F/n and M/n belong to me. Red VS Blue belongs to RoosterTeeth. Also I'm not the biggest Halo fan so if something Doesn't add up or something please let me know.

Simmons, Grif and F/n are on top of Red Base. A soldier in red armor named Donut is walking up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: "Hey, that's not exactly what happened."

F/n: "Yeah, I'm actually on Simmons side this time."

Grif: "Yes, it is. You said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-"

Donut: "*Walks up to them*Excuse me, uh, sirs."

Grif: "Sirs? (turns to Donut) Ah crap."

F/n: "*Pleadingly Mutters* Please don't be another kiss ass. Please don't be another kiss ass."

Donut: "Umm... Is she okay?"

Grif: "Yeah, she does it sometimes."

Donut: "Ok... Well anyway I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge."

Grif: "Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today."

Simmons: "Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he's gone."

Grif: "You are such a kiss-ass."

F/n: "Actually Simmons I'M in charge. You're my second in command."

Simmons: "(Mutters) Lucky. (Outloud) Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."

Grif: "...That's the worst impression I've ever heard."

F/n: "Of all time."

Location: Unknown

Washington: "(Sneezes)"

Back with the Reds.

Simmons: "Okay rookie, what's your story?"

Donut: "Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens."

Grif: "Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?"

Donut: "This IS the standard issue red."

Grif: "Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer."

Donut: "(looks at Simmons and F/n) Well, they're both wearing red armor."

Simmons: "No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red."

F/n: "Mine is Crimson."

Donut: "Well, how do I get a different color armor?"

Simmons: "I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap."

F/n: "Eh. You never know."

We cut to the Blues. Church, Tucker, M/n and a soldier in standard issue blue Armor named Caboose are looking at a tank.

Caboose: "So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: "Hey, kid."

Caboose: "Yeah?"

Tucker: "You're ruining the moment. Shut up."

Caboose: "Oh. Okay. You got it man!"

Church: "You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing."

M/n: "I wouldn't trust any of you idiots with this thing."

We now cut to the Reds.

Simmons: "Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal."

Grif: "I just refuse to call him Private Donut!"

F/n: "Then just think of a nickname for him."

Grif: "(Whines) But it's so hard."

Commenters: "Bow chika bow wow!"

Other Commenters: "TUCKER!"

F/n: "(Deadpan) Surprising absolutely no-one."

Simmons: "Anyway, back on track. We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?"

Donut: "Absolutely!"

Simmons: "We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease."

Grif: "Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too."

Donut: "The what?"

Simmons: "He means the Warthog."

F/n: "And uh, see if they have any Assault Rifle ammo."

Grif: "You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?"

Donut: "What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem."

Simmons: "Well, get going then."

Donut starts running across the base.

Grif: "Other way."

Donut turns around and goes the other way.

Donut: "I knew that. Just got turned around that's all."

Grif, Simmons and F/n watch Donut running off into the Gulch.

Simmons: "How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?"

Grif: "I say... at least a week."

F/n: "Hmm... I'd say, at least an hour."

Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.

Donut: "Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid and Assault Rifle ammo, I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant."

We now cut to the Blues.

Tucker: "You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece."

Church: "Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?"

Tucker: "Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets."

M/n: "And this is coming from what experience with women?"

Tucker: "Screw you!"

M/n: "Nah. You're not my type. And also you're a dude so..."

We cut back to the Reds.

Simmons: "You think that we were too mean to the kid?"

Grif: "Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?"

F/n: "Yeah, like what could possibly happen in an hour? He goes to the Blue base?"

Grif: "Right? You'd have to be an idiot to go there."

Donut approaches Blue Base.

Donut: "Finally, there it is. ...Oh sweet! They sell tanks!"