And if you're reading that on TeenFic, you have smol peepee.

" ": You talking

' ': You thinking

* *: Narrator/Voice-off

Your POV:

"So I kicked the bucket, huh ? And what is this, some sort of 'purgatory' or something ? Are you here to judge my sins and decide whether I'm fit for hell or heavens ?"

???: I... I think you read too much religious books on your life.

"Meh. Never have been a pious person. I know that the bible's only the first light novel to know planetary success."

???: A- Alright...

"So, are you gonna tell me why I'm here, or who you are ?"

???: Just a second, there's another one coming

"Another one-"

???: WHERE AM I ?!! What happened ?!

"You're noisy. Calm down. Everything is quite simple, really. We died, and that's all."

???: We... We died... ? Like, for real ?

"Yep. We both went Poof, and now we... Honestly I don't know, isn't that the time when you walk in and start explaining stuff ?"

???: Yes. Kazuma Satou and Y/n L/n, you both suffered a tragic fate, and so-

"Kazuma, huh ? A pleasure."

Kazuma: The pleasure's all mine.

???: Will you let me talk ?!

"No. So how'd you get here exactly ?"

Kazuma: You're asking me how I died ?

"Well, we're both dead, aren't we ? So does it really matter ?"

Kazuma: Only if you tell me first.

???: I-

"Fine, fine. But there's nothing really worth mentioning. I was feeling kinda down, so I strolled near some cliff..."

Kazuma: You... Wait, you killed yourself ?

???: Well-

"Not quite. When I say I was feeling down, it wasn't in the 'depressed' way, but more like in the 'Bored as fuck' way. Just though going for a walk might help."

Kazuma: And so ?

"Tripped on a loose rock and plummeted all the way to the bottom of the cliff. Nothing to mention, really."

Kazuma: That's... Kinda dumb... It was just an accident.

"Morality, don't go out for walks, or bad things will happen. You ?"

Kazuma: O- Oh, right. I... I was run over by a truck, by pushing a girl out of the way... About that, the girl I pushed, is she okay ?

???: You finally remembered my existence ? If you want to know, she is well, even though she fractured her leg.

Kazuma: Thank goodness. I didn't die in vain, I did something good at the very end.

"... There's something else, isn't it ? You're desperately trying to stifle your giggles over there."

???: Well, yes, actually. She wouldn't have been hurt, even if you hadn't knocked her away.

Kazuma: ...Huh ?

???: The tractor would've stopped before hitting the girl. I mean, it was just a slow tractor after all. That means your unnecessary meddling by acting like a hero made things worse... Pffrrrr...

"But wait, if that's the case... How did he die ? If that was a slow tractor and not a truck."

???: ... Puhehe... He died of shock. He thought he was getting run over by a truck and went into shock. You know, I've been doing this for a long time, but he's the first to die in such a hilarious way !

"... Mine was a dumb accident, but that... I have no words..."

Kazuma: B- But... What next ?

???: You lost consciousness and control of your bladder, so you wet yourself while you were transported to a nearby hospital ! The nurses and doctors were so busy laughing they couldn't save you and you died of heart attack !

Kazuma: Shut up ! I don't want to hear it ! I don't want to hear something so humiliating !

"I do want to hear more. This is too much gold to let it pass. What next ?"

Kazuma: NOOOooooooooo...

???: His family reached the hospital, but before they could feel the sadness from their loss, they couldn't help but burst into laughter upon hearing your cause of death !

Kazuma: Shut up shut up ! This can't be real ! How can there be such a useless way to die ? This is unbelievable !

'Right now the shock prevents me from laughing my ass off, but it won't be long before the big lol strikes me...'

???: He he he... Phew. Well, that ends my de-stressing session. Now to proper introduction, and I swear if you interrupts me again, you'll regret it !

Aqua: Hrm hrm. My name's Aqua, I'm a goddess that guides young people who die in Japan. Now, putting aside the relative... "ridiculousness" of your respective demises... You now have two options. First one, you get reincarnated and begin a new life, or you go to heaven and live the life of a retirement home.

"Retirement home ? I'd like to read the full contract before signing anything. You know, cautiousness."

Aqua: heaven isn't as great as you humans would imagine. You don't need to eat after dying and won't be able to make any food naturally; there aren't any ingredients nor necessities for you to use anyway. I'm sorry if I disappointed you, but there's nothing in heaven. No television, no manga and no games, only other people that have died before you. Moreover, since you're dead, you can't do anything kinky, since you don't even have a physical body. The only thing you can do is bask in the sun with your predecessors and chat, forever.

"... Alright, can we have more info about hell ?"

Kazuma: Yeah, whatever it is down there, it can't be worse... But, being reincarnated as a baby...

"That would be acceptable if our memories weren't wiped out... I'd love to flex on everyone by doing quadratic equations while being 5..."

Aqua: As expected, you don't want to go to a boring place like heaven, right ? But going back as a baby is the same as erasing your existence, since your memories will be gone. And so, I've got great news for you !

Kazuma: ...

"..."

Aqua: H- Hey, what's with those faces ?

Kazuma: We've only met you a few minutes ago...

"But we already know we don't have the same notion of 'great news'."

Aqua: well, you'll soon revise your judgement of me. Say, do you like games ?

"... Proceed..."

"A parallel world under the threat of a demon Lord ?"

Kazuma: With magic and monsters and everything in it ?

Aqua: Exactly ! The thing is, the people who died in that world were killed by the demon king's army and are so afraid that they don't want to go back and be reincarnated. More specifically, this world will end if this continues, since babies will cease to be born there. Hence, we'll solve that problem by sending the dead from other worlds over, right ? that's how it is.

"Wait, is that the reason why our world is facing such overpopulation ? That has to be the worst immigration policy I've ever heard of..."

Aqua: I wasn't exactly finished just yet. After all, it'll be meaningless if the people we'd send over were to die immediately, so we decided to grant them a privilege, the privilege to take one thing with them, whatever it is. It may be a powerful ability, an exceptional talent or a god-level weapon. What do you think ? It might be another world, but it'll allow you both to live once more, and for the people of this world, someone will appear who can fight immediately. How about it ? Isn't it great news ?

"Forget what I said about immigration policies, this is plain conscription... But the idea of getting isekai'd kinda seems appealing..."

Kazuma: I mean, compared to the rest. But, what about the language ? Will we be able to speak the language of the other world ?

Aqua: This isn't a problem. With the gentle aid of the gods, knowledge of the language will be beamed directly into your brains the moment you head over to the other world, you'll even be able to read ! As a side-effect, your brain might be wiped blank if you're unlucky... Anyway, al that's left is to choose a powerful ability or weapon.

"What was that about our brains being wiped blank... ?"

Aqua: I said no such thing.

"Yes you did."

Aqua: I think you've got better things to do than asking meaningless question. I may grant you one and only one power. Be it a powerful unique ability or legendary weapon, it can be anything. You have the privilege to bring this one thing to the other World.

"You... Guh..."

Kazuma: Hey, check this out ! "Unnatural strength", "Super magic", "Holy sword Arondight", "Demon sword Murasame", there's everything in this catalog !

"That last one sounded kinda cliché, not gonna lie... Give me one of these, while you're at it."

Kazuma: Go on, there's plenty. But man, having to chose between all of these... Maybe something with magic, considering where we're going...

"You do your thing... Is that a spear... ? Which way do you look at it..."

Aqua: Come on, hurry up and choose already. It doesn't matter which one anyway, no one would expect much from a couple of shut-ins like you two. Anything will do, hurry up...

Kazuma: I- I'm not a shut-in ! And I died outside...

"Don't bother, she isn't worth it... The 'Holy Shield' ? Sounds weird..."

Kazuma: So, we can choose anything ? Really anything ?

Aqua: Yes, anything. So hurry up and choose already.

Kazuma: ... Okay, I choose you.

Aqua: Ah, okay, please stand there and don't move out of the magic circle... ... Wait what did you just say ?!

???: I understand. If that's what you wish for, then I shall take over Aqua's job from now on.

Aqua: ... Eh ? Wait... ! Huh, what's happening ?! Hey, you can't be serious !! No, no... ! Hold on ! This is too weird ! isn't it cheating to bring a goddess along ? This shouldn't count ! Wait ! WAIT !! AND YOU, DON'T STAY HERE, SAY SOMETHING !!

"No... If I take a two-handed sword, I'll lose too much mobility and speed... Not good..."

Aqua: You've got to be kidding me... !

???: have a safe trip, aqua. Please leave the rest to me. We'll send envoys to welcome you back right after the Demon king's defeated. Before you return, I'll handle all of your tasks.

Aqua: Wait ! WAIT !! I may have the ability to heal as a goddess, but I have no combat ability to speak of ! It's impossible for me to defeat the demon king !

???: Satou Kazuma, you'll be heading to another world now and will become one of the hero candidates to defeat the demon king. You'll receive a gift from the gods the moment you defeat it.

Kazuma: Gift... ?

???: That's right, a gift befitting the savior of the world... You'll be granted a wish, and it may be anything you want.

Aqua: Wait ! Giving that cool speech is my job !!

Kazuma: He he he... How does it feels, to be companion with a man you look down on ? Hey, you're the "thing" I've chosen to bring along ! Since you're a goddess, use your godly powers to make my adventure a breeze !

Aqua: No ! Going to another world with a man like this, no way... !

???: Hero, may you be victorious among the many hero candidates and be the one to defeat the demon king ! Then, I bid you farewell !

Aqua: Wah ! That's my line !

"... Maybe a broken spell book... Where did everyone go ?"

???: You are a focused one, aren't you ?

"And who might you be ? Where did Kazuma and Aqua go ?"

Eris: I am Eris, goddess of fortune, and Aqua's junior. As for your friend, he already left, after choosing Aqua.

"I have a distinct feeling he'll very soon regret it. But I do have a question."

Eris: Ask away, young one.

"Are my choices limited to this list, or can I take whatever come to my mind ? Like, for example, an ability from a game back in my world ? I don't think Aqua was on that catalog..."

Eris: You may. I take it you have something on your mind ?

"Have you ever heard of a game called 'Undertale' ? There's a character called Sans, and..."

Eris: You wish to possess the same abilities as that character ?

"Yes, but here's the catch. He has what could be considered as absolutely horrendous stats, of 1 atk and 1 def."

Eris: Very well. I shall grant you this. Now, hero, may you-

"I think I got the general idea already. Besides, if I take too long, they'll be out of sight already the moment I arrive."

Eris: That is correct. So in short, good luck, and may you be victorious.

Happy now ? So stop asking me to do things, please.