This building's huge, but doesn't stand out much in New York City. Typical twenty-or-thirty floors, structured out of the metal and glass that American cities seem to prefer. It looms over us The only thing that distinguishes this enormous masterpiece from the ones around it is the strange, and sort of ugly logo of the Raging Bulls. I stand completely dwarfed by the entrance. I reach in my red coat pocket for the two items. Still there.

Revive Phoenix burns white-hot against my fingertips. I jerk them away, getting the hint. This world of concrete and towers has its own kind of beauty, but the dirty air is hard to choke down. I've become familiar with a world of trees and grass and sand, staying as far as I can from places like this. Heavily populated, air I can barely force down my throat, and full of enemy bladers who shoot me dirty looks as they enter.

She burns more, enough so I can see her through my pocket. Yes, yes. I know we're here for a reason. The air here is terrible, so I'm eager to get back to Japan. Why is she hurrying me? This place sucks, but its not bad bad.

I decide to follow her instincts and head into the building.

It's very nice inside. And completely full of bladers. As soon as my feet make contact with the carpet, every head turns toward me. It's rather uncomfortable, but if one of them knows where Shu is, that'd be good to know.

One person steps forward. He looks familiar, from his messy blond hair and crimson eyes like mine. Like Mama's. It's that painful thought that triggers my memory. This is Fubuki Sumie, skilled blader. He made it clear he respects me, although he doesn't care for my methods. Maybe he'll tell me where Shu is.

"What the hell are you doing here, Phi?"

So maybe not.

"I'm here to talk to Shu." I try not to wish I had a weapon. Everyone's looking at me like I'm going to be murdered, and they probably would try it if they thought they could get away with killing me. "It's important."

Everyone looks at one another uncertainly, and I have my answer. They don't know where he is right now. Most of them probably don't even know where he lives.

"Tell me why, and maybe I'll take you," Fubuki states, stubborn red eyes boring into mine. I get the feeling he's the only one who knows. Curse it, why can I not refuse people with crimson eyes?

Phoenix burns even brighter and I pull her out of my pocket despite the immediate pain in my fingertips. Everyone shields their eyes, reacting immediately to the harsh, unforgiving light. "Take me to Shu Kurenai," I repeat, not caring enough to explain.

Fubuki blinks, then opens his eyes wide. I don't even know how he's doing that. When I say Phoenix is glowing bright, I mean bright. Like...sun-after-you've-been-in-the-dark-for-two-years bright. "Let's go. Now."

Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.

He leads me to an elevator, then presses a button. "He's on the top floor." The blonde squints. "And put that bey away, or I'll drop you out the window." Those damning blood-colored eyes narrow. "You're a lot of things, but you sure as hell can't fly."

"You're a lot of things too," I note, using my arrogant-and-very-bored-immortal voice. "And very stubborn for a ten year old."

"Twelve!" He scowls at me. "The only reason I'm helping you is because-" he switches to English, likely out of embarrassment. "Because the light from your bey was red, not black."

I follow it effortlessly, since I learned most major languages by the age of seven. My hand rolls, signaling an explanation.

"You changed it back to Revive Phoenix. You changed."

Yes, yes I have. Not that you would notice all the changes, Fubuki, not even with those eyes of yours. He may have continued to speak, but the elevator dings, and we enter a nice room. "He's the last door. Bye."

Fubuki goes back in the elevator and closes the door. I watch my mother's eyes disappear, taking my only escape route with them. Then again, it's also Shu's only way out, so I can block the exit if needed.

I swallow and walk down the empty hallway. Shu's the only one who lives on this floor, judging from the lack of life in this area. And because no one's complaining about the loud music trailing from the last door. Doesn't Shu have any taste in music? This song's just depressing.

I track the lyrics, sound getting louder and louder as I stand by his door. Phoenix burns instantly in my hand, forcing a gasp past clenched teeth as the rest of my hand is seared.

Maybe

Tomorrow

I'll find the strength to hold my hand

And saying

I'll break out

Of all the chains that lock me in my head...

But I'd rather sleep away the day

Than set off any hand grenades

At least I know that I can feel the pain...

And hopefully I'll turn around

And heal the scars that weight me down

The ones I never show... I've lost...

A raspy voice joins in on the last word. "Control..." and pick out the sharp sound of metal on duller metal among the music.

I've heard enough to understand now. That's why Phoenix was rushing me through everything, and the loud music, and Fubuki being overly hesitant with me visiting Shu. To be fair, he would have been overly hesitant anyways.

Save me

I'm a prisoner, I'm a prisoner

Of my mind...

I ease the doorknob to an open position and slowly, so slowly, push it away from the frame. Staying silent is essential here. A loud noise could startle him too much

I barely recognize my surroundings, the simple tile floor, a standard desk in the corner, a neatly organized closet in the back, what looks to be a small kitchen in the next room, and the ceiling fan-lamp in the middle of the room. No, I only take in the location and nearness to the giant window next to the desk. What truly catches my attention isn't how clean everything is- you'd think he'd have at least a little mess- or the phone and speakers blasting Nico Collins, but what's on the bed. Or rather, who.

Shu Kurenai himself.

Who holds a freshly sharpened knife to his throat. His eyes are wide, looking too much like a startled rabbit for my liking. He looks a little different than before, his hair slightly messier but still beautiful, his skin still flawless despite the bags under his bloodred eyes. He's wearing a simple outfit, something I didn't realize he had the capability to do: just a pink shirt and black pants.

Looking just like Mama before Papa gave her two options: Slit her throat, or he'd do it himself. And then he held out the knife, hilt-first.

She had spat in his face and screamed for me to run before Papa did it. Before he murdered his wife with a swift cut across the throat. Not deep enough to kill immediately. No, she would choke on her blood for a good thirty seconds before she died, giving her enough time to tell me not to tell Hartes about this. Then she smiled at me, slipped her wedding ring out of her pocket, and gave it to me. Phi, honey, she gasped for breath, face growing paler. When you leave here... Remember me. And don't look back. And then she was dead.

I feel all of this in less than a second, the loss and the pain, and seeing Shu look beyond me with a look of abject terror at a thing I can't see broke something in me. I collapse to my knees. Shu hates me, but he's an amazing person. He deserves to live. Whatever's giving him the choice to kill or let it kill him knows it too.

He sees me fall to my knees and blinks. Shu looks around, scanning his surroundings like he just woke up. The knife presses into his throat, a thin line of blood twining across his neck. Then it drops from his hand, and his teeth clench, ruby eyes disappearing for a moment before returning in full force. This time, they're clear and bright- too bright. Silver lines them.

He's my mother incarnate. Strong-willed, flawless, and always ready to fight for himself and anyone he cares about. No matter the cost.

"Phi?"

I cross the room in two swift steps, but the knife's in his hands again before I can reach him. A barrier between him and me.

Damn the barriers. I brush the blade aside, not bothering with the blood weeping from the already-burnt hand, and wipe the tears off his face. "Look at me."

He looks at me.

"Drop the knife. I flew from Japan just to see you, so we're going to talk, and you're going to tell me what the hell just happened."

Shu nods slowly like a sleepwalker, then reaches over and turns down the music. He's plainly exhausted. My first priority is making sure he doesn't die before I get all my answers, so I have to do anything to keep him from killing himself.

I put the knife back in the kitchen and when I get back, he's sitting at his desk, staring into space.

"How long has it been since you slept?" I check.

He gives a humorless laugh. Good enough answer. "What do you want to know? Hurry it up and get out of my apartment before I call Fubuki."

Fine then. There's no reason for him to know his protege was the one who brought me here in time to stop the suicide. "Was that Spryzen Requiem who gave you the choice to kill youself? Or he'd finish it?"

He nods lifelessly, reaching for his phone and unplugging it from the speakers. Shu goes onto the internet and starts scrolling through Pinterest, clicking pictures that interest him. Guess it's his coping mechanism, not that I'm judging. After some silence, he sighs. "He started attacking me in my dreams, chaining me like he did before. I thought I was back in the dark again, and I couldn't breathe when I woke up. It felt like I was barely keeping him away. Requiem is the worst part of me and Turbo Spryzen." He speaks lower, like he's talking to himself now."I can't believe it got control of me again when I refused to die." He starts, then throws a cold look over his muscled shoulder. "Not like you'd care that much. You're perfect."

I could hear perfectly the bitterness and embarrassment and slight jealousy in his voice. Jealous. Of me. If only he really knew how badly screwed up my life is.

"Was there anything crappy happening when you were little?"

He growls. "A little personal?" When I'm silent, Shu gives a drawn-out groan before answering. "Shirosagi scarred my face; you know that. The next year, my bey was destroyed in a match with him."

He hadn't said Lui broke his bey. He's pinning the blame on himself, then. So far, I have to assume it's more or less the same results as me. "So how are you planning to deal with this? He almost killed you. Or rather, you almost killed yourself. The idea must have entered your mind for Spryzen to act on it."

Shu puts his phone down, resigning to his fate. "It was yesterday," the ruby-eyed god mumbles. "I couldn't stop wondering if the world would be better off without me, if it were more logical to remove myself from the equation." His face flushes slightly. "W-what are you staring at?"

I didn't account for him being stingy after the interrogation, but I should have expected it. I just have to ride out his tirade, and then I've got my answers.

"Is kicking your defeated opponent enough yet? Would you like to stab me a few times too?"

Well, there goes that plan.

Words have never been able to touch me. With Hartes as a brother and Papa cursing us all, I learned early to let them glance off. But that- there was no reason to hurt him unnecessarily. He had gotten in the way the first time, when I was paranoia-crazed and out of my mind with desire for strength, but I have no excuse for it now. It's purely to collect more data, like the cold, unfeeling bastard I am. Like my father was.

That one thought makes me feel sick. I never wanted to be like him, but here I am.

"I was seven when Mama died."

Shu's head snaps up.

"I was in the room when Papa did it. He gave her a knife; the same kind that you held to your throat." I swallow, not particularly caring what he was thinking about how weak I am. After more or less forcing everything out of him when he was at his worst, I owe it to him that he hears this. It wasn't part of my plan, but things change, I guess. "He gave her the same options Spryzen gave you: kill herself, or he would do it. You see, Papa hated weak things. So we, just little kids, were held captive in the same Dread Tower until one of us would be stronger than the other. We'd never-" My voice shudders. "We'd never seen the sun. It's something you all take for granted, but going inside for even a second makes me feel sick." I shake my head. "So stupid. And Mama cared too much, so Papa deemed her weak. He gave her the knife, and she spat in his face and told me to run. I didn't." Trying to keep my voice steady is a challenge. It's cracking, dropping pieces that explode into thousands. Shattering like a mirror.

"She was beautiful. She looked a little like you, but her hair was shinier and straighter and a little longer. Your eyes are the same, and she was like a snowflake. Delicate and perfect and unique, but so strong somehow. Flexible. I think Papa felt threatened by her. So he closed the door to her bedroom, crossed in two strides, and put it through her throat. She gasped her last words to me through mouthfuls of blood. Mama gave me her wedding ring and told me, 'when you leave here... Remember me. And don't look back.'

"The day I left, I burned Papa's right hand until it was char, then stabbed him in the throat. I thought since he said he was stronger, he'd live." Now it was my turn to give the humorless laugh, the broken laugh. All the pieces were falling apart as I continue. "But he didn't. And I ran, and when I lost to Hartes for the right to leave, I ran past the guards meant to keep us in. If it weren't for Phoenix, I would never have made it. I'm sure I would have been beaten soundly and kept around as a toy, for obvious reasons." I gesture to myself. "Looking like this and all, I believe they would have kept me around for a long time."

Tears splash onto my lap, onto my bey, and then I realize that I'm crying. I try to brush my hair to hide it, but Shu stops me.

"When I combined Hades and her, she said she wanted to be as strong as possible. She said she didn't want to be weak again. But I didn't realize what that would do to me. Papa said once that if you claim a bey that isn't yours, it will destroy your sanity trying to find its owner again.

"So I hurt her. I crushed her dream of being remembered."

A cold finger finds its way under my chin and tilts it up, up, up until all I see are two beautiful, cold-cut rubies. Shu considers my words, eyes sparkling. "You cold-hearted bastard," he says finally. "You wanted to know what I think? You never wanted to be like your Papa." He spits the last word mockingly. "But now you are, and it's killing you. You think you can redeem yourself like this? You are still the person who destroyed so many beys! We both are, and we're suffering for it!" He growls, a vicious sound that splits the air. "I don't even know how old you are! I could be talking to a grandpa!"

I laugh once. That's what his brain thought of? He's definitely not Mama, but someone different; and a little more resilient.

I suddenly realize that Shu was waiting for me to spill my guts so he could have his shot at attacking me. He was trying to pinpoint where the cracks in my arrogant-immortal facade is; and as I've had nine years to create it, one sixteen-year old breaking it is fairly impressive. What Shu just said is stuck in my head, and it's devouring all my other thoughts, but I still can't help being impressed.

I give him a smile. An honest one. It's the least he deserves for his help. And it is helpful, because he made me realize I'm now like Papa, and need to be exterminated. So before I can second-guess myself, I lean forward and press a kiss to his mouth.

It's soft and warm and I wish I could stay longer, maybe to even apologize for destroying his beyblade. But I can't. I'd probably break him more than he already is, so by the time he reacts, I'm at the door with one hand on the previously unnoticed nightstand.

"I think I could love you, Shu Kurenai."

He stares at the door as I leave. I smile as I leave the building, blending into the craziness of New York. My pockets feel lighter now. I know what I'm going to do now. It's why I brought Phoenix, and one very special item.

I left them to him as a thank-you for making me happy, for the first time since Mama's hand went limp. I hope Phoenix will understand.

Shu could decide what to do with Revive Phoenix. But I hope that after I'm gone, even if it's weakness, he'll wear that silver wedding ring.