The Reds continue to fire at Blue Team.

Epsilon: Get down!

Tucker: Man, screw these guys!

Rho yanks out his Spartan Laser.

Rho: I'MMA FIRING MA LAZAAARRRR!

Rho fires a laser blast that hits the ground in front of the Reds, forcing them to duck behind a hill.

Sarge: What in the Sam Hell was that?!

Slade: Sarge, don't tell me you've never seen a Spartan Laser before....

Sarge: Hey, Blue Team! We have come to destroy you in a surprise sneak attack! Surrender immediately before you have time to recover and do anything crazy!

Simmons: Yeah! Like count how many soldiers we have.

Sarge: Simmons, stop helping!

Simmons: Sorry, Sir! I'm really bad at banter.

Slade: Plus, they got serious HO. Is that Rho fella their explosive guy or something?

Epsilon sticks his head out of cover.

Epsilon: Hey, Reds! Go screw, we know you're missing a guy!

Sarge: You know that because you kidnapped him!

Tucker: Why would we kidnap Grif?

Epsilon: I don't know. Maybe they think we have a collection of the most disgusting things on the planet. We need an orange one to complete the whole set.

Rho: (snickering) Than that'd probably make you the crown jewel of THAT collection!

Epsilon: Suck my balls, Rho!

Rho: Hard to do that to a guy that has absolutely NONE! Besides, collecting disgusting people is probably what put you and Grif in this canyon to begin with!

Caboose: Gotta catch 'em all!

Simmons: Suck it, Blue!

Tucker: Get down!

Epsilon: Why?

Tucker: He said "duck it!"

Epsilon: No, he said "suck it!" Why would he say "duck it" if he didn't throw something?

Tucker stands up.

Tucker: Hey, Red! Did you say "suck it" or "duck it"?

Simmons: I said "suck it!" Why would I say "duck it" unless I threw something?

Epsilon: (to Tucker) See? Told you.

Sarge: Give us back Grif, you dirty Blues! What do you want for him?

Rho: What do we want?! How 'bout you jackasses go jump off a cliff?! Not to mention you guys don't have shit!

Sarge: We have stuff, like... wuh, we have a jeep!

Tucker: Dude, are the Reds trying to give us their jeep?

Epsilon: It sounds like it.

Rho: Uh-uh! No way! One of you three will probably just drive the goddamn thing into the base and blow it up!

Tucker: Church, I have an idea. If we can find Grif before they do, we can use him as a bargaining chip to get all the Red Team's stuff!

Epsilon: Tucker, the first thing any great leader learns is how to support great ideas from a squad just enough so they can take credit for them later when they work, or claim no responsibility when they fail miserably. So, let's - kind of - do this.

Tucker: Hey, Reds! We're coming out! Now, we're just gonna-

As Tucker starts to edge out from behind a rock, Sarge, Simmons, and Slade open fire and Tucker runs back behind the rock

Tucker: Wait! What the what?! I said I was coming out!

Sarge: Yeah... So we shot at you! That's how battles work, genius!

Simmons: Actually, your announcing when you were leaving cover really helped!

Tucker: Well, I have a plan and you should hear it!

Sarge: Yeah, we really don't want the other team to have plans. Gonna refer to my previous statement about this being a battle.

Slade: For once, I can agree. I'm sick of taking pot-shots at birds!

Tucker: No, a plan to get your guy back for you.

Sarge: (to Simmons and Slade) I don't know, I don't trust him. This could be a trick, boys.

Simmons: Or we could get Grif back...

Sarge: That was the trick part I was talking about.

Slade: Sarge, get over yourself for two minutes and let's just listen to what he has to say!

Epsilon: Tucker, are you sure about this?

Caboose: I'm not sure about it.

Tucker: Caboose, you're not sure about anything.

Caboose: I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Tucker: See?

Rho: (eagerly) We could always blow them up?

Simmons: Ok, we'll listen to your plan!

Tucker: Great! I'm coming out then! (pause) ...to tell you the plan!

Sarge: Ok!

Tucker: Which means you shouldn't shoot at me!

Sarge: Oh... Ok. Damnit...

Tucker: And that's it. That's my plan.

Sarge: Your plan is to help us find Grif and in exchange we give you all our supplies and vehicles?

Tucker: Yup.

Simmons: Why did that take two hours to explain?

Tucker: I don't know. I guess because Caboose kept interrupting and asking questions.

Caboose: One last time to be sure. When you say "give us their stuff"... you mean our stuff, right?

Tucker: Their stuff.

Caboose: Which would then make it our stuff?

Rho: Once they give it to us, Caboose.

Caboose: Ok, you lost me again.

Simmons: How are you gonna help us find Grif?

Tucker: You said he was kidnapped, right? Well, I got this guy in the city. He can help us, give us a lead.

Epsilon: What guy?

Tucker: Oh, you don't know him. Don't worry, I got a guy.

Slade: (smirks) You can't land a girl so you've converted to being a homosexual, huh mate?

Tucker: Screw you, dickhead!

Epsilon: So he's like a kidnap guy or what?

Tucker: No, he's just a guy with good connections. My kidnap guy's on vacation.

Simmons: I'll grab the ransom note.

Tucker: Good, everyone in the jeep.

Caboose: I still can't figure out whose team this is...

Everyone: Just get in!

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Simmons, Sarge, Rho, Slade, Epsilon and Caboose stand in a mossy canyon looking lost in front of a metal structure, with Tucker standing atop a tree trunk.

Sarge: Where are we?

Simmons: Um... Don't worry, the city has to be around here somewhere.

Epsilon: You've been saying that for the last three hours. Just admit it. We're lost! You have no idea where the city is.

Simmons: We're not lost, I know where the city is. I'm just not sure where we are in relation to it.

Rho: That's what "lost" means, ya cybernetic moron!

Simmons: Hey, I'm not used to driving. Normally, Grif does it.

Epsilon: Well, what do you do?

Simmons: I navigate.

Slade: Then how the fuck did we get lost, Simmons?!

Simmons: We're not lost, I just don't know where we are now.

Epsilon: Stop saying the definition of the word lost and then saying we're not it!

Caboose: Ok, now I'm lost.

Epsilon/Sarge/Rho/Slade: Join the club.

Sarge looks into the doorway of the structure.

Sarge: Hold on a hot minute. I think I recognize this place.

Blue Grunt Leader: Gentlemen! Let us bow our heads in praise of the flag!

Sarge: Oh no!

Epsilon: What?

Sarge: I think you guys better go in and ask directions.

Epsilon: Wait, why?

Blue Grunts: Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds! Kill the Reds!

Other Blue Grunt: Yeah!

Sarge: Um... Y'know... For some reason.