"Through love, all pain will turn into medicine."

-Rumi

________

21st June

Third Person's point of view:

Anindita went to the hospital fairly early in the morning, in order to clear the due amount and get all the discharge procedures done. Agastya was discharged at noon and Anindita took him back home. The elevator which had worked for 8 hours before malfunctioning, was again out of order. Anurag came to help his sister so their father could be taken up to their home on the 4th floor. 

The rest of the day passed quite peacefully.

It was evening and the two siblings along with their mother were in the kitchen. Anindita was rinsing the vessels in the kitchen sink when she heard Apurba ask Anurag, "When are you returning to the States, son?"

"I was scheduled to leave on Tuesday Ma, but I postponed the ticket to Saturday." he replied

Anindita was tempted to snap at him. She wanted to tell her brother that he wasn't needed here, but she stopped short looking at her mother's face. She looked genuinely happy and Anurag's face reflected her expression. Perhaps he was trying to make up for lost time.

"Ma, I will take Baba to Mumbai for consulting a doctor. Satyaki gave me quite a few names and hospitals." she spoke 

Her mother stopped stirring the lentils and asked, "Which hospitals did he suggest?"

"Jaslok, Hinduja, Nanavati and he asked me to check the list of doctors at the Doctor House on Peddar Road."

Anurag chose to comment then, "He is a doctor right?"

Anindita nodded, "Yes. A neurologist and neurosurgeon."

Her mother thought for a moment and suggested, "Why don't we consult him? He seemed like a good person and his mother told me he is very much dedicated to his work."

"Every mother says the same thing Ma. I am sure you say the same thing about me and Bonu when someone asks." Anurag intervened

Anindita began explaining her mother, "There must be a reason he suggested the other names Ma. Satyaki told me that the doctors have completed their post graduation from universities abroad. The hospitals are pretty renowned too and..." 

Apurba cut her in between and asked her sternly, "Which college did you graduate from Anindita? Anurag?"

"I.I.T. Roorkee?" Anurag replied, his answer coming out like a question

"I.I.T. Bombay. But Ma..." 

Their mother held up her hand, "First thing; the question was a rhetorical one. You weren't supposed to answer it."

Anindita giggled aloud and Anurag bit down on his lip to cease himself from laughing. Their mother glared at them, making the two neutralize their expressions instantly.

"What my point is that the first I in I.I.T. stands for INDIAN and not INTERNATIONAL. And the first I in A.I.I.M.S. stands for INDIA. That is where he is from, isn't he?"

Anindita replied in the affirmative and Apurba continued, "I think he is as qualified as the other doctors and definitely experienced considering the fact that K.D.A.H. is a pretty popular and renowned hospital. I would suggest you to take your father for consultation there. Not a word about the fact that there are other doctors from universities and colleges abroad!"

Her daughter however wasn't sure, "Ma, don't get me wrong. I am not judging his qualification or experience, but most doctors tend to keep their professional and personal lives at parallel places. He knows me personally. Why would he accept Baba as a patient?"

"Anindita," her mother sighed, "I am well aware that something called destiny always tends to have the last word. And I believe you know that too. It is not like I am expecting him or any other doctor for that matter to accomplish a miracle. I promise I'll keep in mind that he is a doctor who'll tend to my husband. Nothing more and nothing less. You know professionalism too. Abide by it."

Anindita nodded, "I'll get an appointment for Tuesday."

...

22nd June

Anindita dropped off Apurba at the dialysis center in the morning before returning home to make breakfast for her brother who had a meeting to attend. She had taken a leave for a week as she had to get her parents' checked and also because she needed a break from work. 

She searched up the contact number for Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital in order to fix up an appointment for her father, after putting bread in the toaster.

"Hello? Is this K.D.A.H.? I wanted to fix an appointment."

"Please hold the line while we transfer the call to the Out Patient Department, ma'am." 

It took her 30 minutes to finally get through to the receptionist who cared to ask her relevant questions.

"Which department would the patient like to consult under?" 

Anindita sighed, tired at the long phone call, "Neurology and Neurosurgery. I want an appointment with Dr. Satyaki Ganguly please, for tomorrow."

"Patient name, ma'am?"

"Agastya Mukherjee. Please confirm the appointment and the time for me. I will be going all the way from Navi Mumbai, so please give me  surety about the timing and the doctor's availability at the earliest."

"Your appointment has been confirmed for 6 p.m. ma'am. You are the third patient. Please be on time."

Anindita acknowledged the lady and hung up. 

"I could have made breakfast today, Anindita." Anurag spoke walking into the kitchen while fastening his right cuff-link

His sister grinned, "Don't tell me you learnt how to cook."

"As a matter of fact I did. Who do you think did the cooking for Gitanjali when she was pregnant? And the kids are always hungry, so I had to learn making new dishes. Circumstances teach you everything you see." he replied, rubbing his nape

"True. Circumstances do teach you everything. Survival for instance. Anyways, as long as you are in my house, you can forget that you know how to cook. Guests don't cook their own meals." she replied, looking at her brother dead in the eye

Anurag's expressions hardened and Anindita walked out of the kitchen, into her parents' room to help their father with his breakfast.

...

23rd June

"Ma, I will manage taking Baba alone. Just put in his crutches in the backseat." Anindita told her mother firmly, exasperated

It was 4 p.m. and Apurba was insisting to accompany her daughter

"Let me come with you, child. Or maybe your brother can help?"

"First thing: you are NOT coming. This is not a family picnic. You cannot sit straight in the car seat for long. You have been advised to not strain your back. It will take precisely 1.5 hours to go there and at least 2 hours more in order to come back. Secondly: your son came to India for official reasons and he is in Powai. I don't need his help. Lastly; we need to get going, so please let me. Take your medicines on time. Baba and I will be home by 9." 

Her mother gave up. Her daughter was right, she simply couldn't sit in the car seat for long. 

Apurba nodded and Anindita drove away with her father.

At the hospital

Anindita helped her father walk into the hospital from the parking lot. Although he had crutches, he needed physical support. Seating him on one of the waiting chairs, she went up to the Out Patient Department reception and made all the necessary inquiries. 

"The doctor would be on the 4th floor madame. Cabin number: 101." the man there told her 

She nodded and helped Agastya  walk to one of the elevators. 

One of the nurses on the 4th floor guided her to the cabin and asked her to wait outside as she was in queue. Her father's vitals; blood pressure, pulse etc. were checked by a ward boy and then finally at 6.15, the nurse on duty gave her the green signal to proceed. 

Supporting her father with her left hand, she knocked twice on the door with her right hand.

Satyaki replied to the knock with a gentle 'come in.'

Anindita opened the door slightly and helped her father inside. Satyaki froze for a moment as she wasn't someone he had anticipated.

"Good evening doctor." Anindita greeted him politely, in a professional manner

"Good evening, Captain Mukherjee." he replied at length, "I assume your father is the patient here."

She nodded in reply and Satyaki greeted her father, requesting him to take a seat on the examination chair. He addressed him directly about his health and asked him how he was feeling. Anindita was a mere spectator to all this. She wondered how he was able to understand her father's slurred speech with ease.

"He deals with post stroke patients regularly after all. Maybe that is why he knows." she told herself

After Satyaki had been done asking him the basic questions, he turned to Anindita, "Ms. Mukherjee, have you got the C.T. Scan reports from last Saturday?" 

She handed him the plate and Satyaki held it up to the light to get a clear look. Having observed the scan properly, he lifted his pen and began scribbling something on the prescription of the hospital.

"I would need you to brief me about his medical history please." he spoke, tapping his pen on the table rhythmically

Anindita did not reply to him as she had zoned out completely.

"Ms. Mukherjee. Ms. Mukherjee?"

She snapped out of whatever land her mind had been in and replied hastily, "I am sorry doctor. Would you mind repeating your question. I just got distracted."

"What's the matter, Anindita? Any problem? Why are you distracted?" Satyaki asked her, eventually giving up on professionalism

She shook her head, "Nothing. My mind just wandered away somewhere else."

"You can tell me."

She shook her head again, this time a small smile appearing on her face, "I'd rather not take up the time of the other patients who are in queue, doctor. Moreover, my thoughts were not related to your patient, they are personal. Right now, Captain Mukherjee came with her father in order to consult Dr. Ganguly. Your question will be answered when Anindita meets Satyaki. Let us be professional herein."

Satyaki smiled at her reply and then straightened his expressions, changing his demeanor back to that of a doctor.

"I asked you to brief me about your father's medical history." he repeated

"What would you need to know doctor?"

"Did he have any chronic ailments before the stroke?"

"No."

"Any persistent health problems? As in diabetes? Hypertension? Thyroid?"

"He has always had hypertension." she replied

"Cause of hypertension?"

"Stress. You know due to professional commitments, finance etc."

Satyaki nodded and began noting it down.

"What's his age at the moment?"

"72"

"Anything you are concerned about in particular?"

"Yes. I am concerned about his speech, his paralysis and recently he..." Anindita stopped short, unable to speak further about her father

"Ms. Mukherjee, you have to tell me the details." Satyaki insisted

"I had to buy Adult diapers." she whispered quietly

Satyaki nodded and her father frowned slightly. Anindita looked distressed about this and it was quite apparent.

"It is normal for patients suffering from post-stroke paralysis. Further, when did he have the stroke, Ms. Mukherjee? And at what age?" Satyaki asked. His eyes were fixated on the prescription wherein he was writing the symptoms as told by Anindita.

Anindita gulped at his question. She inhaled deeply and after a minute, the words tumbled out of her mouth, monotonously, "He had the stroke 8 years ago, when he saw me for the first time, following the face reconstruction and skin grafting surgery. He was 64."

...

Satyaki's point of view:

The pen in my hand abruptly stopped writing. For a moment I thought I had heard wrong. 

I was frozen at my place. Shaken. Moved. Touched. Shocked.

I looked up at her only to see that her gaze was fixated on the wall behind me. Her tone had been emotionless, but her eyes were glossy; glossy with un-shed tears and suppressed pain. Her father tried to move his good hand to touch his daughter, but she wasn't within his reach.

I couldn't understand how I was supposed to react. Being a father myself, I know how devastating it must have been for her father to see his daughter in that condition. But then, how agonizing must have everything been for Anindita!

I cleared my throat once, not trusting my voice to speak. 

"Ms. Mukherjee. I... I...."

She stopped me from speaking, "Excuse me doctor. I need a moment."

I nodded and she reached into her handbag to get her water bottle. Her father and I watched silently as she sipped the water and breathed in and out a couple of times. 

"Yes doctor?" she began a moment later, her voice as steady as her gaze 

"I am sorry." I muttered quietly

"There is nothing to be sorry about doctor." she replied with a watery smile

I sighed helplessly. She wants me to be professional with her and I have to be. 

"Ms. Mukherjee, I would suggest you to get a PET Scan of the brain and spinal column done. Take an appointment for a Nerve control velocity test here for Friday afternoon and you can come here for the follow-up once these two tests are done." I told her while writing the same on the prescription and signing at the end

"What is a Nerve control velocity test, doctor? What will that do to Baba?" she asked me anxiously

"It is basically a test conducted in order to check nervous impulses and response. This is essential given your father's age and physical state. This basically checks up on nerve damage." I explained her briefly

"What will be the stimulus used for the test, Doctor?"

I smiled slightly at her concern and curiosity. I am positive that she knows the answer, but I guess she wants me to confirm her fears before assuming the worst. 

"I think you know the answer. It will involve electrode patches." Saying so, I handed her the prescription and she thanked me as she got up from her seat. Her father mumbled a 'thank you' and I acknowledged him. 

She helped her father up from his seat and helped him grip the crutches. She opened the door to leave and right before she exited, I called out to her, "And Ms. Mukherjee, you should try portraying more emotions and expressing them better if you don't want to become the next neurological patient in your family."

...

I had several patients who followed after that and it was 9 p.m. when the O.P.D. hours concluded. I went to check up on the two indoor patients I had and then proceeded to return home. My daughter was waiting up for me of course as was Ma. She ran to hug me the moment she saw me enter home. I took her in my arms and lifted her up with a smile. She kissed me on both cheeks and I heard her begin her usual rant about what she had learnt at school. I didn't really comprehend her words; my mind was totally off track. Finally after 15 minutes of pretending that I was listening, I set her down and asked her to change and get to bed. She has school tomorrow and she needs to get up on time.

Dugga pouted slightly. I know she doesn't like going to school because waking up early is something she isn't a fan of, but I obviously cannot indulge her in bad habits like waking up late and missing school. 

"Go to your room and sleep, Dugga. If you don't go to school then you will not be able to learn new things." I told her sternly

"Good night Papa. Good night Thamma." she told me and Ma before sprinting to her room

Ma and I had dinner after that and all the while, I kept replaying Anindita's statement in my mind, 'He had the stroke 8 years ago, when he saw me for the first time, following the face reconstruction and skin grafting surgery.'

I couldn't decide who had endured more pain. 

Her father must have had the stroke involuntarily, at the wrong moment. Perhaps, pent up stress, tension and then the consternation he had to reel through when he saw his daughter's state. Perhaps he suffers till date not just due physical pain, but also emotional. Maybe he still regrets not embracing his daughter and supporting her when she needed him. Maybe he feels agitated now since he can't express himself properly, neither to his daughter nor to anyone else around him. Maybe he wants to tell his daughter that he loves her and that it was her pain, not appearance that caused him suffering. Maybe he misses being self-reliant, maybe he misses hugging his daughter close, given that he has hemiplegia.

And Anindita? She practically saw the world around her crumble down. The burns caused by the  acid aren't only superficial; she has seen the acid cause burns to her heart, to her conscience, even to her spirit. Her father's condition must have pushed her into believing that she was the one at fault. Her life is still a mystery to me; but I can say with conviction that the woman has seen the world at its best as well as worst. 

"Satyaki, why aren't you eating?" Ma's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I realized I had been playing about with the food on my plate all this while.  

"Ma, I can't eat. I'll keep this away." I told her shortly, getting up from my seat, my appetite leaving me completely

I washed my hands and went off to my room. Once I had changed, I sat down on the bed, resting against the headrest. 

My mind involuntarily went to the day I had seen my daughter following the accident. Looking at her discolored skin had caused me inexpressible anguish. Her soft and delicate baby skin had become permanently scarred. She had lost her mother, I had lost my wife. The acid caused her physical burns; it gave her more than just superficial pain. What would have happened if I hadn't been able to hold myself together after her demise and Dugga's mishap? Have I ever felt repulsed because of my daughter's blemish? 

Finally, when I started feeling asphyxiated due to my own thoughts, I stepped out of my own room and unconsciously went towards Dugga's room. I pushed open the door gently and went inside. She was sound asleep and she was cuddling her bolster. I knelt down at her bedside and began stroking her hair lovingly. My sweet, innocent and beautiful daughter, a perfect mixture of me and her mother. My gaze fell on the burns on her skin and I felt my heart constrict in tribulation. Taking her little hand in my hand, I dropped a kiss on it.

"My baby," I whispered to her sleeping form, "I am sorry I wasn't there to protect you. I am sorry that you had to go through all this alone. I am sorry that you have to grow up by yourself. I know you miss your mother; I miss her too. Had she been here with us, then I would never let her go. I failed her, sweetheart. I am sorry. It pains me, child when I see these burns." I said as I touched the distinguished skin on her jaw. I gulped once before continuing, "I am not affected by your appearance, you will be my daughter; my beautiful daughter always. You grew up so fast baby. You will soon complete 6 years. When I see you, I am reminded of the first time I took you in my arms. I remember the first time you called me 'Papa'. That was your first word, like most other kids', but it was so special for me. Dugga, I don't know how long we have together, but I promise I'll try to be there every time you need me. You are too young to understand what happened with you and what caused the burns, I'd simply like you to know that you are everything I have and that I will love you always. Be strong baby, I get all my strength from you. I need you to survive in this world without your mother. I need you to be there, so I have a reason to return home every night. I am sorry for anything that may have hurt you. Grow up to be strong. I am sorry because you have so much more that you are yet to face and I won't be able to do anything. I'll always try to be strong around you. Be a girl your mother would be proud of. No matter what happens, remember that she loves you. Grow up slowly baby, I need to keep up with you. I love you, baby. I promise I will try my level best to be strong for you. Always."

I know she was oblivious to all that I said, but then, I wouldn't have liked her to see me crying and grieving over her misfortune. I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and leaned to kiss her forehead. Standing up without making any noise, I readjusted the blanket on her and proceeded to tiptoe out of the room, leaving her to her own peaceful world of dreams; away from all the reality and struggles that each one of us have to face each day, every day.

...

To be continued...

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PUBLISHED ON: 18th May 2020