Blue Base
To Church, Wade, Tucker, Caboose, and Doc looking at Sheila from a safe distance, while Tex and Sister are still 'chatting' with each other.

Church: Well, I suppose I should figure out a way to get Tex to reboot Sheila. Man, I'm gonna have to call in a lot of favors for this one.

Tucker: What favors could you possibly have stored up with someone who dumped you and had your child? Let me tell you one thing, it's not a great experience.

Wade: We could tell, from all the yelling you did.

Church: And she didn't dump me, Tucker, it was mutual.

Tucker: Mutual in what way? Mutual in the sense that you were both single the moment after she dumped you?

Church: Yeah, that way. Come on, Caboose, let's go explain the plan to Tex. Wish us luck.

Church and Caboose, make there way to Tex, while Sister starts making her way to the group.

Wade: Good luck?

Tucker: Yeah right. Hey, when she kills you I'm gonna sell your armor to that pink guy on the Red team. I hear he's in the market.

Doc: Hey who's the yellow soldier?

Wade: That's just Sister, she's the new recruit here.

Doc: No one told me about a new arrival. I'm supposed to examine everyone before they assume active duty. Speaking of new arrivals, I still need to examine you, Wade.

Wade: (Lies) That's alright! I've already been checked out!

Doc: By who?

Wade: ......Caboose?

Doc: Well, I'm still going to examine you, just to double check.

Tucker: Don't worry about Sister, I already checked her out for you. Diagnosis: F.I.N.E. ...That spells fine.

Doc: Thanks. But I think a trained medical professional should be the one to-

Tucker: I'm a doctor - a doctor of love. Ph.D. Certified Loooveology, General Harasstitioner. Sexicologist.

Doc: First of all, love is not an officially recognized medical specialty. And also, Ph.Ds? Heh, not really doctors!

Tucker: Dude, you're a dork.

Sister arrives in the group.

Sister: Hey!

Tucker: What's up, Sis.

Wade: Hey Sis. So, what'd you and Tex talk about?

Sister: Oh, she was just talking about everyone here. How you're all idiots and jerks, but you guys are her idiots and jerks, and if I try to become more popular than her, she would talk about me behind my back, and then I asked if I'm still allowed to see one of the reds, and she asked me who, I tell her a hot guy called Leo, and then she starts going off at me, saying if I'm ever near him, she'll turn everyone against me, and then I would cry, and everyone would hate me... you know, girl stuff!

Tucker: Cool. Oh hey, speaking of girl stuff? This is Doc.

Sister: Hi.

Doc: Uh, hello, nice to meet you I'm the medic, eh if it's alright with you, I need to give you and Wade a quick physical examination since you two are new. Do you guys want to come to the base where you might feel more comfortable taking off all your clothes?

Wade: Wait, what?

Sister: (Smiles) This is going to be awesome!

Wade: (Nervous) I don't feel comfortable about this.

Sister: Come on Wade, it'll be fun! Lead the way, Doc. Seeya Tucker.

Sister grabs Wades hand and drags him into the base with Doc, against his will.

Tucker: ...What the fuck just happened?

Underground Cavern
To Donut standing over Grif and Simmons' lifeless-looking bodies.

Donut: Sarge, I found Grif and Simmons; there over here, sleepin' on the job.

Simmons: Donut, I'm not sleeping, I was drugged.

Grif: Best sleep I've ever had, I'd do those drugs again, for another hour!

Donut: Sorry Sarge, there not sleeping; there doing drugs.

Simmons gets off the floor, while Grif remains lying down.

Simmons: Hh, shut up, Donut, Were not doing drugs, we were attacked. Oh, they must have used some kind of tranquilizer on me, Grif and ...Leo? Hey, where's Leo?

Donut: Maybe he's outscoring you junkies some more drugs.

Simmons: They must have taken him.

Sarge: Who in Sam hell, would take Leo! If I find them, they better pray to god! Why couldn't they just take, Grif!

Grif: One, I'm offended and two, why do you care so, much about Leo?

Sarge: Well.. um, I have every right, to be worried about my soldiers!

Simmons: Not to be rude, Sarge but, you seem to be more closer and more worried for Leo, then the rest of us.

Finally, Grif decides to get off the floor.

Grif: Are you giving Leo, special privileges!?

Simmons: Or are you favouriting us, sir?

Sarge: No, that's not it you numbnuts! (Sighs) I guess it's time you three knew the truth... I recently... adopted Leo as my
son.

Simmons/Grif: WHAT!?

Donut: That's so, sweet!

Simmons: But... but, why!?

Grif: When did this even happen!?

Sarge: If you two stop yammering, I'll tell yeah!

Immediately the pair, shut their mouths.

Sarge: It happened once Leo, arrived back. I knew something was bugging the poor boy, so I went to go check up on him and see what was bothering him. ...We chatted for a bit until, he told me about his past with him and his ...father. What he told me, was something no boy, should ever go through. He was beating by his own man, receiving pain that he never deserved. I could see all that pain piled up into his eyes and all I saw was a young man, in need of compassion. ...I've made my own mistakes with my own son and ..hearing how Leo, never had a real father, I decided to take him under my wing and become ...his dad. So, if you two have ANY problems with that, then you better start running!

There's a moment of silence, until Donut burst into tears.

Donut: (Crying) That was the most beautiful's thing, I've ever heard.

Simmons: Don't worry Sarge, we're going to bring Leo, back.

Grif: And count me in!

Sarge: You three are good men, I just don't want to lose my son.

Simmons: (Whispers) Lucky.

Grif: I'm sure, he's somewhere in this cave.

Simmons: Luckily, I implanted a tracking chip in his armor. I wanted to be able to find him when it was time to work.

Grif: Wait, did you put one in my armour?

Simmons: Yep, it's how I always find you but, anyways I should be able to lock on to his signal in just a few seconds.

Sarge: A few seconds? Surely, it can go faster!

Simmons: I've got his signal.

Sarge: Already? Were is he!

Simmons: He's a tenth of a mile away from here.

Sarge: And which way is he?

Simmons: (Points) That direction.

Sarge: Alright men, let's move out!

Grif: I think your forgetting something, Sarge.

Sarge: And that would be?

Grif reaches behind his back and pulls out Sarge, shotgun.

Sarge: (Smiles) For an lazy idiot, you are useful sometimes.

Grif: Lets just go save, Leo.

Blue Base
To Sheila approaching over a hill toward three Blues.

Church: So Caboose is gonna be up front talking to her, and then while he's got her distracted, you sneak around the back, access the panel, and shut her down.

Tex: Okay, I'll do it.

Church: Uh- wha- that's it? You will? No bargaining? No ridiculous demands?

Tex: No. I'm trying to find O'Malley and his friend. In a way, you guys are helping me. If anyone should be making demands it should be you.

Church: Oh well, in that case, we wan-

Tex: Forget it, deal's done.

Church: Dammit.

Caboose: Hum, how should I distract Sheila?

Church: Just talk to her, keep her attention, that's it.

Caboose: I don't know, uh... we kinda have a history? Ea, she may not want to talk to me.

Church: So? Tex and I have a history, doesn't mean we can't be professional and hold a conversation.

Tex: I wouldn't exactly call them conversations.

Church: Hoh, get off my back woman, can't you see I'm working here?

Tex: Please, you call this working?

Caboose: See, e- this is exactly what could happen with me and Sheila. Only with more getting shot by tanks.

Church: Caboose, if that happened, I'm sure the shell would just bounce off you and land on me somehow. Just smooth-talk her.

Caboose: I don't know how to do that.

Church: Just tell her she's pretty, or that she's got that new-tank smell or something. Compliment her treads, it doesn't matter.

Caboose: I don't know...

Church: It's easy. Look here, just practice on Tex, she's -womanish.

Tex: Pardon me?

Church: Do you want Caboose to run decoy for you, or do you wanna try this on your own?

As if on cue, a shell from Sheila explodes behind Tex.

Tex: I see your point.

Church: Go ahead.

Tucker approaches behind Caboose and Church.

Caboose: Hello Tex.

Tucker: Dude, you will not believe what Doc just pulled off.

Church: Shut up, Tucker, don't interrupt.

Tucker: Interrupt what?

Caboose: Tex, I think you are pretty, and you haven't hurt my body in a long time, so I was hoping that we could talk and be friends maybe and hold hands, and you would go with me? And when you went with me, you would be my real girlfriend.

Tex: I think that would be... nice, Caboose. We should... definitely... do that.

Tucker: What the hell? Tex have you gone crazy? If you wanna get with somebody, get with me, the love doctor! I'm a real man! I will rock your fucking world.

Tex: ...

Church: Hey, don't look at me, he's not part of the plan.

Tex punches Tucker out.

Tucker: Ow! What is going on around here!?

Caboose: I don't think I'm going to use Tucker's "rock your world" line. I think I'm gonna stick with my own material.

The End
================================