So apparently my death as a human affected me a bit more than I realize. Of course it was traumatic and all around bad but talking about it really brought things to light. 

Nightmare had waited patiently, letting me rest and relax a bit, before sending off everyone else to do tasks. Everyone besides Gradient but he was off somewhere else doing his own thing. Nightmare had tea, not coffee, all set up in his work space when I entered. He poured me a cup as I took my seat.

Then it started.

"Are you ok? Was what happened in the ocean world normal? Or was that something new?" Nightmare asked as soon as I showed that I was paying attention and no longer stirring around sugar in my drink.

"I mean... I've never just fainted like that before. Pretty sure that was new."

"Are you afraid of the ocean?" He asked after some thought.

"No... well yes but just for what's in the ocean. I've never really had an actual phobia of it though." The ocean was scary but I never had an active fear of it.

"Hmm, well you had an attack so it's probably more than just a fear. How did you feel if you can remember..."

"I felt... hmm let me think... I felt dizzy but before that I was just uncomfortable over all. But I'm pretty sure that was just because I was on edge about what could be around us." I didn't like the feeling that's for sure.

"I'm not entirely sure about that. Even in other scenarios that made you uneasy you didn't seem as... distressed." 

"Distressed? I wasn't-" He cut me off.

"You were. According to what was told to me you swam down to get to Dream but something got the best of you. Maybe it's not the ocean... Error do you have any memories of being in the water as either human or monster? Specifically anything bad like drowning."

Hearing the word drowning sent a flood of memories back to me. When I fell, when I hit the water, when I slowly sank, when all I could feel was the frigid waters... No powers, no good friends nearby, no support system, and no way to get back to the surface. I was powerless to change my fate.

Crack.

I looked down in alarm. I cracked a bit of the cup in my hands. I immediately retracted my hands from it. 

"Damn it... I'm sorry Nightmare-" I started to apologize but he rose his hand to stop me.

"Don't apologize, I can fix it... if I wanted to. But it seems we hit a point. Drowning. You weren't going to drown in your ocean form but just the idea might have been enough to trigger something." Nightmare said as he moved the chipped cup to the side and just slid another one in front of me. 

"But now that I say it out loud I think I remember you briefly mentioned drowning when it came to how you met your end as a human. 'A knife and drowning' I'm pretty sure were your words," ​He said as he poured another cup.

"Wow, you actually remembered that," I said and he gave me a look.

"Don't change try to change to subject. Now, you don't show the same distress that you did before when it came to knives. Killer and the others always pull out their weapons and you've even sparred with them yet it never bothers you. Seems like to me that drowning as a human has left a very bad memory, to the point of triggering distress." At this point I had my arms crossed and was leaning back in my seat.

"Ok sure, what's your point?"

"Well why did drowning register as a deep fear but not knives?"

"I... don't know." Something I never really thought about.

"You probably do but you just don't realize it. Now think, why did being in the water distress you so much even though you weren't going to drown?"

"I don't know, I guess I didn't like the feeling."

"Why? What feeling?" He pushed for another answer.

"I... I felt weird I guess-" He cut me off again.

"Be specific." He tone made it seem like an order.

"Specific? I felt closed in." I tried again but he prodded for more.

"Closed in?"

"Smaller, I felt smaller."

"Why?" He asked and I shifted a bit getting uncomfortable.

" I was scared?" His gaze narrowed at my response.

"Was that a question? Answers only. Why?"

"I-I don't know." I didn't want to think about it.

"Yes you do, you felt small why would you feel small as a destroyer?"

"Because I wasn't always a destroyer." 

"But you're not human anymore." He pointed out and I immediately replied back.

"A part of me still is." It felt like a headache was coming on.

"So why did being in the ocean make you scared? You were fine. No harm was going your way. You have power yet you were stopped in your tracks-"

"Because I felt weak! I was reminded that as a human I had no power! No control! I was just stuck! Being human sucked but being here has given me so much freedom that I refuse to go back and relive those days as a nobody that couldn't do anything for myself! I don't... I don't want to be powerless again... I don't want to be weak..." I flurry of emotions took over like a cup being over filled with water. Once enough had spilled out making a mess I slowed to a stop.

It was quiet as I slumped in my seat feeling just mentally drained from that. I heard shuffling and saw Nightmare walk around his desk to my side placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Error, me and you both know you're not weak. I'm sorry for pushing but it was necessary to realize things. Even if you did end up human again, not necessarily impossible considering what we've been through, you wouldn't be alone. We don't have to go back to that ocean place if you don't want to. I'm not going to force you but now that you probably recognize the issue now you can work on it." 

"...You're too good at this."

"It's what I do." He replied back. He returned to his seat and we had a bit more chatter about the ocean world and how I felt about things before I was allowed to freely leave the space.

I felt better I suppose. Having a talk like that wasn't wanted, but maybe it was needed. 

All I could do was move forwards to whatever the next thing is. But before that I was going to do something for myself. I wanted to visit Classic Sans for a bit just to get some space and see how things were going. I would want to bring Gradient with me just so he's not being left behind by me. 

Yeah, that'll be fine. A simple trip.