Dedicated to:  Miabookworm12 and SrijeetaBhowmick

"A home is the greatest dream, a wish and a deep desire for any nomad. What a lonely soul desires is just someone who could lend their ears."

-Elegiac_Damsel

_______

25th July

Third person's point of view:

A characteristic monsoon, dark, misty, sky greeted the city of Mumbai. 

The rain that descended from the void above had been continuing for more than a week, without stopping even once. The pearl like drops that mingled together to form puddles and potholes on the streets, caused severe inconvenience to pedestrians and daily commuters, but nature rejoiced, welcoming the heavenly showers and a fresh greenery graced the city, peeking between skyscrapers and commercial buildings. 

With flights being cancelled and delayed repeatedly due to heavy monsoon showers and on and off thunderstorms, Anindita often found herself staying in town for longer intervals than ever before. She had engaged a full time nurse for Agastya and Apurba, who had an off on every Sunday. Although it was hard to admit, but Anindita sure had been a bit relieved and was in a way less stressed whenever she had to fly abroad. 

It had been about a fortnight since Anindita had last met Agamani. Over the last 2 months, the woman had become attached to the little soul who had given her several reasons to smile even when she had been stressed or worried. Since it was a Saturday, she decided to take the initative of meeting Agamani.

Contrary to her usual schedule of going to meet the girl usually in the evenings, she set out early at about 11 a.m. There was a lot of traffic on the road even though it was the weekend. There were gigantic potholes that every driver had to dodge with incredible patience, skill and precision. It took her an hour to reach Worli.

The door was opened by Satyaki. Anindita was momentarily surprised to see him home when he should have been at the hospital or at the consultation clinic. 

"Hi. You are at home?" she asked casually, with a smile

"Last time I checked, the nameplate has my name on it." he replied flatly

Anindita was a bit taken aback at his rude reply. She had asked him the question casually and not in order to offend him.

"Sorry. I didn't really mean it in a way to offend or question you. I simply asked you the question because you are not at home usually...." her voice trailed off as she focused her gaze on his face and then blurted out, "Wait a minute! Were you crying or are you sick?"

Satyaki's eyes were red and appeared hollow, sinking into the sockets, dark circles apparent. His lips curved downwards in a frown. He appeared distressed and his wrinkled forehead accentuated his vulnerable state. He wasn't even wearing his spectacles, which was quite odd. 

"No I wasn't crying." he replied, looking away abruptly

"Is something bothering you? Did something happen?  What's wrong?" Anindita asked him out of concern, ignoring the snappiness and edge in his tone

Satyaki exhaled audibly and answered, "Nothing is wrong. Nothing happened. It is just that I needed a break for myself today. Ma was also feeling sick in the morning. It was raining, not to forget the fact that I got married on this day 8 years ago and that... Dugga has not come out of her room after breakfast and I..."  

His sentences were running into one another and unknown to Satyaki, a few drops of tears had begun rolling down his cheeks as he rambled. He had never seemed so messed up as he did at that moment. He did not look unkempt, but his condition screamed mental turmoil and sadness.

Anindita ignored the rest of what Satyaki spoke. Her mind caught up quickly on the root of his distress. It was his wedding anniversary! A day that he had been left to celebrate or rather shed tears over now, all alone. He had probably been reminiscing his past days with his wife; missing her, cursing his fate or perhaps repenting and blaming himself for not being able to save her that day. 

She reached out hesitantly and kept her hand on his shoulder, shaking him to stop him from rambling.

"Stop, Satyaki. I get what you were trying to say. Don't stand here. Go and sit there on the sofa. I'll get you some water." Anindita told him, softly and walked away to the open kitchen in order to fetch a glass of water

She watched Satyaki sip the water slowly, his back slumped against the sofa. Anindita sat across him on the armchair and waited for him to stabilize himself. The rumbling guttural sound of rolling thunder echoed in the room, making Anindita realize how still and lifeless the flat appeared. Feeling a sudden wetness on her neck and back, she turned only to realize that the window was wide open and no one had even bothered to shut it. Splashes of rain had wet the floor. In short, the normally prim and proper household appeared utterly disarranged and scruffy. 

Sighing to herself, Anindita went in search of a rag that could be used to dry the floor. Finding one, she pressed it against the floor so it could soak the water and then shut the window.

"Where is Agamani?" she asked Satyaki, who was sitting on the leather sofa with his head thrown backwards, eyes shut

"Dugga retired to her room right after breakfast. Ma had fever, so I asked Dugga to stay away from her room." he replied, guiltily. He had just realized that he had been ignorant and had forgotten about his daughter as he had been grieving all day. 

"I'll speak to her in a while. First tell me, are you okay?"

Satyaki nodded and added with a wistful smile, "It's just a day that reminds me a lot about her. People celebrate their wedding anniversaries with their spouse, and here I am, moping and crying in my wife's memory."

"Why don't you celebrate your anniversary then, Satyaki?" she asked him quietly

He looked at Anindita like she had landed from Mars. Did she not understand his point of view? Or did she not realize that the woman who he had been married to was dead! Did she not understand that he had no reason to celebrate his anniversary?

"See, it is either celebrating the good moments that you have had or it is crying all day. If you cry all day, you'll sour your mood, become moody and will unintentionally end up hurting all those around you. So, try celebrating with your daughter. She is a result of your marriage, your love!" Anindita told him

Satyaki was thoughtful for a minute. Her words did make sense, but then everything is easier said than done. 

"Dugga barely remembers or knows her mother, Anindita." he replied

"Ever wondered why she doesn't know her mother well?" she asked rhetorically, continuing when Satyaki looked down, "You never speak to her about her mother. How will the girl ever know? She cannot remember anything given the fact that she was just 2 years old when she lost her mother. You have to be the connecting thread between your deceased wife and your daughter! Tell her about her mother; about her likes and dislikes. Share memories. Don't just put up photo frames on the wall in her room, try sitting with the good old photo albums, flip through each page and relive a memory." she explained

"I don't know. What do I share with her? Somehow every memory associates with Kolkata, the city which gave her those burns!" Satyaki exclaimed

Anindita smiled at that and then spoke softly, "Mumbai; I was born in this city. I grew up here. The financial capital of India, the City of Dreams, the city that never sleeps, this is where I experienced living with a family and this is where I was left to fend for myself. This is a city which witnessed my best memory and also my worst. This is the city which gave me these burns and also the medicine, Satyaki."

Satyaki was silent. He knew what Anindita was trying to imply, but he couldn't bring himself to admit that his was an act of cowardice.

Anindita continued, "Similarly, if you try to weigh the pains and happiness on the same balance, you'll definitely find more reasons to smile than cry. Don't be just a father to Agamani. You may scold her nowadays for getting wet in the rain, for not eating vegetables or for some mischief or the other, but go back to those days in Kolkata once. Have you never sailed paper boats in puddles during monsoon? Stolen money or sneaked out to buy junk food? Forget for a moment that Kolkata is where you lost your wife or that Agamani hurt herself there. Reminisce those sunsets at Prinsep Ghat that you witnessed with Tridhara, holding her hand in yours. Remember those after school football matches, the liveliness of the city. The trams that can be seen only at the City of Joy, in India. Tell her about Durga Puja, about biriyani from Arsalan or Aminia, about your youth and childhood. Establish a connection between your daughter and through that connect her to her mother. Tell her about the nostalgic lanes at College Street where people have to dodge piles of books while walking. Tell her about the evening strolls at Maidan for North Calcuttans and the ones at Rabindra Sarobar and Lake for South Calcuttans. Forget Dharmatala, N.R.S. and the places which gave you pain! Remember the stalls at New Market and the hawkers of Gariahat. Tell her about the age old debate and competition of East Bengal vs. Mohun Bagan. Tell her about the mischief that you did as a child. Tell her about how much her mother loves her. Connect! You must, Satyaki! For your sake and hers. Let her know her mother through your eyes. Let her see the city through your eyes. Let Agamani know the city which united her parents. Let the girl see the happiness that the place gave you. I know you love your daughter a lot and that you care for her a lot, but loving isn't enough. Try expressing that better. Spend some casual time with her apart from asking her to complete her homework etc."

Anindita was out of breath by the time she finished expressing her views. Her throat felt parched, but she had to know if her words had had any effect on Satyaki. He had listened to each word with rapt attention.

At length, he spoke, "You were born and brought up here. How do you know Kolkata so well, Anindita?"

Anindita smiled and replied softly, "I saw the city through my parents' eyes. So well and so vividly that I feel like I am a part of the City of Joy. That is what you have to do now. Let your daughter meet her mother again, through you and keep Tridhara alive, through her daughter."

Satyaki glanced at the wall clock. It was past 1 and he had not even cooked!

"I need to cook. I'll be back. Agamani is in her bedroom, you can go and speak to her, if you want." he told her, getting up from the sofa

Anindita stopped him, "Don't cook today. With your mood today, you might just mess up everything and that will end up in a disastrous lunch for you all! Why don't you go out with Agamani? Celebrate your marriage and the best blessing of your marital life i.e., your daughter."

"Ma is sick. Can't leave her at home. I must cook for her also." he spoke in reply

"I'll stay back with Auntie! You take Agamani and go somewhere. I'll cook Rohini Auntie anything she wants when she wakes up." she offered immediately

Satyaki did not comment, "I'll go and check on Ma once."

Anindita nodded and went off in the opposite direction towards Agamani's room.

...

Anindita's point of view:

I had never seen such a messed up version of Satyaki before. His condition punctuated on all the bundled up emotions and pain that he concealed from everyone around. I would have never known what was happening at his home had I not come here to meet Agamani. Usually, she is always outside and active on Saturdays because her father is home, but not today. It did strike me as odd, but I shrugged it off given Satyaki's condition. He surely wouldn't want his daughter to see him in such a helpless situation.

I walked to Agamani's door and knocked twice. Hearing a soft 'Come in' in reply, I pushed the door open, and entered.

She was lying in her bed in a fetal position. Her eyes were closed and there were dried tear stains on her cheeks. The air in the room was quite moist and her eerie stillness was nerve wracking.

I took my seat near her head and touched her forehead with the back of my hand to check if she was running a temperature. She had none. I placed my hand on her head and caressed her hair softly, calling out to her, "Sweetheart, what is wrong? You didn't come out to meet me today and your father said that you have been in your room since morning. What has happened to you?"

She did not answer, but I heard her muffled sobs as she turned and pressed her face to the mattress. 

"Why are you crying baby? Get up. Stop crying now and tell me what is wrong! Agamani, please listen to me..." I requested her, coaxing her to get up and speak

She eventually did get up, but instead of speaking, she crept into my lap and began sobbing, resting her head on my shoulder.

"I... am.... go-ing to... become.... a star like Mumma." she choked out, amidst hiccups

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was utterly shaken at her words! What the hell did she mean!

"Agamani!" I thundered at her, pushing her away slightly, "Don't you dare say that! Why on earth are you crying? What has happened to you?"

"It hurts me here." she said, her voice quivering, pointing nowhere

"Where does it hurt, sweetheart? Why did you not tell your father?" I asked her gently, lifting her face up

"Here." she said pointing in between her legs, towards her private parts

I waited for her to say something more and she did, though very hesitantly, "It hurts me when I go to the washroom. When I urinate. Something has happened to me. I will become a...."

I cut her in between, "No! Nothing is going to happen. Do you drink enough water sweetheart?" 

She nodded, "I drink 4 glasses of water everyday."

I shook my head. The girl obviously had developed with an infection in the urinary tract and had been too scared, nervous and shy to speak to her father about it. 

"Stop crying now. Nothing will happen to you. It is normal when you don't keep yourself hydrated, baby. You must drink more water." I explained her 

I wiped her tears away and her eyes followed my movement with curiosity.

 "Nothing will happen to me?"  she asked me for confirmation

"Yes. Nothing happens to strong girls if they drink enough water and maintain hygiene. And now you stop crying. Come out with me to the living room, drink some water and sit there quietly while I look for some barley. Okay?" 

She nodded and I took her in my arms. Her hands tightened around me and I realized that she had been truly shaken by the sudden pain in her nether regions. She had gone as far as to assuming that it was life threatening. A poor, innocent soul! 

I carried Agamani to the living room and made her sit on one of the armchairs. She immediately pulled her legs closer to her chest and settled into a cocooned position.

Once done, I fetched her some water in a children's Disney princess themed sipper that had been on the kitchen counter. Instructing her to sip water slowly, at intervals, I waited for Satyaki to come from his mother's room. 

He came out a few minutes later and I waited for him to wash his hands.

"Do you have barley at home?" 

He nodded, unsure, "I think we had some. I have to check the kitchen cabinets. Why do you need it?"

"Your daughter. She did not drink enough water and has most probably contracted a urinary infection. Barley water would help her get some relief." I explained him, skipping the details of her nonsense rant about becoming a star. He was already disturbed about his wife, telling him about his daughter's assumption would only cause him more pain.

"Oh." he replied, shortly and I saw him opening a few cabinets and containers, before taking out the requisite jar of barley. There was barely a handful, but I guess that would suffice.

"That's the reason why she was in her room all this while." Satyaki stated

I nodded.

"I can't take her out then. So, I guess I would have to begin cooking." he spoke, partially to himself and partially to me

I shook my head, "Order in? She will be fine soon. Just supervise the amount of water that she drinks each day, Satyaki. And try talking to her and distract her from the pain and discomfort. You remember what I told you, don't you?"

"Yes I do. I'll fetch a photo album." he told me and walked away towards the aster bedroom, as I was setting a vessel with water on the stove

...

An hour later

Agamani began feeling better sometime ago and it is refreshing to see her usual smile back on her face. The discomfort isn't totally forgotten, but at least she isn't as scared as before.
I am sitting on the sofa whereas Satyaki and Agamani are sitting on the carpeted floor.

Agamani is giggling looking at one of her father's childhood pictures and I couldn't help but smile at the spark in her eyes.

"Papa! You were a fat kid! Why are you black and white here?" she asked him laughing

"Color pictures were very expensive then, Dugga. And I was fat, but then so are you!" 

"I am not. I am a little chubby." she replied, innocently

"Means the same, child." I told her, bursting her bubble

"But I am cute. Papa is not." she defended, crossing her arms

Satyaki brought out the next album and I saw him read the intricately printed calligraphy on the cover, with longing and interest. The cover was red and the words were written in golden. 

'Wedding diaries' I read it in my mind. Must be his wedding album. 

Agamani snatched the album from her father's hands when she saw him taking his time. She opened the first page and squealed, "Mumma!"

Satyaki looked at me once and I nodded reassuringly. This was difficult for him, but this was important for their relation to develop further.

"Papa, you are not fat in this picture, but why are you wearing flowers?" Agamani asked, directing the question at her father

"I am not wearing flowers." Satyaki protested as I stifled a giggle, "That's a wedding garland."

"Mumma is so beautiful, Papa." she spoke softly and I could make out that Satyaki's resolve was breaking slowly and Agamani was unknowingly nearing a sensitive spot.

He did not reply to his daughter's comments, but began looking at each photograph with interest, in silence.

"Why is this man holding an umbrella here?" Agamani asked and I peeked at the picture, from over her shoulder. Some man was holding an umbrella over the priest's head and someone else over the ceremonious fire.

"It was raining and the decorator had forgotten to add a waterproof sheet while making the wedding altar." he replied, his ears turning red while recounting the embarrassing scenario

I laughed at that, "Cons of getting married in the monsoon! Why's no one holding an umbrella over your head?"

"There were just 4 umbrellas and I wasn't wearing any make up or heavy jewelry, so I told them that I could manage. And we got married in the monsoon because she had applied for a job in Mumbai and was supposed to join in the 3rd week of August. We figured out that there would be enough time to marry and settle down before.... Yes Dugga?" he turned away abruptly to Agamani who had been nudging his arm repeatedly

"Why did you not take me with you to eat, Papa?" she asked pointing at the picture where the bride and groom had been given food to eat, after the wedding

Satyaki sighed in annoyance at his daughter's question, his lips curving upwards to a small smile at her innocence. His love for his daughter apparent in his shining eyes that no longer seemed as sad as it had been before. 

All it took was one photo album and a couple of questions from his little princess, to get him to smile again, forgoing his sorrow, at least to an extent. He may have to carry his grief and his own bundle of emotions and pain, the same way everyone else in the world does, but God had at least blessed him with an angel who  compiled his world, both literally as well as figuratively.

...

To be continued...

PUBLISHED ON: 18th June 2020

Author's note:

Take care of yourselves. Stay safe. Stay well and stay healthy.

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