I internally screamed. Goddamnit. I couldn't catch a break. Ryder alone was bad enough, but his band too. What was Broken Windshields even doing in our small town? It wasn't like they would get much publicity here. 

Our town was in the middle of nowhere New York, was just far enough away from the city to feel small and suburban. It was nice being able to get to the city on a quick train ride but to escape the fast-pace and settle down more quietly, was even better. 

But regardless, our town wouldn't be a particularly exciting press or tour stop so what the hell did Broken Windshields want?

Cas began to shake my shoulder saying "Ro, you good? Say something."

"I'm just confused. There's nothing for them here," I stated.

"Yeah, I don't know." She said. "Wait....actually...they might here be for one thing-"

I raised my hand and stopped her. "If you say they are here for me again, you're wrong. The whole band wouldn't come back. That's insane. Regardless, Ryder probably forgot about me, just like I did him..."

This time Cas interrupted me. "Okay so, I wasn't gonna say Ryder came back for you," she paused and gave me a suggestive wink. Gross. Ugh. My cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "But we'll unpack that later. Now what I was gonna say, and don't be mad-damn I've been saying that a lot now haven't I-sorry Ro," she laughed.

I rolled my eyes in agreement as she continued. "So you know the bonfire...?"

"Yes, Cas...it was just yesterday I agreed...I reserve my right to back out..." I said uneasily.

"Fair, but please don't back out. Remember, you owe me." Guilt trip, wow, great. Fantastic.

"Fine," I grudgingly said. "So what's with the bonfire?"

"Max said something about having a special guest performing this year. He seemed really excited about it. I didn't think much of it then- I just assumed it would be a small band from the city or something..." She continued to say something about what Max had planned, but I barely heard her...

The bonfire had always been something special for me. I had been performing since I was a kid. Mom and Dad took me and Evalyn on stage with them every summer as soon as we could walk. Still in diapers, we waddled across the stage, with little triangles and tambourines and we banged those till our heart's content. 

Our family performances then were a mess, but always a fan favorite. I can pridefully say, that as I got older, the wardrobe got better as did the music. I switched the out ringing of the triangle with my guitar and sang. Sometimes solo and sometimes with a band.

Ryder used to also performed every year- usually an indie medley that made the girls go crazy for him, as expected.

It was about 6 years ago, that Ryder asked me to perform with him for the first time. 

He had just hit puberty and his voice was changing, cracking at every note he sang.

*****

I walked into my room to find Ryder sprawled out on my bed. This boy. No personal space. "What are you doing here Ry?" I asked annoyed.

"What's with the attitude-didn't you miss me, Rosie? You hurt me," he pretended to stab himself just as his voice cracked.

I giggled. He gave me a stern look as I hid my smile. His voice had suddenly started changing, sometimes a deep alto, and others, a high pitch shriek of a dying lamb. It was really bad.

"I literally just saw you like 30 minutes ago. With Max, at rehearsal for the bonfire, don't you remember? Or does nothing get through your thick head," I teased ruffling his hair.

He winked at me, "I still missed you. 30 minutes is too long without you."

Even at 13, Ryder had my heart, and at that moment I melted. But he was joking around, so instead of playing along, I jokingly said "Shut up Ry. So what's up?"

"I have a huge favor to ask," he said. He looked up at me uneasily and I could faintly see a tinge of red on his cheeks. Was he embarrassed?

"What...?" I uneasily responded.

"I can't perform at the bonfire," he bluntly spouted.

"Wait, why? You love the bonfire, you look forward to it all year."

He didn't say anything, refusing to look me in the eye.

"What's wrong Ry," I asked, genuinely worried that something was wrong. "Did something happen to you. Please be okay, I need you. Ry, your my best friend, I need you to be okay," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Rosie. God no! I'm fine. All good health, everything's good. Look at me." He cupped my face in his hands and said, "I'm fine. It's nice to hear that you love me though-I was beginning to think you hated me."

He was laughing at me, while I sincerely thought he was dying. This jerk. I smacked on the arm hard causing him to yelp. His voice cracked again, causing me to chuckle while yelling "Asshole!" We both fell into a laughing fit and fell onto my bed.

I then asked, "So then why can't you perform at the bonfire?"

"Ummm...well...uhhh..."

"Spit it out Ry!" I yelled now impatient.

"Fine. Geez. It's puberty. It jacked up my voice. Seriously. I'm ruined it forever," he said.

"I'm sure it's not that bad. Play your song for me. What was it? Oh right, All Time Low, 'If these sheets were the states.'"

"Okayyy. I'm warning you, it's bad. Like really bad." He grabbed my guitar and started strumming the acoustic melody.

He was underselling it. The initial melody was fine, but the minute he hit the chorus, his voice cracked and he couldn't hit any of the high notes. It was especially bad because every time he tried notes, his voice cracked and then he would lose a beat and then the whole song was off. 

I tried to keep a straight face, but by the time he hit the chorus for the second time, I was giggling behind my hands and my face hurt from hiding my smile.

He put my guitar down and looked me waiting for me to collect myself. I opened my mouth to encourage him, but before I could, he said "Save it. It was terrible. It's okay-I'm over it. I'll abandon singing. FOREVER." He wiped away a fake tear for dramatic effect. I rolled my eyes as he continued.

"Here's where the favor comes in. Can you perform with me at the bonfire? You can sing and I'll play the guitar. We can do an acoustic duet. Please?" he begged.

I was so thrilled that he asked. It had been a while since we performed together and the bonfire was so special to us both, I didn't know why we hadn't thought of performing together before. But nonetheless, I was enjoying Ryder begging, so I teased him "I don't know Ry, this is a pretty big favor. What do I get out of this?"

"Anything Rosie, anything. Please, I'll be forever indebted to you." He was literally at my knees then.

"Kidding Ry, get up. Of course, I'll do it." He jumped up so fast and hugged me so tight.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Rosie. You're the best," he exclaimed, and again his voice cracked, leaving me in a laughing fit, again.

So that year, we performed together, him on the guitar and me at the mic. It was one of the best performances of the night, the crowd loving our duo. And we loved it too. Since then, every summer at the bonfire, we were on stage together. The bonfires were our tradition. 

With time, his voice got better, richer and more defined than ever before, and the next year he was singing along with me.

*****

I looked up at Cas and interrupted her. "Wait, do you think Broken Windshields is going to perform at the bonfire?" It seemed pretty clear by what Max said and the timing of Ryder coming back, but I still needed her to say it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Ro. I get it if you don't want to do the bonfire anymore. I know it was a tradition for you and Ry-"

I cut her off. "Nope Cas. You gave me the push that I needed and I can't back out now. I was performing at the bonfire long before Ryder came along. This is happening. I'm performing," I said attempting to convince Cas and myself at the same time.

She seemed a bit skeptical, but I assured her, "I promise, I'm good. It's gonna be great."

"I know Ro. Just take care of yourself and talk to me if you're nervous. No matter what, you're gonna blow Ryder out of the water," she said encouraging me.

"Yeah, your right. I'm pretty great," I said winking at her.

I wasn't sure where the burst of confidence was coming from, but I wanted to do this. 

I wanted to prove that I wasn't broken. 

Not just to Ryder, but to myself.