Touch In The Night

Author: MerlinRomance
Reviewer: -sylver

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SYNOPSIS

In the shadows of her seemingly perfect life, Clarice, a talented graphic designer, yearns for something more than the pleasant facade she presents to the world. Bound by societal expectations and a promising but suffocating relationship, she seeks solace in the forbidden realms of dark romance novels. Little does she know that the arrival of her enigmatic new neighbor will unravel the delicate balance she's carefully maintained. Her new neighbor is mysterious, dark, and dangerous. Forbidden love consumes her and the whole planet seems against it. They're not destined to be, but there's no turning back from the world of injustice and sin Clarice is about to enter.

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1. TITLE

Review: It relates to the story in the erotica sense. Clarice touching herself at night hoping Mr. Mysterious is watching her. Other than that I'm not really getting a sense for the title but I do think it's a good title.

2. COVER

Review: From the chapters I've read I don't see how the image on the cover correlates to the story other than maybe the ghost of Braxton is real. Your story isn't really giving off fantasy vibes. Clarice may have an active imagination but right now it just feels like a dark romance. When I first saw the cover I thought I was going to read a fantasy story. If it was a fantasy story I think the cover would be fine. But I don't think it's going down that route so your cover isn't fitting. It is an eye-catching cover, just doesn't bring your story out.

3. SUMMARY

Review: I like the summary. It was nicely written and is exactly what I read in the first ten chapters. A girl whose family supposedly wants her to be a perfect girl and save herself for marriage. Something she doesn't want to do. The trigger warning is so valid.

4. PLOT

Review: Weird that Ellie expects Owen to ask Clarice to get married when it's only been one year. I feel like relationships should be longer than a year, especially in the case where you have only known each other for a year and not prior to dating. Because then what if you marry someone you end up despising?

Even though Christina may have been kidding, it's giving toxic behavior when people pressure you to lose your virginity. Also seems like they don't take into account that Owen probably just really wants to wait. What if it's a Christian thing? She's supposedly brought up in a Christian family so she should understand.

Ethernal Night is a cool name for a nightclub. I know it's the twentieth century but I think it's odd when people in a relationship are texting on Instagram and not on the message app. The end of chapter one had me thinking the neighbor is a pervert because why are you by the window? But I'll let it slide this one time cause some people just happen to randomly stare out the window sometimes.

I found the beginning of chapter two interesting. Interesting that organized crime and their concerns are well known. Giving the ideology that the city's controlled by people in gangs almost. Clarice is funny about developing a crush on her lead male character. I'm sure some authors could relate. Mysterious guy seems rude. I don't see why she's instantly fascinated by him. At least it took Adeline in Haunting Adeline a while to like her stalker. Don't see why she's willingly stripping for her neighbor but I don't think she's a horrible character. Personally I think she needs a better reason to not want Owen than just because Mr. Mysterious' voice is good. I wouldn't tell my friends either about what she's doing. Doesn't seem sharable. I do hate when cheaters don't take accountability though. You can't cheat and then not expect people to judge you.

Sometimes I feel like girls reach a lot when guys glance in their direction, so reading them react to a cute guy glancing in their direction/ignoring them when he's trying to mind his own business was kind of amusing. By the way Ellie and Christina talk they've been reading too many erotic romances. Confusing how the guys eyes are baby blue before when that's Clarice's eye color. Seems like the author got confused by the character's eye color.

Chapter four's dialogue was slightly kind of cringe. Like if I saw it happen in real life I'd probably wonder what the heck is going on. His question was understandable but when she asked "Aren't you afraid of dying?" I facepalmed. Weird way to continue a conversation when someone seems concerned for her wellbeing. So his reply wasn't not expected. I don't blame him for what he said afterwards at all. Then just standing there awkwardly without someone walking away sent me.

She seems very confident that he's been watching her undress... I don't get her random interest in him when he seems sociable but making no clear effort to get to know her. The fact they're just casually okay with it is wild to me, but the show must go on. Main character does seem a bit naive about crime. I think it's common sense that anyone at any time could be targeted by crime even if they don't expect it.

At first I thought the mom was okay but then she asks if she and Owen are saving themselves for each other and I'm like... That's literally none of her business. But also Clarice and Owen have zero communication if it took her that long to figure out that Owen was just trying to impress her parents because they intimidated him.

Why everyone wants her to tell them about her new neighbor is beyond me. I don't think it's that serious. Owen being upset he wasn't told is ridiculous. Mom clearly wanted Owen to propose in chapter seven and I'm glad he didn't. Not going to lie, I thought about Hannibal Lector too when I saw "Hello Clarice." But in my eyes Mr. Mysterious can't surpass Hannibal at all, not comparable. Not on his level of character.

I agree she needs to break up with Owen because she's clearly not satisfied with their relationship. The fact Owen instantly assumed she cheated and called her a bitch before waiting for the admittance was kind of crazy.

Plot is pretty engaging and easy to follow.

5. CHARACTERS

Review: Momo is the best character. Cute fishy in an aquarium, what more to ask for?

To be frank I don't really like Clarice much, and I'm down for anything morally grey. I do understand her but she doesn't seem sympathetic to Owen at all. I give her props for breaking up with him instead of seeing Mr. Mysterious behind his back. But it doesn't feel like she and Owen have been seeing each other for a year at all. She is relatable slightly. I like hearing the news daily, and I read dark romance occasionally. But it feels like she's trying to be an edgy girl thus why she's being that way with Mr. Mysterious. She's a little too self aware. But if she's an aware person it feels odd that it took her forever to break up with Owen if she knows she wants something more. I'm also wondering if she's religious, or if her parents want her to be but she doesn't feel that connection. I feel like that should be specified more instead of her going to church for one Sunday and then leaving because it's used as a plot setting to half-breakup with Owen. The characterizing details you're giving her have to remain consistent. Their inconsistency is making her only an edgy girl.

I feel like Owen's being villainized. When you think about his character he doesn't seem like a bad guy and yet he's put with a person who's not communicating her desires. Yeah he didn't tell her he had a talk with her parents but her mom is literally open about wanting her daughter to stay a virgin. You don't just ask someone if they're saving themselves for marriage if you're not comfortable speaking to them about anything. And apparently Clarice and her talk to one another playfully like they're friends. Owen only made me mad for calling Clarice a bitch, felt a bit uncalled for when their conversation hasn't escalated that far enough yet. But other than that you just gotta feel sorry for him.

Christina is a weird friend. She's Clarice's subconscious personified and helps her to justify all the things she's doing basically. I know she's her best friend but she also needs to help her take accountability. I know Clarice wants to experiment but she didn't have to let Mr. Mysterious touch her before breaking up with Owen.

Ellie is the character you need when you want to make a trio group honestly. I don't really think about her character too much. She's not as memorable since she's not too much in the drama. She's the friend that's the voice of reason.

6. ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE

Review: Flow from chapter to chapter is fine, and I think the plot is easy to follow. It does seem like a slow paced romance as you've intended. The chapter titles are nice and pretty accurate to the subject of each chapter.

7. GRAMMAR/DESCRIPTION

Review: At the end of chapter one I love the cigarette scene. How it went from peaceful to smoky like an echo of the start of something tragic to come.

I think instead of stating she has a school girl image but is secretly kinky just show it over time. Kinda ruins the build up for realizing that when it's just stated. Her thinking it makes it feel like she knows she's edgy.

You do a lot of telling instead of showing. Example from chapter three: "As I squint from my baby blue eyes, which are unfortunately quite sensitive to the light, I sigh." Feels like you add details but state a lot as well so the style of writing isn't consistent.

8. WRITING STYLE/FLOW

Review: Your writing style is a mixture of descriptions with basic dialogues and actions sometimes so it's odd at times how you'll describe someone's features before going back to normal actions and statements. Try to pick a specific tone. I don't read the summary until after I read the first ten chapters so I can see if my opinion of the cover and plot is accurate. I was expecting a fantasy story because of the cover so I didn't think the occasional over description was odd. But since it seems just to be a mafia novel it's a little over the top. The character is an artist but she's depicted as a young mind who's trying to view the world aesthetically.

9. CREATIVITY/ORIGINALITY

Review: I'm not sure what your whole story's about. I'm getting a sense that the ghost of Braxton will play a hand in it. Do I think it's the first of its kind? No. But the story is interesting in its own way and the characters are unique. First time I didn't know the name of the main male character after the first few chapters.

10. PERSONAL ENJOYMENT

Review: I personally like dark romance but if I read a story with an unlikeable main character it kind of ruins it for me. Not exactly my cup of tea. The plot is solid and understandable, no complaints from me. Probably just touch up on your style of writing and keep it consistent. I'm hoping there's a point for keeping Mr. Mysterious' name a secret for a while.