Content warning - Mature theme and language throughout. 

Anjali

I stood in absolute disbelief with my balance threatening to loose any second now. I was angry, I didn't know if I was right or no but I was angry! Shikha? He addressed me as Shikha twice! Why did he go? and Where did he go? Has she been on his mind all this long?  

Was everything a joke then? Was it going to be the same all over again except that this time there was a girl !? Tears started running down my cheeks. How was this happening to me? What mistakes am I making? 

Yesterday, he was being all romantic and we were kissing Iike there was nothing else in the world we needed. Was he with me or with her? I let out a huge sigh and started to calm myself. I had to figure out what was going on - Kahin aisa na hon ki kisi ki parchayi ban kar reh jaun!  

He has always behaved very maturely and has been more than understanding towards me. May be, he was going through something just like I was. Why didn't he talk to me? Did I not give him the feeling that he can share with me too? Or did I just burden him too much with my own past? Maybe, I shouldn't have said anything that night. But, it had felt right to open up to him. 

What was going on with him ? I would have been happy to take things with him forward yesterday when we were kissing and basically dry humping as I was feeling comfortable but it was kind of odd when he broke apart and requested to finish in the shower. May be, I should have said something! I should have stopped him. May be it was just that! But, if he asked, I wouldn't have said no. 

Urrrgh, I will talk to him. I was getting worried if he finished thinking of her because of which he had a slip up this morning ? Once was maybe ok, I could have understood but then twice! And then, he walked away! 

It isn't making sense - walking away is not his characteristic trait, atleast from what I have seen so far. 

Just then my phone rang and I saw it was Pooja. I decided to cut the call because if I received it, I would end up revealing things which now I shouldn't. These things had to remain between a husband and wife until they grew to a point where we needed intervention. Manish flashed infront of me and I just wanted to forget his ugly face! 

Shiv 

Ouch ! This is what I deserve! I punched the punching bag again and then again and then again! I looked around, I was the only person in the gym right now fully clothed in non-gym clothes. I felt my eyes burn. What had I done? Her hurt and angry face flashed infront of me. Not once, but twice I said Shikha. Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t!!!

The back of my right palm was bruising now and hurting but Anjali was hurting more. 

The first time I wasn't even looking at her, the second time I was looking at her and even then I had a slip up, how? Why are her thoughts still bothering me so much.

I hurt an already hurting Anjali! 

I had almost called her Shikha in my sleep in Mumbai. May be that was a sign, I should have been more careful. I stared outside the large window of the gym opening up to the backwaters. And then, it dawned on me - I had bought this upon myself and her. 

Shikha's thoughts ! Why did I think of her that night ! Then just like lightening striking on earth, it dawned on me - I had made a series of mistakes, no, not mistakes but blunders after losing myself in Shikha's thoughts that one time. Anjali was trying so hard! She wore that saree for me. She didn't resist, not once yesterday and what had I done - I didn't say a word but instead assumed she was unwell and didn't want it! When did this start becoming about me? Was it all because of crazy s*xual urges? No no, this is me, all because of me ! 

I put my palms over my face while my elbows rested on iron bard on the wall of the gym. How did I screw up so bad !

I did everything that Manish would have done to her - Not only did I reject her but I basically didn't even check in with her and then I referenced her as my ex-wife! 

I inwardly yelled at myself. I had promised, I would get both us through this, I had promised I would never her alone, I had promised I would put her physical needs over mine - She must think I am full of making promises and then breaking them within no time.  F**k ! What have I done! 

I had to talk to her ! There was no other way out, I had to sincerely open up to her and genuinely apologize. 

But first and foremost, I had to let it go. I had to let go of that picture, that's what I should have done long time ago! 

Pulling out my phone from the shirt pocket, I opened up the gallery, scrolled through the picture and hit delete. Gone, every memory gone from this phone. Yes, there was a backup somewhere in the digital age but it wasn't necessary to remember where. Sometimes, one needs to go back to old school ways of doing things!

I thought of something as a perfect sorry, atleast in my opinion. So, I made a couple of phone calls and then headed back.

I started walking back to our villa and then paused midway - should I get her anything ? I used to always get Shikha something when we fought. Then,I heard another voice in my head - she is not her. She is Anjali ! Remember the name ! Anjali doesn't seem materialistic. Just pray she hasn't built giant walls around her now. 

So, I looked heavenward and sighed before resuming walk back to the villa.

*****

I keyed in the door with a strong determination to make everything good. Anjali was sitting on the couch in the foyer. She had definitely been crying as I could see tear tracks. Her head was on her hands between her knees as her feet rested on the couch with bent knees. Her hair were still in half braid. She was wearing the same olive green dress with her dupatta across her chest. 

She rose her head to see me and I sat down infront of her without breaking eye contact. I uttered the words "Sorry!" 

She continued looking at me and then she raised her eyebrows with worry lines clearly visible on her face. "I am so so sorry,Anjali!" Her eyes scanned my face which gave me the opportunity to actually continue. She was strong ! She wasn't lashing out, I told to myself .

"I screwed up! Big time!" I hope I was coming across as genuine. 

She straightened up and spoke so softly that I had to make sure I heard that right, "Shiv, why did you walk away? We can talk like adults or you did you think I can't handle it? I hope I haven't given you the impression that you cannot talk to me." 

I shook my head and actually lowered my gaze, "I was too angry and guilt ridden. I am sorry, I should not have walked away. I am sorry I left you all alone here when I had promised I won't leave you." 

I put my head between my own hands, "I am so sorry, Anjali. I don't know what was I thinking to get her thoughts in my head after you revealed everything. I voluntarily thought of her and our unborn that night. I think subconsciously, I brought this down on us. I should have instead spoken to you. I had said I would handle you and me and I failed Anjali."  

I moved my hands aside and opened my closed eyes to look at her. She had tears in her eyes and she looked very close to crying, "I am so sorry. Please trust me, when I addressed you by her name, it meant nothing. It was accidental. Purely, accidental." I paused to notice her sudden  change of posture. She seemed very stiff, fisting the couch cloth in both her palms, she spoke, "I can understand it was accidental if it was once Shiv! Twice? Were you thinking about her yesterday when you were with me and then in..."

I cut her and my voice must have increased by a few decibels, "No! No, Anjali - I did not think of her. I swear, I was not thinking of her when I was with you or even later in shower. I was with you and that is the truth. Infact, that is the only truth."

I sighed and briefly closed my eyes and then opened again, "I really didn't realized that second time also. I only realized the moment the name left my lips. I think this got something to do with my subconscious mind as we were actively getting ready, Anjali ! You must think, I am full of lies. I promised to respect your needs above mine in our physical relationship but I failed at that too. I assumed you were unwell and that you were still not ready. I thought about it (sometime ago) and I realize, I overlooked the signs - you were dressed up, not once did you move away from me or my touch and finally as well, it was me who moved away and just announced that I needed to finish. I didn't ask you, I was a fool, Anjali consumed by my own physical desires."

Anjali was looking at me like she was trying to scan my words against my emotions. I opened my mouth to ask despite knowing the answer very well, "You were ready yesterday, weren't you? You were ready to take that step and consummate this marriage with me?" 

Her gaze dropped to her lap but she nodded in a yes, "I was, Shiv. I was ready."  

Her words hitting me like a dagger, "Why didn't you say anything?"

With a shaky voice, she spoke with her gaze still in her lap, "I ..I ..Shiv, I was too numb and scared to say anything. I didn't feel it was right all the more. My experience speaks otherwise and our culture, Shiv ! How was I supposed to fearlessly tell you anything." 

This was making me even more guilty now, "I am so sorry, I made you feel that way. I was responsible for making you comfortable and not otherwise."

I reached for her hands that were now in her lap and without thinking took them in mine and gently squeezed, "Anjali, I am your equal. So, it should never be like, let the man do as per his wishes. No, that's not going to be the case. Anjali, I am really really sorry. " 

This time she looked at my eyes searchingly, "Shiv, you scared me, made me feel alone and vulnerable. Where did you even go and what is this? Why is the back of your hand all bruised?" 

I looked at our hands and responded, "I am so so sorry, Anjali ! I feel pathetic. I know, it's hard to trust me after everything that I have done but please give me one chance. Just one! " 

I sighed anticipating some reaction but when she didn't say anything, I spoke, "I was in the resort gym venting out my anger on a punching bag without gloves. It will be fine in no time." 

A frown made it to her face, "Shiv, why all of this venting out like this? We could have just spoken like two adults. I want to ask again, did I give that impression that you cannot talk to me about your past or that I am too weak to handle? Shiv, I admit it has been difficult to open up to you but I have, and it is for a reason. I see a committed marriage with you."

I shook my head, "I have not behaved wisely per my age or maturity. I know I shouldn't have walked away. As for you, Anjali I see a committed marriage with you too. I see a companion in you and for that, please I am sorry. I will be more vocal about my feelings instead of walking out like today." 

*******

Anjali

I nodded my head, "I will try not to hold this against you Shiv."

We heard our villa door bell go so Shiv went to answer the door. I wiped my face clean. I was relieved to have him back but I was even more relieved to have a proper conversation with him. I understood that there was more I had to talk to him regarding details of intimacy but I saw Shiv returning back with a kitchen trolley cart full with breakfast items on it. He arranged the food between us on a coffee table. 

There was a tray full of breakfast for two and another platter with strawberry and bananas cut and laid out in skewers with hot chocolate lazily dripped over it. There was also a 'Sorry' card with it. 

My lips curved into a smile looking at the cute photo of elephant holding the 'sorry balloons'. 
I saw Shiv look at me as I smiled and then he rubbed the back of his neck and then pointing at the card. "It's an elephant because I am like one, you know!" 

I glanced at Shiv and tried to suppress a smile, "Ok. So, you had confidence that your words will melt me? I was very angry at you to be honest."

"Hmmm, kind of. We are both mature people and I was hoping that you will hear me out and take a fair call and not lash out. But in case you did, we still had to eat. And so, I was hoping that the card and food will make you want to hear me. Breakfast?"

I nodded my head, "But before that. let me get some ice from the mini fridge and you can rub it on your bruised hand to somewhat reduce the soreness." 

I gave him a couple of few ice cubes wrapped in a hand towel that came with breakfast. We began to finally eat. I only realized how hungry I was when I took a bite of the chocolate filled croissant.

A marriage is a lot of work. Hopefully, Shiv is by my side and we are able to always overcome our differences like this. 

A/N - Looking at things from age of leads perspective, it made sense for them to talk it out without lashing at each other.

********

Shiv

She is only a baby, stop feeling jealous Shiv! A baby girl was snuggling into my wife's neck, that should be me!
I had made a perfectly good looking sand castle on the beach with Anjali sitting next to me. I had even twisted the straw that came with tender coconut to drink water in the shape of a flag. I had then set the flag on the top of castle. Of course, I was trying to woo my wife after all the blunders I had made. We had come here after the large breakfast. It was a reasonable cloudy day and beach seemed like a good idea to most residents of the resort too as the private beach was busy. 

I was about to just name the sand castle 'Anjali's Kingdom' when a cute looking baby girl barely 2 years old came over to us. Apparently, she had been eyeing me building the castle and Anjali had seen her eyeing me. Anjali had therefore encouraged her and she had walked over. 

She pointed to the castle and my wife asked her, "Is it nice?" The girl nodded enthusiastically in a yes. She continued pointing at the castle I built so Anjali asked her, "Do you want to touch it?" The baby kept pointing at the castle and vigorously opened and closed her hands as if she really wanted the castle. That is mine, you baby girl ! It was a lot of effort!

"You have to tell us your name first?" The girl tripped over and landed in Anjali's arms. She pointed to herself and then mumbled, "Mia" and then again gestured to touching the castle. The baby girls mother was over in no time and informed us the girls name was indeed'Mia'. Anjali helped Mia touch the castle and then pointed to it and said, "We will call this Mia's palace, ok?" 

Really!? I made it and want it to be called Anjali's kingdom or Shiv's Palace at the very least!

As if the Mia really understood, she started clapping cheerfully. Seeing Mia so happy, Anjali burst  with laughter which warmed up my heart so much. Mia began playing with Anjali sitting in her lap and seemed to enjoy snuggling against my wife. Mia's mother returned to join her husband. They were sitting pretty close by and seemed to be enjoying. Anjali's whole being radiated happiness right now. 

"Umm, I feel very lonely right now. You and Mia are having a lot of fun it looks like." I cleared my throat and interjected.

"Mia, tell Uncle Shiv that he can handle sitting on his own for a few minutes while we play." Anjali giggled at the baby who had no idea what Anjali had just said. I took the opportunity to lean closer to Anjali and then leaned back resting on my elbows.

"Mia, tell Queen Anjali that Uncle misses his queen and wishes that she returns to him very very soon so that Uncle can also sneak some snuggles." Anjali's eyes widened and then she buried herself behind Mia's little face. 

Mia was now standing close to the castle carefully being supported by Anjali when I said, "I wanted to call it Anjali's kingdom. What do you think?" 

"Hmmm, that was a good thought. " 

"Right, so how about I get some snuggle time after this and in return you get a gift?" I was being daring right now and hoped that this did not backfire. 

She nodded and then we both looked at Mia who had basically knocked out the castle and was now on the verge of crying because she didn't understand what just happened. Anjali started to soothe the baby and clear remove all the sand from her hands and frock. 

She barely let out a wail when Mia's parents walked right over and took her back. We exchanged greetings and numbers being in the same resort.  

"I am glad they were keeping a close watch." Anjali mentioned as we were just getting and cleaning the sand off the clothes. 

"Yea but the baby girl was really enjoying with you. You adore kids!" 

She smiled and nodded. We decided to take a lazy stroll on the beach close to the water. We weren't holding hands and I wondered if she still had some kind of hatred for me. 

After a few minutes of walking, Anjali's stood at one point to get feet soaked in water. However, the receding waves took away reasonable amount of sand and she wobbled. I steadied her holding her by the waist. She was surprised as she looked at me, "I won't ever do this again Anjali. I really am sorry." 

I held out my hand for her and she grabbed it instantly, "You are forgiven!" 

I sighed feeling the weight lift off of me and we resumed walking smiling at each other and holding hands.

"For a second I thought when I got back that you would have been all packed and ready to go back home" I smiled at her. 

"I was too numb to move my own limbs so packing was out of question." She chuckled at me.

"Hmmm. There are still 4 more days to go and I don't want to leave this place until then."

She smiled at me this time and then leaned her head on my shoulder, "Me too, Shiv." 

********

We were back in our villa after spending almost all day at beach. We had dined in the restaurant by the beach after which I bough Anjali a necklace made out of shells. 

Right now, I was just walking back after changing into night clothes and Anjali was applying lotion on her feet and massaging it. She had already changed into her pale pink night gown. 

"Do they hurt? Your feet?" I asked.

"Hmmm. We did walk a lot on sand and I didn't think walking on the sand would be so difficult."  

 *******

Anjali

He sat down opposite to me on the bed and gently took the bottle of lotion from me.I gasped as he squeezed lotion on his hands and started massaging me feet.

"Shiv, ye aap kya kar rahe hain?" 

"Aapke pairon me dard hai. Thodi maalish kar raha hun. It happens when we walk on uneven surfaces for a long time." 

I tried to pull my feet back but then he gently tugged shaking is head faking anger. 

"Karne do. You just relax back on the headboard." I smiled at leaned back. He had just showered, so I could smell his male shampoo that filled in the entire room. It was intoxicating to say the very least and I felt like I wanted to get lost in it so I close my eyes and suddenly felt all relaxed. 

His hands were indeed working as magic as I felt every bit of me relax. However, after a few minutes, guilt overtook me and I opened my eyes. My husband was massaging my feet! I didn't have a mother in law but I definitely had a 'daadi saas' and I was sure Dadi would have snapped at me if she ever got to know this.

"Shiv, mujhe acha nahi lag raha hai ki aap aise mere pair daba rahe hain." Shiv now had a naughty smile playing on his lips and I wondered what he was up to.

"Ok, Let me then massage your legs." My eyes widened in shock.

"No, not the legs also." I slowly whispered because I was still unsure of what he was thinking but he did move his hands up to caress my legs. 

"Ok, then knees? Do they hurt?" He moved his hands up to my bare knees under neat the gown and I nodded in a no. 

"Thighs then?" His voice was growing husky while mine was still finding its way up my throat but my headed nodded in a no. 

"Ok, I will tell you exactly what I have on my mind. You have to then let me know your thoughts. Remember, we are husband and wife, so don't feel shy!" I nodded.

He then left my thighs exposed and came up to lean over me with his hands resting on either side of me and whispered in my ear, "I wish to give you pleasure with my hands and my mouth. I also want to see you. How much, I will leave that to your comfort."

Naturally, I gasped while he continued to look at me anticipating my answer. He spoke once again judging my answer was to take time,  

"I want to make our consummation a little special. I was thinking this will ease us for consummation tomorrow." He then raised his eyebrows at me. 

I was once again too numb at his boldness but I had to shed some shyness too so I nodded and buried myself beneath him. 

"Sure?" Ok, he was double checking on me and I wanted to disappear in flames out of shyness but then I gathered all the courage and spoke up, 

"I might now be able to give back what I am about to receive, Shiv!"  Was I already feeling wet?! 
I tried to close my legs as much as possible. 

"And that's fine. There is no metrics that we are logging. " he slammed his lips on mine and deepened the kiss. 

In between the kiss, he muttered, "Guide me to you then." 

And so, he took my hand in his and I voluntarily let it slide to my core above the gown fabric! 

Soon, he took off my absolute basic underwear and tossed it aside. 

My eyes were closed but time and again he made me open them to look at him. His hands and mouth worked like magic and made a hot mess out of me in no time. 

Gasping and moaning, I was fisting his hair and taking his name most naturally. He seemed to be enjoying even as a part of me was still surprised that he was doing things that I had only read in novels. I had not given a complete peak at me yet the emotions and pleasure I was experiencing were beyond descriptions. 

Everything felt right, I had allowed him there! 

After I had experienced a second release  (one with his fingers and the second with his mouth) , he cleaned me up and gave me a taste of my ownself as he kissed me all the while saying, "You babe, are the best! I can't tell you how sweet you taste!" 

He winked at me reminding me almost to blush. Shiv went to get a cold shower for himself after I had already showered. We cuddled into the night building up anticipation for the next day ! or no, Night!

*********

Not edited, need to add in translations!

Hot? How was it?

I tried to keep the convo as natural as possible as conversations do happen in real life. 

 Anjali and Shiv are mature people as you would have seen in previous chapters, so it made sense for them to talk it out. Did you like Shiv's apology? 

I wanted to end the honeymoon in this chapter but the chapter went long :) 

Do vote and share!