The ghost of you

"You're my brother, until the end of times. Even after that"

Mariana's POV

Twins. Two babies instead of one
Three children
Three of Alfie Solomons' children
And no Alfie Solomons.

"I'll make some tea" Polly said, getting out of the car
"No, no, go home" I said, not looking back at her
I just wanted to go to bed
"No let's have some tea eh?" She tried
"No" I said, shutting the door behind me.

She knocked a few times, shouting through the door as I made my way upstairs to bed.

2 weeks later
Polly's POV

"Well I never" I commented, looking up from the paperwork covering my desk
Thomas Shelby back from the holiday of a lifetime.

"Is it a mirage?" I asked uninterested
"It just may be" Tommy said, sitting opposite me
"How was it then?" I asked, sitting back in my chair
"Enlightening" he said flatly.

"Right well, I have a pile of contracts that need signing, three meetings tomorrow and Arthur's planning a welcome back party at the Garrison" I informed him.
"And?" He asked
"And?" I asked, cocking my head at him.

Here we go.
"How is she?" He asked
"Thomas, you killed her husband and then went on holiday, I don't think you're in a position to ask nor care" I said, standing up, sorting the paperwork out.

"Pol" he said simply
"She's wonderful Thomas, she's widowed and upset, she can't look after her child or look at him most days and she's living in a house that's embedded with him" I said, I've had enough of him.

Of this false sense of duty
He caused this. And now he's worried?
Every single goddamn time he's worried and every single time it's him that's done it to us

"Did she get the dog?" He asked
No. She did not. She wasn't in a position to look after a fucking dog
"Dorothy has the dogs" I said.

"What ab-"
"If you want to know something Thomas, pick up the phone and call her, get in the car and go and see her, I've got bigger problems than soothing your guilt" I snapped.

"I can't, I'm busy" he said, also standing
"Oh yeah? Unpacking?" I asked
"No, moving" he said.
"Moving?" I asked
"I am going to ask Lizzie to marry me" he said after a moment.

I paused.
Marry her?
"Good, it's about time you took responsibility" I said.
"You approve?" He asked
"Do I need to?" I asked
"No"

"Well then, congratulations" I said simply.
"I'm going to parliament today" he dropped, gaining my attention
"What?" I asked.
"Parliament?" I asked.

Mariana's POV

"Mariana?"
I pulled the blanket off my head, sitting up slowly
"Mar?"
I sighed. How did he get in?
"Mar, where are you?"

•

"How did you get in?" I asked, sitting my tea on my lap
"Polly got keys made" he said, awkwardly sitting himself on one of the armchairs.
"And you're here because?" I asked
"Just wanted to see you" Arthur shrugged
"Well... here I am" I said unamused.

"How's Carter?" He asked
"Fine" I dismissed
"Really? Dot said he's missing you" he said
"Oh she did?" I asked back

He cleared his throat, catching on that I didn't want to speak about him
I felt lost without my boy. But I also didn't know what was real and what wasn't anymore
What was voices and what was life.
"How's the baby?" He asked instead
"Oh, Pol didn't tell you that then?" I asked

"What do you mean?" He asked
"Babies" I said
"Twins" I added.
"Oh. Right, well that... that's exciting" he tried.
"Yep" I said, looking at the floor.

"Toms back" he said
I looked up.
"Where?"
"Home" he said
He's back?

"He wants to see you" he said gently, clearly worried about upsetting me.
But I was upset
No. I was fucking angry. I was heartbroken.
I was lost without Alfie.

And that was all down to Thomas fucking Shelby.

"No" I said
"Well... think about it eh?" He said, smiling awkwardly
"No. If I see him again, I will kill him, I will slit his throat. And kill him Arthur, you tell him that. You tell him to stay away from me" I warned.

"I didn't mean t-"
"I'll shoot Linda in the face, hm, and you can forgive me?" I said.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" he said.
"I know" I said. I know he didn't. He just couldn't help himself from helping Tommy
"Is it getting any better? The voices, sleeping?" He asked

I shook my head
"I see mum. She's only glimpses but she's there, and that means she'll come back. She'll come back and haunt me Arthur" I said.
Like she did back then
There every time I was alone.

Taunting me.

"Do you want me to stay for a while? Help out?" He asked, I shook my head
"I get it Mar, you don't have to push me away alright. I get it, more than anyone, I've been where you've been" he said
"I know" I nodded. He stood up, squatting down in front of me and taking my hands in his.

"If you feel unsafe, if you feel scared, ring me okay? Call me and I'll come, without fail" he promised.
"Why do you do it?" I asked, unable to hold my emotions in any longer
He looked confused
"Why do you stand by him? Over and over? He'll bury you Arthur, John's gone, David's gone. He won't stop until we're all dead" I said.

"Mar-"
"He's a monster Arthur, he doesn't care about any of us, he just wants to boost himself up the ladder, he'll ruin you-"
"Mariana-"
"He's a fucking murderer, you think he'd hesitate for any of your wives or husbands, you're all fucked Arthur-"
"Mar stop!" He shouted over me. Silencing me abruptly.

He really didn't get it then did he?
He didn't understand this... this pain
"I think you should go" I said softly
"No" he said
"Yes, go, please, I think it's best" I said, letting his hands go.

Alfie's POV

"Are you getting up today?" The maid asked, grabbing my tray from the table
"No" I said, looking out to sea.
"No... I didn't think so" she commented, sitting the tray on her hip as she pulled a stack of paper from her apron.

"Post" she said, throwing it into the table
Surprised she could move that quick out of the room
Practically dust haunting my fucking house.
I sat up slowly, with much difficulty
Shit from Ollie
More shit from Ollie
And a letter from Aila.

Asking me to come back home
Pleading with me to come clean and tell Mariana everything.

I picked my binoculars back up, looking out at the boats.

Mariana's POV

"Come on, let me in darling" Dorothy shouted through the letter box, before the knocking continued
"I've got Carter in the car, he'd love to see you... come on open the door Mari, I'll make us some dinner" she shouted.

I ignored her, sat on the living room floor as the fire roared.
Drinking my evening away as I looked at photographs.
Of me and Alfie.
Of our wedding day.

Of Carter when he was born
Photographed in a fucking prison of all places.
Photos from my childhood

Of the boys
Of my family.
Of David. John.
Photos of me and Tommy.

And I faltered. Because how could two innocent kids become such hateful, empty vessels?
How could two best friends come to be so distant?
One wanting to kill the other

"Why can't you just fucking come back?" I cried, to no one.
Because he wasn't here.
"I can't do this much longer Alfie... I can't... I..." I couldn't breathe
I couldn't see.

I couldn't cope.
"You'll be okay dove, trust me"
I looked up, blinking through tears.

And there he sat. In his armchair
Like he used to
Alfie...
"Alfie"
"You'll be alright dove, you always are" he said.

I looked away. This couldn't be happening
This was worse than mum turning up.
"What's the matter?" He asked.

"You're not real" I said
"Maybe not. But you said it yourself, you can't cope without me" he said.
He looked so real. So... Alfie.
"But then again, you never really coped until you met me did you? I saved you, that's what you said. And you... you made me whole dove" he said pointedly.

"Go away" I said, looking back at my photos.

"Why?" He asked
I ignored him.
He wasn't real
He wasn't there. I was seeing things
Seeing him the way I see mum
But it's not real. I just had to hold onto that.

•

"Mar? You... you're here?" Dorothy said surprised
"Yeah" I said simply, stepping into her flat
"Where is he?" I asked, looking around
She rushed into the bedroom, before coming back out with Carter, who began to cry and call mama when he saw me
I took him from her, heading for the door

"You're not staying?" She asked
"No, I have things to do" I said, heading down the stairs back to the street
"What things? Are you going back to work?" She asked, following after me.

"No" I said, coming out into the street
"Mar, do you..." she stopped in front of me
"Do you think you're ready? To take him home?" She asked, her gaze flickering to Carter
"He's my son Dot" I said, how could she think I can't look after him?

"I know" she backed down
"I just... I worry about you Mari, I can always keep him for a few more days" she suggested
"No, I'm going home, I'm taking my son home" I insisted.

"How about I come round tomorrow then? We can have a catch up, or we can go out?" She asked
"Maybe" I mumbled, opening the car door
"Mari" she sighed
"What?" I asked, turning to her after putting Carter in the car
She pulled me into a hug
"Take care of yourself okay? And call me, if you need anything at all" she stressed.

I got in the car, watching as she walked back to the flat.
"You'll take care of yourself won't you dove?" Alfie said, sitting beside me.
I tried my best to block him out, starting the car
"Let's go home eh my boy?" I smiled at Carter.

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