This chapter is dedicated to: Siddharth and Vasu

"When you look into the mirror, you are the one looking back at yourself. When you touch a mirror, you touch yourself. When you befriend yourself, you conquer the world."

-Elegiac_Damsel

_______

4th July

Third person's point of view:

While Mumbai enjoyed the showers that brought refuge from the intense heat, a little girl in Worli stared at the raging waves of the Arabian Sea which crashed against the concrete barrier of Worli Sea Face. It was just 10 in the morning, but the dark clouds, heavy with moisture, refrained the sunlight from seeping through them. She was standing in the balcony which faced the sea. The raindrops sprayed her face as the wind caused her locks to fly hither tither.

"Dugga! You want to catch a cold? Get back inside this instant!" she heard her father say

She made a face and then skipped her way inside the house. Her father was waiting with his arms crossed and a stern glare on his face. 

"Look at you! Drenched from head to toe. Wait here. I'll get you dry clothes and a towel to dry your hair." Satyaki said in a defeated tone

Agamani stood their all the while with an overly innocent look on her face. She had something else that her father would be furious about and just as she had known and expected all along, a loud groan followed by a 'Dugga! Come here this instant.' soon came her way from her room.

"Yes Papa?" she asked Satyaki, timidly

"Firstly, why on earth was the window open? Your bed is totally wet. And what is this? Why do you need Rs. 200?" he asked her holding up his stethoscope which had been used to tie her teddy bear's wrists. A drawing paper stating 'I need Rs. 200' had been placed in its hands.

"I need Rs. 200 per month as pocket money." she demanded 

Satyaki was taken aback. What on earth would an almost 6 year old do with Rs. 200 per month? He cleared his throat and asked her, "What for, may I ask?"

"Anindita Auntie hasn't come to meet me. I will take Rs. 200 from you so I can go to meet her instead."

Satyaki almost facepalmed himself. The most she could afford with Rs. 200 was the local train which would ferry her 30 kilometres away to Nerul.

"I'll take you to meet her. It is difficult for her to drive all the way here in the monsoon, Dugga. She lives quite far away." he explained his daughter

"When will you take me?" she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest

"Give me some time sweetheart. I'll have to ask her right if she's free? And I have to check my own schedule too." 

"Make it quick, Papa." she finished, with a serious face that looked really comical. Satyaki felt his lips curving upwards, smiling at his daughter's cute behavior. He shook his head and went to fetch her dry clothes.

"Go and change. Come to me after that so I can comb your hair properly. And you'd better not take my stethoscope again." he told her sternly and walked out of her room to fix some milk for his daughter and an espresso for himself.

...

The last two weeks had been like a roller coaster ride for Anindita. She had got her father's medical tests done just as Satyaki had instructed and had installed a landline at home for her mother's convenience. She had returned from Dubai just in the morning and was trying to make her mother understand what the tests had been about.

"Ma, even though I have studied Science all my life, I seriously do not have any idea about Biology. This is Greek to me too." she exclaimed at the complicated words that had been used in the N.C.V. report

"You are going to be home this week right?" Apurba asked her daughter

"Yes. Any problem Ma?"

"The doctor at the dialysis center said he wanted to speak to you."

"I'll be there." she promised

Her mother walked off to the kitchen for some work, leaving Anindita to ease herself on the sofa, scrolling through Amazon on her phone. A while later, she received a phone call from Satyaki.

"Hello? How are you doing? And how's Agamani?" she asked, as was the protocol

"We are well. How's Agastya Uncle doing?"

"Doing alright, by God's grace. So, anything up?" 

"Actually, my daughter had kidnapped by stethoscope in order to extract Rs. 200 from me as ransom. When asked why, she said she needed the money to go and visit you. In simple words, I think she is missing you." Satyaki told Anindita who instantly broke into a smile

"Tell her I miss her too, but my car's just been sent for servicing. And you know with local trains and transport being barely available during the monsoon, I..." 

"I wasn't asking you to come all the way here. I can take Dugga there." he assured her

"Will it be too much if I ask you to bring Rohini Auntie here as well? Ma will surely love talking to her." she asked him, hesitantly

"Not at all! I am sure Ma would love to meet her again. But I'll make something very clear. I have signed up for the night shift at the hospital which begins at 10, which means we'll leave by 8. We'll be there at 4. Okay?"

"Okay. See you then." Anindita said and disconnected the call. She brightened up at the prospect of meeting Agamani. She skipped to the kitchen like an excited kid and informed her mother that they were expecting guests.

She was planning in her mind what she could speak to Agamani about when she remembered how the girl had been unable to introduce herself to Anurag. She had been too shy and perhaps even conscious. Anindita had all the plans to introduce the girl to her best friend i.e., herself.

...

True to his words, Satyaki took his daughter and mother to Anindita's house. Agamani was over the moon at the prospect of meeting her friend again and her grandmother was happy to be out of the house. Having been rendered lonely due to old age and seclusion, the idea of going out and socializing with someone of her age group appealed to her immensely.

The three of them were greeted by Apurba at the door who ushered them inside. Anindita was in the balcony of the house, simply standing there in peace, allowing the boon from heaven shower her. Her eyes were shut and the wind caressed her skin and caused her hair to fly.

"Anindita Auntie!" the voice brought her out of the quiet world her mind had been in. A smile made its way onto her face and she turned to see a girl running towards her at breakneck speed. She knelt to Agamani's level and engulfed her in a hug.

"You shouldn't run like this inside the house. Moreover the balcony is totally wet, you could have slipped and fallen. You aren't hurt, are you?" Anindita asked her, anxiously  inspecting her for wounds. It had suddenly dawned upon her that Agamani could have injured herself quite gravely. 

"I am fine, Auntie. I missed you, but I am angry with you! Tumi jao ni keno (Why did you not go) to meet me?" the girl asked Agamani crossing her arms and looking at her with an interrogative gaze

Anindita was amused at her mock anger. It had barely been 3 minutes since she had met her and Agamani had already portrayed 3-4 kinds of moods. 

The younger girl turned her face sideways when Anindita made no move. The woman shook her head and suppressed the smile on her face. She held both her ears and frowned. 

"I am sorry, sweetheart. Would you not forgive me and speak to me?"

After pretending to ponder over Anindita's apology, Agamani eventually gave up on the mock anger she had been holding onto and smiled, "It is okay. Come outside and meet Thamma and Papa, Auntie. And how is your father now? And what do I call your mother?" 

"Let's go outside and you can ask Ma yourself what she wants you to call her." 

"I am scared of talking to her. What if she also thinks of me like my classmates?" she spoke out in a vulnerable, timid tone

Anindita frowned at the little girl's words but chose to ignore her query. She replied simply, "Go and ask her, Agamani."

The girl had an apprehensive look on her face, but one look at Anindita's straight face, convinced her. She walked into the living room where her father and grandmother were conversing with Apurba.

"Anindita Auntie's mumma, can you please tell me what I should call you?" she asked, with downcast eyes and fidgety fingers

Apurba smiled at her demeanor and the name she had addressed her by. She did not take a minute to answer Agamani's question, the words simply came out instantly, from her heart, "You are like my granddaughter. Why don't you call me Dida (a term of endearment used to address maternal grandmother)?"

Agamani nodded earnestly, some of her inhibition chipping away.

"I will call you Dida. But what do I call Anindita Auntie's father?" 

"Well, Anindita Auntie's father happens to be my husband. If you call me Dida, then Dida's husband is supposed to be addressed as Dadu." she explained her affectionately

Anindita looked on at her mother interacting with Agamani. She managed to gulp the lump in her throat that had appeared out of nowhere. Somehow, looking at the scene unfold in front of her, she was reminded that her parents had never had the chance of meeting their own grandchildren. Anurag had never brought his sons to India and Aparajita hadn't even given birth yet. Anindita

She forced herself out of all the thoughts and beckoned to Agamani, "Would you like to meet my father?"

The little girl nodded and Anindita led her to her father who was sitting and reading the newspaper. She introduced Agastya and Agamani to one another and witnessed her father keeping his hand on the little girl's head affectionately. She interpreted his words for her and later took Agamani to her room.

"Sweetheart, today I am going to introduce you to your best friend."

...

Anindita's point of view:

I watched Agamani's  curious gaze scan my room. She looked everywhere, almost like she was expecting someone to appear out of thin air. 

"Where is my best friend Auntie? No one's here!" she asked, confused

"Come here, sweetheart."

She came and stood next to me and I covered her eyes with my palms. Making her face the mirror, I removed my hands and asked her to open her eyes and see. She opened her eyes with a childlike enthusiasm and eagerness which turned into confusion when she saw our reflection looking back at us.

"Are you my best friend?" she asked me through the mirror

I shook my head in the negative.

"The phoenix? The mirror? The rose? Who is my best friend here, Auntie?"

"Step closer to the mirror, baby." I told her softly and she looked up at me for confirmation, before stepping forward

"Do you see your reflection stepping towards you just as you move ahead?"

"Yes I do, Auntie." she replied

"Touch the mirror with your hand, sweetheart."

I watched her press her fingers on the surface of the mirror, her expression still screaming skepticism. 

"Press your palm against the mirror." 

And then her palm pressed against her reflection's palm. I went forward and knelt beside her. Agamani turned her head towards me and I smiled at her gently.

"Do you see your fingertips meeting your reflection's? Do you see your palm meeting your reflection's? This, sweetheart is your first best friend. Your reflection and you yourself. Your reflection is the only medium through which you can look into your own eyes. YOU are the only one who can judge you. Look into your reflection, the day you get the confidence to look into your own eyes, that is the day you instill the ability in yourself to live life with your head held high."

"But I thought best friends are just your friends. I..." she began

I cupped her small face in my hands and looked into her eyes, "Baby, answer a question for me. You have recently become friends with those two boys in your class, but do you still feel bad that no one else in class speaks to you?"

"Yes." she said and her eyes lowered their gaze instinctively and a teardrop found its way down her cheek to her jaw. I wiped the teardrop gently, my hand brushed against her burnt skin and she flinched.

I ignored her flinching and asked her, "What do you do when no one speaks to you? How do you answer when someone tells you something that hurts you?"

"I don't cry, but I feel bad. They say I am ugly. They say I am not good. I don't tell them anything. What can I do anyways?" she told me, her voice reducing to a whisper with each word

I lifted her face, "Chin up Princess, or the crown slips and falls. Don't let others' words get to you. And don't ever cry thinking you aren't beautiful. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known. You are your father's princess, you grandma's sweetheart, your mom's angel and a blessing. The first thing you should learn is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Look at your reflection in the mirror Agamani. Know this once and for all; what you give to yourself and to your reflection, you get that in return. You take a step forward and your reflection steps forward. You extend a hand and you get one in return. You love your reflection, you love yourself. You accept what the mirror shows you and you accept all the good things that the world offers you. So the next time anyone dares to call you ugly, you let all that you have inside prove them wrong. The next time anyone dares to say that you aren't good, you let them know about all the good things you have been blessed with."

"Will I never get a best friend, Auntie? Is this why you are asking me to be my own best friend?" she asked me tentatively

I shook my head, "I never said that. You'll get many friends along the course of your life. But before all that, you must make 4 friends; yourself, your father, your mother and your grandmother. Right now, I want you to do something for me. I'll teach you a small Bengali poem that I loved as a child. You'll recite it to your reflection till you can say it with conviction. Okay?"

"Okay, but what does convic...something mean?"

I laughed and pressed a light kiss on her forehead.

 "Confidence. You'll know you are doing right when you can say it happily and when you finish, there will be a smile on your face."

The next 20 minutes passed with me teaching her the lines of a funny Sukumar Ray poem that we both giggled over. Finally after she had memorized the poem, I left her to recite the lines to her reflection.  She may think I am eccentric to get her to do this, but if I think of myself in her shoes, I am sometimes still reminded of the time when I would feel like shattering the mirror which reflected my distorted face. It takes a great deal of pain and ordeal for any victim to become a survivor. She is young and it is essential for her to get acquainted to her flaws early on into the course of her life. 

I walked out to the living room only to see Ma and Rohini Auntie chatting away on the sofa. I have no idea what the two of them talk about, but seeing Ma smiling freely made me feel satisfied that I hadn't failed as a daughter to keep her well. 

Satyaki was in the balcony attached to the living room, attending a phone call. Having no other work to do, I proceeded to go to the kitchen. Washing the vegetables thoroughly, I took out the knife and chopping board.
"Where's my daughter? Did she disturb you so much that you had to escape?" I heard Satyaki asking me

I shook my head, smiling, "On the contrary, she might be the one who would be seeking escape from this crazy hag who has asked her to recite a poem staring at the mirror."

He laughed. "I am not going to ask why. Must have something to do with her inhibition and inferiority complex."

I nodded, "I am sure you have practiced speeches looking at the mirror as well. Hopefully this will help your daughter."

We were silent for a while before he asked me, "You did not come for the follow up?"

I turned red due to mortification. Slowly mustering up the courage, I proceeded to tell him the truth, "I couldn't take Baba for the follow up because I wasn't in the country this week."

Satyaki did not say anything, but I did see an eyebrow being raised. He is probably thinking about how irresponsible I have been. 

I found myself giving him an explanation even before he could ask for one, "I know this is probably very irresponsible of me, but believe me when I say this, I simply had to go. I was responsible enough to not venture too far though. As in, I went to Dubai, Dubai to Kolkata, Kolkata to Dubai and then back home. I was within a distance that could be covered within 2-4 hours in case of any emergency. Pilots are paid per flight and if I don't fly, I won't earn. Satyaki, you tell me, if I don't earn, how do I pay for Baba and Ma's treatment?"

"I cannot tell you anything about your professional commitments, Anindita. We both have vastly different lifestyles and professions. However, I would request you to take your father for the follow up this week without fail. I understand that you obviously have to work, but try and strike up a balance." 

"I'll try my level best to restrict my travels to Dubai and nearby cities only. I do feel tensed when I have to go out leaving Ma and Baba here, unsupervised but what can I do? Ma doesn't like stay at home nurses and as it is the world is too unreliable to actually find someone who I can be absolutely relieved about. I feel thoroughly helpless and tired! I should have perhaps chosen a regular desk job, but then I wouldn't earn as much as I do and that would result in a financial crunch sooner or later! I just don't know what to do!" I vented out 

Satyaki listened to me patiently and then asked, "Why do you keep all these worries, emotions and concerns bundled up inside?"

"For the same reason that you do." I replied without any hesitation, meeting his strong gaze which softened a bit at my statement

He cleared his throat, "What do you mean? I am not emotionally unstable and I..."

"You know exactly what I mean. Your daughter is too young to understand and you cannot share anything with your mother. Your professional commitments keep you busy all day, thus not giving you the time to make and meet friends so you can let go of that emotional weight. Actually Satyaki, you and I have similar reasons for concealing our feelings and emotions. It is important for us to maintain poker faces always. The golden rule of ensuring that a household runs smoothly; the head of the family never reveals his problems to the rest of the family. Even if you are hopeless, you cannot express that to any other family member, because you are their only hope. We both are the heads of our families in our own rights; although my father holds that position in my household, rightfully. We both don't know much beyond family and we never can bare ourselves to our families. We have only ourselves as our best friends."

...

To be continued...

PUBLISHED ON: 23rd  May 2020