"White signifies Innocence but it also signifies Loss and emptiness, Self-doubt and cowardliness."
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In all consideration, the prospect of actually loving his friend hadn't entirely dawned on him until this morning, as Remus woke him up and James felt as if he was getting a fever from how red he was. Any eye or physical contact had the boy reeling back as if stung harshly. The only person to notice or gave any indication that they noticed was Sirius who was grinning from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat. As the boys filed out of the dorm and common room altogether, James couldn't help but notice the way most of the girls, either ones who were fond of Remus or just liked him general, were glaring straight at the group as if they could intimidate them with their stares.

Rolling his stiff shoulders, the boy bit the inside of his cheek as he watched them whisper and mumble to each other. They looked to be a year above them not that James paid attention to how old they were as one of the girls, a black-haired one who seemed to be the main gossiper of the whole group, walked on over. Sirius paused in his walk causing Peter to bump into his back which only made the boy stagger forwards. James felt himself stiffen when the girl was right in front of him, the trio looked confused, if not highly cautious but James only managed to give a fake smirk and wave his friends off, he could handle a little jealousy, or so he hoped.

Placing her hands on her hips, the girl upturned her nose and sneered at the shorter boy with as much malice as she could muster. In other cases, James would have laughed or even waved it off but when he was battling with his own emotions and the girl in front him was a sole Remus Lupin lover, he could do nothing but shrink away cursing himself for the way his emotions drove his actions. Either the girl didn't see or didn't care because, without any true warning, she was grabbing his collar and shaking him like a rag doll. How people allowed her to get away with this? Well, James suspected it was the same way people allowed them to bully Severus.

"At first...I thought you were actually joking, just a little prank amongst friends but actually seeing and hearing you, the rumor has to be true. A spoiled, arrogant and spineless coward like you could never be with someone like Remus! It's absurd, you'll make his life even worse, besides, he probably doesn't-"

"Williams."

The girl paused in her anger fueled rant, shoving James backward as if he was a weak child before whirling around to face the red-haired Gryffindor who had her wand out already, a fierce gleam of anger in her eyes that James was lucky it wasn't for him. Straightening her posture, Lily kept her glare on and her wand out, standing to her full height that seemed much taller than Sixth Year, Elizabeth Williams. Glancing briefly at the boy pressed up against the wall, Lily fixed Elizabeth with a stare that could rival Snape's glare as she curled her lips into a sweet smile.

"I doubt you want to be hexed to drool everywhere unless you want me to?" The way she spoke was almost as if she was joking but Elizabeth knew better, especially when the girl was protecting one of her housemates. Scoffing underneath her breath, the girl stormed off with the rest of her crew. Once out of sight, Lily felt her shoulders slump as she pressed her lips into a thin line and stared at the boy who was too busy trying to make sure no one had heard Elizabeth's angered rant. Stiffening his shoulders, James tried to dismiss the way his eyes stung as he cleared his throat.

"I think I handled that pretty well, don't you?"

"You're shaking Potter, I wouldn't be surprised if you started crying again," Lily mumbled as she walked forward, taking off the boy's glasses to notice that he had indeed started to cry but with the way James bit his lip and tried to ignore the salt water forming at the edges of his eyes, Lily could already tell what he was thinking and it made her guilt increase tenfold. Wiping the glasses with her sleeve, the red-haired girl waited until James was able to calm down his watery eyes before slipping them back on.

The silence that stretched across them made Lily uncomfortable, she didn't know how bad her constant rejections and words were actually drilled into his mind and just thinking about it, watching him tense and cry over a few simple words was enough to have her guilt increase. Clearly, just giving him a journal for his feelings wasn't going to wash away the insecurities that burrowed deep into his mind like a parasitic bug. Biting the inside of her cheek, she breathed in deeply, thoughts buzzing around her mind as she gave James another one of her gentle smiles, maybe helping him overcome his flaws could help? She hoped that it didn't shatter him further as she stepped back a few feet and nodded to herself.

"Meet me at the willow tree during free period."

She didn't know how she would get the boy to open up with how much he thought of himself and she figured that talking with someone he was comfortable with could be a start, that is if she doesn't mess it up. Shrugging to herself, she gave a wave towards the boy and turned around to join her friends. James Fleamont Potter was a spoiled brat, that much was true but Lily couldn't see the boy as an arrogant bully, not after the way she treated him. The girl just hopes that the two could somehow rekindle their friendship before everything shatters once more.

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He should have seen this coming, he should have at least prepared himself before but James wasn't a person to know things would happen ahead of time, it was all too confusing for him so it was usually left alone. Potions was an easy subject for the boy, being the son of a man who made Potions, it wasn't incredibly hard but finding himself disoriented and unable to function may just be the side effects of his emotions overriding his mind again.

"James?"

The boy jumped, shaking his head to and fro as he noticed Remus staring at him again, eyebrows furrowed and biting his lip. Concern was etched in his eyes and for a second, James wanted to brush off the feeling that made his stomach twist but instead, it only became worse as the boy placed a hand underneath his fringe of messy black hair. Remus's hand wasn't that cold but James could almost feel the heat pulsing from his body and had to grip his robes with one hand and the table with the other to keep from falling to the floor.

Remus could only stare, James wasn't running a fever but judging by the constant spacing out that the boy was doing, something had to be going on in his mind and Remus could only bite his lip in worry, trailing his eyes from James's stiff posture to the way he kept absentmindedly fixing his sleeves. He opened his mouth to question the boy but only got a smile in return, a fake one that didn't seem to reach his eyes but seeing how hollow the boy's usually bright hazel eyes were, Remus turned back to cutting up ingredients, If James wanted to talk, he would have said so by now.

Slumping his shoulders, the boy glanced towards Lily out of the corner of his way who in turn gave him a nervous smile. All he did was wince, he was screwing up already wasn't he? Wouldn't be the first time he messed something up, would it? James didn't know, messing with his sleeves and giving advice here and there, he was consumed by his thoughts and as much as they were horrible to listen to, he found himself agreeing with them. He was horrible, a spoiled brat that didn't know the meaning of friendship it seemed, who would ever accept him? Lily had rejected him more than once, who said Remus wouldn't do the same? Why would he accept such a spoiled, arrogant bully who can't even work up the courage to say that he liked him more than a friend?

"James!"

Hazel eyes blinked wildly as he stared at the bright green ones of none other than Lily Evans. The red-haired girl was frowning and as James dared to glance around, everyone had left minus the Marauders and Lily. He reached upwards to wipe his face only to realize that his thoughts had caused another flood, tears had become waves of water that blurred his vision and made his eyes sting more so than usual. Stumbling off the stool like a newborn deer, James hung his head, thoughts biting into his emotions like animals, ravaging his feelings and burning his heart like a wildfire to a forest.

"Prongs?"

His body stiffened and he narrowly avoided Sirius's arms lunging for him, perhaps it was a hug or perhaps it was a slap to the face for embarrassing himself, either way, James backed up as quick as he could causing Sirius's arms to catch air instead of a body. James felt his throat burn, he wasn't outwardly sobbing but the strain of keeping himself quiet was enough to make him scream. An arm brushed against his hand and when he jumped to meet the person's eyes—He wished he had never gotten that crush in the first place.

Remus's face was all scrunched up, his eyes were narrowed and his lips were pulled into a frown. Emotions lingered in his eyes and James could almost see the boy cursing himself for not noticing sooner, the mere action in his mind made him wince, he didn't mean to make the boy upset but it happened anyways. He could see the door was just a few steps away and as cowardly as running away from the scene looked like, James wasn't thinking with his mind, more so that he was thinking with his emotions and all it told him was to run.

So, that's what he did.

He made a beeline out of the classroom as quickly as he could, shoving past other students and trying to control how much he was crying which wasn't easy when you couldn't breathe and your legs were aching, your chest burned and your head throbbed and buzzed. He didn't know how long he was running, and he didn't know if anyone had bothered to chase after him but James couldn't really care about that now not when he felt like shattering to pieces again, but this time, he had no glue to put himself back together, not even tape would suffice for how much pieces were scattered amongst the grounds of his heart and mind.

It wasn't until he bumped straight into a student that he stopped his running and before he could leave, a hand gripped his wrist to prevent any escape. All James saw was messy blonde hair and bright hazel eyes before he felt his stiffened body unravel like the wrapping paper to a birthday present. His mouth was being flooded with salt water that kept falling no matter how many times he wiped his eyes and the more he stayed there, the more he saw red hair come into view before arms were around him in almost a millisecond.

"Are you ok?"

James felt himself gulp—his glasses were already being taken off his face but he couldn't stop the constant tears that leaked from his eyes and opted to hide them with his hair instead. Fear had taken hold of his body and with his lips already wobbly and his posture stiffening with the signs of another flood disaster, he finally looked up into bright green eyes and felt his tense body shake like a leaf in winter.

"No."

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