing. If he couldn't give me his love in return then there's no point in being swayed away by him.

"Please, baby look at me," he ordered gently. "You're killing me here."

I battle to keep my protective shield in place, not staring at his face or into his impossibly compelling eyes would do the trick. He makes it difficult for me to keep up my prance as he stoops further, pushing his face into my neck.

I close my eyes shut. God, he just won't give up.

Caught up in a haunting dilemma, I don't know whether I want him to stop or let him invade my space further.

I want him more than I know I should. I don't want to feel lifeless once he goes away to college and breaks my heart.

"I need more of you, baby. It's slowly becoming a habit of mine to feel you, taste you and drink every drop you have to offer." His palm felt out the back of my head, his fingers combing through my hair and holding me in place.

His lips reach mine and the feel of them drugs my rational senses. The shield shatters and a suppressed sob slips past my lips, my eyes squeezing shut to prevent the tears from trickling down my cheeks. 'Open your mouth,' he whispers.

My jaw relaxes at his gentle demand, giving him free rein on my senses, and his tongue slips slowly and softly past my lips, sweeping a sweet circle of my mouth, his body moving in closer to mine. There's not a part of me that's not touching him. All my resolve fades away, my head tilted to grant him better access, and my hands lift of their own accord, feeling up his sides until they're on his shoulders. He's set a painfully slow, tender pace, and I'm following, massaging his tongue with mine and failing to do what I know I should.

'See how easy it is?' he asks, slowly pulling away and pecking my lips. "The exploration, adventure, just think of all of the things we could experience together without letting emotions get the best of us."

As his lips got off mine, sensibility seemed to kick inside my head and the meaning of his words registered in my head.

"Yeah, you will get to live all of that when you're off to college while I'll be still in high school finishing my senior year," I told him. "What will you do when you meet someone more suitable to your taste, huh? Will you fuck her or remain faithful to your high school girlfriend?" I asked him and took a step back.

"Back the fuck up?" He held his hand up. "College, high school girlfriend... what on earth are you talking about?" Confusion danced through his eyes, scrunching the beauty of his face.

I was going to turn bright red and die. "Uhm... won't we still..."

"You are teetering off to a dangerous territory, Luna. You're seventeen, for heaven's sake. What makes you think I'm ready to commit to you for the rest of my life."

His words confirm my thoughts. Damn girls and their deepness, and damn boys for their hollowness. I was a fool to think that things between us will ever escalate to something akin to love.

For him, we were just two teenagers having fun with each other. I must remember that. These feelings are spiked by lust and nothing more.

"I'm not this kind of person, Ares. I don't do things like this. I am an emotional person and right now you're tampering with my feelings."

"I can't give you anything real, but that doesn't mean I am gonna let you dictate the course of our relationship. You're mine."

"No, I'm not yours. I can't be with someone who won't reciprocate my feelings."

He steps forward and runs his hand behind my neck,"I liked it when you were mean."

"You like the challenge that I pose. It gets you off, doesn't it? I bet once you get what you want from me, I'll be discarded like your previous conquests."

He didn't say anything and I barely noticed that his grip from neck had loosened.

"You want nothing more than to stake your claim on anything cause that stirs up excitement within you. You think of this like a game, but unlike you, I deserve to be with someone who will love me for me."

I pushed Ares away from me still he didn't waver in his stance.

"It's better that you leave and not talk to me anymore."

His eyes sharpened on me. "Do you live in a fantasy world where I am dying to talk to you?" His jaw flexed. The glare in his eyes was heart-stopping. "You know, I was nice to you. Nicer than I was to anyone." He squared his shoulders. "You know how many girls I can get like that?" He snapped his fingers.

I was well aware that he could get any piece of ass he wanted and had already. I wasn't the first to touch or kiss him. Yet he was my first proper kiss and the first to touch me, taste me.

"Thanks for sparing me five minutes of your day," I mumbled, bitterly. "It was a privilege to me."

"Your loss," he snapped, angrily, pointing his finger at me.

Turning away, he left my bedroom and headed down the stairs, and in that moment, my insides crumbled when I realized that it was over between us.

We both wanted different things from each other. It shouldn't have been a surprise to me because I knew this was meant to happen and I'm glad it happened before I got more attached.

Still, a larger part of me felt heavy and empty.

I didn't want him to go. Maybe I could make peace with not getting his love in return. This could still work if I keep my emotions locked away deep inside myself. I should go down and stop him. That will only give him more power over you.

Tears lodged in my throat, and I blinked long and hard to keep the tears away. I was so stupid to give him my heart when he didn't even want it.

Tomorrow when we are back at school, he won't be there to smile at me, kiss me, claim me as his. We'll pass each other in the hallway, but this time he'll be indifferent to my presence. I'll be an insignificant person to him.

I didn't want to cry over this yet the tears won't stop spilling.

I hate him. I love him so much.

***

The games are just beginning.

update on january sixteen