August 15th, 2014

         "She had her first panic attack last night, and I didn't know what to do at first. I figured it was going to send me into one, but it didn't. Every time she's woken from a nightmares she either disappears to the window, or to the shower. Lately, she's been willing to tell me what they are, and learning about her and everything that makes her up, I love that, O. I don't know what made me do it, but we seem to have some unspoken comfort level between us. I simply pulled you between my legs so you could rest your head against my chest; you calmed down almost immediately, and I realized that I have a lot more good inside me than I knew. It's a small thing, but being able to comfort you when need it is one of the reasons I know you stay.

          The moment I pulled you out of the river, bleeding and broken, I knew that I needed you. I knew I couldn't leave you behind. 

        For my own selfish reasons, I took you away from any possible chance of a normal life so that you could tell me who I was. Back then, I thought patching you up and demanding that you tell me who I was would be all I needed. Even then you hardly looked at me with fear, not like everyone else. I saw the same look when I began to recognize Steve; he saw who I was even when I was unable to. It's because of the both of you that I'm not back in some cryogenic freezer waiting for my next mission.

         Alone with my own thoughts and memories, I don't want to think about what I might have done. But you were there, O, and you helped me. And so now it is my turn to help you. I know that you don't struggle with the memories like I do; you're able to access your mind a lot better. I know I could ask you to get inside my head, to tell me what you see, but that would only further your own trauma, and I can't do that to you. Alone, I know we wouldn't make it, but I'm beginning to realize that while I thought it was me who needed you, you need me too. That alone makes me feel a thousand times better, it makes me feel as though I have done something right and can continue to do something right. Helping you cannot correct or erase my past, but I strive to do everything I can to begin to make up for it."