Shiv

Anjali had slept in my arms but not before blabbering that he had hurt her repeatedly. Emotionally and physically! She had cried so much that I was really worried at one point. She kept muttering before sleeping that she didn't know if she was ever right in demanding physical relations from him or even that she was so inexperienced that she didn't know what I would think about her. After making sure she was sound asleep, I unwrapped my arm from under her shoulders. I kissed the top of her head, adjusted her hair and duvet and then got out of bed.

Without realizing, I started pacing the room slowly. It was a lot to take in. Although I knew the truth about her first marriage, learning it in explicit detail had left me in deep disturbing thoughts. What kind of sick family was she married into? I wonder what kind of intimacy was she introduced to and moreover an even more important thought running in my head was - did he do anything wrong her like force her for s*xual things that are not legal in our country but nobody finds out? However, it was no use finding out that now, was there? So, I had to let it go!  

I had stopped her from telling me when we sat in the cafe by orphanage before marriage because being a stranger, I couldn't have provided her with much words of comfort. Today, all I could do was hear her out, I didn't stop her as I didn't want her to hold back anything from me now. 

Another parallel chain of thoughts running in my head were if only our society was more receptive and supportive about LGBT community, this could have been avoided. Anjali  remained strong and patient but ultimately it was the resolve of the father that led her out of her misery. Why were we tuned to always find it ok to see a man with a woman but a woman with another woman that way was nothing more than friends and a man with another man were mere 'yaari/dosti'. 

I hate to admit that it took time for a me, well educated person coming from a good family background to accept the realities too. It took time to understand that love means differently to different people and that love is beyond traditions! 

On the other hand, I had a really strong urge to physically be intimate with Anjali when we were in the pool. It was probably because it had been a really long time before I had relieved myself that way. I felt bad and guilty of having such strong desires while she was still getting comfortable with me. I knew it wasn't really far now, I just had to keep my desires in check but my body needed what it needed naturally - a long due release. 

So many thoughts ! It made me feel suffocated in our room. I wanted to get some fresh air but I wasn't going out of the villa mainly because that might scare Anjali ! I decided to sit on one the lounge chairs in the deck area next to the pool in the vicinity of the bed so that I could keep an eye on her. 

My stomach rumbled at the next instant which made me realize that Anjali had gone to bed without dinner! Sure, we had a heavy Indian cuisine lunch but that had been hours ago. I wanted to order something in for myself but then I did not even have much appetite left for full blown meal.

I, therefore walked towards the mini fridge in the foyer that was supposed to be packed with overpriced snacks and small bottles of alcohol. My mind was so meddled that I didn't care about the prices and simply took a bag of chips and small bag of mixed nuts.

I briefly pondered at the small bottle of scotch among the collection but sincerely rejected the idea. Somehow drinking alone was just sad! And somehow today it felt like my drinking days were behind me.

I drank a lot when Shikha left me which was also the reason for this belly paunch. Now, I just felt nothing looking at drinks in general but there was regret because I had so much work out to do to get rid of this belly.

I scrolled through my phone as I opened up the bag of chips while sitting on the lounge chairs. My thoughts regarding Anjali's past were going everywhere and I briefly hovered over Pooja's contact but immediately decided against it. It was too late in the night in India to be talking to a married lady.

I then quickly searched for Jai jeeja's number and almost tapped on 'call' but hit instead tapped on 'back'. I wasn't planning on sharing everything that Anjali had just told me but I wasn't very sure of myself too. I just had to remain strong and not falter now.

Sighing, I uncapped a seed water bottle and took a swig from it. Was it too wrong if I just wanted to close my eyes and think about the happier times with Shikha? Instead, I opened the gallery on my phone and scrolled to the only photo remaining on this phone of Shika, me and our bub in her belly. The picture was taken one day before the accident that changed our lives forever. Shikha and I were on a weekend getaway technically a getaway before Bub arrived earthside. 

I was holding Shikha from behind and my hands rested on her very much visible belly. Shikha wore a floor length yet sleeveless maternity dress in blue color with white stripes. Bub had been really active that day and now that I think about it, it was possible that Bub knew he was going to be with us only for a few more hours. Yes, Bub was a boy! I had found the next day. 

For many days later, I would try to feel Bub's kicks on my palms and then the memory slowly started fading away. I felt my eyes getting damp so I simply got up from there, cleaned up any spills from the bag of chips and nuts, took another swig of water from the bottle and closed the large windows and curtains. 

I took a look at Anjali who was still sleeping and sat down next to her. I was going to do as I had promised her - taking care of her and me through this. Finally, scooting close to her I lay down and turned off the lights. I slept thinking what would I tell her in the morning!

********

My left side felt very very warm. It almost hurt me to open my eyes and I thought I had woken up from the damn warm weather. Time to take off the shirt! But, I wasn't warm, Anjali was burning up! I checked her forehead and she had a fever. 

I panicked and sat on the bed. She had not eaten dinner and we had spent considerable amount of time in the pool and then she had let out her emotions in the form of tears. I wondered how long she had a fever because it was never nice idea for the body temperature to be above than normal for a prolong period of time. By now, I was feeling guilty about the pool time. 

I softly called out to her, "Anjali! Wake up, please". It took me a couple more calls before she was awake but still groggy. 

"Shiv!" Her breath was uneven as she was still waking up. 

"You have a fever, Anjali ! I am so sorry, I should have been more careful, the pool water ..Anyways, I will get you a Crocin from the emergency medical kit. Ok?" She nodded her head. I held her by her shoulders and made her sit leaning against the headboard. I then poured a glass of water and immediately tore open a tablet from the strip and handed it to her.

"I'll be fine, Shiv!" She took the medicine from me and gulped it down with a sip of water.

"Please sit for a couple more minutes before you lie down." I took the glass of water back from her. 

"Shiv, you are worrying too much. What time is it?" She brushed her open hair aside with her hands and then leaned back on the bed. She clearly looked exhausted and sick. I checked the time on my cell phone that was on the night stand, "It's 8AM." Holy Moly! I slept in long ! 

 "I slept that long!?"She jumped up to sit straight on the bed.

"It's ok. Relax! It's not like we have to be at some place at some fixed time. But, I am worried for you. You must be hungry too. I'll order in breakfast, ok?" 

"Shiv, did you eat dinner?" Her forehead creased to form worry lines. 

"I ate a bag of chips and nuts, we had a heavy lunch yesterday so I wasn't hungry. Just that, the chips and nuts were heavily priced. Don't worry now, please. I can't go back and eat anything but I can order in now. Ok?" 

She nodded in a yes and I then ordered room service - a simple breakfast of cereal, toast , butter and jam along with two hot cups of cappuccino. It was time to ditch the room coffee. I then got into the bath area to perform my morning routine and get a shower. By the time I came out all dressed, Anjali had brushed her teeth and washed up a little to eat.  

I sat down next to her on the couch in the foyer and checked her forehead temperature. The fever seemed to have gone down now but she continued to look sick with her droopy eyes. 

"Should I call a doctor? Just to be sure? I am so sorry for all the pool .." I stared at her as she cut me off.

"Shiv, I am fine. It was just a fever and it has gone down now." She then scanned my face and slowly moved her hand over the stupid cut I had given myself while shaving. I was so distracted that I had ended up getting a small cut and a bleed. We were sitting close to each other die to which she must have noticed it.

She gasped as I winced a little, "What is this?" 

Sheepishly, I admitted how I got the cut to which she responded telling me off cutely, "Aapko dhyaan dena chahiye na! Did you apply antiseptic over it?" Her telling off changed to a concerned frown immediately.

"I did. They have a small bottle as part of room accessories." She nodded even as her eyes seemed to have moistened up. Not knowing how to take charge, I blurted out, "But you can blow over my boo-boo and then kiss it too." 

Her eyes widened and then she smirked at me, "Boo-boo? How old are you, Shiv?" 

I roared with laughter now and then I tried to be back to normal, "Hey come on, I am hurt!" I tried to sound as innocent as possible.

She composed herself and then moved closer to eliminate any gap and then gently blew all over the cut right below my jaw. She then caressed it with her palm and then kissed very carefully at it. 

My little extempore had backfired though. She seemed to be crying but she gradually moved up from kissing my jaw to the corner of my mouth. I took charge and slammed my lips against her moist ones. Her tears flowed freely on cheeks which I was trying to wipe away. 

"Shiv, I loved our pool time. Don't feel sorry. Thank you for hearing me out. I don't know how I.." It was now time for me to stop her. 

Pecking her lips one last time, I cupped her face and then spoke, "I was thinking through last night as to what should I tell you when you wake up this morning. Then I realized, we are already been given a second chance that we have taken. We just now need to trust it and leave all the past behind. But, I am incredibly proud of you for telling me everything. We will slowly build new memories and happy memories so there is no space for the past memories now, is there?"

She nodded at me. I wiped down her tears and then gestured towards the breakfast.

********

We were lazing around the room talking about various things but majorly we made phone calls back home to make sure everybody was doing good. I had not planned out what to do today and I suggested eating in the resort restaurant while I spoke to resort travel assistants to arrange our day today. 

Anjali said she was feeling all fine so we could actually eat out in the restaurant. We ordered lunch of middle eastern food today consisting of falafels, grilled veggies over rice for main course and greek salad with hummus and pita for starters. 

I got up to talk to resort people about travel when I saw a very bitter scene infront of me! Mahesh and Anchal seemed to be having a nasty argument. I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying but I could ear voices and nearly everybody saw them arguing loudly and then a few moments later, Anchal stormed out while Mahesh sat down with his hand on his forehead. I took my seat back with Anjali. I felt bad for them no matter how they had behaved with us - they were on their honeymoon. 

"Should I go and talk to him?" I glanced over at Anjali and she nodded in a yes. The concern on her face was very evident.

I walked over to Mahesh and patted on his back and sat down opposite to him. 

"Mahesh, I don't want to be prying but I hope it's just a small argument and nothing serious with your families or each other? You two are on honeymoon!" 

Mahesh looked at me raising his head and he looked like a walking zombie, "Bhai, she is .. ours is an arranged marriage marriage and ever since our engagement a year ago, it seemed to me like she was very immature and shallow person. I thought she is naive and things will change but everything she does is some sort of competition among her group of friends. Three of her friends got married in the past few months and all me and Anchal have been doing is following them. Her friends came to this very resort on our honeymoon and so we are here as well. She wanted to live out an expensive private villa which I cannot afford but I made arrangements somehow. All the water sport activities, everything we have been doing feels like a picture taking activity so she can post it on her group."

He then sighed and continued, "This morning, I just tried explaining that we cannot be going to the expensive spa in the resort as it is really out of my budget and frankly it is not necessary! There are many cheap places outside of this resort but she wants to go only because her friends went to the same spa too. I am so tired bhai. I really don't know how I will make this marriage work when all she is doing is for a picture sake. We have barely had any meaningful conversation since we came here. I think she married me also only for a picture sake."

Frankly, it did seem like Anchal was way out of line here but she was blowing off a chance at a perfectly happy marriage. I just asked Mahesh to talk to her calmly and explain to her what she really wanted outside of her world with friends and what she expects out of a marriage. 

Ahh, young couples sometimes don't asks themselves the most important question! This was one of the reasons why I had wanted a mature woman in life. I glanced at Anjali and inwardly smiled - she was right for me! 

Mahesh gave me a brotherly hug and nodded. He then left from the restaurant area and I signed at Anjali that I was going towards the concierge area finally.  

**********

Dinner cruise! There was an option of taking up the dinner cruise this evening. I finalized the reservations after making sure Anjali was feeling fine and that she was up for a cruise in the evening as evenings tended to be a bit breezy. 

I had bought a couple of disposable thermometers for Anjali from the housekeeping. Her fever never returned and I was glad for it. Getting sick on vacation was troublesome yet very likely. I just felt bad for my wife!

We were lazing around in our villa suite watching TV switching between F.R.I.E.N.D.S and news channels until it was time to get ready for the cruise.

Anjali

Shiv's constant worry and concern for me warmed up my heart. He checked my temperature two more times after lunch and then finally asked me to get ready even though I knew the fever was just a consequence of all emotional blabbering that I had done yesterday. 

Shiv had very strictly instructed me to wear a shawl or a light jacket over the outfit that I planned on wearing. I smiled reminiscing his instructions as I stood infront of the large mirror in the bath area draping a gorgeous black netted saree that was adorned with delicate embroidery all over it. The saree blouse was a sleeveless in satin fabric and gave a very rich feel. 

Technically, I couldn't carry black outfits as part of my wedding dresses as black was considered a bad omen and neither could my in-laws give me anything in black as part of their side of the wedding dresses for the same reason. Shivani di, however, gave this saree to me right before she left on her weekend getaway and even said that to consider this as a honeymoon gift from them including the honeymoon itself and then she had winked at me. Since the cruise was an evening affair, it felt right to wear this saree. 

The saree blouse and the saree itself left a considerable amount of my stomach nearly exposed as the saree was all netted but it didn't feel wrong. It was really time for me to start bucking up.

Shiv was right, we both had to trust this and take another leap forward. 

I was just pinning up the saree pallu and adjusting my hairstyle when I heard a knock. Shiv had been patiently waiting in the bedroom and I imagined he was checking up on me. We had to be there in the loading area at sharp 6:30 as the cruise started at 7 trying to give us a peek into sunset view and finally starting off the dinner onboard. 

"Ji, I am done. Just need one more minute." I replied. 

"Can I come inside? I need to collect a few things." 

"Ji, you can come inside." 

And so the door opened and he walked in wearing a grey pants over a black formal shirt too. He froze in his steps as he looked at me. He scanned me from head to toe and while I felt shy and embarrassed, I couldn't take in his intense gaze. So, I started walking around the bath area pretending to arrange my discarded clothes. 

I felt his eyes following me and then he made his way towards me. I turned around to leave but I couldn't as he grabbed me by my wrist and to my absolute surprise, he starting singing in my ears, "Kithe Chali Ae Tu, Kithe Chali Ae Tu...Teri Meri Gallan Ho Gayi Mashhoor, Kar Na Kabhi Tu Mujhe Nazron Se Door"  He hummed the rest while burying himself in crook of my neck. I felt his warm breath and soft lips on the skin of my neck and I shuddered under his touch.

My eyes widened in surprise as this was a new side of Shiv that I was witnessing - singing a punjabi song in thick accent! He then made me look at him by putting his hand under my chin, "Haaye, aise zulm kar rahi ho tayar ho kar. Mushkil ho gayi mere liye, aapki tabiyat bhi thik nahi hai."

I just lowered my gaze in feeling shy while he chuckled, "You look very very pretty!" I nodded muttering thank you at his compliment. He then grabbed his wallet, phone and my sweater jacket and handed it out to me. 

********

A beautiful sunset, live music with a delicious candle light dinner - everything was going brilliantly with no interruptions! We did see a few familiar faces from bus day tour the day other day but we didn't pay much attention to anyone. Shiv and I were cozily sitting at a round table in a private corner like everyone else and we had been holding hands in the privacy of our own table! 

There were a few couples dancing closely on the dance floor while the rest including families were still enjoying deserts or simply enjoying the light music that played in the background.

The deck and railing were pretty close to us and Shiv suggested to look at the view from the deck and I nodded at him. We both stood by the railing where we saw more couple cozying against each other. 

Shiv and I modestly stood next to each other by the railings. It was definitely breezy in here so Shiv helped into my jacket but not before discreetly running his palms over both my arms. He stood behind me and knotting his hands on my stomach. 

The little bit of crowd on the deck started going back indoors. I, on the other hand tightly held on to Shiv who was resting his head on my shoulders and we both stared at the starry night endlessly. Occasionally, we saw a cluster of lights and assumed it was a sea side facing restaurant or a resort of some sorts.

"Life doesn't have to be so complicated. What do you think, Anjali?" He spoke softly in my ears. 

"Ji, I feel the same but the fact that we humans live in a society makes life complicated. We become answerable to society. Even if society doesn't question us, we automatically start doing things to make ourselves less judge-mental which ultimately means we are self complicating life."

"Hmmm. Society! Humans live in a society thinking they will be shielded from unknown harm but they don't realize the harm society is unintentionally inflicting on us. " I could feel him nodding at the base of my neck and he suddenly left a couple of feathery kisses on my neck and then continued, "You are right!" I gasped and smiled at the same time trying to assess what was I most happy about - the fact that we shared and understood each other philosophical views or the fact that we were coming close to each other and I no longer hesitated as he touched my bare stomach under my netted saree. I could inhale his cologne and it strangely made me feel very secure.

He traced his fingers lightly on my bare stomach and this time I gasped a little louder as I was basically feeling very ticklish. "So my missus is a little ticklish here." I hummed while he daringly kissed my cheek. I could now feel every pulse in body awake "You have got goosebumps Anjali, Let's go inside. We should be back anyways now." 

Sure enough, the cruise anchored back to the same pickup point and we disembarked in the 20 minutes.

********

Warning - Mature content ahead. Read at your own risk. 

We had reached back our villa and Shiv closed the entrance to the villa door behind us. All heated up atmosphere from the cruise deck area seem to return to me and him at the same time. I saw his eyes were dilated as he wrapped his arms around me and rested them at my back, a little down close to my butt unlike how he gently rested it on my back everytime. I smiled and eagerly locked my lips with his. 

Our makeout session was intense, so intense that I didn't realize when we had walked in from foyer to our bedroom area. In between our kissing, I stumbled by the foot of the bed and feared injuring my leg but Shiv very swiftly almost picked me up and placed me on the bed. We did not want to break apart at all. With Shiv leaning to deepen the kiss further and me leaning back, I ended up beneath him in the most compromising position.

Breaking apart, I circled my hands around his neck while he looked at me like I was the most lovable person. He then raised his eyebrows and his head as if to question me. I scanned his very masculine facial features and gave him a quick nod. He then buried his face in my neck and gently nuzzled. The feelings he was evoking in me literally sent currents down there and I fought hard to not moan !  

He then moved his fingers across my bare stomach and my waist and I burst into a fit of giggles. I nudged him to stop but he wouldn't and so I ended up laughing so hard that my stomach hurt and I felt uneasy to breathe. He slowed down for a couple seconds when I gathered my breath and spoke, "Shiv, I can't breathe, please stop!" 

He was hovering over me supported on his elbows and knees. With one hand, he wiped down the tears that leaked out of laughing so much. He chuckled as his gaze bored into my eyes, "It is never painful. It's the opposite."  

I kept gazing back at him, ofcourse I knew what he was saying. All I could do is nod!  

And with that, we resumed kissing! Shiv was now kissing my neck, shoulders, and over the fabric too. He was supporting himself on his elbows and knees once again but now slowly and steadily, he lowered himself and I felt his weight on my stomach. He began to gently move over me. Slow and then I felt him clasp my hands on my either side. 

His desire was strongly evident in his eyes as he stared down at me while moving and I was sure he felt the same looking at me. 

I realized we both were breathing heavily and I could feel my own desire peaking even though there were layers of fabric between us. A few moments later, I felt my body give in as I moaned. To my surprise, he paused and teasingly looked at me. I closed my eyes and smiled at him. A few more moments later, he stopped but we resumed eye contact, "I can't control today. I will finish this in the shower. Is that ok with you?"

I nodded at him. He got up from me, albeit with some difficult and walked very weirdly to the bath area. Was it because that's how it was for men? I was so naive that I smacked my forehead. 

********

I had straightened up on the bed with a shy smile. It just dawned on me that he had given me the respect of wife by asking my permission earlier. I did feel a little bad that he was bearing the brunt of having me for a wife and I knew I had to talk to him as soon as possible.

He returned with a big sheepish grin on his face and his hair was dripping wet as he flopped on the bed beside me. I am sure I was blushing hard as he said, "That was awesome! Now and change and come fast."

I took a shower because I had to as a result of what we did earlier and then when I got back in bed, Shiv pulled me in his arms and kissed me, "You are amazing! You make me happy!" Within minutes, Shiv was asleep and I thought he was going to be in deep slumber this night. 

I felt sleep over taking me after a while as I sat through literally reminiscing each and every moment and replaying it in my head. 

*********

We were both getting ready to go out and eat breakfast today. There were two sinks in the bath area and I was using the one where I had laid out my accessories. I was braiding my hair today while Shiv was using the other area of the mirror with sink to brush his hair. 

The rush? We were late and were about to miss the breakfast window in the resort dining. Both of us didn't feel comfortable strolling outside in our night clothes.

"Jaldi karo." Shiv called out.

"Ji, kar to rahi hun ab." I replied, I was getting a little annoyed as my braid wasn't coming out as neatly as I wanted it to.

"Mazak kar raha hun. The maximum will happen is, we will go outside for breakfast."

"But why spend money when this is literally free. I shouldn't have braided my hair and left them open instead. What was I thinking?" I snapped at myself.

"Tum kab se paison ka sochne lag gayi Shikha?" 

"Ji?" I turned to him and froze! He called me Shikha?  

He was now spraying cologne over his neck when he turned to look at me and shrugged. He had not realized what he just said because he repeated, "Maine kaha, tum kab se paison ka sochne lag gayi Shikha ?"

Then, he froze too! I was too shocked and unable to respond - I reminded him of Shikha?
Within minutes, I felt my eyes well up while he simply kept staring at me. 

He opened his mouth to say something but then instead he did what I never thought he would do! 

He turned around and left! Angry, confused, I stood there alone! 

*****************

Thoughts? 

Some bit still needs to be edited.

A lot happened here! The honeymoon will be getting over soon now!

I really think the honeymoon is coming to an end so let me know how it's going for them!  

Do vote and share!