At peace

"I look at you and I just love you. And it terrifies me, it terrifies me what I would do for you"

Mariana's POV

"She won't get out of bed Pol, I don't know what to do" Ada said from behind the door
The really thought I couldn't hear them?
I would tell them to shut up... if I cared

But I didn't
I didn't care for anything. Because nothing seemed worth getting up for today.

"I'll make tea" Polly said simply, before I heard her footsteps retreat downstairs.

"Mar? You awake?" Ada asked, opening the door slowly
I said nothing, but she could see I was, which prompted her to come in, and sit beside me.

"Not feeling it today?" She asked
Nothing.
"You didn't get up yesterday either" she said gently
Nothing at all.

"Mar, talk to me, please" she said calmly, brushing my hair from my face
It seemed almost funny... that she was caring for me
When I had always seemed to look out for her.

"Do you miss him?" I asked quietly
"What?" She asked
"Freddie. Do you miss him?" I asked, staring at the open door
"Every day" she finally said.

"Me too..." I mumbled
"What's got you thinking about him?" She asked
I shrugged as I lay.
"I just miss him sometimes" I said, He would know what to do
What to say
He would know how to drag me back up and make me... me again.

"I just... how do you cope? Doing it all alone?" I asked after a while of quiet.
"Well I... I love my son, our son. But it's different for you Mar, Alfie is still here, he's still going to be there" she said.

"He thinks Tommy will kill him" I said
"Tommy likes to settle the score, but I doubt he'll kill him" she said
"Thats what I said" I muttered

She let out a breathe, seemingly wondering what to say. What to do.
"Freddie... Freddie would tell you to get up. You know he would" she said, changing the subject
"I know" I said softly, still staring at the same spot on the door.

"You saw him?" She asked instead
I nodded, unable to say anything as tears gathered in my eyes once again.
"And?" She asked
I tried to think of the right words, and none came. So instead I pulled the covers over my head and ignored her

Like a child.

Alfie's POV

Sun. I always thought it would rain when I died. That the world would drive that last nail in and ruin my own death.
But here it was... sun.
Heat searing through my coat as Thomas Shelby walked towards me.

As Cyril sat loyally beside me.
As my wife sat god knows where without me...
"I do hope you're going to leave the dog out of this" I said.

"You were easy to find" he said
"Yeah well... when the wife is coming to visit for a play date on the beach, I imagine your peakys will be watching" I said casually.

Trying not to think of her. Of her walking away and telling me she loves me still even after all I'd done.

That's what I wanted. For her to love me
For us to live a fucking fairytale for the rest of our days. Carefree from any fucking Shelby.

"I want it to be here" I said simply, looking around.
"Just there... yeah" I said, pointing over to the edge of the sea.
"Just there was where my mrs told me it was done Tommy. Finished. Right there" I said, looking at him.
"So it'll be here" I said determined.

Here in my piece of fucking hell.

"I once told you Alfie, that for business reasons or in bad blood, I would kill you" he said
"I have no business reasons, it seems you have retired" he said
"Yeah... yeah I wanted some time Tommy. Some peace" I said
"With Mariana" he said

"Of course. I wanted her to have her time, without... you constantly fucking bothering her" I said.
"You tried to kill my brother" he said calmly
"I tried to free my wife" I said instead.

He said nothing, merely stared that dead eyed stare
"So, this is all purely for bad blood is it Tommy?" I asked
"Yeah" he said
"Right, yeah, I tried to take my wife far away from you and that's your vendetta now is it? My wife?" I asked

"I am here because you tried to kill my brother" he repeated
"Tell yourself that Tommy, go on... say it again, maybe it'll ring true the third time" I said.

No response.
"No? Well then, how about you be honest? Admit that you're doing this... because of her" I said
Still nothing
"I'm a dead man Tommy. A dead man can tell no secrets" I said.

"A dead man will break her heart" he said
"And so... are you going to break her heart Tommy? Because if you do, I must request that you at least return Cyril here to her" I said.
I didn't want to get emotional
I wanted to rile him. To piss him off to the point he would get this over with.

Living without her was not living at all.
"Go on then. Get it done" I said
"You're not armed?" He asked
"No" I lied.

"The woman I love Tommy... yeah? She told me, that I am a good man" I said, as he pulled his gun out
"A good man that lacks the will to be one" I went on.
"Are you a good man Tommy?" I asked, staring out at the sea.

"Because I would argue with her right-"
"Alfie" he tried
"That a good man-" I talked over him
"Alfie"
"Would not be cursed with a natural death sentence" I said
He waited, for what I was trying to say.

"The only thing Tommy. The only thing I have on me. Is fucking cancer mate" I said.
"Yeah, riddled with it" I said.

"How long?" He asked
"You mean how long I had it? How long I've known? How long I got? How long she knew?" I reeled off calmly
"Because she knew" I said, looking at him again.
There it was. Anger and hurt in a shell of a man.

"She knew and she loved me anyway, married me anyway" I chuckled, checking his reaction once more
"No... no, you're upset because she didn't tell you" I stated, receiving no response
"You know Thomas, there is a lot she does not tell you" I said.

"Alfie"
"Lot she doesn't tell you in fact because that's what happens in a marriage, they talk and they don't tell-"
"Alfie"
"The fucking lackey that chases round after her"
"Alfie stop talking"
"See there's an honourable reason now to pull that trigger-"
"Alfie"
"Rather than being a jealous cunt because she don't love you" I goaded on.

"Fucking get on with it-" I said, abruptly turning to shoot the cunt in his side.
If there was any fucking hope of living through this then I had to take it
I may have lost my business
My money
My heart.
My wife.
My son.

But I had never lost a fight.
And I knew even if I died right here, right now, I was not going to die having just accepted this man as my killer
To die from some low rate book keeper from Birmingham.

He fell backwards, firing his own gun and soon enough there was a new pain.
A shooting ripping pain in my face as I also fell
A pain far greater than the heartache I felt and for a brief moment I was relieved that that feeling had momentarily stopped.

Cyril paced around my side, and I tried to control the shock in my chest before I passed out.

Mariana's POV

Days
Days and days
Maybe a week
I was not sure how long I had been held up in my room
Turning people away whilst Polly looked after my son
My own son I couldn't even take care of because I was heartbroken.

Heartbroken like a fucking schoolgirl.
Wallowing in my bed.

"Mar... you have a visitor" Polly said, opening the door
I said nothing, lying under the covers and hoping they would go away
The door clicked shut. And for a moment I thought I was left alone.

"Can I talk to you or do I have to talk to the sheets?" Tommy asked calmly
I said nothing. Why was he here?
"Mari, I need to tell you something" he said.

I sighed
Sitting up in bed and looking at him as he sat in the window seat
"What?" I asked
He looked at me for a while, blue raking over my hair and my dark eyes, Alfie's shirt that drowned me.

"I'm leaving" he said, waiting for a response
One I didn't give.
"I'm taking Arthur's advice and... taking a holiday" he said.

"As goodbyes go, this is one of our tamer ones" he said after a while
"Because you're not Tommy" I said.
"What?" He asked
"Tommy Shelby doesn't go on holiday, nor does he turn up at my door of all places to inform me, you never tell me anything. And are you taking the mother of your child with you? Hm?" I said

I heard all about how lonely Lizzie was in that big old house he bought her
How he doesn't visit.

"I tell you everything" he said
"When it suits you, when you deem me worthy of being called family" I said.
"I just wanted to let you know, I assumed you'd be leaving soon, for London?" He said.

"Yes" I mumbled
"I hear Sabini is reclaiming territory, you'll want to get back soon, make your mark" he said
"Thankyou for the business advice, is that all?" I asked
He said nothing, just looking at me
"What?" I asked

"What?" He repeated
"What else? Normally you drop a bombshell and leave, normally you wouldn't waste your breath to tell me you're going on holiday, so what is it? What do you want?" I asked
"I don't want anything" he said

"Tommy" I warned. It was clear he wanted to say something.
He thought for a moment
"Alfie... Alfie is dead" he said.

Now like I said, we obviously all know that Alfie will be back, so this is not the end of him and Mar, but it does mean there is going to be a period of time where they will have to be apart, and we will see Mar go through a tough part in her life. But in the mean time, please comment your thoughts, they help me out a lot!

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