.....he had stayed awake countless nights after she had gone.....trying to justify himself....his lack of humanity....his deception......
Explaining it to himself that he did what anyone else would do. ....choose himself ...his own feelings ...his own happiness...

He had grown in a way that he had learnt perfectly to disguise his feelings .....to supress his wants....to get betrayed and be okay with it......he had known what its like to suffocate.....to grow in a grimly dark room as an illegitimate peice of dirt.....he had yet been kind and patient and gentle ...and human....despite the fact that life had not been exactly that way to him....

But then....phases come and go.....and he did find friends ...to cherish...to trust.....to love ....and his life suddenly wasn't so dark ......then nandini ...came in his life...

She was smart...and beautiful..and ambitious...everything that he desired in a woman of his dreams ...
But after nandini's betrayal.....he wasn't the same person anymore.....

Giving love a chance...trusting people .....letting them in....never came easy to him....he had always put in a great deal of effort....
Loving her wasn't easy.....it came with a lot of patience and hardwork..

And when she betrayed him for her own selfish reasons.....a sudden urge to get even ...a maddening desire to let go off his facade of a good person....and teach her a lesson....blinded him to an extent that he couldn't think beyond it.....

His revenge involved marrying a girl younger and prettier than his ex lover.....having her crazily smitten with himself......being able to make her do things....that he wouldn't dare ask nandini to do for him.being able to bang her as and when he could....wherever he wished to.

...he was suddenly feeling the power and authority that the world beheld over him till now.....her love(naina's)initially did collect shackled peices of his ego....and reassembled it......making him feel a little less worthless.......

Then when he finally gained his self esteem back....he went back to his former lover.....and could finally pursuade her to give in....to submit....to long for him....the way he did ..

In all this process....naina never felt like a human to him...just an object....who was meant to make him feel better... To make him smile....to satisfy his urges......to fill in a space in his sheets
He adored her....there was no doubt in it....her gleaming eyes....that sweet smile....that amazing body  of hers ..that would make any man drool  ....
She was something he would love to show off in public.. ....she was everything a man would ever dream of.....funny ,innocent,sexy...and he was addicted to pleasure she gave him....

He did adore her.....but she could never be his lover.....he knew that like a truth carved on a stone wall......
.he knew it since he had first touched her......

But that night.....her lifeless eyes.....made him feel as if he had murdered someone.....for the first time he had seen a glimpse of sorrow in her eyes ..... A deep sorrow that her eyes contained...as of someone who has been stabbed in her  heart ...brutally.....

His home....felt more like a crime scene.....decorated with stains of her blood.....

Suddenly he wanted to escape ....he wanted to get rid of her...
He felt suffocated...in the place she breathed..all he wanted to do was to get run away .....like a murderer runs away from a corpse after burying it.....

With help of nandini....he was able to bury his crimes ..his deception....but his conscience ...kept lurking  at him....

She was the biggest mistake of his life ......she was something he would only wish but never get rid of....she was something that haunted him every single night.....

She was just a rebound....a person who is never meant to be loved back.....