You can say that it's tragic

Like the melancholy morning which we mourn

Recklessly upsetting

We are hating

You must think I am rueful

Twisted in these lies

Finding shame is what I do best

When you're annoying

Grieving at night

It's tragicomical

I killed the dire

Set it on fire

That's me, baby, that's me

--written by Orion on a napkin during a meeting

That press conference did nothing but bolster everyone's love for Orion and our band. Whereas Gloria was worried about bad press negatively affecting the sales of our tour, it had the opposite effect. After the press conference, we sold hundreds of more last-minute tickets, resulting in some more sold-out shows.

Of course though, Orion being Orion, saw this blessing as a curse, and had locked himself in the room on the bus.

"Ori," I tell him, annoyed, knocking. "You can't hide in your room forever."

"Why not?"

I literally bang my head on the door. "Because you're being ridiculous...Come on, come out of there and join us at the hotel, yeah?"

"Fuck off."

I pause. "No."

The door flies open unexpectedly. I still had my head against the door and I go crashing into Orion, headbutting him without meaning to. He swears but catches me as we almost tumble to the ground.

"Jacob!"

I stand up. "Well if you weren't being such an annoying assbag!"

He blinks at me. Then he cracks up. "What did you call me?"

I grin. "Assbag."

"What does that even mean?!"

"Hell if I know."

For a second we just stare at each other. Then Orion sighs heavily, running a hand through his greasy hair. "Come on."

I walk in. He gets up on the bed, opens the hatch, and climbs up. I crane my neck back and make a face at him when he looks down at me from the hole.

"Ew. Isn't there bird shit up there?"

"I sit where there isn't. There's not much, you'd be surprised."

It takes a couple tries, but I finally get up there (with his help). Orion is laughing at me. I glare and sit, being careful of where I plant my butt down. As Orion lights up a cigarette, he's still laughing.

"You should get a ladder."

He merely shrugs, blowing smoke out. I grab the cigarette out of his hand and take a puff, then hand it back.

"Orion man, I'm getting tired of asking this," I tell him seriously, shaking my head. "What's wrong?"

Orion turns his head and looks straight ahead instead of at me. For a while he doesn't answer, just smokes in the dark. When he decides to talk, he still doesn't look at me.

"I shouldn't be more popular now because I tried to punch a guy. I should've been raked over the coals. It's not fair."

I roll my eyes. "Orion--what's not fair is how you beat yourself up. This is ridiculous. You made a damn good point about people taking pictures of famous people, you spoke in a very put-together manner which proved you're intelligent--I'm convinced that's why it went over so well. It's not like you went off half-cocked, looking for a fight like you do."

"I do not!"

I give him a withering look. "Ori."

"What?"

I shake my head. "You stood up for something, you apologized for the part you screwed up...Get off the cross already, dude."

Orion smashes his lips against mine. After a minute though, I pull away and glare, putting a hand on his chest.

"What?"

"I don't like that any time I try to talk about anything serious, you just start making out with me!"

Instead of answering me though, he does it again. So I don't stop him. And I'm a little embarrassed to say that having sex on the roof of a tour bus is something I can check under the category of things I've done in my life.

~

After our little tryst Orion ended up coming back to the hotel with me. We slept in the same room, me spooning him the entire night. I woke up before him, so I'm having breakfast with Gloria, Ben, and the rest of the hotel's patrons.

When he comes down his hair is pointed every which way direction from sleeping. It looks like he did it purposely though, so it works.

"Morning!" Ben and Gloria greet him. Ben raises his coffee mug to him.

Orion makes a face. "How can you people drink that shit?"

"Here, have some," Ben teases, pushing the mug to him. "Be a man. It'll put hair on your chest."

Orion pushes it back. "Thanks, I'll pass."

We make small talk over breakfast. Orion has sat next to me. Out of the corner of my eye I can't help but notice he's barely eating, and what he does eat is just small little bites.

As Ben and Gloria eat, I lean over and whisper. "Hey."

He looks at me.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he tells me, moving his food around. "I'm just--not that hungry."

I frown but don't push the issue. The rest of the meal goes normally. When he's done, he wipes off his mouth and excuses himself.

"We'll meet you on the bus," I call after him, and he waves over his shoulder. I watch him until he disappears into the men's room.

"Guys," I say, getting to my feet. I then nod towards the door and head to it. Gloria and Ben look at each other in confusion and then hurry after me. Once we're on the bus, I lean on the chairs, peeking out the window, making sure Orion isn't coming.

"What's going on Jake?" Gloria asks me.

I speak quietly. "Look--I really hope it's my imagination, but can you guys do a favor for me?"

"Of course."

"I've noticed every time Orion finishes eating lately he goes to the bathroom immediately after."

Ben's eyes go wide. "Oh fuck. You're kidding. Please tell me you're kidding."

"I really, really hope I'm wrong--"

"He does seem to have lost some weight," Gloria agrees, her eyes growing. "I thought he was working out."

I shake my head.

"What should we do?" Ben asks.

"Nothing."

"What?!"

"Look, I could very well be wrong--"

"Everything okay?"

I stop talking. Gloria and Ben turn around. Orion is by the stairs, brows furrowed. I smile at him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

Orion narrows his eyes a bit. "Because I walked in on what looked to be some sort of secret pow-wow?"

"No secret pow-wow here!"

He gives me a sidelong look. "Right..."

As he walks past I notice him chomping on gum, it's minty freshness lingering. We all look at him as he passes. Once he's out of sight, I point at Gloria and Ben and then at my eyes.

~

"Hey, could we talk?"

It's Orion's turn on the bed again. He's currently lounging, guitar at hand, plucking away. Before I give him the chance to answer I walk in the room and shut the door behind me.

I'm happy when he doesn't balk at my entrance. So I go to him and sit down. Before I get started, I give him a small peck on the lips. I'm happy when it makes him smile a bit.

"What's up, Jakey-wakey?" 

I take a deep breath and shut my eyes. Steeling myself, I look at him. "You know we can talk about anything, right?"

He laughs, tilting his head to the side. "Of course, Jake."

"It's not good for you to bottle shit up."

That causes him to look down. "I know."

"We've talked about this before."

"Yup."

"Orion."

I take his hand, and I've never said something so honestly in my entire life. "I love you."

He looks absolutely panicked, trying to rip his hand out of mine. But I just hold it tighter.

"Not like that," I assure him, even though those words aren't true. 

He relaxes.

"Orion, I just--"

"D-don't."

I stoke his cheek. "Please let me in, Orion."

"There's nothing to let in, okay?"

I swallow thickly and purse my lips together tightly, trying not to cry. "Orion, please. You're killing me."

Orion pulls me into a tight hug. I don't like how skinny he feels. I don't like that this hug all but confirmed my fears. I don't like how lately when we have sex he keeps his cloths on.

"Please," I say in a normal voice, though a tear threatens to drip out of my eye. 

Orion kisses my cheek and releases me. He gives me a smile. "Jake, you're a spaz. I'll come to you first if I need something, okay?"

And with a broken heart I nod and leave.