Margate

"I know that I don't own you, and perhaps I never will, so my anger when you're with her, I have no right to feel"           - Lang Leav

Mariana's POV

"Are you ladies nearly done? Some men are about to spill blood and they're waiting for you to come and sit pretty" I spoke up, walking into what seemed to be a powwow
As Linda snorted cocaine off the sink.
Classy.

"We're coming, tell them to wait, god knows we wait long enough for them" Pol said, checking her hair
"Have you heard the news Mar?" Ada asked, sat upon the sideboard
"What news?" I asked
"Lizzie is pregnant" she said happily
"Yes, I did" I said

"Pregnant?" Linda asked
"Yes" Lizzie replied, unamused
"Oh, and who's the father, have you managed to narrow it down?" Linda asked bitterly
Ada looked at me with a smile whilst Lizzie seemed even more unamused
"Yes, it's Tommy" she said.

"Congratulations, you've won the raffle at last" she said
"Linda" Polly said simply
"Maybe now he'll walk you down an aisle, rather than an alleyway" she scoffed.

I sighed
"Yeah, she's a proper Shelby woman now, just like you" Pol said in a bored tone, wiping the snow off Linda's nose
"Right ladies, let's rejoin our gentleman" Pol said, as they began to pack their stuff to leave
Linda spared no time to them and headed for the door, so I caught her on the way out

And by caught... I took hold of her throat and pushed her again the door
"And when we do, maybe we do it with a little more empathy and a little less snow Linda" I stated, only receiving a bitter smile back
"And what man shall you be joining tonight? Now Lizzie has trapped Tommy" she asked

"I'll be sat beside your husband. The one who can't bare to look at your white nose and disgusting smile" I said, dropping her face to a glare
Before I let her go
And she stormed out
"And I thought the powder room was famous for making friends" Polly commented

"I make plenty of friends" I defended
"That you do" Ada said, hopping off the sink
"None of which I assume you see these days" she teased
"Hilarious" I mumbled, opening the door.

Alfie's POV

Look at him. Fucking pathetic
Sat here alone
In the back, like the little boy who's dad brought him along for his first fight
I sat down opposite him. Knowing it would most likely be the last time I see him.

If all went to plan for Changretta that is
But maybe. Just maybe the little fucker will live
Because no matter how many times people try, this fucking cockroach of a man won't die.

"Yeah you're like me Tommy, you can't bear to watch a fight which has got rules" I said. Making conversation
The last conversation
With the oh great Thomas Shelby

"Right Tommy, imagine... imagine that you could not see at all, you was born blind. Then one day you open up your eyes and you can see everything in the world. When before you could only touch it or smell it, there it is... the revelation... innit?" I asked.

That's what seemed to be the only logical reason for my thinking these days
A revelation
One so great and unholy as I thought of packing up a life and an empire that has been 30 years in the making... and moving to fucking Margate.

"I've had one, yeah, saw a beautiful house down in Margate, great big white building, blue sky, room for the kids" I said
He still said nothing, just stared at me curiously
"Big lovely window for Mar to look out of and dream. Where she can sit and distance herself the way she does sometimes, you remember? When her eyes look as if... they're gone... there's no one home. Like she's blind and then suddenly she's there. The revelation. The revelation of being back in... this" I explained, looking around us.

"Beautiful, piece of heaven" I said, thinking about it. About our life together
Whatever life I had left
Especially after today
But if there was any hope, any chance of living my final days out with my wife and my boy, I would take it
I would kill Thomas Shelby in a thousand lifetimes.

"Actually you see, the way the earth, it curves, I thought to myself, Alfie what are you doing? Why are you still pretending you want anything else in this world except her, except her and my boy. And for that Tommy... I need time, I need to buy myself some time" I said.

If there was any chance of him understanding me right now, I would greatly appreciate it. Because maybe he would see a glimpse of the love I have for this woman and finally fucking respect it.

"You're moving to Margate?" He finally spoke
And that's what he had to say.
Am I moving? Is she moving?
"I am, we are actually yeah, we need to get some rest. Mariana. She needs rest. More than most of us Tommy" I said, looking over to him.

"She needs... to just be. Just for a while, before all this" I said, gesturing around us
"Before you" I said, pointing my cane in his direction
"Break her" I finished.

Silence.

"I'm not sure you fully understand what she has dealt with Alfie, because if you did, you would know that she cannot rest. She is incapable" he said
"Oh yeah? And why is that? Enlighten me Tommy please" I asked.
Enlighten me on my own fucking wife.

He thought for a moment. Looking down
"When we were kids. Her mother died, in childbirth as I'm sure you know" he said
I said nothing. I did know

"And Mariana, she did not have the mind to deal with it. She physically could not deal with it. I'm sure you've heard the stories but... she was reckless, she was broken, she's been broken ever since. She would be found at all hours, fighting, drinking, crying, covered in blood with no memory. Then that one night. When she was drunk... drunk and sad and she killed a man" he explained.

Something I did not know. She did not divulge into her past too much. I think the memories were too painful.
"And me and Freddie. Freddie Thorne, we buried that man, for her. We buried a man and we never spoke of it again. That's what she had when she was 17 Alfie. Just 17" he said.

"Then you broke her heart" I interjected
"Yes, I did. And then she went to prison, and then she went to war. Lost a brother, lost two more, actual blood, she lost John, lost Nala for a while, and she lost Freddie. Freddie was more of a brother to that girl than any of us were, she's never been whole Alfie, never will be, she was broken as a girl. That never gets fixed, never" he said.

"It's a pitiful attempt to stop us from leaving Tommy" I said
"I'm not trying to stop you, I'm just telling you what's real and what isn't, and fixing Mariana, will never become real. The war made us all killers, men take lives and they reason it with war. 'It wasn't our faults, it was war'. This great fucking country turned us into what we are. But her, her head turned her into what she is. There isn't much more dangerous than her head" he said.

I scoffed, looking away from him.
"Well we'll see won't we? Maybe Margate is just what she needs, maybe space is what will bring her to her peace" I said
"And what will bring you peace Alfie?" He asked
I ignored his question

Because part of the answer was her. Her and Carter were my peace
But the other part of that answer... was Thomas Shelby dead and buried. I reckon that would bring me a fucking lot of peace.

"Either way, the Americans are here now, aren't they? So that's it, yeah, been that way since the war innit? The Americans" I said, changing the subject

"Big fucks small, always actually, and there is a fight going on out there, between big and small" I went on.
Goliath would win, it was common sense
Must be stupid to think a lad like that would be defeated.

"Big will fuck small" I said, standing up
"Right, Margate then, blue skies, heaven" I said, ready to leave
Ready to go home and wait for the outcome
Wait for my wife and hope she stood by me
That she would stand by me forever.

"I will see you Tommy, by the pier" I said, if he died. Then good riddance
If he didn't. Then my peace may come at last
A different kind of peace.
The one every man dreads
The one I never feared until that woman walked into my life and gave me a family.

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