(Dans POV)

(Before I start this i have to say there's gonna be triggering things throughout the book{other than drinking issues} like mentions of suicidal thoughts and stuff so please beware and be safe, Frens)

I was editing a video, a glass of wine on my desk, and the sun was setting. It's been a month since we've broken up. I filed for divorce papers and have been waiting for them to come in. I take a sip of the wine and sigh, I finish editing the video, and groan when someone knocks at the door.

Oh! Maybe it's my package. I stand up and go downstairs, opening the door to reveal Ella. "Hi.." She says and I step aside letting her in. "Hey?" I say and she looks at me. I close the door slowly, confused. "How are you?" She asks and I shrug. "I'm fine." I state. No I'm not. Probably far from it. "Ha." She says and I raise an eyebrow.

"You don't look fine, Dan." She states and I sigh. "Why do you even care?" I say. "Because I know how it feels, to go to alcohol as a "happy pill" if you will and It sucks, because you make yourself think that it's helping when in reality it's killing you slowly." She says staring at me. "You have problems, and I wanna help you." She says and I scoff.

"I'm fine. It's a solution, not a problem okay?" I say defensively. "Listen to me, Dan." She says and I sigh. "You know deep down that you have a problem. Let me help you!" She says. "I don't want your help." I say coldly. "You may not want it, but you need it and I'm gonna give it to you." She says and I grip my hair in frustration.

"By what? Putting me in therapy!? Therapy is bullcrap." I state. "No, I will not make you do therapy but I'll say it helps. Just know there's other solutions to your problems than dangerous things. Your slowly killing yourself Dan." She says. "Maybe I'd be better off dead.." I mumble and I feel her grip my shoulders and I look at her surprised.

"Dan, don't you dare say that! You have so many people who care for you. Your family, your fans, me. Dan I care for you. Your friends." She says and I sigh. "Don't let her make you feel like this, yeah I understand, you loved her and she broke you, but you just have to find someone or something to fix you, and alcohol isn't that thing." She says and I sigh looking down at my hands.

She steps back, letting go of my shoulders. "Just, think about that okay, Dan? I gotta go, but please call me if you need anything. I'm here for you." She says. I nod and I hear her open the door, and walk out. She's wrong. I'm perfectly fine. And I don't deserve to be here. Hell, I can't even find someone who will stay faithful to me.

I sigh and walk upstairs, wiping my eyes and going into my office. I pick up the glass filled with wine, and think back to what Ella said. How is there other options that could help? Well maybe.. No. That's risky right?

But I heard it helps with pain.. Wouldn't it cause more pain though? I stood in my office for a while, arguing with myself. Maybe it could help? I place the glass down and walk out of my office.
-

I was stood in front of my sink, in my bathroom. I had my razor in my hand, which I shaved with. This isn't a good idea is it? I mean, I always told myself I'd never do it, but what if it helps? It could. I take the razor and drop it on the floor, and step on it, the plastic breaking, and the small blades scattered across the floor. I shakily pick one up, and look at myself in the mirror, than back at the small blades in my hand.

I hover it above my wrist. I press it down, the cold metal now touching my skin, and drag it across. I wince and drop the blade, it clinked against the sink. I look at the wound, blood bubbling to the surface. I pick up the blade and drag it across again, and again until there was 6 straight lines across my right wrist. I'm right handed but, I don't wanna ruin my tattoo sleeve.

I take a towel and press it to my arm. Is it supposed to hurt this bad? After five minutes I remove the towel and my eyes widen. "Stop.." I mumble pressing the towel down again. Why won't it stop bleeding? I didn't cut that bad did I? I sit down, and take my phone out, dialling in Ella's number.

"Hello?" She asks. "I d-did something bad.. and I need help.." I say, tears glazing my eyes. "I'm on my way, Dan what'd you do?" She says but I stay silent. "Dan?" She asks and I sigh. "Just hurry, the door unlocked.." I say hanging up and I realize the once white towel now now had red spots soaking through and I was starting to panic.

This was a bad, bad idea. I hear the door close downstairs and sigh. "Dan!? Where are you?!" I hear hear call out. "Upstairs!" I yell and automatically hear her run upstairs, and the door opens. Her face drops and she kneels down. "Dan, why.." She says and I squeeze my eyes closed. "I thought it'd help but now it won't stop b-bleeding.." I say, and she sighs.

"Do you have a first aid kit?" She asks and I nod, pointing to the sink. She grabs it, and slowly takes off the towel and she winces. "Didn't that hurt?" She says, as she starts cleaning them and I nod. After she's done, she puts gauze over it, and I pull her into a hug, and she returns it.

"Please, don't ever do that again, Dan. Please.." She says, and I just nod. At that moment, I realized, maybe I do have problems, and maybe I do need help.

Authors Note

Don't use alcohol, drugs, or cutting as a solution to anything. Stay safe my frens 💓