"We have a new face joining us today. Jungkook, welcome!" The therapist smiled and nodded at me before acknowledging the rest of the group. "Now, let's start with our Hello Song."

The strumming of a guitar filled my ears, soon followed by the smooth male voice. He went around the room with his guitar, greeting every one of us in the circle.

When the singing stopped, he set down his guitar on a stand before making direct eye contact with me. "And Jungkook, I neglected to introduce myself. All of my clients get to call me by my first name, Woosung. I am the Music Therapist."

"Nice to meet you, uh, Woosung." I cleared my throat after speaking to try to remove the cloud of awkwardness I felt.

Woosung walked over to a cart by the door, uncovering several instruments. He walked around the room, handing each person an instrument, spanning from djembes to tambourines to a keyboard, which happened to end up in front of me.

"Um, I don't know where you got the idea that I know how to play piano, Woosung, but I don't."

The male chuckled, along with a few other members of the group.

"No worries, Jungkook! These instruments are for our improvisation activity. No prior skillset is required, as long as a noise is made."

I raised an eyebrow in slight annoyance before leaning back in my chair with a huff.

The person in the chair next to me leaned closer to whisper, "Woosung gives the keyboard to each new member. He feels it helps them to feel welcome and accustomed to the group. Just play what your mind and heart are feeling."

I sighed, deciding to pay attention to the group, watching as Woosung grabbed a tubano, sitting down in a chair within the circle.

"Okay, everyone. I will start by playing a steady beat. When you feel comfortable, play on top of the beat with the instrument I gave you. Pay attention. After the exercise comes to a close, we will discuss the different emotions and moods portrayed."

Woosung began with a steady beat on the tubano drum, and I listened as another member shortly began playing an intricate rhythm above the beat. One-by-one other members joined in one their instruments. The sounds of various drums and shakers filled my ears.

The guy next to me began to play his instrument, making eye contact with me while nodding towards the keyboard in front of me.

"Give it a shot," he spoke gently, trying to not disturb the group.

With a sigh, my fingers softly moved across the keys, feeling the plastic tops of the white keys graze against my fingertips.

I listened a little longer to the music, waiting until it reached the end of a phrase before pressing down on the note C.

At the sound of the keyboard note, Woosung gave me a small smile for encouragement. This led my fingers to pressing down more keys.

I had no idea what I was doing, but I played based on how I was feeling. I created dissonance between the notes, making it so they wouldn't resolve to give an uneasy feeling. And then, the drum beat changed slightly, lead by another member of the group. His quick, striking beat slowed to a moderate speed, with less intensity.

My fingers moved slower to match, the dissonance becoming less and less prominent, but still without allowing a resolution. I could hear the rest of the instrumentation beginning to follow along, the music sounding more like waves instead of pure chaos and mania.

My fingers finally resolved a chord, my body instantly relaxing as the instrumentation faded out, leaving only Woosung playing his steady drum beat, until it, too, faded to nothing.

The room was silent for at least a minute after the exercise. My eyes wandered around the room, looking to see what everyone else was doing. Many members had their eyes closed, their heads bowed. One member had tear stains on his cheeks. And the guy next to me? His eyes were looking upwards toward the ceiling, with a sort of sorrowful, remorseful look in his eyes.

Woosung released a deep sigh before moving his tubano to the side. "Would anyone like to share their thoughts or feelings?"

The group shifted slightly in their seats, the silence becoming almost deafening until a member spoke up, the one who had been crying.

"The shift of emotions was interesting this time. It was drastic, but so real, and so imitative of how life works. It started out full of anger and almost like what I would imagine bloodshed to sound like within music. But then, the drums changed. It was like something happened within the intensity of life to make the person within the story breakdown. Nothing made sense. It all fit together like a puzzle, but it all still sounded so... wrong. I think this was largely the lack of resolution in the keyboard that created this feeling of uneasiness and confusion. But then when the piano resolved... it reminded me of the clouds opening up on a cloudy day, and that small sliver of sunshine poking through."

"What beautiful analogies, Hajoon. And I can't help but notice you have been crying. Would you like to share anything else about this experience?"

Hajoon took a deep breath and sniffled. "This improvisation felt like life. It feels so chaotic and so intense that it makes a person go crazy. This, in my personal experiences, is what lead me down the path of drugs. This drug-induced state is like what it feels like during the slower part, prior to the resolution. It feels calmer, and better overall, but there is always a layer of unsteadiness and fuzziness. And when the resolution happened, that was like finally getting help, breaking out of the habit. Beating the addiction's ass, and living a beautiful life."

"Wonderfully said, Hajoon," Woosung said before his eyes shifted to mine. He gave me another gentle smile before sighing. "Alright, everyone. Before we move on to our lyric analysis activity, I wanted to share a project idea. We are having a sort of Showcase in two weeks. The facility has graciously allowed me to invite up to two people for each of you to come watch. The task is to write a song. It can be instrumental, it can be electronic, acoustic, anything. I just want it to be from your heart, and to express any sort of feeling. It could be a feeling previously felt, or a feeling you feel currently. Even a feeling you hope to have in the future. But it will be presented at this Showcase for your loved ones."

"A song? Shit." I thought to myself while biting my lip. My mind swirled with various thoughts while Woosung picked up the instruments from the drum circle. He pulled up a projector, showing the lyrics to a song before he played it on a speaker.

As I listened to "Under the Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I knew I would write my song to Taehyung.

An apology.

A confession.

A lament.

All for my love, Taehyung.

•••••

For those wondering, this is a Tubano Drum! 🤪