Okay, I had to get this out there. I am so fucking upset right now I feel like crying. I just--fuck, I have to let it out.

If you couldn't already tell from the chapter title, I DESPISE MY SPANISH TEACHER WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. She is not only a bad teacher, but she also FUCKING HATES ME. AND I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY.

I have literally never done anything to her to make her dislike me. Like, out of the other kids in my class who she hates, one girl has been caught looking at someone else's paper during a test, one guy is an arrogant asshole who thinks he's God's gift to the planet and the smartest guy in existence (when he's really just average), and this other boy is a serious slacker.

But I'm not like any of them.

My behavior is literally identical to one of my good friends, who's in my class. And the thing is, my Spanish teacher LOVES her. But she hates me.

BUT WE'RE PRACTICALLY THE SAME. IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

AND I HATE IT WHEN THINGS DON'T MAKE SENSE.

Anyway, I could go on for hours and hours about what I hate about my teacher. But that's not why I'm typing this rant right now. It was what happened today that really was the last straw for me, because after that, I think I can easily say that she is my least favorite teacher that I have ever had. EVER. In all of my life. And that includes my evil first grade teacher.

To give you some background, she has this rule that if we speak English in the classroom without permission from her, we have to get up and do five jumping jacks. Okay. Whatever. It's a Spanish classroom, and we're supposed to be speaking Spanish, so of course she has to have some sort of consequence for breaking that rule.

But for days, she's been joking around about how jumping jacks aren't enough, so maybe instead of exercise she can start making us sing karaoke to Spanish songs instead. 

They were just jokes, though. She's told, like, ten people that they had to sing karaoke, and it never happened.

But you know what my Spanish teacher fucking does today?

We're playing this game in groups, and it's a sort of relay race. The entire room is in chaos. People are screaming instructions at their teammates at the top of their lungs. No one can hear themselves think, let alone the things others are shrieking at them. So, everyone is like, screw the English rule. It takes way too long to articulate instructions in Spanish, and this is a race to finish first.

But, of course, my teacher FUCKING CALLS ME OUT FOR SPEAKING ENGLISH.

JUST ME.

WHAT THE FUCK??? OUT OF THIRTY KIDS, MAYBE FOUR OR FIVE ARE MAINTAINING THE SPANISH ONLY RULE. AND THEY'RE THE QUIET KIDS WHO NEVER SAY ANYTHING ANYWAY.

AND YOU DECIDE TO PICK ON ME?

There is no fucking way she heard me. It was just that she knew that since everyone was speaking English, I had to be too.

So I'm here, sighing, about to do five jumping jacks.

But you know what she fucking says next?

"No, no, no, what are you doing? You have to sing karaoke!"

I'm like, oh, haha, she's been joking about it forever. It's not going to happen.

And then I forget about it for the rest of class.

So, it's like, half an hour later, and she's called out two more boys for speaking in English. Except they were actually speaking English, on top of talking during the lesson. Unlike the circumstances in which she called me out.

So there's maybe five to ten minutes before class ends, and my teacher turns on the projector and pulls up this YouTube link.

It's fucking Let It Go, from Frozen, in Spanish. 

Karaoke version.

I think I almost had a heart attack.

Let me explain something--I cannot sing. At all. The only people who I have ever sang in front of are my close family members and my one best friend, who I've known pretty much since birth anyway.

I literally clam up and am unable to get anything out of my mouth when I'm asked to sing in front of anyone else. I can't do it.

I would rather run my twelve minute mile in front of the class than sing for them. Hell, I would rather have my grade dropped to an A- than sing in front of the class, and that's coming from the girl who feels like punching a wall when she gets a 114.6% on a test when the class average is, like, a 90.1. (I got back this test yesterday, and yes, those are exact numbers.)

So imagine my horror when I realize that, of course, on the day that she fucking calls ME out on speaking English during class, THAT is the day that she decides to turn her karaoke jokes into a reality. I was supposed to stand up, go to the front of the room, and sing.

I literally felt like throwing up.

For a solid minute, I was just sitting dumbly in my seat, actually frozen in place (no pun intended). I could not even move.

Then my teacher gives me this furious look like, "Get up here! I haven't got all day!"

And then everyone else in the class is like, "Come on!" "Sing!" "Get up there!" And they're all laughing and waiting for me to go up and sing karaoke to the fucking Spanish version of Let it Go. Waiting for me to fucking humiliate myself.

I didn't have a choice in the matter, so I stood up.

She started playing the music. And I just stood there, petrified, in this state of complete terror. As the words started showing up on the screen, all I could focus on was the entire class staring at me expectantly and my teacher glaring at me her eyes telling me to fucking start singing already and my friends nodding in encouragement because they don't fucking know how much singing in front of people terrifies me and everything was blurring and I could feel tears building up in my eyes because I was so scared and fuck now I'm crying again just thinking about it.

I couldn't cry in front of the class, though. That's even more humiliating. So I manage to kind of croak out, "I don't know this." Even though I used to be obsessed with Frozen.

And then the entire fucking class (except for my friends) pretty much shouts at me, "THE LYRICS ARE ON THE SCREEN!"

The lyrics keep scrolling by, but I can't get any sound out of my mouth.

My teacher is like, "SING! NOW!"

I'm trying so hard to swallow down the lump in my throat at this point, because oh my god oh my god oh my god my hands are shaking and I'm practically hyperventilating and I feel sort of dizzy and only my friends are actually noticing how fucking TERRIFIED I am. Everyone else is acting like I'm making excuses to get out of singing or something.

I barely manage to squeeze out the words, "I can't."

I'd never heard my teacher shout before. But at that moment, she exploded. I quote her exactly.

"[my name]! This is MY Spanish class, and you need to be speaking Spanish here! You cannot expect to break the rules on a daily basis and not suffer the consequences! You CANNOT just stand there and refuse to sing! I am done with you trying to make excuses! The lyrics are on the screen, so stop complaining and start singing NOW!"

I cannot even describe how badly I was panicking at that moment. All I know is that I was somehow holding it in, so that it was, again, only my friends who noticed how I was on the verge of an anxiety attack or something.

It gets all the way to the chorus of the song, and I still have not uttered a word. Since class is nearing its end, and my teacher still has those two boys who she called out earlier who have to sing, she's just like, "sit down. We'll come back to you." In this deathly furious tone. And then she calls on one of the boys, who immediately jumps to his feet and starts belting out the lyrics in the most awful, off-tune, off-beat voice, so that he's not even singing, he's just screaming out the words. But he's laughing the whole time, because he enjoys being the center of attention, and he's doing it on purpose. And everyone is laughing with him.

People are turning towards me, like, it's not that hard! Look, he's doing it! Why can't you?

But they didn't understand that I fucking COULDN'T. I'm not like that boy. I'm not like that second boy either, who, when called on, stood up and did the same screaming-like-a-dying-donkey thing. Those two are like the class clowns. Of course they don't have a problem with it.

By the time the two of them are done, she calls on me again, and I'm petrified again. I am on the verge of tears, and everyone is looking at me again, saying that oh look both of those two did it now it's your turn don't think you can get out of it--

And then the bell rings.

I literally abandoned my things on the table. I bolted from the classroom as fast as I could, then got to where I had left my backpack outside the classroom, and I just dissolved into tears because I couldn't hold it in any longer. And everyone could probably see me and I hated that so fucking much but I couldn't control the tears and they just kept falling and falling and I could not stop sobbing.

My friends all came out then and started comforting me and telling me why my Spanish teacher was such a fucking bitch and everything. But I was just standing there in the hallway, as people rushed past, and all I could think was that I was overreacting. I should not have been reacting that way. Like, what fifteen-year-old is reduced to a crying mess over something as small as that?

My Spanish teacher came out a couple minutes later and walked up to me and said, "You left your things in the classroom."

She fucking saw my red and puffy and tear streaked face. She saw that I had been crying, that her fucking karaoke thing had affected me so much. But she just fucking stalked away after saying that.

Anyway, I'm still so fucking upset about this. And I just had to get this out.

If I get her again next year, I honestly don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I'm so fucking terrified that it will happen because she teaches Spanish 3 and that's what I'm doing next year. I cannot handle another year of having her. I just can't.