Chapter Thirty Five
Primadonna

SYDNEY LEFT SCHOOL early without saying a word to anyone.  She was granted permission at the beginning of the year registration to check herself out.  It came in handy at times like this.  She laid on her couch with a blanket wrapped around her,  watching The OC. It was the only thing she could think of to calm her nerves at the moment.

She thought she could do it. Se thought she was ready to take a big step and go back to school but she wasn't. She couldn't even walk by the staircase without her throat staring to hurt. It was too soon and she's felt like a coward.

Half way through season 2, she heard a knock at the front door.  She paused the show and threw the blanket off her body,  lazily getting off the couch to answer to the door.  She was shocked to see Carmen Diaz standing on the other side.  "Mrs.  Diaz."

"Hi she's,"  she spoke softly.  She looked tired like she hadn't slept in days.  she's knew she hadn't.  How could she?

Realizing she hadn't said anything,  she stepped back and opened the door wider.  "Do you want to come in?"

With a quick nod, Carmen walked into the large home and around in awe. "Your home is beautiful."

"Thank you. My parents aren't home right now or I'd have them say hi," she responded. She motioned to the couch. "Sit down, please."

Carmen smiled and sat down, Sydney following quickly. She awkwardly rubbed her hands on her legs. "I'm sorry I haven't called you since what happened."

Carmen shook her head. "You don't have to be sorry, Sydney. I understand how you must be feeling."

Sydney licked her lips. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Diaz. I can't imagine what you and your mother are going through."

Carmen grabbed the girl's hand and squeezed it. "It's so hard. I'm afraid to go to sleep at night. I haven't been focusing at work. I can hardly eat because I'm so anxious. It's like I'm living in an actual nightmare."

That's when she's realized she wasn't alone and that Carmen Diaz knew exactly how she was feeling. She was a scared mother who was terrified for her son. She understood better than anyone. "I know that feeling. I. . . I-I haven't been able to sleep either. I keep seeing the fall in my head. And the sound."

She looked over to see Carmen looking at her sadly. "I haven't told anyone this, but. . . after it happened I came home and had an anxiety attack. I ended up in the hospital."

Carmen gasped quietly. "Oh sweetheart."

"I'm sorry I didn't go and see him. I-I just couldn't." Sydney stammered and her voice started shaking.

"Bo no, sweetheart, don't apologize," Carmen said quickly and squeezed her hand again. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

Her eyes started to water. "I miss him so much."

The woman wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. "Would you like to see him?"

she's let out a shaky breath. "I don't know if I can."

"I'll be there with you. and my mother. I'll fight any doctor that tries to stop you," Carmen encouraged, making she's laugh a little. "I know he won't know you're there but I think it'll help a whole lot. Please come see him."

She just couldn't say no to Carmen Diaz.

Sydney hated hospitals. She hated the smell and how cold they always were. When she was little, she fell and twisted her ankle and had to go to the hospital for an X-ray. Then when she was twelve, she broke her arm during dance practice and had to go to the hospital again. Hospital's terrified her. Also, she hated needles and every time she had to get a shot, she passed out.

Walking in with Carmen and Rosa, she looked around the large environment nervously.  Her arm was looped through Carmen's anxiously.

"Estás bien cariño?"  Yaya asked when she saw her nervous expression.

"Estoy bien. Solo un poco nervioso,"  she replied.  with a sigh.  "Ok, muy nervioso,"

Carmen grinned.  "Your Spanish has improved so much."

Sydney smiled.  "I have a great tutor."

Carmen squeezed her hand. 

The closer they got to Miguel's room,  the more sick Sydney felt. They had lied to the front desk that Sydney was Miguel's cousin, which made her gag internally. But it got her into the back room so she took what she could get. Nothing could prepare her for seeing Miguel laying in a hospital bed with a head and neck cast on.

Her heart shattered.

"Hey Miggy," Carmen spoke softly to her son. "I brought someone here to see you."

Sydney couldn't speak. She was afraid to say anything.

Carmen glanced at her over her shoulder. "We'll give you some alone time."

She and Rosa walked out of the room, leaving her alone with Miguel. Sydney's brown eyes scanned his appearance. He looked so peaceful and so lifeless at the same time. Miguel was pretty sleeper. she's always smiled when she saw that he was sleeping because he looked so cute. But now he didn't look like Miguel and it broke her heart into a million pieces.

"Hi," she squeaked. She swallowed harshly. "This is so weird."

He didn't respond but she knew if he did, he would roll his eyes at her.

"I've been thinking about this moment a lot and what I would say,  now I have no clue what to say," she said quietly.

She stood there in silence for five minutes,  imagining him responding in her head.  She wanted so badly to hear his voice.  she's grabbed the chair by his bed and scooted it closer to him,  sitting down and gently grabbing his limp hand.  She scoffed.  "Leave it to you to scare the shit out of me.  You just love seeing me suffer,  don't you?"

Her eyes started to water and she bit her lip.  She shook her head and looked down at their hands.  "This is so stupid.  I feel so stupid.  I don't even know why I'm here,"  she stared at his expressionless face.  Her throat started to burn.  "Why did you have to do that?  Why did you have to get in the middle?  You fucking told me not to get involved and look what you did. This is exactly why I never got into karate.  All it's good for is hurting people.  You know what when you wake up,  no more karate,  okay?  I'm going to teach you how to dance.  You can be my duet partner."

He would have laughed at the way she said it.  Then he would have grabbed her hand and said he couldn't dance because he really couldn't.

That's when she started to cry.  "I've gone my entire life not crying over anything and suddenly you show up and now I feel like i'm crying a million times a day.  What the fuck,  you asshole.  You see the effect you have? I never gave a shit about anyone before you showed up. Now I have to worry about losing you, too?"

Sydney brought his hand up and rested it against her cheek. Tears fell down her eyes and onto her leg. She shook her head against and squeezed her eyes shut. "You don't get to just come into my life and make me fall for you, and be sweet, and charming,  and caring, and make me open up to you just to end up like this. Do you have any idea how hard it is to open up to someone? To tell me about your problems and how your really feeling on the inside? It's fucking hard. And I ask myself, 'Sydney, why do you care so much? Why is this boy so special that you tell him all these things about yourself?' and I never understood why until now,"

She opened her eyes and stared at him, still holding his hand. "I love you, okay? I'm so in love with you, Miguel Diaz. You have completely consumed every aspect of my life. I'm sorry I didn't say it before. I'm sorry if you thought I didn't care. I'm so sorry. I will tell you every single day. I just need you to come back, okay? I-I don't care what the outcome is. I'll do anything for you, okay? I'll help you get around. I. . . " her voice broke and she took a large breath to steady her breathing. "I need you. We all do. Nothing is the same without you, Mig. You're the light at the end of the tunnel. The light at the end of my tunnel.
Just—Just come back to us, okay? Please don't go."

Sydney cried against his limp hand, unaware that Carmen was listening on the other side, crying herself.

It was a huge decision to go back to school after having a breakdown in the cafeteria. Sydney was having a war in her head.  After going to see Miguel,  she went home and cried in bed.  Her mom sat in her room with her and they discussed what they thought was best for her.  Sydney didn't want to run away from her problems anymore. She didn't want people to know she was struggling so she put on a brave face and went to school, faking the confidence that she usually had.

It was still hard to ignore the eyes on her when she walked inside. She let the police officer search her bag while she stood their awkwardly, feeling the stares and hearing the whispers.  She noticed a group of girls standing by the trophy case eyeing her and whispering to each other as they stared at her.  Feeling a searing anger,  sydney took back her bag and stormed up to them. 

"Do you have something you wanna say?"  She snapped,  glaring at them.

Looks of fear crossed their faces and they stopped talking.  "N-No."  One of them said and shook her head.

"Okay then.  I suggest you stop staring at me or else you're gonna be the one getting thrown into that trophy case,"  she threatened.  "Het the hell out of here."

Without saying a word,  the three girls scurried off and Sydney smirked. 

"Syd."

Her face fell and she turned around to see Sam standing behind her.  Sydney shook her and head and began to walk off.  "Not now,  Sam,"

Sam stopped her quickly.  "Sydney,  please talk to me."

She went to grab her arm but she's quickly yanked it away.  "I don't want to fucking talk to you,  Sam.  alright?"

Sam looked hurt by her harsh tone. Sydney sighed. "Look, things are really bad right now okay? I'm worrying constantly about Miguel and whether or not he's going to wake up. I feel like I'm losing my mind every day when I wake up. I know you didn't mean for that fight to happen but it was caused by something you, Tory, and Charlie started. I don't want to be involved with the drama okay? So for right now, just leave me alone."

She stormed off down the hall and her legs were shaking in anger.

The day dragged on after that.  Sydney most stayed with Demetri or Moon when she wasn't with Yasmine.  She had taken her medication before coming to school to ease her nerves.  Throughout the day,  she had done good focusing on her school work of the drama with Sam and Tory.  That quickly crumbled when she in the cafeteria with Demetri and her phone started to vibrate.  Carmen's name showed up on her screen.

"Carmen?"  She said when she answered.

"Sydney,  it's Miguel.  He's awake."

If this didn't hurt you then you have no soul cause I'm in tears.