chapter thirty-eight ;; giving up
third person
°☆.。.:*・°☆

Seokjin's hands were shaking unbelievably. He couldn't tell if it was from the lack of sleep, his mind only filled with the youngest one and his bunny-toothed smile, or the constant words running through his mind that never stopped, convincing him more and more to confess. A reminder was set in his mind, one where Jeongguk said he hated liars. Seokjin would be a liar if he went around and acted like nothing was wrong. That seems to be more important than the well being of his own lover, and that made the elder sick. After all, Seokjin couldn't help his feelings, for they had their own mind.

As Seokjin sits on a bleacher, catching glances at the undeniably cute and happy boy sitting next to him, he found himself mentally preparing. He knew exactly what it he was preparing for, taking sneak peaks of Jeongguk as he flashed a bright smile towards Seokjin and quickly wrapped his arms around his shoulders in glee.

"We're about to win!" Jeongguk shouts, needing to look up since Seokjin was taller, even than Taehyung, if only by a little.

"...We are." Seokjin sadly smiles while looking down, needing to quickly avert his eyes before letting any unwanted words pass his lips.

The mind of the brunette's was an absolute war zone of thoughts, some scolding as others encouraged. He hated himself. That was a known fact, but he shouldn't, because he simply can't control what his heart desired. And his heart desired the little bunny currently jumping up and running over to his boyfriend. Seokjin wouldn't necessarily call himself jealous, watching the young couple happily praise the win as Jeongguk jumps up and wraps his legs around Taehyung's waist, but there was definitely something as he noticed his left eye twitching ever so slightly.

"Princess!" Namjoon calls out, pulling the Seokjin out of deep thoughts. Said male could barely look up at the blonde male, too ashamed of himself to. They hadn't kissed like they used to in so long, and Namjoon was densely noticing, but he was also beginning to understand what was stirring about, "Are you okay-?"

"I need to speak with you." Seokjin weakly says, not allowing any sort of smile fall onto his face at the sight of Namjoon's attractive yet confused face and Jeongguk's happy laughter a few feet away.

"Actually," Namjoon suddenly smiles, grabbing onto Seokjin's left hand, the that one with their promise ring, a black band on the elder's ring finger, "I have something I want to say as well." Deep dimples showing through accompany a happy Namjoon grin that holds onto an impending doom while guiding Seokjin to a somewhat desolate area, "We'll both say what we want to say on three." The younger with a smooth voice continues, now standing underneath a rather large pine tree.

"Namjoon-" Seokjin meekly speaks in fear and grabs out to hold his hand in order to stop his actions. Namjoon only shakes his head, always taking say over his boyfriend.

"Princess, I'm pretty sure we have the same news." He confidently speaks, turning his nose up with a playful tone, "One-"

"Namjoon-"

"Shush, two."

"Namjoon, I really don't think-"

"Three." The younger brightly smiles with excitement.

"-Move in with me!-" Namjoon proudly speaks.

"-I like Jeongguk!-" Seokjin shouts in frustration at his boyfriend not listening. It wasn't supposed to come out this way, not like this. He wished to sit Namjoon down and calmly tell him the new problem between the two, not shout it out and see the smile instantly fall from his face.

For a while, the two lovers stood in a suffocating silence, frozen and absent of what to say. Namjoon only dropped his helmet, allowing the thud to draw out and a tumble to follow. His knees didn't take much longer to fall either. Seokjin had to take a step back, afraid of crashing down. His boyfriend's knees sunk into the mud as it had stormed the night before. Namjoon's already dirty football uniform now had clean circles on the knees, but he didn't care. Those were the least of his worries.

"You like...?" Namjoon whispers, voice barely audible and eyes with a blank stare that looked upon nothing in particular.

Seokjin got down on his knees as well, staring at the blonde while he continued to avert the older's gaze. In that moment, they both felt heartbroken. He regretted his decision more than anything else, but he couldn't regret his feelings. They were true and they were there. Seokjin hated himself for thinking such things.

The elder nods with teary eyes, finding no use in having Namjoon finish his breathy sentence sure to end with a cry. Seokjin reaches out to clutch onto the blonde's face, to tell him that he was sorry and that they could work past this, but Namjoon wasn't having it, instead whacking his hands away and swiftly standing up.

"I'm an idiot." He huskily speaks to himself with undeniable anger and pity towards his own self, "I took you in, after what I'd gone through. I helped you, showed you what was right there the whole time."

"Namjoon-"

"It was silly of me. You would've gotten out of that situation one way or another, right?" He continues to speak with a blank tone and pushes the brown haired boy's pleas aside for his moment of mourning over their falling relationship that used to seem as strong as steal. The words fell out of his mouth.

"Namjoon, please." Seokjin cries out, staring up at the younger with urgency. He was throwing a fit and looked like a complete child. After all, the elder was a princess for a reason.

"My old love broke my heart, and I took yours to somehow fix mine!" Namjoon hollers into the empty area, birds flying away with the sudden shouting erupting through the air.

"I know, I know you did!" Seokjin cries out, face scrunched and tears freely falling without a doubt. His face was already soaked, crying always coming easy.

"Then why are you doing this to me?!"

"I didn't mean to do it!" He tries to explain with a heaving chest that jolts with gasps for air, "Why- Why do you think I'd want this?!"

"But you're telling me anyways..." Namjoon whispers, now only realizing his own vision was hazy, "Why tell me if it wasn't important, huh?" He asks with clenched teeth, "Answer me!" His low voice shouts once the latter doesn't answer. He wraps his fingers around the elder's locks while Seokjin remains on his knees.

"Because Jeongguk doesn't like liars..." Seokjin whispers with a slight hiss at the pain.

"Says the one who doesn't like Jeongguk." Namjoon mumbles with pure and hurt anger, allowing his hand to pull back and for Seokjin to allow his head to fall back down.

"Namjoon, we can work through this, together." Seokjin scrambles, wrapping his firm arms around Namjoon's legs and staring up at him, "Just try, at least fight for this relationship."

"I...I can't, not right now, not knowing you're only fantasizing about Jeongguk instead of me." Seokjin bites his lip at the comment, silent tears remaining to fall behind sniffs.

He felt empty, like his body was limp. Seokjin wanted to fall down and never get back up, to stay on the dirty ground and stay there for a while. Namjoon's hand suddenly opens up in front of the older. Seokjin sees it as a moment to grab onto his hand and stand up, a hopeful smile crashing from his face before hearing the fateful words which hurt the most, "Give me your promise ring back."

"No!" Seokjin quickly shrieks in surprise, drawing his hand back and putting it to his chest while the other clutched onto it. He could feel the cold metal against his exposed collarbones, the neckline of his shirt dipped down, "This ring is mine, and you gave it to me to keep."

"I said that to a man that still wanted me." Namjoon bites, pulling Seokjin's hand open and slowly sliding the black band off. Seokjin didn't do anything to fight back against the action. He was tired of fighting, knowing all too well winning wasn't an option right now. Only if he knew Namjoon wanted him to fight, to prove he was loyal.

"I do still want you." Seokjin whispers, knees cold and wet, arms limply at his sides and hands digging into the soft ground at his soft fingertips.

He wanted to disappear, even somehow hearing Jeongguk's giddy laughter in the background. It was all soon to fall apart, and Seokjin knew Jeongguk wouldn't want anything to do with him once finding out about everything. He could only hope Taehyung would shield him from the truth for just a little longer. Seokjin had already told him about his feelings in a rash decision.

"I know you do." Namjoon says while picking up his helmet that rolled away. While he walks back towards the school, leaving Seokjin behind, a few last words slipped past his dry mouth, "I wish I could say the same again."

Two weeks, two weeks since they've been together, two weeks since loving smiles, two weeks since a feeling of being whole without any missing parts. Bruised knuckles and faces had formed, only making the couple barely out of arms reach. Even though they both hid behind a terrible and masked visage, there was still a cry and plea for the other that would soon be put at rest, all thanks to a hurricane of a bunny.

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i'm so, so sorry abt this update. for starters, it's ultimately poorly written ++ it's overly sad for no apparent reason??¿ idfk, whatever.