"Being lonely is not when you don't have people around you; you feel lonely only when there is a part of you bleeding and no one's there to nurse your hurt self. Being lonely drains you emotionally and it pains you more than anything can, physically."

-Elegiac_Damsel

______

13th June

Third person's point of view:

It was Saturday.

Anindita was at home like she had been the rest of the week. It was probably the first time in 6 months that she had had a free week at home. There had been no training sessions and the only time she had gone out was when she had to meet Satyaki. She had relieved her mother from cooking and kitchen duties and had spent the entire week getting all the pending domestic jobs done. The leaking tap in the kitchen had been repaired after the plumber had been summoned. The kitchen chimney and water purifier had been serviced. And the pest control had been done at home after her mother complained of cockroaches in the kitchen. The ceiling fans that needed cleaning had been cleaned with some help from the maidservant. Apart from this, Anindita had also got enough time to speak to her mother. Anindita's mother, Apurba had been pleasantly surprised when she heard about Satyaki and Agamani. It seemed so unlike her daughter to speak and get acquainted with strangers. She had been appalled to know about the little girl's situation and didn't miss the sparkle in her daughter's eyes when she spoke of her with utmost fondness.

"Ma, can I go and meet Agamani in the evening today?" Anindita asked her mother in the afternoon while setting the table for the two of them during lunch. Her father had eaten earlier with help from his wife.

Her mother nodded in affirmation. Like Anindita, she was a woman of few words.

Anindita brightened up at the prospect of meeting Agamani. Out of habit, she dropped a message to Satyaki asking him if it would be okay for her to meet his daughter. Getting a positive reply, she left her home at 4 p.m. 

When Anindita reached Woli at 6 p.m., Agamani was listening to stories from her grandmother. Her father had promised to be home by 8 p.m. and she had grown restless waiting for him. 

"Hello Agamani. How are you doing today?" Anindita asked her after Satyaki's mother opened the door for her

"I am fine, Auntie. I have so much to tell you." Agamani started, instantly forgetting her grandmother's incomplete story

Anindita allowed herself to be dragged by Agamani. She took the woman to the balcony.

"I shared my tiffin with one of the boys like you told me. He was happy that someone was talking to him. The other boy thanked me for sharing my pencil with him. The others in the class still stay away from me but I have got two friends now." she told the woman

"That is wonderful to hear baby. Don't lose heart if anyone refuses to talk to you. Okay?"

Agamani nodded. Anindita was well aware that things wouldn't change overnight. It will be gradual. Even under normal circumstances, it takes days, months and sometimes years for friendships to develop; here the situation was already twisted. While Agamani was chattering away with Anindita, a phone call disturbed their conversation. 

It was Anurag; probably calling from Massachusetts in the morning (I.ST.=E.S.T. +9.30 hours or 10.30 hours during day light savings). Anindita's expressions instantly hardened.

"Baby, can you excuse me for a moment? In fact, go inside the house. There maybe mosquitoes herein." Anindita told the girl, who instantly complied to her request

"Hello?" she asked into the phone

"Hello Bonu(little sis) . Is it a good time to speak to you?" Anurag asked from the other end

"Yes Dada. Tell me. How are your sons and Boudi(sister in-law) doing?" she asked courteously

"We are all well. I am actually coming to India next week, on the 18th for some work."

"In Mumbai?"

"Yes. There is some project regarding which I am going." he informed his sister

Anindita closed her eyes and sighed. "Do you prefer to stay in a hotel or would you like to stay with me, Ma and Baba?" 

"Will it be too much of a trouble if I say I would stay with you?" he asked hesitantly

Anindita made a quick decision, "Not at all. Ma and Baba would be thrilled to meet you. I'll text you the address. And let it be a surprise for Ma. See you next week then. Forward me your flight ticket details too."

Anurag was perturbed. He missed hearing the words, "Dada, I miss you. I will be happy to see you home."
His emotions spilled in the form of words, "Anindita, will you not be happy to see me?"

Anindita clenched her fist and exhaled audibly. "I'll see you next week. Have a good day, Dada."

When Anindita disconnected the call, she became aware of a silhouette near the door connecting the balcony to Agamani's room. Turning abruptly, she noticed Satyaki's mother, Rohini approaching her. 

"I didn't mean to disturb your conversation dear. I was just making some tea for myself and I wanted to ask if you would like some?" Rohini asked Anindita

It was at that moment that Anindita realized that there was a sudden throbbing in her head. She squeezed her eyes shut bringing her hand to massage her temple.

"Auntie, do you have any green tea at home?" she asked hesitantly

When the older woman replied in the affirmative, she requested her some green tea, if possible with ginger. Under normal circumstances, she would have refused anything more than a glass of water at someone else's home, but she had to drive back home and it would be dangerous with an uncontrolled migraine attack. 

"Agamani started reading one of her books. It's best to let her be when she's reading. She reads with utmost focus and doesn't like being disturbed. Why don't the two of us talk while she's at it?" Satyaki's mother asked her tenderly. Anindita could make out that the woman was hoping for her to say yes as she was alone in the house and missed interacting freely.

She nodded and the two of them got their mugs of tea from the kitchen before walking into the living room. Anindita took a seat on the sofa next to Satyaki's mother. She took a sip of her green tea and sighed contentedly.

"Anindita, you always seem to be involved in work or your family. Amidst all the business, do you get time for yourself?" the older woman asked

She smiled weakly in reply, "Time for myself? I get time to read new books, to eat, to buy things for myself and to spend time with my own thoughts if that is what you mean. Moreover it is just me whenever I am out of the country."

The older woman smiled, "Living a solitary life and giving yourself time isn't the same, child."

Anindita chose to remain silent. She knew that Rohini was correct. Over the years, the word 'friend' had become totally unfamiliar. She had come out of what she had to face but somehow she had ceased having time for secondary beings. 

"I think you are really strong. I have been widowed 15 years ago, I still feel lonely and empty. I know loneliness when I see, child. How do you manage?" 

"Truth be told, I am just grateful that there is someone at home when I return from abroad. I am content that Ma and Baba are there to wave goodbye to me when I leave home. I am not lonely, Auntie. I have a family and I know I have to live for them." Anindita answered. Although her answer was brief, there was truth in it. 

Since, Anindita was a quiet woman, most people found it easy to confide in her. She simply listened and allowed the other person to vent out without interrupting in between.

 Rohini sighed, drowning her mind in thoughts, "You know, Satyaki's father left us 15 years ago following hepatocellular carcinoma. We knew right from the time he was diagnosed that death was inevitable, yet I did not have it in me to prepare myself for his departure. It was devastating when it happened but at least the two of us had got the opportunity of spending years together and even his last few days knowing that we were with one another." 

Anindita's hand automatically reached out to pull the older woman into her embrace. She was silent and inexpressive but she was aware of the pain that Rohini had transpired through. It was apparent that she needed to vent and was in search of some comfort.

"Honestly though, I think my son suffered way more than I did." she continued even as tears from her eyes made their way down her cheeks, "Losing his wife was so sudden for him. And obviously Dugga and what happened to her. "At the end, all of life becomes an act of letting go. But what hurts more is not taking a moment to say goodbye."- Life of Pi (IRRFAN KHAN)
He did not have a shoulder to cry on then. Nor did he get the chance to. You know Anindita..." 

Rohini looked directly into Anindita's eyes and spoke, "... we women are way stronger than men.  We have the ability to cry once and contain our emotions. Men think crying is a sign of weakness. They seldom cry. Instead, they spend the rest of their lives bleeding from within and dying each day."

Anindita nodded, "I know Auntie. My mother told me that her father went into depression after grandma died. It is more difficult for them because there is an unexplained type of dependence that men tend to have on their female companions; be it for normal day-to-day activities or for emotional matters."

Rohini acknowledged her statement with a grave expression, "I know my son suffers the same way. He has been rendered lonely ever since he lost her. I don't get what he goes through because he doesn't express. Both of you have this virtue of hiding things too well. You are an incredibly strong woman, Anindita. I honestly don't know how you manage to keep all that you feel to yourself all the time."

Anindita smiled.

 It was at that moment that Agamani crept from behind the sofa stealthily with the intention of startling Anindita. Unknown to the little girl, her intentions and movements had been noticed by the alert mind of the woman. Being a trained pilot, she had good reflexes and simply had to be alert at all times. Just as Agamani was about to pounce on Anindita, the woman caught her from behind making her shriek in surprise. 

"Auntie, you saw me! That is so unfair!" she complained pouting

Anindita laughed at her expression and took the girl's hand to place a small kiss on it, "Friends do play around and joke with one another, baby."

Agamani nodded and gestured for the woman to lift her onto her lap. She turned to face her grandma, "Thamma..."

She stopped abruptly noticing the remnants of her breakdown. Her grandmother had definitely been crying. She looked at Anindita for an explanation, "What happened to her? Why is she crying? Bolo na Anindita Auntie.(Tell me)" 

Anindita sighed and replied, "Nothing has happened to Thamma, baby. She was sipping her tea but it was too hot, it hurt her a little."

Rohini nodded at whatever Anindita said and frowned slightly at the now empty mug. This actually made Agamani believe her a little and she leaned towards her grandmother to peck her cheeks, "It will be fine, Thamma. Papa will give you medicine and I will surely pray to God so that you get less hurt."

Anindita changed the topic then, "Sweetheart, did you tell your grandmother about your new friends at school?"

She shook her head and replied sweetly, "I wanted to share it with you first. Now, I will tell Thamma."

And then she went on to narrate about her two friends. They were obviously in the initial stages of friendship which involved talking during class and helping one another with school work. Anindita and Rohini heard her out patiently. 

"Auntie, the two boys and I are exactly like the others. We are all in the same class. We study the same thing then why do they not talk to us? Are we not as special?" she asked after pausing for breath

Anindita had expected the question but not so soon. She was caught unaware. She racked her brains to select the right words.

"Sweetheart, you are as special. Every child is. You are your Papa's princess. Your grandmother's angel and a gift to all of us. You are 'Dugga' for your family. You are so special baby. You know Goddess Durga descended on Earth to destroy the evil Mahishasura. All Gods prayed to her and she arrived on Earth on Mahalaya. Sweetheart, you were born on that day. You are Goddess Durga's gift to your family. Your name signifies her arrival on Earth. You are our 'Dugga'. How can you not be special?"

Agamani looked up at Anindita, "Then why don't they speak to me?"

"Not everyone can tell a diamond from a stone and very few realize the value of coal. Just remember that you need to grow up to be strong. No matter what people say, remember you are special to us. Some day baby, your actions will speak." she replied

...

Satyaki turned the key in the keyhole on the door. It was 7.45 p.m. by his watch. He had arrived home early as promised to his daughter. His life revolved around her and he was keen to see her smiling face. Agamani was all he lived for.

When he entered the living room, he was greeted to the sight of his daughter sitting on Anindita's lap. She seemed to be explaining something to Agamani.

"...Some day baby, your actions will speak." he heard her words

He didn't know what the conversation had been about but he could make out that Anindita was speaking to her for her own good. He cleared his throat slightly and Agamani's face immediately lit up on seeing him.

She jumped of Anindita's lap and ran to her father who lifted her in his arms. Rohini got up to fetch her son some water. Anindita got up too in order to greet him. She smiled fondly at the sight of Agamani clinging to her father and kissing him on both his cheeks affectionately. It reminded her of herself during her childhood.

Looking at the time on her watch, she saw that it was already quite late. Her parents were alone at home. It was a good time to leave since Satyaki was already home. Agamani had been looking forward to spending time with her father. It was best to give the family their time and privacy. Moreover it would already be past 9.30 by the time she would reach Nerul.

Anindita grabbed her handbag from the sofa. When Rohini returned, she spoke, "Auntie, I should leave now. It is already late. Ma and Baba are alone at home."

"Why do you have to leave now, Anindita Auntie? Your parents are big. They can stay alone." Agamani objected

"Well sweetheart, they are definitely grown ups but they need me and if I don't leave now, I will be late. My parents will miss me the same way you miss your father. I'll come and meet you someday soon, baby. Bye."

Agamani reached to hug Anindita before going into her room. She was excited to play with her father and announced that she was going to defeat him at Ludo. Anindita waved goodbye to Rohini and Satyaki walked her to the door.

"Thank you Anindita. Thank you for what you are doing for her." he told Anindita once the two of them were out of the peripheral vision of Agamani and Rohini

Anindita smiled, "Honestly, I should be the one thanking your daughter. She is the first friend I have made in years. Anyways, I'll leave now. Have a happy Sunday tomorrow."

Just as she turned to leave, Satyaki was reminded of something he had been meaning to tell her, "Anindita!"

She turned and raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

"I just wanted to tell you that I am aware that your parents are left alone at home when you are out of town. I would like you to know that in case of any emergency; medical or otherwise, you can always call me. I know that it is difficult for two senior citizens to stay alone. And I obviously know that your cousin is pregnant and that there is little she can help with given her physical health. Anything happens, you should know that I would be glad to help." he told her

Anindita smiled, genuinely relieved and nodded, "Thank you. Good night and take care." It was the first time in years that she felt she wasn't alone.

...

To be continued...

PUBLISHED ON: 2nd May 2020