I miss him too

"You taught her to let go of people like you"
- Angel Lindberg Vazquez

Mariana's POV

"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded
"Hello to you too" Irene said down the phone
"You're in business with that fucking rat Sabini?" I shouted

"Yes. I am" she said
"Why?" She asked
"Are you kidding?" I shouted
"It isn't any concern of yours" she said
"It is. When he's trashing my businesses. When he's trying to marry our families together. When he's running round telling me to remember my fucking place because he's got you on his side" I shouted, I was angry

I was beyond fucking angry
"I'll talk to him" she said calmly
"You'll do more than talk to him" I snapped
"I'm not cutting our deal" she said simply
"I'm not asking you to, do what you want with him but your relationship does not impact mine with him. I want him dead" I said

"He is no use to me dead" she said
"I am no use to you when he is pissing me off!"
"Which is why I will talk to him, remind him who he answers to now" she said
"You better, because if he pulls another stunt like that I'll fucking kill him, ally to you or not!" I snapped, putting the phone down.

How dare he?
How fucking dare he?
"Mum? Why are you shouting?" Carter asked
"It's nothing darling, go back to bed" I said
"I can't sleep" he said

"I'm sorry, I'll stop shouting" I said
"No, I... I keep thinking" he said
"Thinking?" I questioned, he trailed down the stairs slowly.

"About... dad" he said
"What... what about dad?" I asked
Where was this coming from?

"What was he like?" He asked
I paused. Unsure of what to say
"Come here" I said, going into the living room, he sat beside me. As I tried to find the words
"What's made you think of your dad?" I asked instead

He shrugged
"I don't remember much about him" he mumbled
"He... your dad was... a good man. A good man to us" I said, looking at the floor
"He loved you. A lot. He loved both of us" I struggled out
I wanted to remain calm

But talking about him... thinking about him was like opening the flood gates
"He... he wanted the best for us. He gave us the best. And he never missed out on spending time with you" I smiled, looking at him
"He loved you, so much, every silly little word you came out with, every story he read you at bed time. He... he was a good man Carter, don't let anyone ever tell you different" I said

He slowly leaned into me, resting his head against me
"I miss him" he said quietly
"Yeah" I whispered, wrapping my arm around him, stroking his hair
"I miss him too" I said.

•

"Quiet" I said
"But I want a swee-"
"You're lucky I gave you the day off, now be quiet" I scolded Carter
He seemed so... lost lately
Fighting at school
Asking about Alfie. He was worrying me

A lot

So I left Laurence with Nala and brought Carter with me. To small heath
Maybe some familiar faces would help him... settle

And when we get back, we'll go to the graveyard
I didn't like visiting
Alfie followed me around when I was stressed enough anyway.
But going there. Seeing both of them and putting flowers down.

Remembering what I've lost. It hurt too much.

•

"He's tall" Polly commented, looking at Carter through the window
"Yeah. Yeah he's tall Pol, tall and moody" I mumbled, taking a drag
"Why do you think he's asking questions?" She said
"Kids at school maybe. Telling him his dad was a thug" I said, watching her sit down with a sigh

"I saw Aberama this morning" she said.
"Oh? Been working on that bed side manner?" I said
"He's left" she said
"And you're sad?" I asked
"No I am worried" she said
"I think he might be going after McCavern" she said

"Of course he is, have you met Aberama Gold?" I chuckled
"He'll get himself killed" she said
"Maybe. But when men string your son up on a cross... logical thinking flies out of the window" I said.

Mariana's Outfit

•

"Tommy" I shouted, looking round the foyer
"Tommy" I called, showing Carter into their front room
"Where is he?" I asked Frances as she appeared, opening the office door
"Mr Shelby isn-"
"Oh my god" I let out, cutting Frances off behind me as I found Johnny doggs on the floor... with a maid

"Miss?" Frances asked concerned
"It's fine" I said immediately, turning to face her
"It's fine, I'll wait in here, thank you Frances" I dismissed her
She looked at me oddly, before leaving.

I closed the door
"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked, trying not to laugh
"I didn't... she-"
"Put some clothes on" I interrupted, looking away as he stood up

They fumbled around, making themselves decent
"You. What's your name?" I asked
Johnny stood frozen.
"Sandra" she mumbled
"Sandra, why don't you get yourself off to bed... Sandra" I smiled

"You won't... will you tell Mr Shelby?" She asked
"No, besides... Mr Shelby has most likely done worse. Go on now, off to bed" I said, seating myself
She rushed out.
"How are you recovering Johnny? Well?" I asked, cocking my head to the side

"Ah fuck off" he chimed, pulling his shirt on
"What are you doing?" I chuckled
"In the office? Of all places?" I asked
"Like you've never fucked in an office" he said
"Not Tommy's office" I chuckled
"I was... I was waiting for him" he said

"And got distracted?" I asked amused, he sat down, opening a bottle
"Waiting for what?" I asked
"Aberama, he's gone to Scotland" he said
"Scotland?" I asked, sitting up
"To deal with his business, whatever that means" he shrugged

Fuck. Oh fuck
Great. Tommy's going to love that one.
"Johnny, Mar" he spoke, opening the door
Fuck.

•

"Why do I have to go?" Johnny asked
"Shut up and just do it" I said
"Mar, Mosely... Mosely has extended his hand of friendship to me" Tommy began, as Johnny sighed and left

"Congratulations" I said unamused
"I saw the boy" he said instead
"Yes?"
"He looks like his father" he commented
"Tommy" I warned
"Why are you getting involved with this? With him? It won't end well" I said

"Nothing ever ends well Mar, not for us, not anymore" he said
"So why are you doing it?" I demanded
"Because. That is all I have left, bad decisions and a cousin who wants me gone" he said

"Everyone... fucking wants me gone. My own wife" he said
"Tommy-"
"I have spoken to Ben Younger" he interjected
"About?"
"About my new friendship" he said
"You're working against him?" I asked. Of course he fucking was.

"I am working with him. He wants me as his deputy" he said
"Whilst you feed information to Younger?" I said, catching up
"Everything will fall into place" he said simply
"And in the meantime?" I asked

"And in the meantime... if Mosely approaches you, you act accordingly, no more testing him, no more comments about his mother and his fucking ego" he said
"I don't take orders from you Tommy, this has nothing to do with me" I said

"No, but the Billy boys do. The men coming for your sons are to do with you. And the fucking idiot who has gone to Scotland is to do with you. And it's down to Polly" he said

"Everything will fall into place. In time" he said
"You're running out of time" I said

"We all are" I confirmed
"Is it Grace?" I asked

"What?"
"That you've been seeing, is it Grace?" I asked
"I don't see anything anymore, I don't see anything" he repeated

"Don't lie to me. You can't lie, you're terrible at it" I said
He thought for a while, settling us into silence
"I used to" he said. Another lie
"You had a black cat dream" I pointed out
He wasn't 'over' whatever was plaguing his head

"I don't know what I see anymore, everyone's making moves. Everyone" he said
"They always have done" I pointed out
Everyone had their own agenda
"They're making moves against me" he said

"Are they? Don't get me wrong Tommy, I wouldn't trust Michael or that fucking wife of his. But Polly, Arthur, Ada, they're good people. They're family" I said

"You were family once" he said
"And I have never betrayed you" I argued
"No. But I betrayed you" he said softly
"Things are changing. People are changing" he said
"And..." I asked
"And I can't control it" he answered.

"You can't control everything Tommy" I said
"Focus on your life. What you can do. Talk to Lizzie, she won't leave you. But things won't get any better with the way you two are" I advised.

"Once upon a time you might have told me that about us" he said.

"Once upon a time I also had a husband Tommy" I said back.

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